Tag Archives: equal money system

ALL are Walking DEAD – Not One is Alive.

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So today I am re-organizing a few things. Yesterday I gave notice to “my job” at the Horse Ranch that I would no longer be working there. So today basically starting again with looking for work in this world, in this system, and looking at various ways of generating an income for myself in this world. So also looking at how to utilize my skills within Visual Art to do this, thus also starting with some promotion and research into graphic design, illustration and things like this. Partly because after my last experience working “for others” the question came up of “how long I am going to do this for”, meaning, work “for other people”. I mean the principle in itself is fine, working with others so to speak, though into today’s world and economic system money and self interest is now bread so Deep within the human being, that to “work for another” is in most cases “to become a slave” to those with money who will pay you. There is actually no regard, consideration, or insight into what is actually here on this earth as a System which support the creation of a malicious, deceptive, self interested human being. Money is Power and those with Money use it as such, and simply justify their existence with money and their ability to control others by paying them. I mean who cares what you really do Actions are irrelevant – Actions have become irrelevant Not body gives a fuck about what they are doing What they are concerned with is “How much money do they get” Our Actions within this world are Not in Alignment with Living in and Equilibrium with Earth. We are so fucking blinded by money that one is unable to see that their current day to day actions are actually harming the earth, harming themselves, and others, This all gets “sideswiped” when “the cheque comes in” which allow someone to justify what they do. And in a way “see nothing wrong with it”. Humanity is BLIND. Which allows an individual to justify abusing the earth, themselves, and others. As long as they get paid, or turn a profit. I am also busy today filing out forms for “repayment assistance” on my student loan which I ‘signed’ when I was 19 years old. 10 years later and I have not paid a single dollar back on the loan, even though I have made hundreds of dollars a year in payments on the interest so that I “don’t fall behind” I mean this process alone that I am currently busy with in filing out these forms reveal “the state of this world” the “state of the system” that we as humanity have all collectively participated in. And that we have all allowed, and supported, and created. Thus each one is responsible for how we are currently existing. So I am busy spending time filing out papers so that “I qualify” for re-payment assistance. Processes and Systems that one must ‘spend’ time and attention on, not so they can “live a dignified life”, but so that can “just survive”. Though this is the system we have created, this is the system that I have allowed to exist by doing nothing. By seeing myself as to small, to insignificant, to do anything, not knowing exactly what I should do. And so have allowed this current system to prevail by allowing these excuses and beliefs inside me. And of course, believing that someone else will do it. The younger generation will do it. Those that are qualified will do it. But the fact of the matter is that it is the responsibility of everyone here on this earth to do it. And not simply “leave it someone else” “leave it to some group” while you simply go about living out your life in ignorant bliss. All must stand up and take responsibility for what is here and what we have allowed, and re-educate ourselves so that we can actually each and everyone of us here, support the emergence of a new world. To do nothing, is to simply allow this world to continue existing as it is. I have realized for myself that all must be given an equal opportunity and that it is not about the evolution of self alone amongst the many, attempting to “be all you can be” No. It is about the evolution of ALL, together, where each individual on this earth, Stand as that ALL, and Always, in every moment, act in the best interest of all as the starting point of themselves. To observe what we are doing at desteni from the sidelines and do nothing is deception. Because the truth is – Those who “stand-by” do not actually have a solution for this world. Yet the point is simple in terms of what we are saying. Stop placing yourself before the All. All one has to do is see how they live their lives and see if they are busy working on a solution that considers each and every single human being, plant, and animal on this earth. Or are you just busy with “your own life” Suggest to investigate the Solution Desteni is Presenting – Let go of judgements, and ideas about the point and actually investigate it. Desteni Suggest a World System Based on Equality and What is Best for ALL. And a part of this system will be the Re-Structuring of the Money System. And the elimination of Capitalism and Profit as a System that Governs Humanity and All on the Planet. Where abuse is allowed – where we all have allowed ourselves to “look the other way” at say for example the homeless man on the street or the starving dog in your neighbour hood. I mean do you not find it odd that one is actually not able to “comprehend” the deaths of millions broadcast on the News as casualties of war, where in one moment one can be watching a report on 40 by-standards killed in a suicide bombing then 15 minutes later be watching their favourite entertainment program and have forgotten all about the atrocities actually happening around them in every moment. Desensitized is not even the word to describe it. Obviously this showing that we as human beings are actually really DEAD in this world, the Walking Dead. So suggest to Research the Equal Money System Proposed by Desteni. Because each and everyone of us are responsible for what is Here. And are responsible for ourselves in educating ourselves on the true state of this world – Obviously it is easy to ignore. Interestingly because this world is a chaotic mess, yet we manage to remain oblivious to it. Mind Control. I mean how else can we simply live day to day and think everything is ‘OK’. So Visit www.equalmoney.org and re-educate yourself – pull yourself out of your grave. This life we live is not living – It is Dying, that is plain to see – And fucked-up how people will protect it, like its worth protecting. That is simply ego. So investigate an Equal Money System, a system based on Equality. This will not happen automatically, we must actually, as a Race, Create it. And it will take effort It will require one to re-consider their entire life. Obviously to ignore this is showing that one would rather just live out the rest of their lives placing their lives as that which is important over The Rest of Humanity. If that is not Ego, I don’t know what is. Most are not aware that they exist primarily as the Ego. And think “its normal” to “live your life” and enjoy yourself – Well yes, you are exactly right, it is ‘normal’ for who we have become – for the Walking Dead that we are and have believed ourselves to be. An Equal Money System is “not normal” by today’s standard, as it actually go “against” what we have currently accepted as life, An Equal Money is Based on Life, on Living, on Support of the Earth, on Self Expression, Expansion, Perfection, On a New Way of Living – A way of living that most do not even realize exists or is possible. Thus investigate for yourself and prove to yourself that you are at least willing to consider something “outside” of your bubble of perception which you believe is so magnificent. Its really not magnificent, its actually just suppression, denial, hatred, jealousy, fear, resentment – lol What a Fuck Up. Join us at Desteni in Bringing Forth a Solution for the Fuck-up of a world people are actually unable to see. Thus if you think this world is fine – Than I strongly suggest you research what we are saying at desteni I am One Vote For World Equality and an Equal Money System. www.equalmoney.org www.desteni.co.za

Remaining Silent Caused Harm to Horse – Daily Writing – Nov 5 2010

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Ok, writing out my day Here. An interesting experience happened at work today. This morning as we turned the horses out to their stables I was walking this one horse through this section where there was a cord which the horse and I required to walk over on the way to the stable.   I noticed the cord the day before and saw that it was definitely a hazard which would cause problems if a horse where to get tangled in it.   It simply was a basic point which was not being directed which create an unsafe environment for the animals.   I mean they are quite relaxed on the farm with regards to the care of the horse which is cool in one respect though this also turn into a form a abuse where points within the environment are being neglected. So a point for myself here to see the difference between “being relaxed” and “neglecting ones surroundings” and simply to not accept and allow a merging of the two points where “being relaxed” actually become overlooked for what it is really standing as. Meaning when this turns into a form of neglect must be stopped and not accepted or allowed. Clarity and Specificity are required Here. And are required within this world to actually push ourselves to move towards a more effective human.   Anyways I saw this “cord point” but did not fix it as we were busy with other things, as well as the fact that “ I am new” and have no right to say what I think should be done (self defined belief). Now what I mean by this, is I noticed this point coming up within myself quite a bit where because I am simply learning how everything thing works their, that I can simply not assume that things should be this way or that if I do not have the entire picture. But have noticed many points coming up within regards to points within the environment which are simply not being considered from the perspective of actually creating a safe environment for the animals. Yes the animals are smart and are capable of looking out from themselves, however one of these points which I in a way “allowed within the environment under the idea that I am “still new and is better to not suggest or say anything”  actually today caused quite a disturbance.   As I walked the horse through the area where the cord was, only seconds before I attempted to adjust the cord temporarily so that it would not get hooked up with the horse...as I walked the horse over the cord, sure enough his foot caught the edge of the cord and spooked the horse a bit, then the cord got even more hooked up in the legs of the horse and he totally freaked, and reared up, and then proceeded to drag me around 6 or 8 feet as I simply slid across the gravel on my shoes attempted to stabilize the horse, after a few moments of frantic flailing about the horse settled down, breathing heavily through his nose afterwards he walked with me to his stable and I let him in. This could have been avoided and basically by allowing this cord point I also tacitly allowed and supported this experience that the horse when through, not actually considering the implications that this have on the horse, other possible outflows/consequences of such neglect   So this was an interesting point because here was a practical point which I saw in the environment which is “not cool” for the horses, yet I let it slide, I did not take responsibility for the point but rather, allowed the responsibility to be abdicated to “those in charge” like a kind of “this is their stable, who am I to tell them how to go about it” And the result was a completely unnecessary experience which could have actually injured myself or the horse.   This event illustrating still How I am simply allowing the current system in place to be the dominant system and am not yet standing up as an authority and taking responsibility for what is here.   So here I see that I am still holding back in actually expressing points and taking responsibility for points which I see, and simply standing by the fact that it is not acceptable anymore within this reality to allow such points.   Abuse has become so accepted in our world that we do not even realize anymore that we are abusing. And so I see this point as well, where its not a matter of who is right or wrong, and I to judge is unacceptable from the perspective of seeing many points that must be directed – I mean a few years ago I would not have even noticed and actually this kind of consideration had to be pointed out to me also, so understand how these points can simply not be seen as “important” by beings in this world.   So a re-education process is required.   So the environment is quite cool actually to be able to express myself within practically directing myself to create a safe, stable environment for the Animals. But just wanted to write about that one point which occurred today.   So I have had many of these experiences so far of really at this point, allowing myself to be shown how they do things, even if it is not necessarily how I would do it from the perspective of ensuring the point is directed absolute, but I will compromise myself within these moments and “let it slide” because that’s what they do, and I mean who am I to change things.   This is exactly the point I was writing about a few posts ago about accepting and status quo and just going with what is the established way of doing things, and in a way being to afraid to actually challenge the status quo out of fear of causing friction.   I mean overall the place is pretty cool, it is simply just in some moments there are points not being considered which I can see, so its cool, I simply have the opportunity to bring these points into awareness just the same as they were done for me.   But obviously not to wait on this because today’s experience with the horse showed me that these points that I am seeing are in fact valid.   So from this perspective “give to another what I would want to receive” And explore the point of equality and how I can bring this point to the table so to speak in way which is not being considered.   It will be a long process because fuck, these horses are in small little pens with no grass, some are in nice big field but also some small pens   I wouldn’t want to live in those pens.   Pretty Cool though to see how an equal money system will actually free the animals so to speak, where the conditions where animals lived will no longer be based on making money so will not have to be subjected to these bull shit conditions of enslavement imposed upon them from an ignorant inconsiderate humanity, that see animals as for there own personal gains, not as equals to be treated as such and be free in the exact same way as humans.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to this system of abuse that is currently here have president and authority simply because it is here.   I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to actually stand up for life and what is best for all and actually start to walk this process within my immediate environment.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support this current system of abuse and self interest instead of what is best for all.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up and saying something out of fear of friction.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will be met with resistance and not then know what to say.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back in speaking out of fear of being yelled at or argued with where in my point will not be herd and I will end up feeling embarrassed.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to be my god, my authority, and that which I use to direct the choices and decisions I make and words I speak and do not speak.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply merge into what is here as this current system instead of actually standing up and not more accepting and allowing myself to “go along with it” because I do not want to “disrupt or upset” someones world.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider other peoples worlds from the perspective of not wanting to cause ripples in other peoples perfect worlds, even if those worlds are not what is best for all. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support self interest instead of what is best for all.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply go along with this world, out of fear of setting off other peoples egos.

Writing Self to Freedom – “Hitting the Jackpot!” – October 30/2010

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Today was an interesting day. I was at the “Market Collective” which is Arts and Crafts fair in the city I live in. So basically I had a table with drawings for sale. I decided to not sell paintings and drawings at this market and just focus more on selling the drawings, in particular the “Comical Sense” Drawings as I find with these drawings there is actually “something there” which is pretty cool. I Find my past work is ‘empty’ so to speak, and so find working with the “Comical Sense” stuff more fulfilling and enjoyable, as it is no more just “something to look at”. We as Consumer Society has place so much emphasis on the ‘picture’, on “the surface” that this “something to look at” has become that which we focus on. And the goal of the artist has become to make that “something to look at” as cool as possible, placing all of the emphasis on this, where the practical, functional, useful element of art steadily disappears. I mean even if one look at how we has human beings present ourselves. All of the emphasis is placed on the picture, and we attempt to arrange that picture presentation of ourselves in as many ways as possible attempting to within this find some satisfaction within ourselves. So much of the emphasis gets placed on the picture that we have forgotten in a way, that there is anything inside. So in terms of the age old question of is it art that imitates life or life that imitates art, it is simply irrelevant considering that both are in the same boat anyways – stuck on the surface. I sold one drawing today. Its the first one of the comical sense that I sold, it was titled TOMB-orrow (tomorrow) the guy that bought it like the skeleton imagery. It was quite a release because I noticed this particular thought construct coming up a few times in the day. The pattern/construct would start with the thought of first   -Noticing that I had not yet sold a drawing while watching others sell their work -Then comes like a fear of believing that I have done something really wrong -Like I have an innate mistake built into the structure of me - Like a huge gap or something where I am “missing a point” or “understanding” which is why I have not sold -Then I experience a feeling/emotion experience of sadness mixed with hopelessness/helplessness - Then thoughts of my dad come up, like I will end up living out the same pattern he did which is like ending up as a “starving artist” kind of thing   Its interesting this construct came up a few times during the day, but I was mostly aware when this construct came up so simply did not “go into it”     When I sold the drawing it was like a release in a way of this construct, like   “I am not totally crazy” Which actually indicate that this particular thought exist inside me before hand, like I thought/believed I was being delusional with “trying to sell art” This point of “believed delusion” also being linked with the experience of hopelessness.  Thinking that I am in fact so delusion and that I am not even able to see it.   I noticed also sometimes, the thought coming up of   “Why do I have to do this” Here I see this as a kind of attempting or wanting to escape from this whole experience I am going through of selling art in this world, where so much of the time, I want to just quite, even though I do see the point of what I would prefer is if I was actually able to sell the stuff, like if I actually made some consistent money with it then I would actually not want to quite selling art. So its not actually related to the “ACT” of selling art that I am opposed, just to the point of that I have not made any money or sold very effectively over the years.   At the moment, I am pushing the work I make now to be as educational as possible, where one can actually be supported by that work or piece when they see it and it isn’t just something you “put up because its nice”   This way I can actually not feel guilty for selling it to people, because before this point was quite allot – feeling guilty for selling work to people.   I mean what is real value. Value has become so distorted in this world that it has “lost touch” with reality. From my perspective value is not something “made up” but rather based on equality, meaning, you plant one seed, you get one carrot.   And this value is based on the actual physical movement of this reality, like for example the physical movement of a carrot growing into maturity. Value grounded in the earth.   And so art should be “valued this way” where it is grounded in earth so to speak.   Based in the “Equality Equation” that desteni present of 1 + 1 = 2 Our current money system, the very nature of money is based on deception. Where one is attempting to cheat reality, like saying 1+1=7 or 100 or what ever they can convince another it is worth. There is not actual basis for value these days – it is completely based on an idea – which exist in the mind.   This money system is so fucking tempting – Because essentially value is based on what someone will pay for it – not how much it is actually really worth so to speak. So people “buy in” and play the game, attempting to generate income through distorting value through the current money system where say one person might sell something to someone for 1 dollar, than this person turns around and sells it for 100 dollars – This is completely fucking with planet and the actual equilibrium of the physical earth. And showing the value of a product is not actually based on the actual physical value of the substance related to the earth and how this support humanity to live on this earth in equilibrium.   This is one reason why I support a new equal money system – because it will “normalize” everything, so that we actually start Interacting with our planet on a 1+1=2 foundation.   It is interesting I notice this “temptation” of the money system within myself where I see the point of “if I could only get people to buy my art for ‘x’ amount of money, than I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a job or paying my rent or anything like that, because there is this “jackpot” point that exist within this current money system, like if one could only convince another to pay that “jackpot” amount for their product, then they could really get allot of money for very little work. It is such a fuck up, because Im sure there are many out there who would read this and think – “Well what’s wrong with that”   Well fuck – a outflow of this current manifestation of ourselves is millions dying of starvation, wars, murder, I mean how is that “OK” .   We as humanity have begun to “make things” in the hope of hitting that “jackpot” within the system. Because it is possible for everyone of us to actually do. Like the carrot dangling in front of our eyes just out of reach.   We lose sight of the consideration to actually create something that will benefit humanity. Then the products we create, really don’t consider if they are actually of use in this reality at all but more so – can I make money from it. And this is fucking with our evolution as a human race, as an existence.   This is why I Support and Equal Money System as proposed by Desteni – www.equalmoney.org Because here the principle foundation of our movement in this reality would be How will this benefit humanity, how will this benefit life. I mean what is the actual outflow of the decisions I make and the evolution of humanity. I mean every action we make, every thought we think, has ripple effect, outflow on this existence. Thus the point here is to take into consideration what you actually in do, and what you actually think. And to consider “does this thought or action have the best interest of humanity in mind” Once this consideration is in place and all beings on this planet have placed this point as the starting point of themselves, of there every thought, word, and deed, then we will be actually evolving as LIFE.   Until then we are simply only considering ourselves and not how we actually influence this world. We think or believe that “oh it is just my life”   I mean when you die then what – your life is over? – You did the best you could – Do you really understand reality – do you really understand what is going on this planet – this existence – Is this world we have accepted really the end all be all.   Have we considered what it actually means to change.   Or are we too afraid what our friends will say if we actually change. If we actually consider something so different that it is met with massive resistance.   From my perspective than we at least know we heading in the right direction – because we require a massive change on this earth.   I mean to stop war will take the implantation of a new system, an implantation of new way of being, of living that will be not like what is here now.   Suggest to investigate Desteni and Equal money system for those who are not afraid to actually change.   www.desteni.co.za www.equalmoney.org

Resonant Resistance – Back Doors – Establishing Clarity – Oct 24th/2010

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Resonant Resistance - Back Doors - Establishing Clarity - Oct 24th/2010   Hi,everyone. Today I went again to my job on the horse ranch. Today I was going to work with the girl there who , “runs everything” So this would be a good indicator as to see if the job is going to work or not. If anyone has read my previous two blogs I wrote about this point, and in particular the resistance that was “coming up”, that I was experiencing inside myself as I walked through this job each day. Today was much of the same, but in a way even more resistance. What I see is that this resistance is actually in relation to the people mostly, not the actual physical duties of the job, which I see I am effective within and the part with working with the horses, see that I am capable of this and just require time simply to get comfortable. I began to experience a headache, and upper back/shoulder pain nearing the end of the day. I experienced myself within a clenched expression similar to that I wrote about previously. I felt I was not able to speak openly to the being I was working with and at times experienced a “gap”  in-between where I was standing and where she was standing, and that to “close” that gap may not actually be possible, though in a way this is a kind of speculation. I was looking at this point quite intently, looking at the practicality of this job working out, and looking at my experience of feeling closed in, boxed in, suffocated, in a way, and “not knowing” if I would actually be able to express me within this situation/environment, from the perspective of if I actually express me as who I am, and what I stand for, it would cause “to much” friction. I cannot make people change, and I see the point of in order for this job to work, it will require work, and effort, and the resonant experience of myself was quite stressed and strained, and so I simply look within me and see, am I able to walk this point, because in essence I will be walking this point alone, meaning, I cannot expect these beings around me to change. Particularly within observing the context within which I have placed myself, that being a Business, related to and constructed around the “family matrix” so it is quite heavy from a certain perspective. Interesting I experienced this same point on the Farm when I was in the agreement with Andrea. It’s Like a ‘massive resistance’ where I experienced myself as being constantly in a stress, and so we worked with this point from the perspective of understanding, as well has having interviews with our resonances and Bernard for support in being able to ‘move’ the resonances. So this experience of myself within this environment is similar, and now I am alone and have no support as I did on the farm so in this really see this point as not working out. So simply will let this point go. Its quite a fuck up that beings can’t get along, And I mean with this girl I was working with today, it was almost unspeakable in a way what the point actually is, but its just like down there deep there are these two points that are simply not working at all, not aligning , and creating a discord. Eventually this will “blow up” So back to the drawing board to find a job in this world in the Matrix. Now looking at a point which will empower me within this world so to speak. Like a practical skill that is actually required in this world. Oh ya, interesting point here as well in the comparison of this job experience to my agreement I had with Andrea. Fascinating how these two points are so comparable but I experience myself resonantly very similar, and exactly the same on some points, one of them being related to “the back door” I ‘wanted’ the agreement to work. I ‘want/wanted’ this job to work. But when I look “down the road” I see that there is this fuzziness. The same kind of fuzziness I saw when “looked down the road” of the agreement. So I see this as “a back door point” where actually, I have a back door, am not committed to the point, but will actually take the back door, when it arrives. So pretty cool actually to have this agreement point as a reference here, because who knows how long I would have ‘strung’ this job along, all the while knowing inside myself that “I am unable to commit to the point” So now I see here that this is what is going on, that I actually am not able to commit here, but only making myself believe that I am able to, like a point of self delusion in a way. So I am simply going to let this point go, and as mentioned go “back to drawing board” and find a point I can/am able to commit to, so that there is no “fuzziness” so to speak, but certainty, clarity, and understanding.

Finding a Job in this World – Resistances in Relation to Job/People – Oct 24/2010

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Finding a in this World - Resistances in Relation to Job/People - Oct 24/2010 Went to work again today at the horse Ranch. Really enjoyed working with and being around the animals there. I also enjoy the this particular point with the guy who I am working with who actually is getting me to do everything, and really throwing me in the deep end. This is how I like to take things on. Though in a way he is still there as a stabilizing trust point as I walk through the procedures. Like today one of the tricky tasks is leading two horses into the stable at once, where one has to lead them through this single door way and into their stables. And so today as I did this, I arrive at the door to find that it has been deliberately closed so that I can “practice” opening the door myself, while holding two horses. I managed, not to gracefully through I might add. But what I want to look at today particularly is this point I have coming up in relation to the guy I am working with and also towards people and the job in general. I experienced myself as being “closed in” today. I experience this point where I simply “hold myself” within this kind of expression, but find that this is actually a kind of suppression, as I have in a way have taken the role of “one is learning” and so find that in this I don’t actually really express me, but more suppress myself from the perspective of making sure I “do everything right” and also expressing myself within the design of this teacher student construct/scenario where I make sure that within my expression I stay within the point of “being the student” So this is quite a fuck up. A point that I experienced saw today, was the point of my “aversion” towards people, where my experience towards the guy I am working with is like, dead in a way, where I really am just holding and stopping myself from really going into any experiences at all towards this person, or even towards the job itself. Though I allow myself to enjoy the animals. Today at lunch the guy training me, his name is Ricardo, he is from Mexico, asked me if I liked working here, and when he asked he was not making small talk, he wanted a straight answer you could say, which was actually pretty cool because this was actually a point of intimacy as I see it, so cool to see this being able to “go there” In any case, I was afraid to give my real answer. Why, because from a certain perspective, I assume that “it won’t be understood” but might be ‘interpreted’ in a certain kind of way. I mean, I don’t feel like I can really say, that I experience myself “holding myself together” Ok, but got off point here. The question that came up today was in relation to the resistance/experience  I was having. Where I just “wondered” in a way, what the fuck was really going on here. What is this actual resistance I am experiencing? I don’t feel like I am able to express myself within this context and workplace – now this is quite odd, because it is a quite ‘normal’ workplace so to speak, not unlike you would find anywhere else within this world, So the point I see within this is that I actually am just uncomfortable around people, and the resistance I experience towards people, has nothing to do with what I apparently perceive them to be doing, but rather is actually points that I have created within my self in how I have established myself in relation to other beings in my world. Like from the perspective of, if I don’t get close to beings, then I won’t face those points of resistance. Its like I experienced myself today, walking around, and no matter what I said, or did, or agreed with, there was this frequency of detestment, or resentment, or kind of like a bitterness towards particularly this being that was training me. Like a general aversion to the being. I experience this “off-ness” while I am there, like Ok there are some elements that are cool – but what the fuck is this “off-ness” that sits within every frequency of my being, like a disharmonic cord that resonate in every point and every expression of myself while I am there. Even when I am apparently ‘comfortable’ I still experience this disharmonic resonance at the “bottom” of it all. Fascinatingly enough, similar to the point I experience in the agreement I had on the desteni farm. Like a point that is just fucking off, and it is like this tiny point, but yet, there it is, permeating through the entire expression of the point. So I am going to continue walking here within this point and see whats up. I in a way look at this point as being related to “future projections” where I have created expectations and beliefs about how everything is supposed to work out and what is expected of me, and within this – a point of resistance emerge. Where I see myself as expected to do this and do that and do this and do that, and then from within this ‘aversion’ emerge inside me, within this expectation I have created of what is expected of me, which I don’t see myself actually fulfilling. Like I want one thing And they want another And these points don’t align And as such the point will not work So I cannot pretend it will or hope it will But I am going to walk more within this point because I simply want to see what the fuck is going on here, and see if I can push through some of these resistances which I see as not valid from the perspective of they are resistances and reactions, and that any resistance or reaction is not valid.    

Working on Horse Ranch – Daily Writing – Oct 22/2010

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Today I went to work today at a horse ranch. I was up at 6:00am because I had to drive 45min out of town to get the ranch. I am basically “doing a trial run” to see if this job is going to work out for me. So within this point I am ‘deciding’ what I am going to do for work for the future, maybe even for the next year. I have been living here in the city the for the last month and half, and starting looking for and applying to adds for jobs here in the city, mostly related to construction as there is allot of that going here. Though I don’t have any “system recognition” in these fields so not sure if this has anything to do why I have not gotten any strong leads. A few interviews but no call backs. Anyways I also applied to this add for a “Barn Assistant Manager” Which is quite different from say working here in the city, as this job is out on a ranch of about 200 acres, where in I would actually move out and live on the ranch in a place there.  Initially they “went with someone else” but that never worked out so they called me and asked me to come out today to work to see how it goes. I arrived at 7:30 after driving 130km down the highway to get there on time – didn’t realize it was so far away, I was thinking that “that that wasn’t a good sign” I find I have been doing this in a way, like attempting to “read the patterning” of the events, to get an idea of what I am heading into. I mean “knocking  over and smashing a 1000 dollar lamp” at the furniture job I was busy with is an interesting symbol of sorts – Like in a way smashing all possibilities of ever working there again. I notice that I have this fear of working at this ranch related to a point that came up when I was staying on the farm in South Africa. Where I fear, “cutting myself off” from the world, or “not placing myself effectively”  Like in a way where I “go into a waiting” instead of a participating you can say, and so I fear “locking myself into this point again” as I just “got out of this point” when I decided to come back to Canada and begin directing myself here. I have been experiencing this point come up quite a bit in relation to working on this farm/ranch.  Like the whole time thoughts coming up saying to myself that “I shouldn’t be doing this” or that “this is not the right way” or “something is off here”. So today I simply went out to work there and simply see the point of actually just going there and walking within the point and seeing if what is coming up inside me is valid in any way what so ever or if this is simply just fear stuff, where in I will see in the actual real walking of the point that it is nothing like I ‘expect’ I mean, I don’t really have rent and food money for next month also, so here with this opportunity I would actually be placing myself into a more stable financial position than I am currently. Ok, but enough observer shit – I want to get into my daily walking experience of myself. I was nervous because I was 10 minutes late, and not sure if they were waiting for me or if they were going to be ok with me being a bit late. I showed up and Ricardo, the Guy who is training me was busy with the horses and I simply announced myself and we continued with doing the daily tasks- no verbal mention of me being late, maybe a slight resonance friction though coming through, although this could have only be from me. It was nice to be around animals again, and I stepped right in with putting the blankets on the Horses that were in the stable, as we prepared to take them out. I think they have around 50 horses there are the moment. So was cool, here my experience with working on the desteni farm with horses actually provided me with a reference point for this job, quite fascinating actually, without that experience I had on the desteni farm working with horses, this job would not be possible. And the horse industry around the area I am in is apparently pretty big – Hence the nickname of my city – “CowTown”. So I proceeded to go into each stable and put the blankets on the horses. Some of them stable, some a little jumpy, but overall stable. Some where little devious, like this big guy...first thing he did when I got in there is grab the edge of the blanket with his teeth and held on and wouldn’t let go, now obviously this made it so I couldn’t put the blanket on because he had the thing in his mouth. I definitely had to laugh with myself because it was quite funny. Eventually after some tugging he let go, and I placed the blanket on him. I was a bit nervous, because afterall I am now encountering many different animals so start to see reactive points now moving inside of me, points that don’t necessarily come up when one is alone typing in front of the computer. So when with other beings, this stuff comes up. Interesting to, fears and stuff related to being bit or kicked by horses started surfacing as well. I mean We were quite particular on the Desteni Farm with the horses, and here they just threw me right in. Shit we also went out to this big field where this mare and colt were with this stallion and I had to lead the mare and colt out as the other guy distracted the stallion because the stallion would not approve of us taking away the mare and colt. So I led the mare out and the colt simply followed close by, so there was not need to put a harness on colt as it followed closely by its mothers side. I had a reactive point come up today as well in relation to how the animals are being treated there, from the perspective of how animals, in this case horses have been placed according to and within this world system, and current money system. Here the animals are caged and placed in such a way that accommodate profit. I mean what the fuck else do you expect. Obviously this is unavoidable anywhere within this current system as all points are related to, shaped, formed and structured around money, profit and greed. This is why I stand as what is best for all and stand for a new equal money system. So that this scenario will no longer exist where animals are fucking marginalized as points within this world to facilitate the creation of money, and where there actually experience is not taken into consideration or bothered with at all in terms of being equal and one with humans. So I see I had/have a reaction/judgment in relation to this point, though I see that “it is simply this way at the moment” and to actually change this will take some long term movement and dedication and walking as what is best for all. It will simply not change over night. Another reaction I noticed coming up quite prominently in relation to working at this place is the point of “family”. This is a family owned business, and so found myself  reacting to/judging this point extensively where I have actually created quite a reaction inside myself  in relation to this point. Why – Because I see/experience the point of family to represent that of suppression, where a being is not actually able to “think and do for themselves” but always must do “what is right and accepted within the family construct” I see this point specifically in relation to my mother coming up here. Where I see that I absolutely limit myself around my mother from the perspective of still placing myself within a point of “lesser than” from the perspective of seeing it as no-use to attempt to reason or try to change her, but in a way, just accept my expression around her as such, and “wait it out” Today I was introduced to “the mother” of the girl that called me for the interview and immediately when straight into a point of judgment/reaction. See here a point of enslavement, of suppression, where now I will have to limit and compromise myself and twist and hold myself as “being this picture presentation” in relation to “the mother” in so that “she likes me” and allow me to keep my job. I mean Fuck, I was always “such as nice boy” you polite, someone you could introduce to your mother, and I would not cause any friction, saying all the right things. Jezzuss Fuck. What fucking bullshit – So this point came up in that moment, and like experiencing myself within a kind of contraction/restriction coming up. It is quite interesting because as I walk within my world, and encounter people and meet people, like for example my roommates, and new these people at this job, I am always checking to see “what the being is going to face” meaning, I see what I will not accept and allow, and as such this being will face this point within being within my world, and then I ask myself the question of, will the being actually be able to handle this or will there be to much friction. I have been noticing a point similar to what Viktor posted about on the forums in relation to ‘grace’. And that one cannot just simply confront a being on a point, but must actually look and see where that being is within there process, and assist them from this starting point, not simply demanding unreasonable demands where the being is actually not even able to understand what you are talking about. So at this farm, I am looking at these points. Am I able to bring these beings to a point of understanding of what I am doing, and who I am, because I have no interest in suppressing myself, though it may take time to in a way lay the proper foundation for them to see who I am, and not simply see a bald headed cult member. Because I don’t know if there is a situation out there where beings within this process are not faced with the point of standing amongst those who really have no clue what they are about. So it is not to simply dismiss a situation or a being, because one perceive, believe that they won’t , don’t get it. So in any case this ‘family’ point is probably the most prominent resistance/reaction point coming up with working at this farm.  What is interesting here is that I noticed what this reaction I was having actually was. It was a judgement. I was/am actually judging these beings, and not actually remaining here as myself, constant in every moment, but am actually judging beings for how they are currently existing , and in a way “wanting to run from this” believing that “I can run from this” like “oh there is too much friction here, gotta find somewhere else” well, it occurs to me – What the fuck is this friction point! I mean here I am having quite an extensive reaction, which is actually showing me a resistance point /judgement that I have created within and as me, so why not face the point and walk through it, rather than seeing it as “avoidable” and “a good reason to go elsewhere” So here I simply realize that this reaction to the ‘family’ point is a reaction, and is not valid as a point from the perspective of it directing me instead of me directing myself and standing. They were also playing country music – holy fuck, the programming here is extensive, especially in terms of god, religion, family, relationship and creating a very specific picture in relation to how this should all go and what one should attain to in this world from the perspective of having the “perfect life” I mean obviously all music does this currently, but today I was exposed to country music specifically and how it create this very particular image,fantasy,picture  of a desired outcome. Music is like the glue that holds it all together in a way. Creating, and maintaining those specific emotional energetic connections where when a being listen to a certain song, all the pictures light up, now within the melody, one goes into emotional experience as they see the image in there mind, and experience an emotional movement. Fuck Mu-SICK,  simply assist and support holding this system together, and not allow beings to change. One more point we will all have to let go of. So will see how this point goes with the Job. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within energy towards or in relation to any point what so ever. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify or validate a reaction point towards family, seeing this as a ‘valid’ reaction, when in fact it is simply a point of energy which I have not yet purified within myself in relation to what exist here as this world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing this point of ‘mother’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘upsetting mother’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is valid reason for a mother to become upset instead of seeing that in fact this is just an emotional reaction charge that the being as the mother has not actually taken responsibility for yet. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that mothers are always right, and there is nothing I can do in these situations but suppress myself and agree. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear shattering the mother construct I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “go into the emotional response/reaction point” in relation to the point of mother, instead of Stopping in that moment, and realizing that in fact this is a reaction, and simply stopping ALL reaction points, and realizing here before me, that this is not a mother, but in fact an equal as myself, a being, one and equal as life, and from this perspective I am able to communicate with and interact with the being from this perspective. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reactions I have, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the perfect situation for me will be one where there is little conflict.

The Burden of Money – Exploring Emotional Reaction Point – Oct 18th/10

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Ok, I am going to focus Here on a Particular Event which happened today. The event occurred at the furniture store where I have been helping out periodically assembling furniture and assisting with moving items around the show room. One of the cool points about the store is that it is an opportunity for me to “remain here” and aware of myself within my environment as this furniture is quite expensive and I am often moving items around and must be sure not to knock into something or leave a mark on something, so one must be quite focused and deliberate with each movement while moving the furniture. I have also been wondering about a job interview that I was supposed to here back from today, so noticed that this thought would come up while I was working. At one point after setting up some lamps I decided to check my messages, and to my relief I noticed that someone had left a message on my phone and I figured it was about a potential job. So yes there was both excitement and relief coming up in this moment. So I checked my messages and it was related to a construction job in order to arrange an interview with me for tomorrow.  That was pretty, cool, I mean, yes the furniture store is what it is, but was quite temporary from my point of view. So this was a pretty cool point, I could really see myself working in this job, and as I looked at this point I noticed certain experiences coming up inside me, as I observed myself there on the job site SMASH!!!...Back to reality. I was so busy now looking at this point, off in my mind, that I “lost touch” with the moment here and had bumped without noticing one of the brand new glass lamps that I had just set up. No doubt to be sold for around 1000.00. It fell over and smashed to pieces, which brought me back out of the mind instantly only to realize what I had done , being so preoccupied with this new job potential, in my mind, ended up knocking over and smashing one of the glass lamps. Fuck. Was my immediate reaction. I stood there, in a way, seeing that I had done that which I actually feared doing since I arrived at the store, which was knocking something over and/or causing damage to one of the expensive pieces of furniture. This entire point created and focused around the point of money and how it is currently functioning within this reality and inside human beings. I experienced shame/self judgement/I deserve to be punished immediately firstly because I see that I was in my mind which is why I knocked the lamp over. So there exist here the point of how I have accepted and allowed me to define myself as this being something that “is so typical” or “so like me” to do. Here I see myself within this kind of “irresponsibility” and “inevitable fuck-up” like sure I am a good help, but “I come with mistakes” I have judged myself quite a bit around this point of where I see myself as the one that always makes a mistake, so here the point of “not good enough” coming up. Like I see myself as a structure with this “weak point” or “holes” which always come through in everything that I do. A point where I simply “loose focus” and that this point separate me from “the smart ones” “the capable ones” “the ones that can be trusted” and “relied upon” where I am not one of these beings, and cannot be relied on because I make mistakes that cost. I see that I have always kind of seen myself in this light, like I am the one who when things got tough, wouldn’t be able to pull through, and didn’t have the ‘compeleteness’ to actually do something 100 percent. Its like the acceptance of myself as less than complete, as not whole, as missing something within myself, where there is just an empty, space, like a blank out in me– Ok I wasn’t even going to discuss this initial point but now I see that it is also quite a prominent point within my design which was active here. So this is specific and will now take this into consideration as I lay out the next point and look to see where and how they are related or inter-linked. The next point has specifically to do with money. As I now went into a point of fear where I feared how the owner would react. Up until that point my relationship with the owner had been pretty cool, I saw myself as being effective within the job and saw that the owner felt this way about me also. So now here I was, breaking this lamp worth a 1000 dollars and now losing the company money, so there the point of money as how it has been created and designed within this world and within myself and in this case the owner was now playing-out. The owner never reacted much ‘outwardly’ but I am sure had many internal reactions which she refrained from expressing. Although this is irrelevant from the perspective of actually sorting out my own reaction. I got really quiet after this happened and felt as though I had done something really wrong. I could see that my reaction was actually based on the design of money, though I still went into the reaction of, fear inside me of what the owner really think of me, I hoped that she was not mad at me and judging me even through she was not saying anything. I saw inside of myself her judging me, I saw her actually being angry and upset because the vase cost lots of money. Also the point of seeing that she did not want to work with me anymore. I did not speak of my reaction inside myself and actually open up the point in self honesty and express how I really felt. I did not even consider doing this. I saw this reaction/experience I was having, and that it was in fact quite a dominating reaction, which is why I am here now looking at this point more specifically and opening this point up, to see why and how I designed this entire emotional reaction because this point came over me and possessed me completely. The reaction was not an elaborate one in an extroverted kind of way, it was a silent reaction, I experienced an energy wave come over me like a dark cloud , where it just kind “set-in” I would then avoid looking the owner in the eye, as I was ashamed of myself and also now the personality of myself that I had worked so hard to establish as being reliable, ‘shattered’, with the shattering of the lamp, and there I was, vulnerable, and in the open, as I had “made a mistake” The money point is quite prominent here as this ‘mistake’ was in a way quite a “large one” from the perspective of the ‘value’ placed on it through and because of ‘money’. This point was not assessed through the actual physical transaction that occurred but rather defined completely according to money and thus, I did not simply shatter some glass, I had from my perspective, placed another in a point of compromise where in I cost them money, and take money off of their pay. So this was the main reason for my reaction, and could not look the owner in the eye for the rest of the day, Because in a way I experienced the point as if she was now paying for me, where I am like a actual burden on the owner. I experienced myself like an actual Burden on the owner, regardless of what she said or did. This was the experience that I was having inside of me. I felt low, and at the end of the day one of the other employees asked if I was tired. I wasn’t tired, though experienced this reaction point of me being a burden now to the owner and the store, where this point of me being a burden exist in relation to the point of money, and this experience I was now going though was not cool. I see this point in relation to my mother, as in a way my relationship to the owner I see being similar in nature and construct to that of my mother. Where she was like the supportive point and I was like the helper. I sometimes felt like a burden on my mother in terms of money. This “emotional experience” of being the burden though only came up more obviously later in life, and after art school. I am not seeing a definitive point coming here although there is memory of myself as a child being at the laundry mat with my mother. This memory is simply popping up here, although I cannot see this connection of where I would have formed and moulded this point of myself as being the burden from the perspective of money in relation to my mother or another She used to give us money when we went to the laundry mat so that we could go around the corner and buy candy. Still not seeing the connection. How about a point where I experienced myself as a burden or kind of debt in relation to another being where I was a burden for them, and there in formed the idea of myself as being a burden, like a debt, a weight upon them, which eventually play-out in relation to money. This here seem like more the ‘creation’ point of this design, not necessarily in relation to money initially, so to explore this point from this perspective. I am going to stop there for tonight.

Writing Myself to Freedom – Writing Out My Day – Oct 4th 2010

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Writing Myself to Freedom - Writing Out My Day – Oct 4th 2010 I worked today so I decided to get up at 7:30 instead of 8:00 so I had some extra time. I did experience myself as ‘more tired’ but got up and began my day. I arrived at work, which was actually someone’s house whom we were fixing a table that had been delivered there during their home re-modelling. This is actually quite interesting because at the moment I am working “very part time” meaning filling in for a friend who is out of the city, at this “high-end” furniture store, where I go in and put together the furniture to be displayed on the floor. I find this interesting because while in South Africa, I spent allot of time building furniture, so in a way I am actually a good fit for this Job. So see what comes out of it. So Anyways while I was helping with the fixing of this table today, there was this other guy there also who has a business called “furniture Medic” where he has clients around the city and basically he fixes furniture. It was pretty cool to see that this job actually exist, and so when I saw this guy doing this, I saw myself doing that as well, and see that as something that I actually would enjoy doing and would be a way to practically apply myself within the skills that I have. I mean, at the moment I am looking for various job potentials so just placing myself in the shoes of different occupations to see what that would entail and if it is something that I would like to pursue. Basically I saw this Furniture Medic thingy as pretty cool. Though still I am also seeing that something like that would take time and expertise to develop. But I am quite satisfied with this Job thus far. Though it is very temporary perhaps, will see what comes of it. Its also interesting from the perspective of money. Because this is an expensive store so lots of rich people coming in and buying furniture for thousands of dollars. Obviously the value of things is so fucking arbitrary, and not based on equality in any way what so ever. Like some of the stuff in the store is like 1000 dollars for a stool that you could get, in better quality from some farmer for 10 bucks. Its astonishing that we have gotten to the position where we are unable to see the value of things anymore and have bought into the current money system so deeply and are now blind to our actually practical physical reality. Its like everyone just “plays the game” and attempts to “build themselves up” by buying expensive things to “pad their status” or should I say buying expensive ‘couches’ to ‘cushion’ their status. So quite interesting to observe this point, and this money interaction taking place. Its like the point of money for many who come into the store is almost of “no importance” like they have this paper which they have allot of and just want to spend it, and not really considering the context of this world, or where that money actually come from because simply, they have it! I Dressed in black and grey today with nice black shoes so I fit in. So I took care to ‘present myself’ within the system. Black Jeans, Grey sweater, and black shoes, I matched the furniture! While I was at the this woman’s house who was remodelling she had this one massive painting and a few other contemporary pieces as well in her kitchen, interesting to see. In seeing this I considered the point of how people buy Art as a ‘statement’ of who they are and ‘what they are worth’ meaning it adds to their status, which is entirely based on money and nothing else. So for example they would not consider buying the work of an artist who sells their art cheap, no matter how skilled the work was, because it would ‘devalue’ their status from the perspective of making them ‘worth less’ (interesting worth less = worthless) So they rather buy something expensive so they retain their value, So from this perspective if you had two works exactly the same, they would buy the expensive one as to ensure their status remain “upper-class” I always get the urge to start marketing my work to these people, but just cant get myself to do it. Its tempting but I fear that I would eliminated another market by doing this, not that I really sell much work anyways. Sometimes I think that I have priced my work in no-mans-land like just can’t seem to find the right point with it. Speaking of which, when I was done work today and got home to check my e-mail, I had received a mail notifying me that I had Won a Draw and will receive a 25.00 gift certificate to an art supply shop here in town. I remember the thought that I had as I filled out that form a few weeks back – that I had good odds to win because if everyone felt as I did in that moment with regards to filling out the form to qualify for the gift certificate, nearly no one would do it, because I didn’t really feel like it, but I remember in that moment I simply pushed through the resistance and took the physical actions and filled out the form. And now won the prize. That’s cool. This whole art point is interesting. I experience the point as quite irrelevant at times. Today I placed one of my paintings in this frame that I had bought a while back and simply wanted to test to see what the painting looked like in it. As I did this, its like I have many thoughts of the complete irrelevancy of the ‘whole thing’ the whole thing being the art thing. Well obviously, this entire world is irrelevant. The functionality of society and social participation is irrelevant. What we spend our time doing here on earth, our daily actions day in and day out are irrelevant, yet people just go along with it, attempting to find some satisfaction, some joy, attempting to make it “worth while” mostly just accepting that this is how it is completely and simply signing on the dotted line to make the “best of it” But I have realized that it never goes anywhere. The mathematics do not accumulate to that which is best for all, do not accumulate to that which will stand for eternity. This is a simple equation and I will share this, what I have found and seen for myself unconditionally, because within now what I have seen, I actually experience myself as having some purpose, some substance to myself and my experience, that “it isn’t all a waste” and so if anyone who is reading this line, who is not considering the point of equality, within the context of an equal money system, and considering “what is best for all” in every moment, I suggest doing so, as within this you will see, that everything you do and have ever done, was/is actually nothing. And that you have simply just been and are trapped in meaningless cycles over and over and over never adding up and accumulating to anything. You will see that your entire participation within this world in irrelevant. And that what you have been doing the whole time is figuring out ‘cute’ ways to explain, and ‘joke’ away the reality of your actual existence which is meaningless, abusive, and suppressive. We have created an entire, language, way of communicating, and interacting with each which only hide and vial the truth of what is actually going on. Our entire communication/language/interaction is just one elaborate justification and excuse to simply trap ourselves again and again, into abusive patterns and behaviour of alcohol, drugs, hatred, anger, sexual abuse, inequality – An Absolute FUCK-UP. This life is a Waste of Time. Though from a certain perspective I cannot blame anyone or expect anyone to “see the point” as from where I am standing the foundation perse, is built out of that which has been shown and communicated to me from the perspective of I did not initially see how I was existing until it was pointed out to me. So once again people – THERE IS ANOTHER WAY TO LIVE, IT IS POSSIBLE, A COMPLETE NEW WAY OF LIVING AND EXISTING FOR ALL AND EVERYONE, WHERE THE STARTING POINT OF OUR ACTIONS AND WORDS AND EXPRESSION IS BASED WTIHIN THE CONSIDERATION OF DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR ALL, Meaning we see and understand that we are inseparable from everything that is here, and that we take responsibility for ALL that is here equally, as each one take responsibility for themselves as one who take responsibility for ALL, thus ALL and Each Considering ALL and EACH in every way, this will end abuse, war, starvation, suffering, as we realize that those who stand before us is one and equal to ourselves and thus we ‘treat’ them as we ‘treat’ our self. Such a simple mathematical equation to End All Abuse. A world where we stand together, express together, walk together –Within A Common Principle, like a thread as an Understanding that extends through each and every point/being in existence, unifying ALL within this Principle, this Understanding of Who we are as Equals. This Thread, the foundation of Our New Way of Life. A Life that is Dignified, Where No one has to stand in Fear of Abuse, where we actually support each other in expression instead of judge each other. I can see nothing in this world that is worth keeping. I suggest Stand-Up for Equality, and a New Equal Money System, and World Equality System that is based in Equality thus ensure that all beings are respected equally, and that no one being is valued less or more than another, so that ALL can stand eye to eye as equals.