Tag Archives: oneness and equality

Exposing Unnecessary Fears in my Day to Day Living.

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Tonight after work later in the evening I noticed a part of the text that my boss sent me earlier in the day before I had left from work that I did not give direction to. Fear immediately came up within me and my entire experience of myself shifted in that moment from being fine to suddenly being uncomfortable and possessed by the fear related to this point. There was a few different aspects to the fear. I forgot to properly cover up some bags of cement before rain had started to fall and to confirm that that was cool before I left for the day. The rain had already been falling for about 6.5 hours before I noticed that I missed this point so the damage could have already been done. A question that came up within me is, “Is it necessary to participate in this fear that I immediately went into / became possessed by” in that moment of realizing this missed point? The point that I see is no. There should never be any reason why one should accept and allow oneself to exist within fear. No matter what reason I looked at in terms of why I was actually going into fear; they simply were not valid for me to put myself through that experience instead of  letting the experience of fear go. The physical reality facts is still the way it is. It is more a matter of letting go of the fear attached to that scenario. This does not mean that I don't have to be practically responsible for my reality, it just mean that if I make a mistake I support myself to stop all self judgement related to the point and rather just focus on what is required to be directed practically. To fear about it does not fix it or actually make it worse or better. So then what is the purpose of the fear, and is it necessary? This event also showed me how simple it is for one to overlook or skip-over something that is required to be practically done and how that one tiny point could have quite a big consequence. Today’s point would have literally taken me 2 minutes to direct and in not doing this could have let allot of valuable resources and material get ruined. I did not ignore the point, I simply forgot. So this event showed me that I am able to be more specific and thorough within my moment to moment application. Also within this I see that even within the context of this event there is no valid justification for me to “go into fear” or Self Judgement, no matter what the stakes. Fear does not support me at all. The experience of existing in fear is not a cool experience at all and thus there is no reason why I should accept and allow myself to do this to myself. So yes, this event today brought up this point in relation to fear where I have been looking recently at my own experience of myself and that often my experience of me is not that pleasant and yet, it is me doing it to myself, and so investigating why I would accept and allow me to put myself through experiences within and as self that is really not cool, because that is backwards. Refusing to let go of an experience that is causing allot of discomfort. So I have been investigating this and working on actually letting go of these experiences of fear that is really not necessary to be in. So there is just a few aspects that came up today.

Ultimate Excuse Exposed!!! – “Im too tired to Get Up”…Or Am I.

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Using the excuse that "I am too tired" so that I can sleep a little longer in the mornings is clearly a justification, and oh god I really sell this one too, like stretching and moaning and moving lethargic - "Oh just a few minutes longer" Oh Please. This is not valid because any morning I have to get up to go to work, I just get up, instantly, as soon as the alarm goes off - this proves that I in fact can "get over" tiredness by willing myself up, in one breath as I do it every morning when I work - thus, "I am too tired" is not actually real. I just make it. No matter how tired I am in the mornings when I work, or have something "time sensitive" that requires direction, I get up. proving I am in fact able to get up even though it may "seem like" I am really tired.

Average Canadian family’s debt hits $100,000 – Equal Money System to End ALL Debt

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Average Canadian family's debt hits $100,000 Feb 17th 2011 Andrew Gable An article in the paper today is indicating that now the average Canadian family debt is now at $100,000.00 where the
    “debt-to-income ratio is 150 per cent, meaning that for every $1,000 in after-tax income they make, Canadian families owe $1,500.00”
My Question is that is this supposed to be allot of money or something? What is interesting is that this is now making news when what should have made news in the first place is the phenomenon of Debt in itself. Obviously a number like 100,000.00 dollars shows the absurdity of the situation we are in, also this along side statistic after statistic showing this number perpetually rising year after year.
    “In 1990, the average household debt was $56,800, the institute said, which means family debt has grown 78 per cent over the past two decades”
Whether the number is 100 thousand or 50 thousand or 10 thousand or 100 dollars there is no “amount of debt” of that is acceptable, and that is one of the primary points that is being missed. To have a system which utilize debt is in itself Deceptive and is a Crime Against Humanity. Not to mention a System based on Enslaving others. Yet we have accepted Debt as a normal way of life and something that is supposed to be Here. It has become so ingrained within us that debt is just a normal part of the money system…and in fact, to such a degree where we now 'spend' all of our attention on ways and solutions to minimize debt and miss the point completely of changing the actual system in itself which consist of rules and relationships which allow for the debt to exist. We not only have blindly accepted debt as part of our world, but we have even more blindly accepted the Money system as a whole as a part of our world from the perspective of it being unchangeable, so entrenched within our world that "it is just so" where we simply have accepted the point of "making the best of it" (minimizing debt) instead of actually questioning the system as a whole (changing the very rules of how money works?) Well Here is an interesting proposal…An Equal Money System. Imagine, finishing high school, picking the college/University you would like to go to, selecting your area of interest, spending the next 4 to 6 years or how ever long it takes to acquire that education, and having it all done for FREE, and available to each one on earth, There is not need actually to charge money for it - we only believe this as this is how it works in a capitalistic system. Now it is just basic common sense that this will support the emergence of a more ‘educated population’ as now all have access to education, no matter what culture no matter where you are born, as this is simply part of the equation within “An Equal Money System. Or you can decide you like it the way it is where you owe in debt from anywhere between 10,000.00 to as much as 100,000.00 dollars by the time you are finished your education, not to mention a world that is fixated on getting every last dollar out of your pocket if you are not looking, as everyone is stuck in the same situation of debt and now pushing the limits of what they will do, just to point the flow of money into their direction. So Suggest to investigate an equal money system and join us at www.equalmoney.org as we propose a solution which will End ALL Debt once and for ever more, no more accepting and allowing the deception of Debt to creep its way back into this world, but rather placing a New World System and Economic System through democratic political actions where we base our world management on Equality and What is Best For ALL, rather than what it is currently based on which is Greed, and Self Interest. So Suggest to Support yourself and support this world by Studying what is presented Here at www.equalmoney.org so that when the time comes to Cast your Vote – You Stand One Vote for that which actually supports life and the expression of this earth and all on it, and Stand One Vote For An Equal Money System, and a world that is best for all. www.equalmoney.org News Article: http://www.canada.com/business/Average+Canadian+family+debt+hits/4300609/story.html#ixzz1EGzAxx7P

Remaining Silent Caused Harm to Horse – Daily Writing – Nov 5 2010

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Ok, writing out my day Here. An interesting experience happened at work today. This morning as we turned the horses out to their stables I was walking this one horse through this section where there was a cord which the horse and I required to walk over on the way to the stable.   I noticed the cord the day before and saw that it was definitely a hazard which would cause problems if a horse where to get tangled in it.   It simply was a basic point which was not being directed which create an unsafe environment for the animals.   I mean they are quite relaxed on the farm with regards to the care of the horse which is cool in one respect though this also turn into a form a abuse where points within the environment are being neglected. So a point for myself here to see the difference between “being relaxed” and “neglecting ones surroundings” and simply to not accept and allow a merging of the two points where “being relaxed” actually become overlooked for what it is really standing as. Meaning when this turns into a form of neglect must be stopped and not accepted or allowed. Clarity and Specificity are required Here. And are required within this world to actually push ourselves to move towards a more effective human.   Anyways I saw this “cord point” but did not fix it as we were busy with other things, as well as the fact that “ I am new” and have no right to say what I think should be done (self defined belief). Now what I mean by this, is I noticed this point coming up within myself quite a bit where because I am simply learning how everything thing works their, that I can simply not assume that things should be this way or that if I do not have the entire picture. But have noticed many points coming up within regards to points within the environment which are simply not being considered from the perspective of actually creating a safe environment for the animals. Yes the animals are smart and are capable of looking out from themselves, however one of these points which I in a way “allowed within the environment under the idea that I am “still new and is better to not suggest or say anything”  actually today caused quite a disturbance.   As I walked the horse through the area where the cord was, only seconds before I attempted to adjust the cord temporarily so that it would not get hooked up with the horse...as I walked the horse over the cord, sure enough his foot caught the edge of the cord and spooked the horse a bit, then the cord got even more hooked up in the legs of the horse and he totally freaked, and reared up, and then proceeded to drag me around 6 or 8 feet as I simply slid across the gravel on my shoes attempted to stabilize the horse, after a few moments of frantic flailing about the horse settled down, breathing heavily through his nose afterwards he walked with me to his stable and I let him in. This could have been avoided and basically by allowing this cord point I also tacitly allowed and supported this experience that the horse when through, not actually considering the implications that this have on the horse, other possible outflows/consequences of such neglect   So this was an interesting point because here was a practical point which I saw in the environment which is “not cool” for the horses, yet I let it slide, I did not take responsibility for the point but rather, allowed the responsibility to be abdicated to “those in charge” like a kind of “this is their stable, who am I to tell them how to go about it” And the result was a completely unnecessary experience which could have actually injured myself or the horse.   This event illustrating still How I am simply allowing the current system in place to be the dominant system and am not yet standing up as an authority and taking responsibility for what is here.   So here I see that I am still holding back in actually expressing points and taking responsibility for points which I see, and simply standing by the fact that it is not acceptable anymore within this reality to allow such points.   Abuse has become so accepted in our world that we do not even realize anymore that we are abusing. And so I see this point as well, where its not a matter of who is right or wrong, and I to judge is unacceptable from the perspective of seeing many points that must be directed – I mean a few years ago I would not have even noticed and actually this kind of consideration had to be pointed out to me also, so understand how these points can simply not be seen as “important” by beings in this world.   So a re-education process is required.   So the environment is quite cool actually to be able to express myself within practically directing myself to create a safe, stable environment for the Animals. But just wanted to write about that one point which occurred today.   So I have had many of these experiences so far of really at this point, allowing myself to be shown how they do things, even if it is not necessarily how I would do it from the perspective of ensuring the point is directed absolute, but I will compromise myself within these moments and “let it slide” because that’s what they do, and I mean who am I to change things.   This is exactly the point I was writing about a few posts ago about accepting and status quo and just going with what is the established way of doing things, and in a way being to afraid to actually challenge the status quo out of fear of causing friction.   I mean overall the place is pretty cool, it is simply just in some moments there are points not being considered which I can see, so its cool, I simply have the opportunity to bring these points into awareness just the same as they were done for me.   But obviously not to wait on this because today’s experience with the horse showed me that these points that I am seeing are in fact valid.   So from this perspective “give to another what I would want to receive” And explore the point of equality and how I can bring this point to the table so to speak in way which is not being considered.   It will be a long process because fuck, these horses are in small little pens with no grass, some are in nice big field but also some small pens   I wouldn’t want to live in those pens.   Pretty Cool though to see how an equal money system will actually free the animals so to speak, where the conditions where animals lived will no longer be based on making money so will not have to be subjected to these bull shit conditions of enslavement imposed upon them from an ignorant inconsiderate humanity, that see animals as for there own personal gains, not as equals to be treated as such and be free in the exact same way as humans.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to this system of abuse that is currently here have president and authority simply because it is here.   I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to actually stand up for life and what is best for all and actually start to walk this process within my immediate environment.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support this current system of abuse and self interest instead of what is best for all.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up and saying something out of fear of friction.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will be met with resistance and not then know what to say.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back in speaking out of fear of being yelled at or argued with where in my point will not be herd and I will end up feeling embarrassed.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to be my god, my authority, and that which I use to direct the choices and decisions I make and words I speak and do not speak.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply merge into what is here as this current system instead of actually standing up and not more accepting and allowing myself to “go along with it” because I do not want to “disrupt or upset” someones world.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider other peoples worlds from the perspective of not wanting to cause ripples in other peoples perfect worlds, even if those worlds are not what is best for all. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support self interest instead of what is best for all.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply go along with this world, out of fear of setting off other peoples egos.

Self Forgiveness on ‘COMPARISON’ and ‘MONEY’

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind within thoughts, ideas, worries, concerns, emotions and feelings related to planting trees from the perspective of “being a good planter” and “making lots of money” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the constructs and networks of thoughts, ideas, concepts, emotions, feelings, beliefs, and emotions and feelings within my mind related to treeplanting from the perspective of “being a good planter” and “making allot of money” instead of simply breathing here in the moment and applying myself in the moment and allowing myself to let go of “that which goes on in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the mind and specific “trains of thoughts” that emerge or come up in my mind, simply because they “do” come up and thus automatically allow myself to participate within them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a good planter I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the energetic experiences that come up within my about “being a good planter” in comparison to others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself occupy myself within comparison where in I give my attention to comparing myself to others and seeing myself in relation to others within my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “want to win” I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “want to win” from the perspective of “not being satisfied with myself” unless I win, and am better than others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want and desire to outperform others from the perspective of attempting to satisfy myself within and as myself I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be satisfied with myself from the perspective of not requiring me to compare myself to others to gauge my satisfaction, but rather simply me being satisfied with me without needing or requiring to compare myself to others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that through comparison and creating defining myself according to others within comparison that I will finally be able to be satisfied with myself and there in within this be able to just stop and relax because “I will have arrived” and finally I can rest. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to simply just “do my own thing” from the perspective of not requiring to perform at a specific level so that others see me within this and as this, so that I can “be comfortable with myself” through having effectively created a picture/idea/personality of myself which is supported by me, and others as a “form” which we all agree on. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my attention and energy on “building up” an idea of self, instead of existing here as breath, one breath at a time, and no longer accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as my mind where in I create ideas within my mind of who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how other people see me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am what others say, believe and see me as. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself according to presenting myself in such a way that others agree with, and furthermore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to others, and what others say/believe/see me as in anyway whatsoever. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘care’ what others think of me from the perspective of shaping/creating/defining/presenting myself in a way which will “make me feel better” based on how others define/see me through what I present to them as who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are better than me, and within this, constantly attempt to ‘create’ myself within comparison to others who I see/believe are better than me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not plant the most trees for my company than I am less than those that do. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not planting more trees than everybody else than I am compromising myself from the perspective of what I am capable of and my abilities, and within this am existing in limitation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the amount of trees I plant in relation to others is a direct reflection of my abilities in this world and the ‘success’ I will have in the system from the perspective of being successful at painting and other business ventures. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others that plant more trees than me are smarter than me, more skilled than me and more disciplined than me, wherein I then experience myself as ‘down’ and “not as good” as them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘connect’ treeplanting to my future ventures within the world and believe that If I am not the best planter or one of the best planters on the crew that I will ultimately be limited in my other ventures to my performance treeplanting. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my performance or ‘standard’ that I set here planting will determine my future success in this world, where in I am limiting myself where in I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and agree within myself that I am and will be “locked-in” to what I ‘achieve’ here planting, and thus I must be “one of the best” because this will determine who I will be in the future. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that “the amount of money” I make here while planting will “set a standard” of my capabilities which I will locked into and that I will not be able to “break-out of” and so within this I want to do a good job. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to simply walk step by step, breath by breath, and allow myself expand myself within this world constantly from the perspective of not accepting and allowing myself to define myself by my past. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and participate within my mind in relation to money. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear, from the perspective of money and what will happen in the future, related what I have set out to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify participating with fears/anxieties/thoughts/emotions and feelings relating to money and the future. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to fear failing and “getting stuck” without a job, which in turn will cause my plan not to work. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that my plan will not work out I forgive myself that I have automatically accepted and allowed myself to expect my plan to not work out which thus cause me to go into fear and anxiety about the future, where in I simply just believe that my plan will not work out. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is ‘difficult’ to set a plan in this world and have it work out. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine the success or failure of “my plans” based on the what I have done/experienced in the past instead of allowing myself to walk ‘anew’ each day one breath at a time, and no longer accept and allow myself to define myself according to “who I was in the past” but actually in self walking here in breath, will and rebirth myself into this reality as effective within this world and the system in terms of support and functionality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is difficult to make money within this world. Where in I am arriving at this conclusion without even first walking the necessary steps to make sufficient money. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see people that are effective at making money to possess something that I do not, instead of me standing equal to them, and giving myself the gift of realizing my equality with them. Within this Self Forgiveness I see the point of defining my future success in the world in relation to my performance within treeplanting. In connecting these two points I then went into comparison towards and with the other planters within a kind of “franticness” where I believe that “if I am not the best” here and now, that I will fail in this world, and not make it. So what I see is that I have a belief /fear inside me of failing in this world, and ending up with no money, or stuck somewhere with no money and in this no freedom, but trapped in way. And that this fear/belief was actually coming though or causing me to go into comparison in the specific way that I was/am within my job treeplanting towards others. When I look closer at this point I see that also when I was in art school I was already participating within this construct of wanting to “be the best” which at that time I has also linked to money and freedom. And that if I was going to make it as an artist, that I had to be one of the best, as this was the only way that I would have enough money to “buy my freedom” in my life. Something that I was already at that time determined to do, to have enough money to “be free” in this world, and not have to struggle to get by. I always liked winning races and coming in first place in my younger years, but at that stage, I had not yet linked the point to money, but more to the point of people seeing me a certain way, a point of worthiness or specialness or acceptance. I remember when I was art school, I experienced dominance in relation to art, where I experienced myself as “above” other in this regard, where I in a way “stood over or above them” I liked this experience, as I could then speak with confidence about art and speak to them about there art where they would listen to what I had to say, and consider what I had to say as important, I liked that. But in terms of a ‘fear’ where I triggered a fear within myself where I then feared about money was what comes up at the moment is my student loan. When I signed the papers to get my loan to go to school. It was at that step when I was around 19 or 20 years old that money was now linked to art, and that I ‘had’ to make money with my art to pay back my loan otherwise I would have to stop making art and do something else to make money to pay back my loan. So it was at that stage where the whole point of dominance I experienced and specialness in relation to others around the point of art, mutated merged with the point of money to give entire construct another layer to it. In terms of developing a belief that I was/am unable to make money doing art, or be successful within the context of “making money” interestingly enough I see in relation to before art school when I was involved in ice hockey, where the point of playing professional hockey came into play. To play professional hockey meant making allot of money which I was aware of. Eventually it got to the point where it just seemed like “I wasn’t good enough” and in this saw or defined myself as a failure at this point which encompassed the point of “making allot of money in this world” which at this juncture of my life, I saw myself as having failed at. So in a way, believing that I will be unable to make money with my art can be related to “my past” where I failed at making money as a hockey player. Before the Hockey point I had never really considered much, if anything to make money in this world. So in a way, becoming a hockey player was my first attempt, which “in my eyes” I failed at doing, and in this saw myself as “less than” and ‘weak’.

Life Experience – Looking at my Past – Sept 26/2009

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My experience. I was supposed to do a muscle communication session with Miate today but postponed going to her and setting up a time, and actually doing it. Rather I suppressed the point. I found/find that within this suppression I actually notice I subjugate myself to others, like a lowering myself , and ‘counting myself out’ like, I am not worthy, only I see that I am the one who deliberately does this to myself, where I diminish myself.  So where in my life did I have a similar situation and experience where there was a “task” or “skill” that everyone was learning, and within this, I was not good enough to do it so was left out in the end. Grade 6 - Problem Solving When I was in grade 6, there was “brainstorming group” There was 4 of us that were chosen to represent our school in an eventual branstorming challenge event thingy. When they approached me to ask if I would like to be a part of the team, I was very surprised. And at the same time, honored, I was like – “wow, they picked me out of everyone here, that’s so cool, I must be smarter than I thought” – Because I had never seen myself as smart or brainy. I saw the opportunity as, they picked me, even though I wasn’t a smart kid, but in a way I had potential, so I saw them as trying me out to see if I could do it. The other three kids in the group were considered smart kids. So we began to have meetings, basically we would work with problem solving. We would do exercises where we would do word association stuff, like one person would say a word and then the person next to that person would say another word in relation to one just said, and we would go around in a circle, speaking what ever came up. I found I would always hesitate when it came to my turn, and felt much of the times like the other kids would have to explain to me what it was we were doing. It was somewhat humiliating, because for some reason I just did not fit, and so I did not really like going to do the exercises, because I just felt out of place. Then one day the teacher had an announcement – the contest was a few weeks away and they were only allowed to take three of the kids, so one would have to be a spare. Immediately I knew that would be me. In that moment I saw the other kids as more capable than myself. I really wanted to be able to do it, but in the end, I even voted myself out. Because we took a vote and when my name came up, I even put up my own hand. I saw that the other kids worked better together, they just fit, because they were kind of similar, I was the odd ball, out. So I voted myself out, partly because I suspected that I would be voted out anyways, so in a way I was attempting to save myself some dignity by ‘choosing’ to vote myself out, even though the writing was already on the wall. So within that experience, I experienced myself within a form of humiliation, the kind where, I am completely exposed and it is obvious to everyone that I am ‘incapable’ so to speak. That’s why its humiliating, because its out in the open for all to see. I felt that I never really expressed myself in the group. That I was afraid to, and that I was tentative. Like I closed up, and was nervous to express myself. I found much of the time this has been me within groups, afraid to make myself know, and express myself openly. I find a similar experience happening with muscle communication. I feel incapable of being able to do it, and find that I experience a form of humiliation the entire time. And like the brainstorming group, I feel like I am holding the others back, so in this moment, would vote myself out, because I see the others as more capable. Its like, there was an opportunity to do it, and I have been unable to express myself within muscle communication, but find more so that I am not willing to open up, and place myself self out there for all to see. But rather contract, and hold myself back within muscle communication. So more and more, as muscle communication continues I feel “out of the group” and on the side lines, and dejected. And now I must make peace with this dejection. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less than others, that others are more holy than me, and better than me, instead of realizing that in fact, we are all exactly the same. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the words other people think, and believe that because they are able to speak words of oneness and equality, that they are “better” than me, instead of realizing the truth that we are all exactly the same. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be feel dejected from the world I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I don’t fit into the world, and within this feel dejected. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are better and more special than me, and that they are living there lives in some powerful marvelous way, where in I am not. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less than others, when at the end of the day, all here on this planet are actually living life in exactly the same way as me, meaning we are all existing within limitation and dejection, no matter what anyone sais.

Self Forgiveness – Sept 22

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone writing, drawing, and basically my process, from the perspective that I have allowed myself to ‘not’ do those things, but instead, give in to ‘energy’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into energy as tiredness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don’t have enough time. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “in the moment when opportunity comes to either ‘push through’ or give in to tiredness/energy”, give up, through accepting and allowing myself to participate with the excuse of, I am to tired. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want process to be easier from the perspective that writing and art come with ease rather than having to push myself to do them. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up and give in to energy, now that I am on the farm because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “things are more difficult now” and thus give in to energy when It comes up. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to do process from me I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to exist as self will I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to push myself because I do not see others pushing themselves. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself exist within and as pressure until finally I cannot take it and I end up getting a headache because I am attempting to do everything in my mind as a projection. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to push myself to write I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I push myself, things will become more difficult. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off posting in the internet on my blog and facebook, and within this disregard all the starving children in the world I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the actual state of existence, and within doing this attempt to live out my life, and create for myself a decent life, rather than actually standing in every moment for those who are less fortunate, from the perspective of sorting myself out and sorting this world out. I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to create resistance within me, as me, and then believe that there is nothing I can do about it, even though I created it in the first place. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is all I can be, and that all the shit I have accepted and allowed as myself , must remain and there is nothing I can do about it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself into a point where I no longer believe that I am the creator of myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want insight to come to me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and wait for insight and common sense. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on others for insight and common sense. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that insight and common sense are more difficult for me because I am older. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain a construct, a system, as Andrew Gable, instead of actually doing anything about it to change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must sleep a certain number of hours each night, and if I go out of that routine of sleeping that many hours, that I must now, ‘catch up’ by sleeping more hours. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself, believing that by rushing myself that I will get things done. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a constant application because I believe that it will be difficult. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quite before I even begin. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just go along with things, because its easier that way. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto friendships, rather than apply myself in what requires to be done, meaning that I may not have time to chit chat and bull shit with people here on the farm. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself conditionally, meaning, Not in every moment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rest from directing myself in every moment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within limitation believing that there is only so much one can do in a day, and within this, I allow myself to postpone applying myself in writing and art, where in participate with the thought inside myself of ‘there is only so much one can in a day” I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to push myself because I am tired, and would rather sleep. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself from the perspective of building up pressure inside me and causing myself pain. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider that the pressure build up which I believe causes my headaches could actually be because I do not apply myself and push myself to apply myself, and therefore, I then instead of applying myself as here as breath in real physical action, think about what I might do, or go into guilt for not doing something, or because I did not do that thing, I then think about  the thing I did not do, and this is what is causing the pressure inside me, Not applying myself physically, and pushing myself, which means applying myself physically here as breath.