Tag Archives: sra

Having a Closer Look at my Day – Desteni Process Blog

Posted on by
I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6am...I got up and looked out the window to see if it had snowed. It had not so this meant I did not have to go out to work, which I was not expecting anyways. So I got back under my warm covers telling myself it was only for a moment. I laid there and allowed the point of possibly falling back to sleep all the while attempting to motivate myself through thinking to get up and out of bed. I eventually got up at 6:45. I experienced anger and guilt. But not allot, where I find the longer I sleep in past my alarm then the more anger and guilt I experience, depending also on where I am “in the cycle” meaning if this is a repeating point then I tend to become more angry and have more guilt. Ok so I was up and was a bit angry with myself but not much I can do about it now. I don’t see, or have found that I am not able to “forgive myself” for doing this, because that would be like trying to forgive yourself “after the fact” for doing something instead of applying forgiveness in the moment to support self to push through a specific resistance. The correction for this point as I have I am sure mentioned before is to simply stick to the alarm and stop allowing myself to short change myself when I see I am capable of doing something. On my way to work this afternoon I decided to stop and get a coffee which I often do when going to work, I noticed as I pulled up into the parking-lot that I experienced a little electrical experience of excitement rising out of my stomach and into my chest area, like one of those “sparkler thingy’s” that you light and they fizzzzzz and shoot off bright sparks all over. This was definitely a positive charge from the perspective of maybe possibly seeing someone that I might find attractive working or being in the cafe, so it is like this aspect of relationship still existing inside of me which “pops up” in moments because I can see that this seemingly small electrical charge that came up is actually connected to the relationship point and sex point. As I walked towards the cafe from my van, In one moment I lost my footing on the ice and nearly fell but adjusted my feet in time to catch myself before I fell. I experienced my ‘ego’ come up immediately and showed me how extensively I was/am existing within my ego personality from the perspective when I slipped I experienced embarrassment as now my ‘image’ of who I was in that moment existing as completely shattered, as in that moment I was cool and collected, and serious, and professional, and precise and surely do not slip on the ice and flail my arms all about to try and re-gain balance. So it was a physical movement point here to in how I move within my specific presentation. Such a fuck up as the “Flux” I experienced as movement as embarrassment was quite allot from my perspective which indicate the degree I was not Here but rather existing as an ego, and I am seeing to also how this become more prominent as I go out in public. Upon entering the cafe I experienced immediate relief within myself, like a point of inner relaxation come over me as I noticed it was a male working the till, as I experienced fear that there may be an attractive women working the till. This is actually quite an odd point. Ok so I experience excitement within myself that I might encounter an attractive women. But then I go into fear over this point to the degree where I tense up and am no longer myself at all, and then when seeing it is a male working the till, I completely relax and am able to “be myself” otherwise I would just be this robot locked in fear if it were an attractive women. So yes obviously this point requires specific direction so that I no longer have this reaction at all to women but rather get to the point where I am not longer controlled by this point but that I am directive, here, myself, with no matter who. I Got my coffee and went, I did not tip, felt a slight negative charge, guilt, what will they think that I did not tip. Coffee was perfect. I was pleased and looked at the person who made my coffee thinking he is experienced at his job and is stable in making the coffees and so got a cool coffee. When I got to work I again experienced that slight excitement within rising from my stomach into my chest, this was due to a worker that I have not yet met but only know of and wondering if today maybe I will meet this person and what she might look like. So same point as before, relationship and sex. In these moments I simply breath and do not go into the point. Sometimes I go into it but I realize the point is to simply not, to breathe and just breathe and support self to remain here with and as self and stop all participation in energy, this is the understanding that I apply. You know, what goes up must come down. I am seeing this point now as well within my writing here from the perspective of writing from and within the starting point of energy where in if I build up all this energy to write a blog and then launch myself into it, it is like this rolling ball of momentum until the energy runs out and then the blog is over. Rather I see the point of being constant and consistent within the point of writing where I support myself by not accepting and allowing myself to go into energy when I write as what goes up must come down. So within this I can support myself in my process as I do much writing and have been exploring this point of remaining Here within and as the physical as I direct myself within my world and in this case writing as a way to be more consistent and not “burn out” all of the sudden. So will be cool also to just expand this point and identify all the moments and points within my world where I access energy and to stabilize myself here by rather than moving within my day within and as energy, I direct myself within and as the physical and stick to the physical and breath as I walk. It is quite interesting to see how extensively I have existed within energy in my life as I always considered myself to be “more stable” and not so much energetic but am now seeing that I live much of the time within and as energy, and so to step out of this “existing as energy” has been cool, and from a certain perspective has only just begun. This entire reality is based on energy, on positive and negative and so will be pretty cool to see how it goes in terms of walking the process of “stepping out of energy” from the perspective of being directed and moved and influenced by this but rather where one direct oneself Here as Life as the practical consideration of what is best for all. So it is a change in principle so to speak, from the principle of directing myself according to energy, to directing oneself according to what is best for all.

Moving Through Self Doubt – Remaining Here and Sticking to the Physical

Posted on by
I experienced some doubt coming up today. This ‘doubt’ I experienced was in relation to the current project I am working on with regards to doing Logo Design. I have started with making my own Logo and have enjoyed the process of this and have been working on this now for quite some time, probably over 60 hours so far over a period of around a month. I had/have it at a stage which I am satisfied I can start placing, but then when I opened the file today and looked at it, I judged it and was not satisfied anymore and experienced a drop within myself because I was so close to having this ready to go and start to be able to walk the next stage of the preparation phase which is to place an add on my local job listings site advertising the service at a discount rate from the perspective of simply attracting some projects where I can “gain experience” or rather “fine tune my process” as this sounds ‘safer’ to the client, and so yes place it as a “special Limited time offer”. But today when I looked again at my Logo I was not entirely satisfied and even considered another “re-design” which is like much time and effort and so I experienced this point of Self Doubt coming up, like “this is never going to work”. I experienced a point of failure as an energetic experience of failing in the centre of my solar plexus / chest and experienced myself giving up. Other points also emerged as I continued to research this point on the internet to see how I will place all the points, and so as I researched began to doubt myself around my experience level. So the correction Here is to stick to the physical. Ok so I have gotten to a stage where it is not going “as planned” based on my desire which is my energetic projection of how I want it to go, and because the actual physical movement and my energetic projection did not align I went into this experience of “Oh it will never work” though I see the Key is simply to remain HERE. And to just keep walking the physical points. Focusing on the physical direction of the point. I see that this is a cycle, and I am in the “low point” or the stage of the cycle where I would “give in” as going into a point of depression for a while and then eventually starting up with the point again. So rather not go into these cycles. These cycles can go and play themselves out if they want but I will be there. I will be Here directing myself in the physical, so it is irrelevant what energy does as the point is to remain Here. I fell on this point last time and had a little mini collapse and gave up. So cool to see that it is exactly the same point as before clarifying even further that it is in fact just an energetic cycle. So breath, remain Here and direct myself in the physical and do not pay attention to the experience of myself of “not being able to do it” of “doubting myself” I mean in practical common sense, I haven’t actually even tested the point yet so have no actual real feed-back that it is not going to work. But rather just having an experience of doubt. So yes I must stick to Here, and not go into positive or negative energy charges about what may or may not happen, because I see that the only real indication of how things are going must be measured in the physical and so will stick to this and continue to move the physical points as they are still here to be moved/directed.

My apparent problems not actually Real.

Posted on by
So over the last week, I basically stopped applying myself and gave up on myself for a moment allowing myself to go into a form of depression and existing in the mind. Allowing myself to believe that this depression and “way I am feeling” actually has power over me and there was “nothing I could do”. Though I see now that this is not so - In one of the recent desteni videos I watched, the point was mentioned of how people who are homeless don’t have the luxury to have addictions as their world simply does not permit it as they are forced in a way to just focus on survival and do not have time to entertain addictions or such points of self interest. So this is the point that came up today as I was looking at this point. I realized that my application of depression and giving up myself was simply not valid as it really was only considering myself. I had given power to this application of “being depressed” and believed that there was nothing I could do to get out of it. As I simply did not have the will to direct myself within my world to do the necessary actions to support what is best for all. “Well how convenient for me”. Having food, internet connection if I want it, warm bed, movies to watch, house to live in, all of this, and there are millions dying this instant because they have no food to eat or basic support, and here I am not willing to support because I have some “emotional problem” I mean take away my food, my home, my car, my internet, my basic support, then I will have a real problem. As along as I have the basic physical support, food to eat, place to sleep, I have no excuse for why I am not applying myself in every moment. If I am unable to find the will to do it for myself, then I do it for those that are starving to death right now, as this is what I would want if I were in their shoes, for those that are actually capable of applying and directing themselves in this world to do so to support those that at the moment are not able to. So in Self-Honesty if I dare utter the word, it is obvious that I was only living/existing in Self-Interest, and not actually looking at my Actual self-honest experience/situation of me where really there was nothing but my own self created/accepted emotional problems standing in the way of me directing myself to support what is best for all. In other words, there was really nothing standing in my way at all. I guess though I was judging myself quite a bit, and was/am dealing with layers of emotional shit which actually becomes a physical experience of self, but I mean in asking the question of if I am doing all I can do to support and direct myself the answer is no, and that it is clear that despite who I believe myself to be, I am still physically capable of supporting much more effectively than I am at the moment. Ok.

Opening Up a Reaction To SRA – Daily Blogging.

Posted on by
Ok so a point came up today when listening to one of the latest points with regards to the direction of SRA and Desteni I Process. The point was that some of the ‘groups’ would be now “going back” to do Mind Constructs for another 6 months! I emphasise this as 6 months I see as quite a long time. And also the option was open for anyone really who wants to go back and do Mind Constructs for another 6 months. So I reacted to this point as follows. As I was not clear whether my group was required to go back or not I then saw that this would then be a decision that I would make from the perspective of being self-honest within the point and going back to do another 6 months of Mind Constructs so that I can effectively prepare myself to be and effective buddy where I am able to effectively support another through walking with them through their mind constructs from beginning to end. I see that I want to be effective with this point, and to have a solid foundation and understanding of doing Mind Constructs. So from this perspective yes of course it would be a cool support to do another 6 months of mind constructs. Initially I thought everybody would be stopping and doing the 6 months of mind constructs which was cool. I was fine with this. Though it turns out that some of the groups in SRA that are further ahead will simply continue on as usual. So when hearing this I had a reaction. The point initially I see is in relation to “falling behind” and that those that are “further ahead” are “more advanced” and are thus “from my perspective” “not equal” meaning they have an advantage in understanding the material. And so here a point of comparison is coming up where I “want to be the best” where I “want to be ahead with the advanced group” why? Because I perceive that they are getting “more support” and thus will Self-Realize quicker. Or just overall, more effective and aware and directive in process. So I see that within this point I am “wanting support” as one of the “Key reactive points” was this point of them getting “more support” Ok so am seeing a point of inferiority here as well, where I am seeing myself as “less-than” those that are able to move on and keep working on SRA. Particularly working with Resonances. I have been wanting to start working with the Resonances because the support one receive through this process is always very cool, though my starting point for ‘Wanting’ this is simply just that – It is “A Want” where in I am limiting myself by “holding myself down” from the perspective of “wanting to, or waiting for” the Resonances to “tell me what is going on with me” and that I perceive that I can get ‘better assistance’ from than, than I can give to myself. I also see here the correction which is simply pushing myself to support myself and push me to go deeper and deeper into self and will myself into and effective application of self support and self investigation where I direct myself to uncover me and no more accept and allow myself “wait around” for Bernard or Resonances to “give direction” from the perspective of placing these two points in my world as “the ultimate points” and there in accepting and allowing myself to stand “less than” these two points, instead of me simply “walking into the unknown” where I push and develop ways to support me that I have not yet explored, where in I actually really investigate me, and get to know myself, and realize that I am able to actually effectively support myself with just me alone though my own self directed self willed application. This Reaction I Had was also in relation to “my ability” to do Muscle Communication, and I can see also that I ran into a bit of a snag with the last few points on my most recent SRA lessons with Leila as my buddy, and so went into a point of fearing, when hearing this point today, that I am not effective enough in Muscle Communication and thus I would be “held back” and go back and do the 6 months of Mind Constructs. I also “see myself” as ‘struggling’ with the Resonance Work, like “my foundation” is not stable, so here am actually seeing me in the future on chat with resonances and them asking me to test a point and I “am lost” Ok so seeing a memory here now wanting to emerge out of the darkness about school. Like the experience one have in school where you simply do not know the answers, and are left “feeling lost” and have no grounding. And so in this Future Projection I am on chat with resonances and they are asking me to test some information and I am struggling and fumbling and it is clear that I am not prepared and they are waiting for me but seeing that I am “just trying to keep up” and not effectively prepared. Shit this is quite a specific projection, though am not seeing a specific memory that this related to, simply the ‘general memory’ of how this “type of experience” would be one that one would have in school or something like this. Though also seeing a point of “Hockey” coming up here, where I used to go to Hockey Schools and Camps, and some of them were “more competitive” and really preparing you to play in competitive hockey and so I would “step into these” scenarios where I felt a bit “out of place” as everything was moving so fast and I was there “just trying to keep up” and so there was always allot happening on the ice, and players going everywhere and coaches shouting out orders, and particularly if this was a “new team” or “situation” I would really have to focus on ensuring that I “understood” each point clearly, as the coaches made it clear that if you do not understand how to do the drill – Don’t Go! And this meant you go to the back of the line and basically get a “black mark” on your name as they see you “did not understand what they say” Fuck this was a pressure cooker experience. And so you would watch the players ahead of you run through the drill, and you would focus intently on them and observe what you were supposed to do, and then it was your turn and Fuck you better get it right, and so the drill would begin and you (I) would “give it my all” as often you were doing tryouts, or even just “trying out” all the time, as to “earn more ice time” or when I would be “trying to make a team” Quite a stressful experience. So this projection of me with resonances on chat is similar to this Hockey Experience, where I see me on chat and experience myself to “have lost it” meaning just can’t get a grasp on anything, and experiencing me as not having a handle on the information and also see the point of “letting them down” when there is that moment where they realize that “I am out of my league” Ok this phrase is specific here this being “out of my league” as this definitely bring up the point of inferiority and just not being good enough. Ok so the point coming through here is “Not being good enough” though I will explore now some other aspects of my reaction to this point of now the point being open of “going back to do 6 months of mind constructs” I am seeing myself as unworthy in Muscle Communication, and thus also in process, as the point with MC simply indicate that I am “missing some points” and that this will cause me to “fall back” into my “rightful place” – So here again the point of inferiority. What is interesting also is wanting to be up with the advanced group, wanting to be in the “in crowd” wanting to be ahead of the game and leading, but specifically this point of wanting to in the “in crowd” Its like the point of starting out with a group of people and then you all walk together, and as you walk the “group separates” and starts to split up based on skill and potential and ability, and I end up “falling back” based on my skill and get separated from “my friends” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction with regards to the new SRA course structure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not know” what I should do. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “exist within a state of doubt and uncertainty” by allowing myself to exist within a point of “not knowing” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I really “do not know” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself according to where I am in my SRA course, and within doing this “make decisions” based on strengthening my personality which I have created as “who I am within how I have defined me within my SRA course” instead of making a decision that is based on actual practical self support and doing what is best for all. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going back and doing 6 month of Mind Constructs, as I fear getting stuck behind. I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior to others who are further back in SRA. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “lock into” my personality, instead of stopping all personality and ego, and remaining here as breath as Self Support. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in personalities within supporting me and in doing this “forget about me” altogether and never actually get to a place of me as the starting point of my direction within self support. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “lock into” a point of fear with regards to me not being prepared for the next Resonance section of SRA. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to based my decisions, and make my decisions from a point of energy and reaction, instead of from a point of self honesty and self support where I allocate myself within the equation and simply look at the common sense of the point and what would be most effective as a point of support. It is not about “who your friends are” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine and define my application in relation to “whos around me” which is indicating that I am not yet standing equal to each and every one in process and more specifically I am not yet standing as the starting point of my world where it does not matter where I am, but that I am constant, consistent, the same in my application in each and every point that I stand. Thus I see this point of me being the starting point of myself within process, within my application, and within self support, where it does not matter where I am, and who I am with, as I support me the same where ever I am and not longer accept and allow me to limit me within my self support from the perspective of believing that I must be in “advanced groups” to have effective self support but rather it does not matter where I am within what group or what level, I decide that I am the director of me and that I support me effectively and do not accept me to limit my potential self support, and thus from this perspective I am always the source of how effective I am within process, not who is around me or supporting me. This is actually a cool point that is emerging and that has been coming up over the last few days, where I am starting to see the point of not limiting myself in “what I am capable in” meaning “I take the reins” so to speak, and start pushing myself to support myself and expand my application, and ways I support me. And push me to become more specific in how I support me, and as well in my writing. No one is going to walk process for us. We must walk process, and we are the ones that determine “the pace” we move, though I do not see it as a point of rushing, but rather a point of inevitability where one will decide to be more effective within application, and that “this decision” can be done now or later. Ok slowing down a bit here, I really “rattled through” that mid section. Ok so I did react to this SRA point. I was even discussing this point with Marlen on Chat and experienced my writing to immediately tense up, as I tensed up inside and became more ridged which I identified as a point of “Mind” as I started to explain and talk about the SRA Re-structuring. And how I “did not know what I would do” I want to simply continue on as is. Particularly because now I have just started into doing more MC and see this as a point which I would simply like to direct. I have struggled with this point of MC and so am finding within the new lessons that because there is much MC going on that it is a cool platform for me to actually stabilize the point. And so from this perspective would like to continue moving with the lessons where I am now. On the other hand, 6 months of Mind Constructs would be fucking awesome, though I see that I would still not be directing this point of MC which is “the point” so to speak, which I would like to direct, and am in the process of doing so.

SRA – “Structural Resonance Alignment” Experiences and Applications

Posted on by
So today I have been facing the point of family as well as the point of money. The family point is ‘new’ from the perspective of some of my relatives “coming out of the woodwork” to start to comment on some of the videos I share on my facebook page. I thought that eventually I would face this point, and so this is the first time this has come up with my relatives posting on my profile. One cool point is that it pushed me in a way to get specific with myself from the perspective of looking at self from the perspective of “what is it I am actually doing” So Here, like taking ‘Desteni’, and “my participation” and “my life” and really, “much stuff” into consideration in terms of looking at “what exactly is going on” and establish for myself more clarity and resolve within myself in terms of not accepting points of “not knowing exactly what I am doing” do basically, pushing me to really consider ‘things’ to as mentioned establish a stability and resolve of self. I mean it has taken some time for me to realize that I am walking this process. And even within this still experience a point of “dis-belief” that I am doing this. I see this in relation to not yet have established a clear and stable starting point of Self as the starting point, within walking this process. But am still trying to walk a process, instead of simply investigating self in a way. I did some SRA stuff tonight which has been quite cool. I still have to push myself to do this point, as each time there is resistance. I have started to really slow myself down while doing SRA, particularly Muscle Communication. Tonight was cool, one point I have started doing more frequently is “writing about my experience” as I walk through the lessons of doing Muscle Communication, to assist and support me to clear myself of all of the anxieties and uncertainties and doubts I have within doing MC (Muscle Communication) and start to write them out in front of me on paper. So my MC (Muscle Communication) Sessions are not just doing MC but is becoming a process of me slowing myself down, investigating self which is quite cool. I used to experience this point while painting and doing art work, in a way where I would actually “investigate myself” and just explore and write about what I see, and test things out, and really look within myself at the experience of self. And so this “in a way” is what MC has started to emerge as for me. I have had to really stop me and bring myself HERE. As I have found if I am not Here, and aware of self in the moment, then the MC will be useless so to speak, so have been “setting time aside” so to speak, because I know/expect that when I go into a MC session that I am going to allow myself to take my time. So have been taking on this point of writing while doing MC, and supporting me to see the anxieties and to see self and the experience of me in relation to MC as I apply myself within it. So have enjoyed of late the Self investigative aspect of doing MC.

Investigation of Sleep And Dream about Art coming Crashing Down

Posted on by
So what is this “sleep point really” last night as I went to bed I experienced myself as being ‘more tired’ and ‘less here’ and usually when I experience myself this way when going to bed, it is likely that I will not get up in the morning when my alarm goes off but allow me to sleep in. This experience of self is simply me not directing myself but more like having already given in to the mind, and am more just “surfing along” in observer mode. And so this morning I slept passed my alarm and laid in bed not getting out. Just lying in there and drifting in and out of sleep. Instead of immediately directing myself when I wake up on the first breath, where I take a breath and direct me out of bed, no matter what I “would like” to do. There is a slight resistance towards “my world” and so stay in bed as really this point is a point of me avoiding self direction. Like in bed is place where I am safe from having to direct myself, as its like a safe zone, and I just lay there like a zombie ragdoll blob not having to direct myself in any way but can just exist in the mind in dreams, and thoughts, and blankness. There is not responsibility while I lay there, so when I get up, I have to face responsibility. Also I find a tend to drift in and out of sleep and dreams, and the very moment I allow myself to “close my eyes” and “drift back into sleep” I am essentially “giving me over to the mind” as I drift back into “my dreams” my alternate reality that is the mind, and not being Here within and as the physical in self direction. But it is interesting to see the connection of this point of “sleeping in” to the night before where its like “I know within myself” that I will probably sleep in, and I go through the motions of setting my alarm and saying to myself I will get up, but when the window of opportunity arrives in the morning, I close it shut as to prevent and stay warm in my blankets. The warmth being a justification as to why I am not getting up. Every morning there is a momentary opportunity to direct myself into my day. It is very rare that I ever sleep in “by an accident” mostly I always wake up to the alarm and in that moment have the opportunity to direct myself or not. So days when I direct me more, and am not “allowing the mind” but more directive here in my day to day actions of self, I find it easier to wake up the next morning and immediately direct myself. Dream Last night there was a section in my dream where I was standing on a roof top with my easel and painting equipment and I was setting up to make a painting, I was standing up on the very peak, very high up on this roof top and there was not allot of room to be up there, but I was ‘insisting’ that I be up there, and so I was getting myself set up and all of the sudden my entire set up slipped from the roof and crashed down to the ground in a big heap, smashing into the ground quite far below. I stood on the roof-top and looked down at those on the ground and realized that ok they were right when they mentioned that what I was doing was not so safe, where I had ‘insisted’ that it was fine. So it was quite interesting this point within my dream, particularly in relation to the point of Art within my world. I mean the rooftop is exactly the same shape as the “A” in art where I stood on the peak of this rooftop setting up my easel and painting equipment and then suddenly the entire point lost its footing and came crashing down. Art in my world has not stable footing. At least this is how I experience and perceive the point within me, and so the dream in a way is showing me “the standing” of Art in my world. On the roof top I had a high view of everything, and I was on top essentially and had to climb up the ladder to get there to the top. Standing in the peak, though there being not enough room, so having to be so careful as to not make a mistake and knock off my painting supplies, which eventually happened on its own. Art is precarious It is a risk The place of art in my world has been quite an interesting process for me of late. As I see it going more and more away, where I do art much less, and from a certain perspective find it has not “practical place” within this reality. When I do art, my life becomes precarious, and it is a risk. Particularly as I attempt to utilize art to support me to generate an income and practically support me within this reality, In doing this I find my world becomes more precarious and uncertain , there is no stable footing as art does not support this stable footing within this world at all, which was illustrated in the dream as the “Art” essentially crashed down and destroyed itself, as there was/is simply not enough room for art in my world on the rooftop. Easel Easy Ease All E-Sell Rooftop Roof oo Roo The Rooftop symbolizing “being on top” in the system. And Climbing up the ladder to get to the top where I can have a view of everything, and look out over the world and have a wide view of everything, and there is simply not enough room for me to “take art along” as it “does not belong” or able to also exist on the rooftop, on the top, as there is simply not stable point for it to stand. So of late in my world, my focus has been on money, and business, and looking at the current way the system works, and directing myself within my world to be effective within the system, and no more focussing on art, and as mentioned where art is actually becoming less and less in my world. Where I no longer spend my “free-time” to do art, but am at the moment looking at art from the perspective of generating an income with it, meaning, the art I do will be in relation to a point of making money, and thus, art is becoming less and less, as it simply is not sustaining itself from the perspective of having any relationship with money what so ever. So some interesting points in relation to Art (that which I apparently loved the most) basically becoming ‘non-existent’ in my world, and taking one final crash down.

Process Update – Managing My World. (3 Stories)

Posted on by
I am definitely within an application of “avoidance” at the moment, and allowing my mind to direct me. This morning I slept in until 7am when I planned to get up at 6am, though within me last night I can see that I “was not up for it” and believing 6am was to early as I was quite exhausted last night. And so I ‘intended’ to get up but overslept my alarm. I experienced guilt immediately upon waking as I started doing a 21 days 6 hours sleep process. So when waking I went into a point of guilt and noticed also that I was “less directive” in my day, as I was in a way, allowing me to remain ‘stuck’ in this energy of guilt and slowness. Like a point of “I have failed” When if I practically look at the situation, I mean it was 7am instead of 6am, practically speaking that will have not “great affect” on my day, and it is more practical to let go of the point and start directing myself in that which I require to do today. I saw that I allowed the point of guilt in a way as an accepted experience of self when I “fail at something” or “fall on a point” – Though the energetic experience I was allowing was not related practically to my reality but more on past experiences of guilt as what I noticed is that my day is Still Here in front of me, and so pointless to allow me to exist in this point of guilt, like making a big point of nothing really. Its interesting I see that I within this point have allowed this very initial starting point of the waking up in the morning determine the rest of my day, instead of me being the starting point of me in every moment here, where in any given moment, I can correct self, instead of locking myself into a cycle where I have to wait for the next opportunity. I remember on the farm I was faced a few times with the point of experiencing a point of depression, and that I could allow myself to exist within this point of depression, and regret, or I could Stop, and get up off my ass and apply myself within my world. This is the point that I saw this morning, where I realized that I do not have to exist within this point of guilt or depression which was “triggered by sleeping in” Fuck that, I can Stop, and correct myself and start applying myself in my day. Last night I met with an x-girlfriend of mine who I had been in a relationship with for 8 years and who I broke up with around the time I started with desteni. So was interesting to sit and chat last night as I had not spoken with her for couple years now. I noticed that I within the discussion I experience quite a bit of paint in my upper shoulders, back and neck as we communicated, so see a point of straining myself and clenching myself within during our communication last night where I was accessing points of mind within our interaction and within communicating. So interesting to see this tension and pain come up immediately within starting to communicate with this being. Its like a point of “really wanting to get a message though” within which I tense up my entire back and shoulders. And even a point of not trusting my expression, communication, words to communicate effectively. Like wanting her to agree with me and see and understand my words and affirm what it is I am speaking about. Though overall the conversation/discussion was quite cool. Another point that occurred yesterday was that the point of doing “furniture assembly and delivery” for the furniture shop I am currently working with opened up. This is quite a cool point and can see there is some excitement within me towards this though , I am also experiencing a “straining” within this excitement I experience, like “what if things don’t work out” so it is like two adverse points manifesting a strain within me. So basically yesterday within discussion of possibly expanding my duties at the furniture shop, I inquired if “they have a delivery service” because I had noticed that there are usually a few items in the back waiting to be picked up by customers and most often these items are smallish – and so wondered if “there was a market for this” in where why not I “Offer the service of doing the delivery” as I at the moment have a van and so can fit in some smaller items for delivery. So I discussed the point some with the owner and she said she would pass along my number to clients, and also recommend me to clients who require small furniture delivery. So this is quite exciting because I see here another opportunity of taking this point on as a business, of which I can do furniture delivery and assembly. So I have done some research today on the point and this seems very realistic so am going to take this point on, as I also see that this will not simply “end after winter” like the “Snow Removal Service” but can actually walk this point and develop this point for a longer period of time. So now I am at the stage where, I see this point and am exceeded, yet must breathe as reality only move so fast and thus must take this point on “practically” and “common sensically” and like the “Snow Removal Business” There are points of uncertainty with regards to money, and how/if I will manage the point of getting this going. I also got a call yesterday which I have not yet returned about, would ya know it, doing “furniture assembly” lol – I actually had found a job application online doing this and inquired about the point which funny enough, opened up inside of me the point of inquiring with my current company about offering my services through them. Lol, So this is quite funny as this is similar to what happened with the snow removal service where I initially “began the point” by browsing through jobs, and going for a job interview, and then within looking at the whole point deciding to simply “do the point for myself” instead of “working for others” doing something I can actually do on my own. So I am sure I will update later to indicate/show, what’s working, and what not, and the type of specificity and application required to ensuring that these “businesses or service offers” are practically functional. Though for now will keep it simply and keep it physical.

My Relaxed is NOT Relaxed- Realizing I have a Fear of People

Posted on by
An interesting point came up today. My roommates left on Christmas holidays and so now I have the whole house to myself. Some people were supposed to come and stay here though, they are not here yet and I don’t know if they will show up. Anyways, after some hours of being here in the house alone, by myself, with no people, no roommates, and knowing that they will not be back here for at least a week, so just me with myself alone in the house, I noticed something interesting. I was calm, I was relaxed and I was actually enjoying myself. Was quite fascinating to see this, because what it revealed and showed to me was that in fact “I have a fear of/towards people” I definitely was not expecting this point, where all of the sudden I realized, “omg, I am actually relaxed” compared to ‘stressed’, ‘tense’, ‘irritated’, ‘anxious’ and simply not able to relax and be me. I noticed that when my roommates are around, I experience myself as stressed out, and its interesting because over the last few months, I could see this point of “being stressed” all the time, but I though it was because of money, I did not realize to the extent that my experience of “being stressed” over the last few months was actually “being caused/triggered” through having my roommates around, or simply people in general. I had actually completely accepted my experience from the perspective of when I would relax and watch movies here at home while my roommates were around, that I believed I was relaxing, and had accepted this experience of relaxation, not realizing until now, that in fact I was holding onto a point of anxiety/fear/stress, that I had become so accustomed to it that it became a part of my definition of relaxation. I also noticed today that I was actually enjoying myself, this due to the point that I could move freely in the house without fear that someone would suddenly show up, and then I would have to restrict my expression once again. And this is one of the points I am seeing within my experience at the moment, that I completely limit and restrict and suppress myself around others, even if they are upstairs doing there own thing, and I am down here in my room doing my own thing, I still “tense up” and am not comfortable, and relaxed. So was quite interesting to see this point, as I had not realized how fucking rigid and tense I was over the last few months, which is in relation to this point of “fear of people” So I will have to take this point on, as to remain within this point of suppression around people is essentially a point of killing myself literally, as me, as I simply suppress myself and exist within a very limited parameter so as to not offend or intrude or cause any friction from others. And so I spend all of my energy “being aware” of where others are in the house, and how they might react if I do this or if I do that. I see the point is to allow myself to be as relaxed and comfortable with others as I am with myself, as I see this point now which I have not in quite some time, of me actually “letting go” of the point of “holding myself” within a specific presentation, or attentiveness when other people are around. I also painted today with oil paints which I have not done since getting here to Calgary. I painted because “no one is here to be offended” if I “try this out” I can move where I want in the house, which is this little room that “the guy” who owns the house, built and put in a ventilation system, to make “silk screens” – its just down the hall from my bedroom and no one ever goes in there, though interesting connection that today was the first day I actually went in there and tested out painting. I painted a self portrait, and really enjoyed it. I was satisfied with the “technique” I used as I tried something a little different. Though the proportions of the face could have been more specific. All in all, it went pretty cool, I spent maybe around 2 and half to 3 hours painting it. I did the painting as a “preparation painting” for another piece I had in mind, though wanted to first “get warmed up” so painted a self portrait. I have also been busy creating some designs for a women for t-shirts. I have been using Adobe Illustrator and have quite enjoyed getting to know that program, so have had the opportunity recently to do some more art which has been cool. I don’t see art the same as I used to. And so am still busy “placing the point” meaning, it is a point that “Kind of just sits there” and I try to ignore it but at the back of my mind, I am always like “keeping the door open”...ahhh, thats it! I am “keeping the door open” on painting /art. Though there is a chance that “nothing will come of it” . When I left the farm 7 months ago, I was coming back to Canada to do art, though things changed as I “entered the system” so to speak. There was no point in “trying to do this point” meaning, trying, and actually making my life more difficult because of not “taking care of” the practical side of living in this world, like making money and making sure my rent, and food is sorted out first. In the past I would just ignore everything and painted in my studio, and this was not a good recipe for living in this world. I am enjoying now “trying other stuff” and doing different jobs that I would have “despised” doing before. Though I am looking at the point at the moment of “me actually holding myself back from doing art when I have the opportunity to” So am pushing myself to allow me to still do art in my life and is not something I have to completely cut out. Ideally I would like to “work it in” so I can actually “build on the point” and have it be supportive, both as a point of self discipline and specificity, and also as a point of self expression, though my priority is “the desteni process” which is actually simply a point of common sense of seeing that “this world requires some direction and some sorting out” and that it is each and everyone’s, thus, my own responsibility to do this, and so am busy with working on my application to that we take the most direct route to sorting out this world, which at the moment I see and understand to be establishing and Equal Money System – thus, this is my priority and focus. Art is a personal preference and I do not accept and allow myself to place me before all of humanity and all of existence, thus I stand firstly as What is Best for ALL, I Stand as the ALL and direct What is best for all, in my daily living application, not what is only best for me. So if I do art or not is irrelevant. I will continue with the point as the opportunity to do so is here, though if I require to let the point go, I will.

Stop Blaming the Government – Vote for a New Equal Money System

Posted on by
Stop Blaming the Government - Vote for a New Equal Money System I woke up today at around 8:30 or something like this. I read a few posts and then prepared to go to work, as I was scheduled to work today in the furniture store. Interesting point here, I get paid twice as much per hour working at the furniture store than I do on the horse ranch. LOL – that illustrating the complete fucked upness of this reality, that there can be such a polarity between wages. Basically the furniture deals with money in a different way, and in a way its pretty cool they offer quite a high wage for a basic job there in the store, where on the ranch the wage is initially low. Though I experienced a point today of basically being a slave. Which I am, for money at the moment, where within the current system one must work for money, and to get that money must do what ever the one who is going to give the money sais. This is why we require a new money system, so that no being must be subject/slave to another who has money and can tell them what to do because that particular being is in need of money. That is an absolute fuck-up. That is why I have given up my world, my life and given up this current world and reality because I see no other solution but than to stop this fucked up system and create a new one which actually allow beings to express themselves and live in freedom- Something that is no where existent in this current world of enslavement which we all accept so readily and not even realize the point of enslavement we are all accepting. I am simply not just going to “find my place in this reality and in this system” And attempt to make it work for me and then live out my life, while I make the system work in my favour where in a make money and live a comfortable life, all the while ignoring the fact for one, that I had to completely compromise myself and my self expression to fit into this system of enslavement and have the system work in my favour, and also completely disregarded those that suffer and who are not in a beneficial point within the system so that they can have money and live comfortable as well. My focus is not how can I fit into this system and make my life work. My focus is how can I direct and apply myself to place myself in a position to change this system so that it is actually an enjoyable world to live in FOR ALL. Because anyone who actually say they enjoy this world are fucking lying or have completely deluded themselves into believing and accepting that they in fact enjoy this reality, this world. I mean if people enjoy enslavement – that’s pretty fucked up. Its fascinating how we are able to IGNORE the millions of beings suffering in this world, and that we have conditioned ourselves into believing that “they don’t matter” or that it is “irrelevant”. Imagine if all beings on earth decided to place as their direction and purpose in life to bring support to those in need. I mean the fact that there is such a fucked up existence at the moment is because no one is actually considering or caring about each and every being on earth. We have completely lost touch with who we are, with the point of caring for our neighbour. I stand for and support A New Equal Money System and have given up my life to support the emergence of this system, because from my perspective it is a solution that Will actually Support all beings on Earth. And also the life I gave up was not actually living anyways so realistically I gave up enslavement to live. And thus I place my attention on bringing forth an Equal Money System and a World Equality System where the Equality of Each and Every being on Earth is Reflected in the way the World System Support beings here on earth. And thus with an Equal Money System all beings on earth will be supported as Equals. Not like today’s system where some have millions and others actually just die after a few years because they have nothing. And I mean this is the system that many support – Is this really acceptable? An Equal Money System is a New System. It is an Alternative to this current system. I mean if you look at the extreme outflows of this current system – mass wars, millions dying, millions starving and in poverty, even now the “good countries” struggling to manage massive debt levels and unemployment. Thus a few tweaks here and there are not going to do it. – If we want to actually correct this world we require Mass Change Its so funny I have noticed that people want thier government to change everything to fix everything. People are completely fucked up because all they do is blame their government. What a Fucking Joke – they go to the little booth, put a check mark on a card, and then there, they have done their part! Now they apparently have the right to complain? Fuck, all that’s showing is that people are unwilling to take responsibility for themselves and for what is here on this earth. They just expect the government to do it. And the fact that they complain about it shows that they really don’t understand at all how the system works The problem is – The system is so fucked up that there is no way out – Every way you turn there is a massive snag. But the people are not willing to see this – they simply blame the government for not finding them a job, for not giving them their pensions – but if in fact they would actually look for themselves and see that this World System is such a fuck up that there is actually no real solution within this current system. That they themselves have no actual clue on what to do or how the system actually work. Because if they did, they would have stopped supporting this system and the political system along time ago, but people do not actually know how it works. Yet still complain to their government that its the government that is the problem. So what is their grand solution – Another Election! We want another president – one who will give us jobs and money and oh my fuck people!   Ok so I have a solution Desteni Has a Solution. It is called The Equal Money System...Let me guess...”It won’t work” how do I know you will say this – Because this is the only thing you can say. Its as if you have not developed the ability to actually investigate something for yourself. So hardened into the current way things work that you are unable to actually consider something else...it simply won’t work shows the degree of how one is programmed to accept only the current system and is not able to actually consider something else. So I suggest investigate the Equal Money System that Desteni is Proposing. The Principle of an Equal Money System is “What is Best for ALL” The Point of taking all beings on this planet into consideration within the creation of a system that will support each and everyone of them equally, so that all beings are supported on this earth with the basic living requirements in place facilitated through an equality system that we create and develop on this earth. I mean aren’t we supposed to be evolving? Then would this not be an actual point of progressive evolution for humanity, it we were able to create a world system that supports each and every being on earth to a point of a dignified life.  From my perspective that indicate to me an actual point of evolution because at the moment our current world system only support a few, while millions are dying and do not have support from the world system. There is a proposed system already in the works for this – It is called and Equal Money System as Presented by Desteni and you can research it on www.equalmoney.org or visit the desteni website at www.desteni.co.za to find out more. I am one Vote For World Equality and A New Equal Money System. I mean of one start to investigate what an equal money system actually do it is fucking amazing. It is a system that provide for all beings on earth the basic necessities of life as a birth right, meaning they will receive an allowance so to speak – All beings on earth, from when they are born until they die – Obviously practical points are considered as well like for instance a child of 2 years only will not be able to handle his own money for example. Along with this distribution of money to beings it will also be ensured that each being has equal shelter. Now I am not talking about some hut with not floor, I am talking about the basic physical requirements so that all can live a dignified life. So all one has to do is look for oneself. What are the basics to live on this planet and have basic physical support. Food, Shelter, Water, Heat, and so forth. I mean instead of having to fight to get yourself an education – Education will be provided for all, Why, because that is how one support itself as life. This is not about “trying to make it” in this world. The reason why this point currently exist where beings have to “try to make it” is because there is only so much ‘room’ in the system. Does it not make sense rather to create a system which actually support beings instead of suppress them? I mean the system is a reflection of ourselves, is a reflection of what we accept and allow ourselves to be, and the fact that our current world system is not considering all beings as equal in this world is actually saying that in fact it is us who is not considering all beings as being equal in this world. Thus to a suggestion. Do what is best for all. Replace the Starting point of Yourself. It is a point of self re-creation where one actually re-create and re-design oneself so that they do in fact consider all beings equally within this world. Thus Stand as What is Best for ALL. Become What is Best for ALL. Do What is Best for ALL. Be What is Best for ALL. In every moment of your life – Act in the best interest of ALL. Yes this will require everything about oneself and about ones life to change. Actual evolution yes. Or we can do nothing. Which we are really good at by now So you either Support a New Equal Money System and What is Best for ALL Or you support the Current System and Millions Dying each day of starvation. You Decide www.equalmoney.org www.desteni.co.za I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that equality is not possible. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a system that support all beings on earth is not possible. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I did not ever think of a system like this, that it cannot be right. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to consider anything other than what is here and within this believe that nothing else is possible. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not capable of actually creating something that works and is effective and actually supports beings and life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not smart enough to create and system that is best for all and that actually support all beings on earth. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I “don’t have it in me to be able to do this” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of standing as a system that is best for all I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be some great smart person to be able to actually see how this system works and actually direct this system into existence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself who I am as life and equal to every part of life as having equal value to all points as life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in separation of life instead of stand as all life as what is best for all as myself as who I am in every moment.