Tag Archives: communication

Looking at some points related to Communication and Writing.

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Sometimes I experience a blank when I go to write. This has been occurring allot lately. I see that there is a point of self judgement where within judging what I am about to write actually keeps this “blankness” Here, as I judge what I am about to write or what I start writing and then might quickly erase it as I think to myself “no, no, no, thats not what I want to write about”. So I see this in fact a judgement which prevent me from actually moving from the starting line and exploring myself within writing. So rather I must support myself within moving through that which I am writing by not judging what I am writing or what is coming up in the moment. Because in some instances I will do this multiple times to the point where I eventually just close the document I am working on and do something else. So I will open a document and pause for a moment then say to myself in a way, “what shall I write about” Then a point, or sentence will come up within me and I will carry on to write this down but then get a few words in and pause and think, “nawww thats not good enough” and then I try and think of something else to write about. Then I will trap myself within this pattern instead of rather directing myself to just go with what comes up initially and not judge it. So today at work I was working with a co-worker and we were discussing different points related to the money system and human nature and just really touching on a few points and sharing perspectives. But I found myself to be quite frustrated in this because I find that I know actually so very little. Actually today I was pushing myself to speak up and assert myself a little more instead of holding back on giving my perspective, though it did not go that smoothly. I will continue to test this point out of expanding my communication through stepping outside of my normal programmed way of communicating and venture into some less explored waters where I will simply direct myself to speak where I normally would have kept quite. But after today this will require some adjustment already because in speaking up more I realized that “I don’t know shit” lol. Like I will start explaining something to someone and then realize as I start getting into the point “oh fuck, I actually don’t the necessary details to be able to explain the point. Like only having a surface idea of something but when it actually gets down to it my understanding is actually not at all sufficient on so many points that I believed that I had all sorted out. This made me realize that I must pay closer attention when I am reading an article so that when I go explaining a cool article to someone that I read just that same morning I don’t stop a few seconds in within the realization that, yes I read the article, but I do not remember shit about what it was actually about. It was like I wasn’t even reading it really, but only thought I was – LOL. Simply put – Pay more attention when I am reading and ensure that I have the comprehension of what is being presented in place so that if required I would be able to explain the main points of the article and give perspective on it. I asked myself today “what do I actually know” Because, ok, why not I just stick to communicating about stuff that I have a solid understanding about , and so I asked myself “what do I have a solid understanding about” and fuck – there is really not much. Particularly when it comes to certainties. Which is humbling. To see how much of my understanding and comprehension of reality is based on assumption. (ok one more point came up as I was writing my tags for this blog - It is the point of actually re-structuring my communication like for instance one must build the foundation for the house before they can build the house or put in the windows, and so today was like I was getting ahead of myself  instead of establishing building the necessary foundation / context for what I am communicating about.)  

COOL to be CRUEL

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I want to communicate about communication. About this world’s normal accepted way of communicating and interacting with one another, and how this “normal” accepted communication and interaction, what we call funny or entertaining or harmless is in fact extensive abuse towards life. This abuse often gets hidden behind or masked with sarcasm or joking/humour or laughter but what is actually being implied by and through ones jokes is in fact quite cruel and does not in any way support another human being to become a empowered confident expression of life, but simply diminish the other into a position where one then see believe oneself to be inferior and then judge oneself. Basically what I am saying here is that the way we have come to communicate with one another on this planet is within a suppressing, diminishing nature, instead of a supportive encouraging one. I mean for instance when one go to the shop and bring home a nice plant that they want to set on their kitchen table or window sill and have it blossom and grow and live there in the home with them. They do not firstly take it outside and dump it on the pavement and then crush it under their foot, stamping on it until it is trampled and dead. That would be considered stupidity – Yet this is exactly what I see being done as and through our normal accepted way of interacting and communicating with each other in this world. Strangely it is not even being noticed. So I suggest the obvious commons sense of giving the plant some water and within the context of this discussion, communicate with other beings from the starting point of SUPORT. We are Here to support the development of self and others equally as life to grow and become a dignified expression that support itself and all life with the utmost care and direction to ensure the expansion, growth and expression of who we are as life. This is definitely NOT! Happening at all, and all you have to do to see it is observe what has come to be our “normal” accepted and allowed mode of communication and interaction with each other. This particular point has come up quite a bit at work, where I observe my co-workers interacting and joking around though what I see is utter abuse and diminishment of life. Making fun of or diminishing other human beings as a joke? Ridiculing another human being as a joke? Calling another human names as a Joke? The word that came up the other day after a few months of observing this type of “regular” communication between my co-workers is CRUELTY. At the core of the communication which is all jokey and sarcastic on the surface is in fact Cruelty. From my perspective my co-workers have not encountered any other way or type of communication to replace humanities overall accepted way of communication. I mean even listen to what is being pumped and impulsed onto/into us through your cities local popular radio stations…where being dumb and impractical is actually considered cool and something that if one aspire to they will be seen as cool. I do not support stupidity and impracticality. I rather support being practical, functional and pushing self to develop into an effective human being. It is a TRAP. What you here on the radio and what your friends are talking about. Its like everyone just agrees that these types of things are supposedly funny and cool. Buy WHY? Who come up with this ridiculous idea. Aspiring to be dumb is dumb Homer Simpson comes to mind. This character made being dumb funny and something to aspire to. Quite fascinating actually. And currently we have evolved and really what we laugh at and aspire to be today makes Home Simpson look like a Genius. If I look at why this kind of communication is actually becoming more and more and more in this world, and this is in relation to the point of it “being cool”. Thus then A point of motivation for why  someone would ridicule another is because “that is what is funny” and or “Cool” Thus they are not doing to be cruel per-se. They are doing it be funny and cool!  It just so happens that it is F-ing Cruel. But that is overlooked because “it is funny” and “people are laughing at what I am doing” and so “I feel good and important” and so the this viscous behaviour of cruelty and diminishment towards life is perpetuated. When I was on the Desteni Farm this was where I experienced first hand the affect of communication and interaction that is actually done from the starting point of Support. The point was no longer to try and catch someone doing something so you can embarrass them or laugh at their expense so that you look better. Nope. It was to look at how in any situation you can actually support another being through how you communicate and interact with them. From this perspective then something like embarrassment will in a way begin to disappear within bringing forth communication done from the starting point of Support within a principle of equality and oneness. Because if one fuck up or make a mistake it will not be like it is now where one is so afraid to make a mistake because they know that there “friends” will be right there to “give them a hard time” which actually means ridicule and diminish them under the guise of sarcasm and “joking around” But it is really not. It is in fact extensively cruel. This is why I support an equal money system as within the emergence and development of an equal money system we will also change the way we communicate and interact with each other so that our words are like water that encourage the growth and expression of life in every moment and stop being like a boot that crush the life out of a being to only empower ones ego and own self importance. Stop the abuse within communication and push self to always communication from the starting point of equals and in a way that support and encourage life, as this will bring forth a truly empowered human being. Here is a Vlog done by Sean Sharing his Specific Experience in relation to this point : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMYAkv0t0ak&feature=share www.equalmoney.org www.desteniiprocess.com

Sharing My Daily Process – Settling in At Landscaping Job

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So at work at the moment, we are building a fence. A cedar fence. It smells nice and I enjoy working with the wood. I have been cutting allot on the table saw, and the saw slice through the wood quite smooth as the wood is ‘soft’ So I have been busy on this project at work for the whole week. I have enjoyed now starting work and the process of working. There is quite a bit of “moving points” within the job that one must require to align together at certain points in time, and so am pushing myself to get effective with my direction within all this, and essentially just becoming as effective as possible at doing my job. I have now been more busy the last 2 weeks at this job so things are still opening up and from a certain perspective everyone is still busy aligning with each other, and adjusting ourselves, from the perspective of puzzle pieces which must make some adjustments so that all pieces fit together as one unit, so from this perspective each one is still finding how everything is going to work and move etc. Each day I see points where I can improve myself within my application at work so this is cool, as I would like to be getting the most out of each moment, no matter where I am or what I am doing. I mean this is full-on work in the system now so would like to get precise, meticulous, specific, stable, and as directive as possible within this. So yes as mentioned, I am seeing each day areas where I can be more effective. Like for instance today I was looking at the point of not accepting and allowing myself to be lazy in my communication at any point in the day, where in I do not communicate a point thoroughly and precise but just kind of say what ever comes up, but not really taking on that point of stopping for a moment before I speak from the perspective of making sure that the words I speak are actually going to be clear and give effective direction, as I noticed I would at times, blur words together or not explain my point through using words in my vocabulary that would have made the entire explanation much easier to grasp. Aside from work, another interesting point came up today as I was standing in the shopping mall. The point is that I noticed that I was seeing/experiencing people as if they were ‘mean’ or “out to get me” or “would get angry” if I spoke or communicated with them. So this is interesting as I have accepted and allowed myself to within this develop a fear of people. Why? Well because I simply expect them to get angry or mad at me or be annoyed at me or things of this nature, if I am even in their presence, let alone actually communicate with them. Because of this perception I had/have towards people, I Always hold-back, and retract myself and never ever communicate with people or strangers, as it is like I expect them to “lash out” So this is one side of it, and I also see a fear of have of the presence of people. What I mean is its like I feared to actually ‘address’ that presence of the being, or bring myself to that level where I am actually communicating with the being as their self presence but rather I would always just speak to them from the perspective of mind/fear, as from a certain perspective I feared actually bringing myself to that point of where I am actually seeing/addressing/experiencing the presence of the being. It is a point of Self Intimacy, and so in seeing this today at the shopping mall, I asked myself; what is it that I am so afraid of as to why I would not ever want to actually stand before a being and actually speak to them like a human being, but always just talk at them reciting pre-programmed phrases but never ever actually communicating anything. It was like I was afraid of actually communicating with them. It was like I was afraid of what the might say or immediately go into defence mode, and stuff like this. I will investigate this point more and see what else comes up. So those were a few points from today.

Fear to Move Out Of Sub-Par Existence – October 29th/2010

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A point that I have observed in myself which has come up in relation to my job, is the point of accepting my own limitation by not pushing myself while I am around others, because I don’t want to trigger the point of jealousy in the other, and so instead I dum myself down, and essentially limit myself, and actually  simply allow those around me to dictate how I live my life.   I noticed this come up at work with regards to points around workplace that I see can be “fixed-up” and organized but have noticed I hold myself back from pointing these things, out or really taking these points on because I get the sense that it is “out of” the accepted way of doing things, and I realized that I actually compromised myself and am compromising myself  through not actually realizing that it is OK to to actually push myself and push others to become more specific and more directive in their worlds, and actually push myself here also to become more specific and directive in my world.   Its like in this one particular moment, I held back in directing myself to immediately take on a point that I saw because I didn’t want to be seen as doing something out of the accepted way of doing things. Specifically I did not want to “diminish” the other being in my presence. Its the point of jealousy, I noticed in a few instances, I held back actually fucking directing myself and directing a point because I do not want to trigger that point of jealousy reaction in other, where in they go into a form of reaction out of jealousy with regards to how I direct or apply myself.   Fuck, what I realized in this moment was that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to limit myself. And realized that this is/was actually how we ended up in this mess. Because we did not want to cause any friction. We did not want to stand up and act in a way that actually pushed people a little bit.   Its like I did not want them to say “don’t do that” and then come up with some excuse or reason why I “should not do that” or how “thats not the way things are done here” .   And what I see is that if I accept and allow this, I am actually accepting and allowing “this current system, and this current world” to dominate me. In other words, I am tacitly stating that I am actually in support of this current system, because I simply just allow it to have precedent over that which I have developed within myself as for example self will, and self determination.   I seen within this how so many squander within this world. Because Sub-Par is the accepted way things are. Everybody fights for Sub-Par. Even those that are effective fight for Sub-Par because this way they seem superior and dominant.  And I realized how in that moment, the “sub-par” remain the standard in this world. Because so many, as I did in that moment, accepted the “sub-par” as the dominating factor, and was unwilling stand in that moment, and actually stand-up and push and challenge myself, and within this actually push and challenge others as well.   In a way its easier to live in an unnoticed way Its easier to never push to hard, as to not make people feel like there not doing enough. Its like the point of supporting laziness.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself as this might cause others to resist me and have friction towards me, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let my fear of other people influence me to not stand up and do anything about this world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that which I have developed within myself as my application and discipline within walking, living, and applying myself in this world because I don’t want to make people feel bad, and react towards me for feeling bad.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people being jealous of me, because within this they may not enjoy me being around, because I push and move them out of there comfort bubble.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an observer in this world, never actually pushing myself to stand up within this world because in doing this it would cause to much friction in other peoples worlds, and there-in, I simply accept the sub-par as how things are, and be sure to remain under or on this line of “sub – par” as to not cause any reaction in another where they might observe within themselves something that requires a correction, and in this may become fearful or not wanting to give up who they are, and thus , lash out on me.   I forgive myself for not allowing myself  to push myself in the work place to be absolutely effective within my direction and actually look at the point from the perspective of a permanent solution.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply just do the bare minimum, instead of pushing and willing myself here to become effective within my application, in particular my practical application.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back within expressing myself within absolute clarity in communication as to not upset someone, and within this not fully honouring myself within creating my world the way I want, where I push myself and my world to the utmost specificity, because I see that this is a point I would like for myself, and thus allow me to give to myself as I see the ‘benefit’ this have on a being

Finding a Job in this World – Resistances in Relation to Job/People – Oct 24/2010

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Finding a in this World - Resistances in Relation to Job/People - Oct 24/2010 Went to work again today at the horse Ranch. Really enjoyed working with and being around the animals there. I also enjoy the this particular point with the guy who I am working with who actually is getting me to do everything, and really throwing me in the deep end. This is how I like to take things on. Though in a way he is still there as a stabilizing trust point as I walk through the procedures. Like today one of the tricky tasks is leading two horses into the stable at once, where one has to lead them through this single door way and into their stables. And so today as I did this, I arrive at the door to find that it has been deliberately closed so that I can “practice” opening the door myself, while holding two horses. I managed, not to gracefully through I might add. But what I want to look at today particularly is this point I have coming up in relation to the guy I am working with and also towards people and the job in general. I experienced myself as being “closed in” today. I experience this point where I simply “hold myself” within this kind of expression, but find that this is actually a kind of suppression, as I have in a way have taken the role of “one is learning” and so find that in this I don’t actually really express me, but more suppress myself from the perspective of making sure I “do everything right” and also expressing myself within the design of this teacher student construct/scenario where I make sure that within my expression I stay within the point of “being the student” So this is quite a fuck up. A point that I experienced saw today, was the point of my “aversion” towards people, where my experience towards the guy I am working with is like, dead in a way, where I really am just holding and stopping myself from really going into any experiences at all towards this person, or even towards the job itself. Though I allow myself to enjoy the animals. Today at lunch the guy training me, his name is Ricardo, he is from Mexico, asked me if I liked working here, and when he asked he was not making small talk, he wanted a straight answer you could say, which was actually pretty cool because this was actually a point of intimacy as I see it, so cool to see this being able to “go there” In any case, I was afraid to give my real answer. Why, because from a certain perspective, I assume that “it won’t be understood” but might be ‘interpreted’ in a certain kind of way. I mean, I don’t feel like I can really say, that I experience myself “holding myself together” Ok, but got off point here. The question that came up today was in relation to the resistance/experience  I was having. Where I just “wondered” in a way, what the fuck was really going on here. What is this actual resistance I am experiencing? I don’t feel like I am able to express myself within this context and workplace – now this is quite odd, because it is a quite ‘normal’ workplace so to speak, not unlike you would find anywhere else within this world, So the point I see within this is that I actually am just uncomfortable around people, and the resistance I experience towards people, has nothing to do with what I apparently perceive them to be doing, but rather is actually points that I have created within my self in how I have established myself in relation to other beings in my world. Like from the perspective of, if I don’t get close to beings, then I won’t face those points of resistance. Its like I experienced myself today, walking around, and no matter what I said, or did, or agreed with, there was this frequency of detestment, or resentment, or kind of like a bitterness towards particularly this being that was training me. Like a general aversion to the being. I experience this “off-ness” while I am there, like Ok there are some elements that are cool – but what the fuck is this “off-ness” that sits within every frequency of my being, like a disharmonic cord that resonate in every point and every expression of myself while I am there. Even when I am apparently ‘comfortable’ I still experience this disharmonic resonance at the “bottom” of it all. Fascinatingly enough, similar to the point I experience in the agreement I had on the desteni farm. Like a point that is just fucking off, and it is like this tiny point, but yet, there it is, permeating through the entire expression of the point. So I am going to continue walking here within this point and see whats up. I in a way look at this point as being related to “future projections” where I have created expectations and beliefs about how everything is supposed to work out and what is expected of me, and within this – a point of resistance emerge. Where I see myself as expected to do this and do that and do this and do that, and then from within this ‘aversion’ emerge inside me, within this expectation I have created of what is expected of me, which I don’t see myself actually fulfilling. Like I want one thing And they want another And these points don’t align And as such the point will not work So I cannot pretend it will or hope it will But I am going to walk more within this point because I simply want to see what the fuck is going on here, and see if I can push through some of these resistances which I see as not valid from the perspective of they are resistances and reactions, and that any resistance or reaction is not valid.    

Energy Monster

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I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself from the perspective of trying to get others to listen to me. The point I see is that who I am as the expression of myself is not really me, from the perspective that when I express myself, I am not expressing ‘myself’ from the starting point of expressing myself as “unconditional expression”  but rather, from the starting point of expressing myself, so that I get a response, meaning, that I want others to ‘respond’ in such a way that “they see me” or ‘acknowledge’ me in “a certain way”. Within this I am experiencing and seeing my self expression as, not being authentic.  Authentic from the perspective that I express myself, not in wanting to “get results” but from the starting point of me expressing me, with no desired outcome, realizing that I am simply sharing myself. And that I do not “require” to get anyone’s attention or approval, or to get a specific desired response out of them. I am finding my expression very ‘unsatisfying’. This has been my experience of myself of late, which is actually cool. Why? Because I am seeing “who I am” in my expression, and this ‘seeing’ is becoming quite obvious, where before I did not see what I was doing, and where now, I am, in that I see in most of what I am expressing/speaking, is not really me. What I mean in saying that this “is not really me” is that I see that this expression, that is not really me, which is revealing itself more and more, in moments where before I would not see it, is not really me because it is ‘so fake’. Instead of actually expressing myself, I automatically “go to” certain responses or phrases, or sayings, or words, that I believe will garner a certain, specific, response from those around me, instead of,  me actually expressing myself in self honesty, in saying what I really have to say, in where I express me without trying to get a certain reaction or response out of another. So my expression is not really me – because in fact it is “to get a response” it is an act, a calculation, it is manipulation- to see if “I can get something” not actually, expressing myself, and this is what I “call’ self expression. As if “we as ourselves” do not actually ever speak, but have what we are going to say or possibly say, already all mapped out and programmed in, for every possible experience that may occur for the rest of our lives, so that when the moment arrives to communicate, we are not actually speaking as ourselves in the moment with “what is really here” but actually are speaking as an automatic  all-ready program, just pulling up files, that in fact has nothing to do with the moment but solely with attempting to get energy – this is how I have been experience myself in communication.

 

I have looked at why this is, and what I see is that this is related to energy creation. The words and phrases we have accepted as ourselves, and stored and compiled within ourselves for possible use, are those that have been observed by us, to get a specific response. Meaning, that it  generates “a specific kind of energy” that we have accepted and allowed,  ourselves to define and create as ourselves, thus – we are always looking for ways to GET this energy which essentially, is a means of survival, or self creation, as the more of the kinds of energies we get that we like, and have created ourselves as, the ‘MORE’ , “we are” so to speak, from an energy perspective– thus when ever a moment arrives to communicate with another, we ignore the moment completely, we disregard the moment, and instead of speaking within the moment as self presence,  we, instead of actually communicating as ourselves, deliberately go into “program –mode” and begin to pull out, and place  “common pre-programmed responses/ phrases” we have all-ready compiled within ourselves, to GET ENERY. Fuck communication, I want energy. I don’t care what you are really saying, I would rather just try and extract energy from this moment. We as humanity are ruthless and unrelenting in our wanting, wanting, wanting. I have observed this point within myself. That I don’t actually speak to beings, but in fact manipulate them and manipulate the moment to get more energy, to feel alive.