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2012: The McDonalds Mentality of Ascension and 2012

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We like things in our world to be instant, to be automatic. McDonalds comes to mind as an effective  “symbol” for representing this consumerist mentality we have cultivated within ourselves and within this world. To have everything at our finger-tips instantly, like instant gratification, and instant fulfilment. Obviously western culture being the primary example for this kind of life-style and mentality of man with each one busy striving after “the good life” which has within it this McDonalds attitude to “how things should be” believing that this will actually bring that ultimate experience of satisfaction that everyone is chasing. So I was looking this whole idea of Ascension and 2012 and realized how this entire point is so much like  and based in this “McDonalds Attitude.” What to I mean... Nobody knows exactly what processes are at work “behind the scenes” to make available the kind of life-style that are being lived by 1st world countries. It is like this life just magically appears before us and nobody asks any questions or even thinks to ask. The clothing magically appears on the racks, the food magically appears at the first window of the drive through, our food doesn’t come from the earth, it comes from the store We have basically constructed our lives around this McDonalds attitude that just wants everything instantly and has no consideration or awareness for how it actually go there. And this is Exactly what the entire point of Ascension and 2012 is based on. We have all these apparent spiritual gurus in supporting such ideas basically revealing that they are just as McDonaldized as everyone else that supports / believes in such a point as 2012 and Ascension – Basically just wanting some “Magical Solution” without actually considering or caring to consider what goes on in the background – the inner processes/workings of it all. Another point I wanted to bring out here is the whole “Magical” side of Ascension...You know, when I create a drawing or art work there is nothing Magical to it. It may seem like it in the end, but I actually had to walk a process step by step until the drawing or artwork was done. I could explain in detail step by step to another how to do it – Because it was a Real process I walked – Nothing magical, no shortcuts. It is created step by step by step practically in real time. So I am not opposed to Ascension per-se from the perspective of a world that is more effective and harmonious than the one we are currently existing in – I am opposed to our current accepted and allowed IDEA of what Ascension is and how it is supposed to work. It is amazing how many people will approach what we are presenting Here at Desteni as the whole process of self change and also the implementation of an Equal Money System as Laughable and Impossible, and in a way making us out to be insane or something for believing that such a “utopia” could exist I cannot  help but wonder if these same people then turn around and get excited about Ascension and 2012? Because this is the epitome of magical solutions where what we are promoting with Desteni is an actual practical process of self change and self transformation where such points as Equal Money are points to be given practical direction as we walk step by step in bringing forth change in this world. Where we walk every step of the way in awareness of the process we are walking so as to know exactly how we Got there once for instance an equal money system is placed. Total and absolute Self Awareness – No Shortcuts! Because in a way Ascension is like skipping the entire process of change and just getting to the end part! But you have no idea how you got there – Is this like waking up in someone else’s bed after a night of partying and you have no idea who is sleeping beside you? It makes much more practical sense to me to focus on self awareness and self direction than wishing or hoping for some magical experience to suddenly transport you to some other dimension. What is the Ascension Bus does not show up? At Desteni we are not waiting around at the bus stop for some magical solution – We are busy already walking day by day the process of self change and self correction and working towards the development of a world which 2012er’s only know how to fantasize about but have no practical way to actually create it – Is this because they do not like hard work? People want solutions but are not willing to walk the necessary practical application to create that solution and so just end up agreeing with these nice ideas which imply they can just keep doing what they’re doing and something else will save them. So I invite anyone who is interested in 2012 and Ascension to join us at Desteni as we are in a way already busy with Walking a process of Ascension – only we are not interested in short-cuts, or Mysterious leaps in time and space , Or McDonalds Mentality or Magical golden arches for that matter– we are interested in how to Actually manifest / bring forth a world change that is best for all. We are interested in self change and we are willing to actually walk the process of self change and not just want to skip to the end! At Desteni we are making Ascension Practical! Join us. www.desteni.org desteniiprocess.com 2012 Exposed - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrgLFomgsuM  EQAFE - Self Perfection Merchandise to support practical Self Awareness and Self Change

I turn into a Zombie on Saturdays

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I was at work today. Today my mind was rattling on as I was digging this one trench. And also during the day the point came up of the mind wanting to go somewhere else, like going home. I was looking at this point of how at work there is moments where I get fixated on this point of wanting the end of the day to come. Or even like wanting lunch to come. Where the entire time I am working I am looking at my watch or the time for that moment when I can finally break. And I was looking at that experience that occur within me when I get off work. That moment of elation that wash over me as I am finally done now and safe in my car and can drive home. So definitely see that This is a mind point that occur everyday after work, when work is finally done and I have this feeling experience come over me like a momentary high. I see that the point would be to simply walk through that transition without going into an emotional experience of being done work but simply walk through as breath and not accepting and allowing the change in environment to create this experience of self which I give power to. I mean why not just be stable here as self all the time, instead of existing at work within the perception of me as a slave waiting to be free at 5:00pm. Another dimension I was looking at also is that the mind wants to escape points of facing self that we have accepted and allowed and now must face, thus mind does not want to work all day, which is actually a point of walking through what we have created as this world and so at work the mind keeps attempting to run and to escape by dreaming about being home instead of here within and as the task at hand. I was also noticing this in relation to what day of the week it is. For instance today was Saturday and even though it was my first day back to work in a few days I still approached the day like it was a “Saturday” and so I saw this influence point coming up as kind of an “attitude” or accepted and allowed “approach” to “who I am” in relation to Saturdays, specifically when work is involved. I have been aware of this point before from the perspective of simply walking each day the same from the perspective of establishing self within a point of stability where self is not defined and directed by what day of the week it is rather direction/expression of self is determined by Self in every moment, not by some repeating cycle that cycles as the 7 days of the week going through this particular energy cycle. So I I “re-noticed” this point  today. Its like I become this hypnotized by my own definition of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become when it is Saturday. This means that I can/am able to relax more????lol WTF So the other days of the week I am not allowed to relax and I must be tense? Shit that’s interesting because I see that Saturdays I am actually more relaxed due to not feeling stress to work, like the other normal working days of the week. Basically showing me that I am allowing a program to completely determine my experience of self where I am generally more stressed during the week then Saturday I have programmed in that I can be more relaxed so then I do so. WAFU (what a fuck up)  So My Saturday Program means at work that you really take your time and drag your ass, and take long breaks – Its quite strange because even if there is points to direct at work, and there is lots to do, one still  allow the “slack” point to dominate and influence how one move.  And also that this point is unanimously accepted by others so if you decide that you are going to be directive it throws everybody off and you are going against the grain, so just a way how we have all agreed on these particular definitions in terms of how we function within this world and its just accepted and if you do something different you really fuck people’s life up. So This is a point I see I can give some direction to, where I stop adjusting who I am according to what day of the week it is and just direct me within and as breath within a more constant and consistent application of self and stop accepting this pre-programmed reality to determine how I move an function within this world.

“THE COVE” Dolphin Slaughter – Do Humans Deserve to Live? Change Human Nature with An Equal Money System

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I recently watched a documentary called “The Cove” It is a documentary where a group of filmmakers secretly filmed a ‘cove’ in Japan where every year from March to September around 23,000 dolphins are trapped by fishermen and then either sold to aquariums or “swim with the dolphin” facilities, or slaughtered and used for meat. A live dolphin can fetch somewhere around 150,000 dollars where a dead dolphin can fetch around 7000.00. The documentary shows the course of these filmmakers secretly planting cameras around “the cove” to capture the events that take place within this small cove which is fenced off and basically out of view of the public where the dolphins are herded into and then slaughtered by fishermen who stab them over an over again with long spears until the dolphins succumb to the injuries. As I watched the documentary, it was fascinating to see every detail of this entire operation was being fuelled, motivated, orchestrated, manifest out of one singular point. MONEY! If one remove the “profit motive” from “the equation” then there would be no reason to for such an event to take place at all. I mean these fisherman are not doing this for fun! They are doing it for money. Because it can earn a profit. So that they can get their hands on what has become the “Life Force” of this existence. Money. If you remove the profit motive then the fisherman would not get up in the morning and head to the cove, start the engines of their boats, lay their nets, spend hours stabbing dolphins to death while drenching themselves in blood, and then return the following day to do such things. All of these such acts are in fact being stimulated by money / profit and thus, if the motivation of making money was taken out of the equation the actions would simply cease to continue. The dolphins would rather just swim by enjoying their natural habitat as this particular hunting ground is a natural migratory route of the dolphins which makes it quite a“rich resource” for the fisherman as this is exactly what the dolphins have become in the eyes of the human within a capitalistic environment. In this world, they are not actually seen as beings who are equal to that humans at all, they are seen as a resource for the humans to harvest for profit and thats it. What a shameful thing we humans have become. Within an equal money system events like this would cease to exist as there would be no more profit motivation to go out and get money by whatever means available. I mean why does a dolphin fetch $150,000 in the first place. Because people will PAY to see or swim with a dolphin. It is all about the movement of money. I mean the fact that we are abusing life to this extent on so many levels, like for instance manipulating the desires we might have to experience ourselves swimming with a dolphin where we would put the animal through such horrific experiences, Firstly Herding the being into a small cove by using large boats and nets, to then pull the being from its natural environment shipping it off to some zoo somewhere where it is now held captive for the rest of its life......so we can have our desires fulfilled of “swimming with the dolphins” yet we are so blinded by our own Self-Interest that we someone are able to ignore what goes on “behind the scenes” so we can get our energy fix! Place yourself in the Dolphins Situation. What if that were you! This is why I support an equal money system and for all those who are not aware/familiar with EMS I suggest to check out www.equalmoney.org which present an economic model that effectively extract the “profit motive” from our reality. A profit motive that is the CORE motivating engine generating such intolerable acts as the Dolphin Slaughter in Japan being exposed in the Documentary “The Cove” What is being investigated and Proposed by Desteni is a new Platform for essentially managing our world, where through political means we are able to replace the current “profit based world system” which is actually stimulating such acts as this Dolphin Slaughter, and implement A New World System based on Equality where we as a species actually consider other species within a point of equality and stop training ourselves to see anything that looks different than ourselves to appear as one big flashing Dollar $ign. So for all out there who claim they actually care about animals and the inhumane acts we humans inflict on other beings of this earth I suggest to investigate www.equalmoney.org and the Solution proposed as an equal money system so that we can simply Stop ALL such acts which will effectively STOP under a New Economic System based in Equality. Not from the perspective of anyone Forcing such acts to Stop. Nope. But because within an Equal Money System “Profit Motive” will be simply removed from the equation and thus ALL such acts that are based on the foundation of generating money will also cease to be. Image all the different kinds of Atrocities done by humans for money that will be stopped. Do you really think an individual would prefer spending each day of their lives slaughtering animals if they are not getting money to do it. Within the current world / capitalistic / for profit system we are at the moment managing our world with, we are essentially begging individuals to slaughter animals for money. For god sakes we are actually rewarding these acts with dollars. So suggest to research what we are saying and presenting at desteni in the way of an Equal Money System so that we humans can begin the process of correcting ourselves / forgiving ourselves so that we are in fact worthy of life, and worthy to co-exit on this earth with all the other beings that are Here. Because as it stand now, I am finding it increasingly difficult to justify the continued existence of humans, as we, are the most inconsiderate, ignorant, brutal, and heartless, species currently living on this planet and are definitely causing the most damage to what is here. Thus Suggest to get informed on how to bring about a world where humans are actually able to co-exist with the earth, each other, other species and all that is here, and stop the blatant rape and harvest of our environment as if we are some apparent Gods. We should be ashamed of ourselves, and realize it is time for us to change how we have been interacting with what is here. And one Key, Fundamental component of this change is a world and economic system based in Equality and Doing what is best for ALL that is Here. Equal Money Website - www.equalmoney.org An Equal Money Book is in the Works and Scheduled for release September 2011 - http://equalmoney.org/the-book/ Desteni Website - www.desteni.org

Having a Closer Look at my Day – Desteni Process Blog

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I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6am...I got up and looked out the window to see if it had snowed. It had not so this meant I did not have to go out to work, which I was not expecting anyways. So I got back under my warm covers telling myself it was only for a moment. I laid there and allowed the point of possibly falling back to sleep all the while attempting to motivate myself through thinking to get up and out of bed. I eventually got up at 6:45. I experienced anger and guilt. But not allot, where I find the longer I sleep in past my alarm then the more anger and guilt I experience, depending also on where I am “in the cycle” meaning if this is a repeating point then I tend to become more angry and have more guilt. Ok so I was up and was a bit angry with myself but not much I can do about it now. I don’t see, or have found that I am not able to “forgive myself” for doing this, because that would be like trying to forgive yourself “after the fact” for doing something instead of applying forgiveness in the moment to support self to push through a specific resistance. The correction for this point as I have I am sure mentioned before is to simply stick to the alarm and stop allowing myself to short change myself when I see I am capable of doing something. On my way to work this afternoon I decided to stop and get a coffee which I often do when going to work, I noticed as I pulled up into the parking-lot that I experienced a little electrical experience of excitement rising out of my stomach and into my chest area, like one of those “sparkler thingy’s” that you light and they fizzzzzz and shoot off bright sparks all over. This was definitely a positive charge from the perspective of maybe possibly seeing someone that I might find attractive working or being in the cafe, so it is like this aspect of relationship still existing inside of me which “pops up” in moments because I can see that this seemingly small electrical charge that came up is actually connected to the relationship point and sex point. As I walked towards the cafe from my van, In one moment I lost my footing on the ice and nearly fell but adjusted my feet in time to catch myself before I fell. I experienced my ‘ego’ come up immediately and showed me how extensively I was/am existing within my ego personality from the perspective when I slipped I experienced embarrassment as now my ‘image’ of who I was in that moment existing as completely shattered, as in that moment I was cool and collected, and serious, and professional, and precise and surely do not slip on the ice and flail my arms all about to try and re-gain balance. So it was a physical movement point here to in how I move within my specific presentation. Such a fuck up as the “Flux” I experienced as movement as embarrassment was quite allot from my perspective which indicate the degree I was not Here but rather existing as an ego, and I am seeing to also how this become more prominent as I go out in public. Upon entering the cafe I experienced immediate relief within myself, like a point of inner relaxation come over me as I noticed it was a male working the till, as I experienced fear that there may be an attractive women working the till. This is actually quite an odd point. Ok so I experience excitement within myself that I might encounter an attractive women. But then I go into fear over this point to the degree where I tense up and am no longer myself at all, and then when seeing it is a male working the till, I completely relax and am able to “be myself” otherwise I would just be this robot locked in fear if it were an attractive women. So yes obviously this point requires specific direction so that I no longer have this reaction at all to women but rather get to the point where I am not longer controlled by this point but that I am directive, here, myself, with no matter who. I Got my coffee and went, I did not tip, felt a slight negative charge, guilt, what will they think that I did not tip. Coffee was perfect. I was pleased and looked at the person who made my coffee thinking he is experienced at his job and is stable in making the coffees and so got a cool coffee. When I got to work I again experienced that slight excitement within rising from my stomach into my chest, this was due to a worker that I have not yet met but only know of and wondering if today maybe I will meet this person and what she might look like. So same point as before, relationship and sex. In these moments I simply breath and do not go into the point. Sometimes I go into it but I realize the point is to simply not, to breathe and just breathe and support self to remain here with and as self and stop all participation in energy, this is the understanding that I apply. You know, what goes up must come down. I am seeing this point now as well within my writing here from the perspective of writing from and within the starting point of energy where in if I build up all this energy to write a blog and then launch myself into it, it is like this rolling ball of momentum until the energy runs out and then the blog is over. Rather I see the point of being constant and consistent within the point of writing where I support myself by not accepting and allowing myself to go into energy when I write as what goes up must come down. So within this I can support myself in my process as I do much writing and have been exploring this point of remaining Here within and as the physical as I direct myself within my world and in this case writing as a way to be more consistent and not “burn out” all of the sudden. So will be cool also to just expand this point and identify all the moments and points within my world where I access energy and to stabilize myself here by rather than moving within my day within and as energy, I direct myself within and as the physical and stick to the physical and breath as I walk. It is quite interesting to see how extensively I have existed within energy in my life as I always considered myself to be “more stable” and not so much energetic but am now seeing that I live much of the time within and as energy, and so to step out of this “existing as energy” has been cool, and from a certain perspective has only just begun. This entire reality is based on energy, on positive and negative and so will be pretty cool to see how it goes in terms of walking the process of “stepping out of energy” from the perspective of being directed and moved and influenced by this but rather where one direct oneself Here as Life as the practical consideration of what is best for all. So it is a change in principle so to speak, from the principle of directing myself according to energy, to directing oneself according to what is best for all.

Keep it Simple Keep it Stable

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So a point opened up within me just now in reading a post. It is simply being accountable for myself in each and every moment and every circumstance and not accepting and allowing myself to “let my guard down” which is basically me going into my mind. And just letting my world fall to shit in no time at all. This has been a ‘problem’ with me I notice in my application. This absolute point of consistency and constancy. I have noticed that I am sort of consistent and kind of constant sometimes which really just shows that this point is not yet in place. Particularly since getting back to Canada I have faced this point quite a bit in getting my world sorted out, and getting a job, and just the basic practical points of “my life” I see that I tend to go into a kind of submission to the world, and to the system, and just not wanting to do anything, and I allow myself to go into this energy and then I stop being consistent and my world starts to fall apart. Then I pick myself up again and get back to business and am stable for a while but then eventually again this point creeps up and I give-in to “not wanting to do anything”. I see it more a fear and actually a point of Self Dishonesty and Self-Pity and Manipulation where I allow myself to go into “things are just too hard” and I always fall on this point of Directing my world. Which I see if I would actually Fucking Stand-UP in these moments and remain stable constant in my application and also to support myself through these moments using self forgiveness and breath, that I would develop my Self-Strength and effectiveness and would be much more directive and my world would probably “work better” And this is because it is mathematically so, where in I am simply directing more physical points and ensuring the practical points of my reality are moving and directed. The simple shit of basic human living – This is where I “give in” like not wanting to clean your room when it is obviously way to disorganized, not wanting to answer that one e-mail you know you should, not wanting to log online and pay the bills, not wanting to search for jobs online. So it is really the points that make ones world tick, and make ones world move. So I will do this and be able to sustain doing this for a while but eventually I reach that point where I start to strain. And that’s it. That’s the moment where I could make my life a whole lot easier by not making it more difficult. I Don’t actually have to do anything special or profound, but just keep consistently directing the basics of my world and actually remain constant and stable and effective and HERE within doing this so that I do it effective and not just enough to make it go. Keep it simple keep is stable

The FEAR Residing Within in Every Waking Moment

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Ok going to write about a point that just came up as I was doing a vlog which has come up before or could say has not really ever “went away” but has always been here within the experience of myself, though given my experience just a moment ago as a reaction I had within this point thought Id write about it here to assist and support myself to open/correct this point as I see that the point is not at all ‘moving’ from a certain perspective but remains as a point within me that just sits there inside of me determining, directing, and influencing me within my reality, where in essence it is in fact quite a prominent point which I am sure is actually influencing me in multiple ways and that I have simply gotten accustom to just allowing so am here now “giving myself some insight” into some aspects of this. So the point was as follows: I was making a vlog and was making a few of them, talking about various points. I was not entirely satisfied with the content of the Vlogs though I was simply testing different ways of going about it and see what comes up in the moment. So as I was nearing the end of my vlog I was simply just speaking and I find at times I can “get into vlogging” and start to speak louder to emphasise certain aspects of what I am talking about. Anyways I herd my roommates get home, as I herd them talking and coming in through the front door. Now I have made some Vlogs while they are around in the house though not many as I prefer to make them alone, as I find they are actually not home allot and so I find I have ample time to make vlogs where I am alone with just me. So as I was speaking and I herd them come in , I immediately went into reaction and ended the vlog as quickly as possible. They caught me off Guard you could say. I find I am able to express myself better when I make vlogs when no one is in the house as I find I am able to relax more and am more comfortable when I speak. Though this point of fear that came up in the moment here requires to be looked at as it is still directing me extensively from my perspective as I have been noticing more lately how this ‘energy’ will come up within me in my reality in different situations so writing here as to be able to stabilize myself when this energy come up again, where in I will actually have some insight into ‘it’ instead of only just experiencing it and then thinking ok I better look at that. So have opened it up some here so will see when this comes again how I “handle it” as I do realize that I will require to walk this aspect of myself within a certain amount of process and thorough investigation as this point I realize is quite woven into the design of myself, and is nit tightly into many many if not all aspects of myself with its intricate root systems branching out and latching onto and within various constructs and ideas, thoughts and beliefs that I have formed and created and manifested as Me. I fear having to face them (my roommates) later. I see I am “not comfortable” with them knowing I am vlogging. So from a certain perspective I have already “defined my personality” as who I am around them and in relation to them and ‘conduct’ myself in a certain specific way which is “agreed upon” meaning everyone gets along, and there is minimal friction. Though by vlogging this does not actually “suit that personality” which is why I do it normally when they are gone. Meaning I have not “defined me” as one who makes vlogs all the time, like while they are home, they regularly hear me and have gotten used to me making vlogs throughout the day where it has become a common experience – this is not the case at all. One aspect of this is to “simplify things” by not having to get them involved with Desteni and what I am doing. I have discussed the point some though not to much in depth. They are aware that I make vlogs at times but perhaps not aware of the content I speak about. They maybe have an indication that it is “political based” Though I do see Desteni as a Mind Fuck for people, meaning “it fuck their mind” where no one yet in my world has been able to “take desteni on” fully, or embrace the process, but mostly resist it immediately or do not get it at all. Though the reactions towards Desteni I have found are not usually just a “brushing off of Desteni” but rather one judge desteni quite harsh, and have quite a reaction towards desteni, and so within this whole point of vlogging which I have mentioned, I tend to wait until I am alone to vlog because I am attempting to minimize friction with my Roomates. I enjoy where I live now and do not see my roommates “getting desteni” but rather more thinking it is weird, and then this causing friction and my eventual departure from where I am currently placed. Its funny, one cannot simply stand-up and shout out to the world how great and cool desteni is so to speak because there are only a few Destonians around at the moment, and I mean in my reality, there are none actually physicaly around me in my world and so I am still in way required to ensure that I am functional in my current reality, meaning letting people believe that I am Here in this world as a Normal Member of Society. I mean this is how I function at work – Like I am just Here in this world as normal, looking for a good paying job and wanting to be successful. (interesting Here now seeing the point for the first time of how it is necessary for Desteni to Walk as a Group) I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Standing-Out in my world as a Destonian out of fear of being judged. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how my roommates would react if they knew I was a member of Desteni. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically react within and as fear with regards to what my roommates might think of me if they knew I was participating with desteni and if they knew what desteni was about. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people reacting towards me where in I am actually still accepting and allowing myself to exist within “energetic fear” created through and as the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speculate how others might perceive me if they knew I participated with Desteni. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of who I am as a participant of desteni. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing out in my world as I have a secret that I must hide which is me Standing Up For Life as a participant of Desteni. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within my decision to stand within the desteni process. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this world as the accepted and allowed ‘norms’ of this world where I have actually still accepted and allowed myself to “buy into” the ‘personalities’ of those around me and actually believe they are real from the perspective of me actually fearing the reaction of these personalities if they were to know what I was really doing, thus indicating that I am still in fact existing within and as the mind . I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think of me as I walk throughout my day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of fear to direct to ensure I do not ruffle any feathers in so that I remain practical functional within this world while desteni gets established instead of me actually directing myself within this point for and as myself clear and stable and not actually allowing the point of fear to come up at all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the secret thoughts people might have about me within there mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care and concern myself with the secret thoughts that people might have about me within their minds. I forgive myself for not yet having allowed myself to let go of this world all together where I allow myself to let go of “the old” where within I stop in every way my participating through caring about what is considered normal or not as “normal” at the moment is simply an opinion within peoples minds, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the mind as me fearing what others minds think of me instead of looking at practically in fact what the fuck the Mind really is where I See in Common sense that the mind is a system of beliefs and constructs programmed through ones environment and that in fact no one is actually “thinking for themselves” but has in fact become completely brain washed – and yet I still allow me to fear what people think when in fact people are not thinking anything at all – it is actually the mind that has completely take over the being and think for the person and I mean the mind is a dime a dozen, meaning they are all essentially the same. I forgive myself that I haven’t yet allowed myself to walk here as self trust within and as self alone within this world where I walk process for and as myself and realize that it is not about what anyone thinks or say’s or believes about me from the perspective of judging me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must ignore what people think about me instead of realizing that it is about rather seeing in common sense and understanding “the actual state of beings” within this world and “how the mind actually function” within beings and stop taking things personally, as the mind is in essence automated and just running a program. I forgive myself for not investigating the energetic experiences I have of self in depth in so that I actually start to effectively see how I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as, so that I can stop and assist and support myself to live here as breath as Life as What is Best for ALL. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel down” when considering never again going to the farm. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still want to do this process for others instead of for myself and getting to the point of where I am actually walking this process for myself. I forgive myself for not actually giving a fuck about this world or the people or nature or plants or anything in this world except for myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience I have of myself as “feeling lonely” I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want someone or something else to take away this experience of me of “feeling lonely” instead of me directing the point myself, so that I am Stable Here, No Matter What. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in my mind I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in my thoughts I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in energy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from facing myself in my mind because it “happens so quickly” where I end up going into a particular energetic experience which is almost as if I am “not doing anything” but then when if I really look in that moment, I am in fact living and existing in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within deceptive energetic energy as that energy which one has become so accustomed to existing within that it is now simply natural to go into and in fact where one spend most of ones time. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘idle’ where in I ‘idle’ as how I normally experience myself but not considering that in fact this is actually a resonance of self as the mind as who self has created self as and that within this one is actually existing entirely as the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a resonance instead of Here as Self as Breath. I forgive myself for not paying closer attention to who I am as energy and how I consist as energy and all the intricate kinds of energy and resonant experiences and energetic states of self that I have that “make-up” me.

My apparent problems not actually Real.

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So over the last week, I basically stopped applying myself and gave up on myself for a moment allowing myself to go into a form of depression and existing in the mind. Allowing myself to believe that this depression and “way I am feeling” actually has power over me and there was “nothing I could do”. Though I see now that this is not so - In one of the recent desteni videos I watched, the point was mentioned of how people who are homeless don’t have the luxury to have addictions as their world simply does not permit it as they are forced in a way to just focus on survival and do not have time to entertain addictions or such points of self interest. So this is the point that came up today as I was looking at this point. I realized that my application of depression and giving up myself was simply not valid as it really was only considering myself. I had given power to this application of “being depressed” and believed that there was nothing I could do to get out of it. As I simply did not have the will to direct myself within my world to do the necessary actions to support what is best for all. “Well how convenient for me”. Having food, internet connection if I want it, warm bed, movies to watch, house to live in, all of this, and there are millions dying this instant because they have no food to eat or basic support, and here I am not willing to support because I have some “emotional problem” I mean take away my food, my home, my car, my internet, my basic support, then I will have a real problem. As along as I have the basic physical support, food to eat, place to sleep, I have no excuse for why I am not applying myself in every moment. If I am unable to find the will to do it for myself, then I do it for those that are starving to death right now, as this is what I would want if I were in their shoes, for those that are actually capable of applying and directing themselves in this world to do so to support those that at the moment are not able to. So in Self-Honesty if I dare utter the word, it is obvious that I was only living/existing in Self-Interest, and not actually looking at my Actual self-honest experience/situation of me where really there was nothing but my own self created/accepted emotional problems standing in the way of me directing myself to support what is best for all. In other words, there was really nothing standing in my way at all. I guess though I was judging myself quite a bit, and was/am dealing with layers of emotional shit which actually becomes a physical experience of self, but I mean in asking the question of if I am doing all I can do to support and direct myself the answer is no, and that it is clear that despite who I believe myself to be, I am still physically capable of supporting much more effectively than I am at the moment. Ok.

Birthing Life From The Physical – “Desteni I Process”

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Quite cool to see this “physical point” coming through at the moment with regards to ‘process’ and what it means to “Birth Life From the Physical” and the realization that ‘Self’, that ‘I’, have actually never or “missed the point” of living here as the physical, but since birth have been slowly but surely “becoming a mind” and living and exiting as that mind “in separation” from the physical, forming ideas, perceptions, beliefs, which I then ‘superimposed’ on top of the physical, until I no longer experienced the physical or considered the physical, or see the physical anymore but only see the ‘Mind’ which I have superimposed onto the physical. What I see in terms of “Birthing Oneself From the Physical” is to stop “the mind” to “get out of the mind” to “step out of the mind and into the physical” where in my ‘ideas’, ‘definitions’, ‘perceptions’ of ‘myself’ which I lived and experienced within and as the mind will “no longer be” but rather I stand here equal and one with the physical, where my daily actions and considerations and experience will be in relation to and equal and one with “the physical” as I now am standing and exiting as the physical. And Have Birthed Myself From / as the Physical. Looking at the point of the “Physical Body” – It is physical, and functions in direct relationship to the physical and the “rules of the physical” so to speak. But I have lost touch with “these rules” these ‘Relationships’ “of the physical” that “make up” the movement, and expansion , and expression of the physical. Because I have not stood equal to the physical, or lived as the physical in stepping out of the mind to live equal and one as the physical, I had not been able to see or understand the “relationships of the physical” I have not been able to understand, to see how “my actions” ‘affect’ the physical, ‘flow’ in the physical, where each action, flow out into the physical, ripple out into the physical as the actual “chain-reaction of the physical” affecting and influencing the physical. In this World, not all parts of the physical are being nourished or supported as can be seen by war, by poverty, by some points having “it all” and other points “Having nothing” (Rich/Poor) Thus I see “the point” is to Birth Oneself Into and As the Physical, so that we can see how our actions “flow-out” and “ripple-out” as the actual “chain-reaction” of the physical and influence and affect the physical, this world, the conditions of this world, where they either “flow-out” and cause poverty for instance, or “flow-out” and support the nourishment of ALL. I see this as a Solution to this world. To become aware of how our actions affect one another, and consider that our every action in every moment is in “cause and affect” as the physical “flowing-out” at all times and permeating out into the physical and having a consequence in this reality. Even the most seemingly small and insignificant moments are “flowing-out” into the physical. Are ‘creating’ this reality. Thus to assist and support yourself to actually become “Self-Aware” where one begin to ‘Direct’ ones actions in each and every moment to ‘ensure’ the “flow-out” or “Out-Flow” of those actions are ‘Directed’ by Self within Awareness, in consideration of the physical, into a point which support what is best for all. And not more existing here in the physical as “a mind” who’s ‘actions’ are ‘based’ in the mind, and thus not actually considering or is able to see the eventual physical outflow of those actions. Investigate the “Desteni I Process” as the “Desteni I Process” is a structural platform to assist and support self to actually “step out” of the mind and into “the physical” so that one is actually aware of how one “affect and create this reality” and thus is able to “take responsibility” for what is Here as what we have created as this earth, this planet, and Direct Oneself to Bring a Dignified to ALL. Visit the “Desteni I Process” website : http://www.desteniiprocess.com/

My Relaxed is NOT Relaxed- Realizing I have a Fear of People

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An interesting point came up today. My roommates left on Christmas holidays and so now I have the whole house to myself. Some people were supposed to come and stay here though, they are not here yet and I don’t know if they will show up. Anyways, after some hours of being here in the house alone, by myself, with no people, no roommates, and knowing that they will not be back here for at least a week, so just me with myself alone in the house, I noticed something interesting. I was calm, I was relaxed and I was actually enjoying myself. Was quite fascinating to see this, because what it revealed and showed to me was that in fact “I have a fear of/towards people” I definitely was not expecting this point, where all of the sudden I realized, “omg, I am actually relaxed” compared to ‘stressed’, ‘tense’, ‘irritated’, ‘anxious’ and simply not able to relax and be me. I noticed that when my roommates are around, I experience myself as stressed out, and its interesting because over the last few months, I could see this point of “being stressed” all the time, but I though it was because of money, I did not realize to the extent that my experience of “being stressed” over the last few months was actually “being caused/triggered” through having my roommates around, or simply people in general. I had actually completely accepted my experience from the perspective of when I would relax and watch movies here at home while my roommates were around, that I believed I was relaxing, and had accepted this experience of relaxation, not realizing until now, that in fact I was holding onto a point of anxiety/fear/stress, that I had become so accustomed to it that it became a part of my definition of relaxation. I also noticed today that I was actually enjoying myself, this due to the point that I could move freely in the house without fear that someone would suddenly show up, and then I would have to restrict my expression once again. And this is one of the points I am seeing within my experience at the moment, that I completely limit and restrict and suppress myself around others, even if they are upstairs doing there own thing, and I am down here in my room doing my own thing, I still “tense up” and am not comfortable, and relaxed. So was quite interesting to see this point, as I had not realized how fucking rigid and tense I was over the last few months, which is in relation to this point of “fear of people” So I will have to take this point on, as to remain within this point of suppression around people is essentially a point of killing myself literally, as me, as I simply suppress myself and exist within a very limited parameter so as to not offend or intrude or cause any friction from others. And so I spend all of my energy “being aware” of where others are in the house, and how they might react if I do this or if I do that. I see the point is to allow myself to be as relaxed and comfortable with others as I am with myself, as I see this point now which I have not in quite some time, of me actually “letting go” of the point of “holding myself” within a specific presentation, or attentiveness when other people are around. I also painted today with oil paints which I have not done since getting here to Calgary. I painted because “no one is here to be offended” if I “try this out” I can move where I want in the house, which is this little room that “the guy” who owns the house, built and put in a ventilation system, to make “silk screens” – its just down the hall from my bedroom and no one ever goes in there, though interesting connection that today was the first day I actually went in there and tested out painting. I painted a self portrait, and really enjoyed it. I was satisfied with the “technique” I used as I tried something a little different. Though the proportions of the face could have been more specific. All in all, it went pretty cool, I spent maybe around 2 and half to 3 hours painting it. I did the painting as a “preparation painting” for another piece I had in mind, though wanted to first “get warmed up” so painted a self portrait. I have also been busy creating some designs for a women for t-shirts. I have been using Adobe Illustrator and have quite enjoyed getting to know that program, so have had the opportunity recently to do some more art which has been cool. I don’t see art the same as I used to. And so am still busy “placing the point” meaning, it is a point that “Kind of just sits there” and I try to ignore it but at the back of my mind, I am always like “keeping the door open”...ahhh, thats it! I am “keeping the door open” on painting /art. Though there is a chance that “nothing will come of it” . When I left the farm 7 months ago, I was coming back to Canada to do art, though things changed as I “entered the system” so to speak. There was no point in “trying to do this point” meaning, trying, and actually making my life more difficult because of not “taking care of” the practical side of living in this world, like making money and making sure my rent, and food is sorted out first. In the past I would just ignore everything and painted in my studio, and this was not a good recipe for living in this world. I am enjoying now “trying other stuff” and doing different jobs that I would have “despised” doing before. Though I am looking at the point at the moment of “me actually holding myself back from doing art when I have the opportunity to” So am pushing myself to allow me to still do art in my life and is not something I have to completely cut out. Ideally I would like to “work it in” so I can actually “build on the point” and have it be supportive, both as a point of self discipline and specificity, and also as a point of self expression, though my priority is “the desteni process” which is actually simply a point of common sense of seeing that “this world requires some direction and some sorting out” and that it is each and everyone’s, thus, my own responsibility to do this, and so am busy with working on my application to that we take the most direct route to sorting out this world, which at the moment I see and understand to be establishing and Equal Money System – thus, this is my priority and focus. Art is a personal preference and I do not accept and allow myself to place me before all of humanity and all of existence, thus I stand firstly as What is Best for ALL, I Stand as the ALL and direct What is best for all, in my daily living application, not what is only best for me. So if I do art or not is irrelevant. I will continue with the point as the opportunity to do so is here, though if I require to let the point go, I will.

Daily Writing – Oct 14 – Where is My Stablity

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Where is my Stability. Over the last week I have experienced myself as anything but stable. Existing in fears, worries, concerns, judgements, self judgements, wonder, speculating, projecting, wanting, desiring, hoping, helpless, scattered, basically, I was just not stable. It was as if I was not able to “ground myself” and end up getting carried away in what ever it was I was doing. The Solution which comes up in relation to this point is Breath. Breathing and focusing on Breath as a stability point to support me in coming back to earth. I experienced myself at times as if I was slipping, and or scurrying to keep up with those that were ahead of me up on the mountain top, and I simply was sliding way down the mountain side frantically attempting to get a grip somewhere and grasp onto something to be able to just keep up. I found that I simply was unable to calm myself down, to keep myself stable and would end up going into these energetic experiences as well as experiences as if I was speaking about specific things and even though the words were coming out of me it was as if they weren’t grounded in anything. Like I simply could not get to the bottom of myself. A point of Stopping. So why is it that I have not yet been able to establish a foundation for myself and an application of self that will actually stand stable no matter what happens in my world, so that I do not get carried away. It would be a cool point to do an SRA session on this point to look at the priority point of fear which is causing or the core point at the moment as to why I have been not able to earth myself or ground myself here in every moment where in I am silent with myself. There was much going on within my mind with regards to work and how things were/are going to unfold. Though the point I am looking at here in this moment is establishing myself as Here, so that no matter what happen, no matter what occur I am Here, I am stable, I am Here as myself and can simply direct myself in common sense, instead of getting caught up in knowledge and information, and fear, and thoughts and pictures etc. So I am going to explore this point of breath, and of simplicity. Because I see that I really require to find a stability point within myself, one where I do not go into comparison, into wants, into needs, etc, a point which will support me in earthing myself and remaining here as Breath. I was reading Viktors blog and he mentioned a point about the earth “not having a judgement about a particular decision that one make” the earth is simply here. And also in discussions with Marlen where she was mentioning the point about establishing oneself in the moment, in each and every moment, where ones application is here in the moment. What I see within what she was saying was that the solution so to speak, is always here, is always available, and that that solution, that stability, and ability for one to remain here in common sense clarity of self in simplicity is Here where one focus on what is here in the moment and not go into projections as such and that who one is is their starting point in every moment, so to simply look at this, and trust oneself within this. I mean I have watched countless videos and heard many times the point of ones ‘power’ being in ones breath, in the moment. I mean I noticed that I attempt to create systems and structures to attempt to stabilize myself and have not yet gotten to the point of actually establishing myself within the breath as an actual real support point where I can actually stand stable. I was forced into a kind of silence today. I simply crashed. After I woke up I had a headache and so decided to sleep it off, after 3 hours of sleep, I woke up and proceeded to work, but the headache was still there, so Laid back down, it was quite uncomfortable, after another hour or two I got up and the headache had released, I was grateful and experienced myself simply within a silence, I had in a way just stopped. Just gave-up on trying to “get everything done” So that was cool to experience myself as silent and stable for a moment where I had stopped. A cool reference point. So the question that came up was, How do I remain here in and as this silence, where I am actually here and present in that which I am doing, and not caught up in my mind where in I am really only half here, and simply am unable to slow myself down to a silence to actually be effective with what I am doing and how I am applying myself. I mean I was ready to carry on, to just keep trying to plough ahead, and not realizing to the extent that I was completely lost in an energetic experience of a kind of frantic, survival application and just not able to slow myself down. I see this point being related to money. Where a fear emerge within me and take me over and direct me, even so that I am not able to anymore make a practical decision. Its like I just lock myself into this fear, it is quite extensive. So simply forgive myself for the point. I am here now so I can start again. I also experienced allot of comparison towards others, and judgements towards myself like I was not doing good enough, so here too also is another kind of survival lock-in mode. So the point here is to stop. So I am grateful for the headache from the perspective that it ‘forced’ to just f-ing stop. My body assisting me here. So now to reconsider why and how it was that I was so easily carried away. It was like a striving and pushing just took me over, there was no real slowing down, but rather day by day a kind of ‘getting lost’ and just attempting to grasp onto some point that is stable. Ok so the Breath, why the Breath, Because the breath is simple. The breath is simplicity, and so there is no attempting to become something or achieve something, or wanting or yearning, or speculation. It is just breath, a physical breathing in and out. There is no right or wrong in breath, there is just breath. Within this point also I see the point of “The Physical” where again, there is no judgement within the physical. It is simply Here, and I am here too as the physical as my physical body, though I have created an idea about myself as “being something” other than this, when if I look from the perspective of the physical, I am equal to it and to all others as the physical as we are all physical bodies here as an extension of the earth and this universe as a physical existence.