“Sustaining a Point” – Standing Up is this World

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Sustaining a Point.
At the moment I am seeing a point here with regards to ‘sustainment’. This is the point of seeing that in order to ‘exist’ within the current world system. It requires one to actually ‘sustain’ that motion or application.
I see that this has been quite a resistance point for me within my life, where in I must ‘sustain’ something, particularly if it had anything to do with the system.
But as I am here at this moment, walking through this point of “finding myself a job” in this world to earn money as a practical support point, I am seeing that, If I would actually like to “Stand-Up” within this system that I am going to have to do exactly that which I have resisted doing for many years, that being, actually ‘sustain’ the point. Actually “take-on” projects or relationships in the system which I must then ‘commit’ to.
One of the ‘problems’ I had within finding work or jobs in this system, is I simply could not bring myself to commit to them. Mostly because they were ‘empty’ or ‘pointless’ from my perspective anyhow. Though at the moment these ‘excuses’ or any other ‘idea’ or ‘opinion’ I can come up with as to why I am not yet ‘committing’ to a job in this world, are not, within where I now stand in awareness of the point of Self-Responsibility, Valid.
My current understanding of Self – Responsibility is actually supporting me at the moment to stand up within this world.
I have started to realize that I am alone.
That no one is going to help, assist, support, save, provide, motive, encourage, pull me up on my own two feet, but that this must, and only can be done by me. That is not to say that assistance and support from others is not Here. It is a realization that to Stand on my own two feet, that I must do this alone without the expectation, hope, desire, want, or need of others to ‘help’
To realize one is alone is actually empowering, because then one simply stop looking outside self for support and assistance, and really start to support oneself in what ever way possible to Stand-Up within this world and Support a Solution that is best for all.
I realize that I must Stand Here under my own steam.
I realized that even a belief that “I cannot do it” is no longer acceptable.
Any reason I come up with, feel, or experience as to “what is holding me back”, “where I am unable to stand”, “why I am unable to do this”, “what is preventing me,” “where I am limited”, within this process is simply not valid, and I can no longer accept and allow that to direct me, as that is me “giving-up” that is me, saying that “I cannot do it”, without actually investigating these apparent “shortfalls”

I don’t have enough time
I don’t have enough money
I don’t have a car
I don’t have the right skills
I am not smart enough
I am so far behind
This will never work
Everyone else is better than me and more qualified than me
I don’t have enough education.

I see the point that all of these excuses simply do not hold up against my awareness and understanding of self-responsibility. Because Self-Responsibility implies that there are no excuses.

And within this I see how an excuse is really an accepted and allowed limitation that one can either decide to accept or not.

I see that I can no longer accept any excuse or justification as to why “I cannot do this”.

ALL are Walking DEAD – Not One is Alive.

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So today I am re-organizing a few things. Yesterday I gave notice to “my job” at the Horse Ranch that I would no longer be working there. So today basically starting again with looking for work in this world, in this system, and looking at various ways of generating an income for myself in this world. So also looking at how to utilize my skills within Visual Art to do this, thus also starting with some promotion and research into graphic design, illustration and things like this.

Partly because after my last experience working “for others” the question came up of “how long I am going to do this for”, meaning, work “for other people”. I mean the principle in itself is fine, working with others so to speak, though into today’s world and economic system money and self interest is now bread so Deep within the human being, that to “work for another” is in most cases “to become a slave” to those with money who will pay you.

There is actually no regard, consideration, or insight into what is actually here on this earth as a System which support the creation of a malicious, deceptive, self interested human being.

Money is Power and those with Money use it as such, and simply justify their existence with money and their ability to control others by paying them.

I mean who cares what you really do
Actions are irrelevant – Actions have become irrelevant
Not body gives a fuck about what they are doing
What they are concerned with is “How much money do they get”

Our Actions within this world are Not in Alignment with Living in and Equilibrium with Earth.

We are so fucking blinded by money that one is unable to see that their current day to day actions are actually harming the earth, harming themselves, and others, This all gets “sideswiped” when “the cheque comes in” which allow someone to justify what they do. And in a way “see nothing wrong with it”. Humanity is BLIND.

Which allows an individual to justify abusing the earth, themselves, and others. As long as they get paid, or turn a profit.

I am also busy today filing out forms for “repayment assistance” on my student loan which I ‘signed’ when I was 19 years old. 10 years later and I have not paid a single dollar back on the loan, even though I have made hundreds of dollars a year in payments on the interest so that I “don’t fall behind”

I mean this process alone that I am currently busy with in filing out these forms reveal “the state of this world” the “state of the system” that we as humanity have all collectively participated in. And that we have all allowed, and supported, and created. Thus each one is responsible for how we are currently existing.
So I am busy spending time filing out papers so that “I qualify” for re-payment assistance. Processes and Systems that one must ‘spend’ time and attention on, not so they can “live a dignified life”, but so that can “just survive”.

Though this is the system we have created, this is the system that I have allowed to exist by doing nothing.
By seeing myself as to small, to insignificant, to do anything, not knowing exactly what I should do. And so have allowed this current system to prevail by allowing these excuses and beliefs inside me.
And of course, believing that someone else will do it. The younger generation will do it. Those that are qualified will do it. But the fact of the matter is that it is the responsibility of everyone here on this earth to do it. And not simply “leave it someone else” “leave it to some group” while you simply go about living out your life in ignorant bliss.

All must stand up and take responsibility for what is here and what we have allowed, and re-educate ourselves so that we can actually each and everyone of us here, support the emergence of a new world.
To do nothing, is to simply allow this world to continue existing as it is.

I have realized for myself that all must be given an equal opportunity and that it is not about the evolution of self alone amongst the many, attempting to “be all you can be” No. It is about the evolution of ALL, together, where each individual on this earth, Stand as that ALL, and Always, in every moment, act in the best interest of all as the starting point of themselves.

To observe what we are doing at desteni from the sidelines and do nothing is deception. Because the truth is – Those who “stand-by” do not actually have a solution for this world. Yet the point is simple in terms of what we are saying.

Stop placing yourself before the All.

All one has to do is see how they live their lives and see if they are busy working on a solution that considers each and every single human being, plant, and animal on this earth. Or are you just busy with “your own life”

Suggest to investigate the Solution Desteni is Presenting – Let go of judgements, and ideas about the point and actually investigate it.

Desteni Suggest a World System Based on Equality and What is Best for ALL. And a part of this system will be the Re-Structuring of the Money System. And the elimination of Capitalism and Profit as a System that Governs Humanity and All on the Planet.

Where abuse is allowed – where we all have allowed ourselves to “look the other way” at say for example the homeless man on the street or the starving dog in your neighbour hood.

I mean do you not find it odd that one is actually not able to “comprehend” the deaths of millions broadcast on the News as casualties of war, where in one moment one can be watching a report on 40 by-standards killed in a suicide bombing then 15 minutes later be watching their favourite entertainment program and have forgotten all about the atrocities actually happening around them in every moment.

Desensitized is not even the word to describe it. Obviously this showing that we as human beings are actually really DEAD in this world, the Walking Dead.

So suggest to Research the Equal Money System Proposed by Desteni.

Because each and everyone of us are responsible for what is Here. And are responsible for ourselves in educating ourselves on the true state of this world – Obviously it is easy to ignore. Interestingly because this world is a chaotic mess, yet we manage to remain oblivious to it. Mind Control. I mean how else can we simply live day to day and think everything is ‘OK’.

So Visit www.equalmoney.org and re-educate yourself – pull yourself out of your grave. This life we live is not living – It is Dying, that is plain to see – And fucked-up how people will protect it, like its worth protecting. That is simply ego.

So investigate an Equal Money System, a system based on Equality. This will not happen automatically, we must actually, as a Race, Create it.

And it will take effort
It will require one to re-consider their entire life.
Obviously to ignore this is showing that one would rather just live out the rest of their lives placing their lives as that which is important over The Rest of Humanity. If that is not Ego, I don’t know what is.

Most are not aware that they exist primarily as the Ego. And think “its normal” to “live your life” and enjoy yourself – Well yes, you are exactly right, it is ‘normal’ for who we have become – for the Walking Dead that we are and have believed ourselves to be.

An Equal Money System is “not normal” by today’s standard, as it actually go “against” what we have currently accepted as life, An Equal Money is Based on Life, on Living, on Support of the Earth, on Self Expression, Expansion, Perfection, On a New Way of Living – A way of living that most do not even realize exists or is possible.

Thus investigate for yourself and prove to yourself that you are at least willing to consider something “outside” of your bubble of perception which you believe is so magnificent.

Its really not magnificent, its actually just suppression, denial, hatred, jealousy, fear, resentment – lol

What a Fuck Up.

Join us at Desteni in Bringing Forth a Solution for the Fuck-up of a world people are actually unable to see. Thus if you think this world is fine – Than I strongly suggest you research what we are saying at desteni

I am One Vote For World Equality and an Equal Money System.

www.equalmoney.org
www.desteni.co.za

Remaining Silent Caused Harm to Horse – Daily Writing – Nov 5 2010

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Ok, writing out my day Here.

An interesting experience happened at work today. This morning as we turned the horses out to their stables I was walking this one horse through this section where there was a cord which the horse and I required to walk over on the way to the stable.

 

I noticed the cord the day before and saw that it was definitely a hazard which would cause problems if a horse where to get tangled in it.

 

It simply was a basic point which was not being directed which create an unsafe environment for the animals.

 

I mean they are quite relaxed on the farm with regards to the care of the horse which is cool in one respect though this also turn into a form a abuse where points within the environment are being neglected. So a point for myself here to see the difference between “being relaxed” and “neglecting ones surroundings” and simply to not accept and allow a merging of the two points where “being relaxed” actually become overlooked for what it is really standing as. Meaning when this turns into a form of neglect must be stopped and not accepted or allowed. Clarity and Specificity are required Here. And are required within this world to actually push ourselves to move towards a more effective human.

 

Anyways I saw this “cord point” but did not fix it as we were busy with other things, as well as the fact that “ I am new” and have no right to say what I think should be done (self defined belief). Now what I mean by this, is I noticed this point coming up within myself quite a bit where because I am simply learning how everything thing works their, that I can simply not assume that things should be this way or that if I do not have the entire picture. But have noticed many points coming up within regards to points within the environment which are simply not being considered from the perspective of actually creating a safe environment for the animals. Yes the animals are smart and are capable of looking out from themselves, however one of these points which I in a way “allowed within the environment under the idea that I am “still new and is better to not suggest or say anything”  actually today caused quite a disturbance.

 

As I walked the horse through the area where the cord was, only seconds before I attempted to adjust the cord temporarily so that it would not get hooked up with the horse…as I walked the horse over the cord, sure enough his foot caught the edge of the cord and spooked the horse a bit, then the cord got even more hooked up in the legs of the horse and he totally freaked, and reared up, and then proceeded to drag me around 6 or 8 feet as I simply slid across the gravel on my shoes attempted to stabilize the horse, after a few moments of frantic flailing about the horse settled down, breathing heavily through his nose afterwards he walked with me to his stable and I let him in. This could have been avoided and basically by allowing this cord point I also tacitly allowed and supported this experience that the horse when through, not actually considering the implications that this have on the horse, other possible outflows/consequences of such neglect

 

So this was an interesting point because here was a practical point which I saw in the environment which is “not cool” for the horses, yet I let it slide, I did not take responsibility for the point but rather, allowed the responsibility to be abdicated to “those in charge” like a kind of “this is their stable, who am I to tell them how to go about it” And the result was a completely unnecessary experience which could have actually injured myself or the horse.

 

This event illustrating still How I am simply allowing the current system in place to be the dominant system and am not yet standing up as an authority and taking responsibility for what is here.

 

So here I see that I am still holding back in actually expressing points and taking responsibility for points which I see, and simply standing by the fact that it is not acceptable anymore within this reality to allow such points.

 

Abuse has become so accepted in our world that we do not even realize anymore that we are abusing. And so I see this point as well, where its not a matter of who is right or wrong, and I to judge is unacceptable from the perspective of seeing many points that must be directed – I mean a few years ago I would not have even noticed and actually this kind of consideration had to be pointed out to me also, so understand how these points can simply not be seen as “important” by beings in this world.

 

So a re-education process is required.

 

So the environment is quite cool actually to be able to express myself within practically directing myself to create a safe, stable environment for the Animals. But just wanted to write about that one point which occurred today.

 

So I have had many of these experiences so far of really at this point, allowing myself to be shown how they do things, even if it is not necessarily how I would do it from the perspective of ensuring the point is directed absolute, but I will compromise myself within these moments and “let it slide” because that’s what they do, and I mean who am I to change things.

 

This is exactly the point I was writing about a few posts ago about accepting and status quo and just going with what is the established way of doing things, and in a way being to afraid to actually challenge the status quo out of fear of causing friction.

 

I mean overall the place is pretty cool, it is simply just in some moments there are points not being considered which I can see, so its cool, I simply have the opportunity to bring these points into awareness just the same as they were done for me.

 

But obviously not to wait on this because today’s experience with the horse showed me that these points that I am seeing are in fact valid.

 

So from this perspective “give to another what I would want to receive”

And explore the point of equality and how I can bring this point to the table so to speak in way which is not being considered.

 

It will be a long process because fuck, these horses are in small little pens with no grass, some are in nice big field but also some small pens

 

I wouldn’t want to live in those pens.

 

Pretty Cool though to see how an equal money system will actually free the animals so to speak, where the conditions where animals lived will no longer be based on making money so will not have to be subjected to these bull shit conditions of enslavement imposed upon them from an ignorant inconsiderate humanity, that see animals as for there own personal gains, not as equals to be treated as such and be free in the exact same way as humans.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to this system of abuse that is currently here have president and authority simply because it is here.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to actually stand up for life and what is best for all and actually start to walk this process within my immediate environment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support this current system of abuse and self interest instead of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up and saying something out of fear of friction.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will be met with resistance and not then know what to say.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back in speaking out of fear of being yelled at or argued with where in my point will not be herd and I will end up feeling embarrassed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to be my god, my authority, and that which I use to direct the choices and decisions I make and words I speak and do not speak.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply merge into what is here as this current system instead of actually standing up and not more accepting and allowing myself to “go along with it” because I do not want to “disrupt or upset” someones world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider other peoples worlds from the perspective of not wanting to cause ripples in other peoples perfect worlds, even if those worlds are not what is best for all. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support self interest instead of what is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply go along with this world, out of fear of setting off other peoples egos.

Stop Blaming the Government – Vote for a New Equal Money System

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Stop Blaming the Government – Vote for a New Equal Money System

I woke up today at around 8:30 or something like this. I read a few posts and then prepared to go to work, as I was scheduled to work today in the furniture store. Interesting point here, I get paid twice as much per hour working at the furniture store than I do on the horse ranch. LOL – that illustrating the complete fucked upness of this reality, that there can be such a polarity between wages.

Basically the furniture deals with money in a different way, and in a way its pretty cool they offer quite a high wage for a basic job there in the store, where on the ranch the wage is initially low.

Though I experienced a point today of basically being a slave. Which I am, for money at the moment, where within the current system one must work for money, and to get that money must do what ever the one who is going to give the money sais.

This is why we require a new money system, so that no being must be subject/slave to another who has money and can tell them what to do because that particular being is in need of money.

That is an absolute fuck-up.

That is why I have given up my world, my life and given up this current world and reality because I see no other solution but than to stop this fucked up system and create a new one which actually allow beings to express themselves and live in freedom- Something that is no where existent in this current world of enslavement which we all accept so readily and not even realize the point of enslavement we are all accepting.

I am simply not just going to “find my place in this reality and in this system” And attempt to make it work for me and then live out my life, while I make the system work in my favour where in a make money and live a comfortable life, all the while ignoring the fact for one, that I had to completely compromise myself and my self expression to fit into this system of enslavement and have the system work in my favour, and also completely disregarded those that suffer and who are not in a beneficial point within the system so that they can have money and live comfortable as well.

My focus is not how can I fit into this system and make my life work.

My focus is how can I direct and apply myself to place myself in a position to change this system so that it is actually an enjoyable world to live in FOR ALL. Because anyone who actually say they enjoy this world are fucking lying or have completely deluded themselves into believing and accepting that they in fact enjoy this reality, this world. I mean if people enjoy enslavement – that’s pretty fucked up.

Its fascinating how we are able to IGNORE the millions of beings suffering in this world, and that we have conditioned ourselves into believing that “they don’t matter” or that it is “irrelevant”.

Imagine if all beings on earth decided to place as their direction and purpose in life to bring support to those in need. I mean the fact that there is such a fucked up existence at the moment is because no one is actually considering or caring about each and every being on earth. We have completely lost touch with who we are, with the point of caring for our neighbour.

I stand for and support A New Equal Money System and have given up my life to support the emergence of this system, because from my perspective it is a solution that Will actually Support all beings on Earth.

And also the life I gave up was not actually living anyways so realistically I gave up enslavement to live.

And thus I place my attention on bringing forth an Equal Money System and a World Equality System where the Equality of Each and Every being on Earth is Reflected in the way the World System Support beings here on earth. And thus with an Equal Money System all beings on earth will be supported as Equals.

Not like today’s system where some have millions and others actually just die after a few years because they have nothing.

And I mean this is the system that many support – Is this really acceptable?

An Equal Money System is a New System. It is an Alternative to this current system. I mean if you look at the extreme outflows of this current system – mass wars, millions dying, millions starving and in poverty, even now the “good countries” struggling to manage massive debt levels and unemployment. Thus a few tweaks here and there are not going to do it. – If we want to actually correct this world we require Mass Change

Its so funny I have noticed that people want thier government to change everything to fix everything. People are completely fucked up because all they do is blame their government. What a Fucking Joke – they go to the little booth, put a check mark on a card, and then there, they have done their part! Now they apparently have the right to complain? Fuck, all that’s showing is that people are unwilling to take responsibility for themselves and for what is here on this earth. They just expect the government to do it. And the fact that they complain about it shows that they really don’t understand at all how the system works

The problem is – The system is so fucked up that there is no way out – Every way you turn there is a massive snag. But the people are not willing to see this – they simply blame the government for not finding them a job, for not giving them their pensions – but if in fact they would actually look for themselves and see that this World System is such a fuck up that there is actually no real solution within this current system. That they themselves have no actual clue on what to do or how the system actually work. Because if they did, they would have stopped supporting this system and the political system along time ago, but people do not actually know how it works. Yet still complain to their government that its the government that is the problem. So what is their grand solution – Another Election! We want another president – one who will give us jobs and money and oh my fuck people!

 

Ok so I have a solution

Desteni Has a Solution.

It is called The Equal Money System…Let me guess…”It won’t work” how do I know you will say this – Because this is the only thing you can say. Its as if you have not developed the ability to actually investigate something for yourself. So hardened into the current way things work that you are unable to actually consider something else…it simply won’t work shows the degree of how one is programmed to accept only the current system and is not able to actually consider something else.

So I suggest investigate the Equal Money System that Desteni is Proposing.

The Principle of an Equal Money System is “What is Best for ALL”

The Point of taking all beings on this planet into consideration within the creation of a system that will support each and everyone of them equally, so that all beings are supported on this earth with the basic living requirements in place facilitated through an equality system that we create and develop on this earth.

I mean aren’t we supposed to be evolving?

Then would this not be an actual point of progressive evolution for humanity, it we were able to create a world system that supports each and every being on earth to a point of a dignified life.  From my perspective that indicate to me an actual point of evolution because at the moment our current world system only support a few, while millions are dying and do not have support from the world system.

There is a proposed system already in the works for this – It is called and Equal Money System as Presented by Desteni and you can research it on www.equalmoney.org or visit the desteni website at www.desteni.co.za to find out more.

I am one Vote For World Equality and A New Equal Money System.

I mean of one start to investigate what an equal money system actually do it is fucking amazing.

It is a system that provide for all beings on earth the basic necessities of life as a birth right, meaning they will receive an allowance so to speak – All beings on earth, from when they are born until they die – Obviously practical points are considered as well like for instance a child of 2 years only will not be able to handle his own money for example.

Along with this distribution of money to beings it will also be ensured that each being has equal shelter. Now I am not talking about some hut with not floor, I am talking about the basic physical requirements so that all can live a dignified life. So all one has to do is look for oneself. What are the basics to live on this planet and have basic physical support. Food, Shelter, Water, Heat, and so forth.

I mean instead of having to fight to get yourself an education – Education will be provided for all, Why, because that is how one support itself as life. This is not about “trying to make it” in this world. The reason why this point currently exist where beings have to “try to make it” is because there is only so much ‘room’ in the system.

Does it not make sense rather to create a system which actually support beings instead of suppress them? I mean the system is a reflection of ourselves, is a reflection of what we accept and allow ourselves to be, and the fact that our current world system is not considering all beings as equal in this world is actually saying that in fact it is us who is not considering all beings as being equal in this world.

Thus to a suggestion.

Do what is best for all.

Replace the Starting point of Yourself.

It is a point of self re-creation where one actually re-create and re-design oneself so that they do in fact consider all beings equally within this world.

Thus

Stand as What is Best for ALL.

Become What is Best for ALL.

Do What is Best for ALL.

Be What is Best for ALL.

In every moment of your life – Act in the best interest of ALL.

Yes this will require everything about oneself and about ones life to change.

Actual evolution yes.

Or we can do nothing.

Which we are really good at by now

So you either Support a New Equal Money System and What is Best for ALL

Or you support the Current System and Millions Dying each day of starvation.

You Decide

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteni.co.za

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that equality is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a system that support all beings on earth is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I did not ever think of a system like this, that it cannot be right.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to consider anything other than what is here and within this believe that nothing else is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not capable of actually creating something that works and is effective and actually supports beings and life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not smart enough to create and system that is best for all and that actually support all beings on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I “don’t have it in me to be able to do this”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of standing as a system that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be some great smart person to be able to actually see how this system works and actually direct this system into existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself who I am as life and equal to every part of life as having equal value to all points as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in separation of life instead of stand as all life as what is best for all as myself as who I am in every moment.

Layer of Depression – There’s no Point to it. – Nov 3 / 2010

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Layer of Depression – There’s no Point to it. – Nov 3 / 2010

 

Ok one more point before I go to sleep. I have noticed that “my life” is like “all depressive” its like such a slight experience of myself but at the same time this “slight experience of depression” is constant, like it is there in the background of my experience each and every day, and in every moment. So have now identified this point in my world and within the experience of me so can now work with it here to no longer accept and allow this point of “depression” to simply exist in my world for “no apparent reason”. Its like I have simply just accepted this point, this way of being or experiencing myself or living within my world. Where there is like a layer of depression around me always, and is like a cloud that exist in my world always, where it is kinda groggy all the time. I mean there is no point to this but at the same time will have to identify specifically how I actually manifest this point within the experience of myself in my world.

 

At the moment I see the point of fun coming up from the perspective of identifying myself as one who is “boring” and really just bland in my day to day interactions, like pretty basic kind of living. Working on the computer, drinking coffee, writing, like basic shit, though there is not reason why I cannot enjoy and express me within this and be more “light” so to speak, because this “depression” point that I now see coming up in my world is “more heavy” Ok just thought Id write this out before sleeping.

 

Ok now I am going to bed, and also get up tomorrow in enjoyment, and actually live and enjoy me in this world, No point in being a stick in the mud.

Writing Self to Freedom – “Hitting the Jackpot!” – October 30/2010

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Today was an interesting day. I was at the “Market Collective” which is Arts and Crafts fair in the city I live in. So basically I had a table with drawings for sale. I decided to not sell paintings and drawings at this market and just focus more on selling the drawings, in particular the “Comical Sense” Drawings as I find with these drawings there is actually “something there” which is pretty cool. I Find my past work is ‘empty’ so to speak, and so find working with the “Comical Sense” stuff more fulfilling and enjoyable, as it is no more just “something to look at”. We as Consumer Society has place so much emphasis on the ‘picture’, on “the surface” that this “something to look at” has become that which we focus on. And the goal of the artist has become to make that “something to look at” as cool as possible, placing all of the emphasis on this, where the practical, functional, useful element of art steadily disappears.

I mean even if one look at how we has human beings present ourselves. All of the emphasis is placed on the picture, and we attempt to arrange that picture presentation of ourselves in as many ways as possible attempting to within this find some satisfaction within ourselves.

So much of the emphasis gets placed on the picture that we have forgotten in a way, that there is anything inside.

So in terms of the age old question of is it art that imitates life or life that imitates art, it is simply irrelevant considering that both are in the same boat anyways – stuck on the surface.

I sold one drawing today. Its the first one of the comical sense that I sold, it was titled TOMB-orrow (tomorrow) the guy that bought it like the skeleton imagery.

It was quite a release because I noticed this particular thought construct coming up a few times in the day.

The pattern/construct would start with the thought of first

 

-Noticing that I had not yet sold a drawing while watching others sell their work

-Then comes like a fear of believing that I have done something really wrong

-Like I have an innate mistake built into the structure of me

– Like a huge gap or something where I am “missing a point” or “understanding” which is why I

have not sold

-Then I experience a feeling/emotion experience of sadness mixed with hopelessness/helplessness

– Then thoughts of my dad come up, like I will end up living out the same pattern he did which is like

ending up as a “starving artist” kind of thing

 

Its interesting this construct came up a few times during the day, but I was mostly aware when this construct came up so simply did not “go into it”

 

 

When I sold the drawing it was like a release in a way of this construct, like

 

“I am not totally crazy”

Which actually indicate that this particular thought exist inside me before hand, like I thought/believed I was being delusional with “trying to sell art”

This point of “believed delusion” also being linked with the experience of hopelessness.  Thinking that I am in fact so delusion and that I am not even able to see it.

 

I noticed also sometimes, the thought coming up of

 

“Why do I have to do this”

Here I see this as a kind of attempting or wanting to escape from this whole experience I am going through of selling art in this world, where so much of the time, I want to just quite, even though I do see the point of what I would prefer is if I was actually able to sell the stuff, like if I actually made some consistent money with it then I would actually not want to quite selling art. So its not actually related to the “ACT” of selling art that I am opposed, just to the point of that I have not made any money or sold very effectively over the years.

 

At the moment, I am pushing the work I make now to be as educational as possible, where one can actually be supported by that work or piece when they see it and it isn’t just something you “put up because its nice”

 

This way I can actually not feel guilty for selling it to people, because before this point was quite allot – feeling guilty for selling work to people.

 

I mean what is real value. Value has become so distorted in this world that it has “lost touch” with reality. From my perspective value is not something “made up” but rather based on equality, meaning, you plant one seed, you get one carrot.

 

And this value is based on the actual physical movement of this reality, like for example the physical movement of a carrot growing into maturity. Value grounded in the earth.

 

And so art should be “valued this way” where it is grounded in earth so to speak.

 

Based in the “Equality Equation” that desteni present of 1 + 1 = 2

Our current money system, the very nature of money is based on deception. Where one is attempting to cheat reality, like saying 1+1=7 or 100 or what ever they can convince another it is worth. There is not actual basis for value these days – it is completely based on an idea – which exist in the mind.

 

This money system is so fucking tempting – Because essentially value is based on what someone will pay for it – not how much it is actually really worth so to speak. So people “buy in” and play the game, attempting to generate income through distorting value through the current money system where say one person might sell something to someone for 1 dollar, than this person turns around and sells it for 100 dollars – This is completely fucking with planet and the actual equilibrium of the physical earth. And showing the value of a product is not actually based on the actual physical value of the substance related to the earth and how this support humanity to live on this earth in equilibrium.

 

This is one reason why I support a new equal money system – because it will “normalize” everything, so that we actually start Interacting with our planet on a 1+1=2 foundation.

 

It is interesting I notice this “temptation” of the money system within myself where I see the point of “if I could only get people to buy my art for ‘x’ amount of money, than I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a job or paying my rent or anything like that, because there is this “jackpot” point that exist within this current money system, like if one could only convince another to pay that “jackpot” amount for their product, then they could really get allot of money for very little work. It is such a fuck up, because Im sure there are many out there who would read this and think – “Well what’s wrong with that”

 

Well fuck – a outflow of this current manifestation of ourselves is millions dying of starvation, wars, murder, I mean how is that “OK” .

 

We as humanity have begun to “make things” in the hope of hitting that “jackpot” within the system. Because it is possible for everyone of us to actually do. Like the carrot dangling in front of our eyes just out of reach.

 

We lose sight of the consideration to actually create something that will benefit humanity. Then the products we create, really don’t consider if they are actually of use in this reality at all but more so – can I make money from it. And this is fucking with our evolution as a human race, as an existence.

 

This is why I Support and Equal Money System as proposed by Desteni – www.equalmoney.org Because here the principle foundation of our movement in this reality would be How will this benefit humanity, how will this benefit life. I mean what is the actual outflow of the decisions I make and the evolution of humanity. I mean every action we make, every thought we think, has ripple effect, outflow on this existence. Thus the point here is to take into consideration what you actually in do, and what you actually think. And to consider “does this thought or action have the best interest of humanity in mind”

Once this consideration is in place and all beings on this planet have placed this point as the starting point of themselves, of there every thought, word, and deed, then we will be actually evolving as LIFE.

 

Until then we are simply only considering ourselves and not how we actually influence this world.

We think or believe that “oh it is just my life”

 

I mean when you die then what – your life is over? – You did the best you could – Do you really understand reality – do you really understand what is going on this planet – this existence – Is this world we have accepted really the end all be all.

 

Have we considered what it actually means to change.

 

Or are we too afraid what our friends will say if we actually change.

If we actually consider something so different that it is met with massive resistance.

 

From my perspective than we at least know we heading in the right direction – because we require a massive change on this earth.

 

I mean to stop war will take the implantation of a new system, an implantation of new way of being, of living that will be not like what is here now.

 

Suggest to investigate Desteni and Equal money system for those who are not afraid to actually change.

 

www.desteni.co.za

www.equalmoney.org

Fear to Move Out Of Sub-Par Existence – October 29th/2010

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A point that I have observed in myself which has come up in relation to my job, is the point of accepting my own limitation by not pushing myself while I am around others, because I don’t want to trigger the point of jealousy in the other, and so instead I dum myself down, and essentially limit myself, and actually  simply allow those around me to dictate how I live my life.

 

I noticed this come up at work with regards to points around workplace that I see can be “fixed-up” and organized but have noticed I hold myself back from pointing these things, out or really taking these points on because I get the sense that it is “out of” the accepted way of doing things, and I realized that I actually compromised myself and am compromising myself  through not actually realizing that it is OK to to actually push myself and push others to become more specific and more directive in their worlds, and actually push myself here also to become more specific and directive in my world.

 

Its like in this one particular moment, I held back in directing myself to immediately take on a point that I saw because I didn’t want to be seen as doing something out of the accepted way of doing things. Specifically I did not want to “diminish” the other being in my presence. Its the point of jealousy, I noticed in a few instances, I held back actually fucking directing myself and directing a point because I do not want to trigger that point of jealousy reaction in other, where in they go into a form of reaction out of jealousy with regards to how I direct or apply myself.

 

Fuck, what I realized in this moment was that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to limit myself. And realized that this is/was actually how we ended up in this mess. Because we did not want to cause any friction. We did not want to stand up and act in a way that actually pushed people a little bit.

 

Its like I did not want them to say “don’t do that” and then come up with some excuse or reason why I “should not do that” or how “thats not the way things are done here” .

 

And what I see is that if I accept and allow this, I am actually accepting and allowing “this current system, and this current world” to dominate me. In other words, I am tacitly stating that I am actually in support of this current system, because I simply just allow it to have precedent over that which I have developed within myself as for example self will, and self determination.

 

I seen within this how so many squander within this world. Because Sub-Par is the accepted way things are. Everybody fights for Sub-Par. Even those that are effective fight for Sub-Par because this way they seem superior and dominant.  And I realized how in that moment, the “sub-par” remain the standard in this world. Because so many, as I did in that moment, accepted the “sub-par” as the dominating factor, and was unwilling stand in that moment, and actually stand-up and push and challenge myself, and within this actually push and challenge others as well.

 

In a way its easier to live in an unnoticed way

Its easier to never push to hard, as to not make people feel like there not doing enough.

Its like the point of supporting laziness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself as this might cause others to resist me and have friction towards me, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let my fear of other people influence me to not stand up and do anything about this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that which I have developed within myself as my application and discipline within walking, living, and applying myself in this world because I don’t want to make people feel bad, and react towards me for feeling bad.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people being jealous of me, because within this they may not enjoy me being around, because I push and move them out of there comfort bubble.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an observer in this world, never actually pushing myself to stand up within this world because in doing this it would cause to much friction in other peoples worlds, and there-in, I simply accept the sub-par as how things are, and be sure to remain under or on this line of “sub – par” as to not cause any reaction in another where they might observe within themselves something that requires a correction, and in this may become fearful or not wanting to give up who they are, and thus , lash out on me.

 

I forgive myself for not allowing myself  to push myself in the work place to be absolutely effective within my direction and actually look at the point from the perspective of a permanent solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply just do the bare minimum, instead of pushing and willing myself here to become effective within my application, in particular my practical application.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back within expressing myself within absolute clarity in communication as to not upset someone, and within this not fully honouring myself within creating my world the way I want, where I push myself and my world to the utmost specificity, because I see that this is a point I would like for myself, and thus allow me to give to myself as I see the ‘benefit’ this have on a being

Doing Things Instead of Expressing Self – October 26th

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Well, I made some vlogs today speaking about my experience about work and stuff, but the sound was messed up on some of them and then the other ones I was not satisfied. So now this is a point here which has become a suppression point. This doing vlogs. I have over the last week or so, done probably around 8 vlogs or so, and I have not posted a single one. I often am simply not satisfied with the clarity and precision of myself within speaking.

So I am here looking at this point now of why I have created about 8 vlogs and not posted any of them, but erase them, or just leave them sitting there because I am simply not satisfied with them.

Sometimes I believe that the vlogs and the information I am speaking is not specific enough or is just mind stuff. Other times its like I mess up on a point, or get lost in what I am saying for a moment or two, or in some I notice I go into knowledge and information that I have not actually lived, and so just have found I am not satisfied with any of the vlogs I have been making.

I have also been preparing for an art fair that is going to be here on the weekend. This process I have experienced as quite obligatory for the most part, rehearsed, uninspired, and like, dead!

Probably because most of the drawings I am working with are like Old, Old, Old, and there are only a few new ones, so its like all this old dead shit, instead of new alive shit that is now an expression of myself as who I am currently living and walking. Its like I have changed since starting this process with desteni, but have not brought this through into the art work yet. In a way there is an excitement there also, kind of like “saving the best for last” where I hold off and hold off knowing all the while that when I actually do start with making some art, that Im sure I will enjoy the expression that comes through.

This has also been a question of mine also – When am I going to start making art? I spend almost not time doing this at all, at the moment relating this point to first getting myself into a position that is more stable in terms of me actually having an income coming in before I start spending time doing this.

Though I am curious as to when the fuck I am going to start with making some art.

Its like, what is going on with me?

In a way my application has become boring from a certain perspective. Like I’m not engaged with what I am doing, and with my life, but I will use this word again which I just used – Obligatory. I mean there are moments of enjoyment, but I really do not experience myself as actually really living and expressing me, where mostly things are routine, and plain, and I really don’t do much, in terms of actually expressing myself in that which I do, its like mostly things are just blaaaand. Even in my writing, its like I kind of just do it and have to push myself to do it, but haven’t really found myself expressing me much, but more just doing things.

I have enjoyed making vlogs, even though I did not place them, I did enjoy speaking about certain points on camera. I like speaking and communicating even though I am not always satisfied with that, I cannot deny that vlogs are quite cool to do.

 

I have decided to take on the job at the farm, even though I do experience fears about this which come up in terms of fearing my self expression. Actually this is quite interesting this fear. I fear that I will not be able to express myself, and I mean to express oneself is fun. I fear that the structure that exist there, will suppress me, and that I will not be able to express myself there fully. That is one of the more prominent fears, that I will be suppressed into a kind of silence and limitation and I will not enjoy that at all, and that I will only be able to really express me with myself alone.

Its like people develop these structures as rules and ways of being and interacting that they place within their worlds and then exist within, and that I just find that I have not always been that great at being able to exist within these structures of conduct and parameters and really be able to express myself.

Though I have never really been one to be a “people person” but I would like to change this. I found that I actually started to “get to know people more” when I was on the desteni farm, and now simply see the ‘value’ if you want to call it that of actually interacting and exploring, sharing and expressing, and really getting to know others within a self intimacy.

Even though I see this, I still tend shy away from it as I always found it so much easier to express with myself alone in my room. And honestly I have lived this kind of alone application enough, where I see, obviously that I must now actually push the point of interaction with other beings, and get over my resistances to doing this, so I can actually be comfortable with others, instead of being uncomfortable.

I really don’t like when people get mad or angry or irritated. Its like I tend to try and avoid this at all cost. Especially when they take it out on others, or in particular, me!

That is one reason why I do not like being around others, because I really do not enjoy the experience of another being reacting to a point when I am in their presence. Or yes, even more reacting towards me.

Fuck I still have to sort that point out. Like taking shit personally. And suppressing anger that comes up. Its like Why? Why would you say or do that towards me.

Most of the time I really just want to fucking stand up in that moment and tell the being immediately to simply Stop the bull-shit. Like blatantly point out what the fuck they just did and actually turn the point right back on them so that they see exactly what they did.

But normally I just stand there in bewilderment like, what the fuck, this being is blaming me right now or taking shit out on me, or not taking responsibility for themselves, and normally I just stand quietly in anger an “take-it” So when I am alone in my room I do not have to deal with this. Deal with beings reacting in Frustration and Anger.

I mostly encountered this point with my father growing up, so if I had to pinpoint where I actually created this point of staying in my room away from people, I would say I created and refined this point in relation to my father. Where I remember experiencing this point of “avoiding” him allot during my life, and just “getting the fuck outta there” mostly I could go to my room and hide, because it was like he was allot of the time irritated and angry and frustrated and would react all the time towards others and it would really just be a shit experience, so I preferred to just stay in my room, like, out of the way of this projection bullshit.

From a certain perspective though I did not really understand why he was so frustrated and angry and irritated, so there is point to consider and forgive and stop any points of blame or anger I have towards him.

Even around him now I notice in every moment (quite fascinating really) there is this resonant point, like a waiting, an expectation of the eventual point where his anger, frustration, irritation will come out and be directed at someone around him. Fuck, when most recently I was around him, I noticed that each time he would enter the room or come home or something like that, I would like, “take a step back” like a waiting…waiting to see…almost like an expectation of him being angry and argumentative. And this point simply exist inside of me always and constantly. And then there was like a small moment or experience of relief when he would open his mouth and speak, and his words were actually pleasant or simply not angry…then its like..oh, ok its cool to express me here, he is not angry, so its ok if I speak my mind, or can really just let go in a way, and relax, so I see I have developed this resonant point of holding my breath within and expectation of anger in relation to my father, which I simply see as a resonant point which I developed over time with regards to my general experience around him as I cannot at this moment pinpoint a specific event which occurred where this point really “sunk in”

So in a way me staying in my room now and wanting to avoid people and their reactions is actually me simply staying in my room and hiding away from my father.

So a point here to explore and forgive.

And actually stand up and face this anger with people. And face the fear I have inside me of facing this anger and reactions  and what could possible happen. Like being overpowered and diminished.

Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t – Oct 25th 2010

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Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t

So a pretty cool point here has opened up over the last three blog posts about my experience with my new job on a Horse Ranch. I wrote about some of the experiences and resistances that have been coming up and got some pretty cool feedback which basically assisted me to see that I was actually justifying the whole point of actually attempting to hide from these resistances, as if I could actually hide from them. As if these resistances are “out there” that if I were to go somewhere else that these resistances would go away, and that the very fact that I was experiencing these resistances meant that I was in the wrong place, which is actually as I now see it, A “neat and tidy” excuse to simply attempt to run. So the point I see here is that there is no running, that I cannot actually run from this point, even if I tried, I would be back at this point again, and simply would have to face it. I see this from the perspective of the point actually existing inside me as me. And thus, within standing up for and as equality and what is best for all, I will actually face these resistance points, which I see as the design of myself, as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and create myself as and who I am as myself as the programming I have given myself throughout my life through that which I have participated in and agreed upon either tacitly, implied or directly.

What is fascinating about his point is how superbly the mind create a perfect picture, and reasoning as excuse which lay down the perfect road for one to take to escape the situation. It just “seems to make sense” It just seemed to make sense that I was in the wrong place. That really there was nothing I could do about the situation I was facing, about the resistance I was facing, and that oh yes, it is the right decision to “let the point go” I mean the wording of the excuse is exquisite, deceptive. It just seems like “the truth” I have found this to be a pretty cool example and point for me to see how the mind work.

I faced this same point on the farm, and I walked away from a certain perspective. Now what is fascinating here is that I am facing this same point again, and in a way the experience of myself is much the same, yet the context is different, so how could it be that my experience is exactly the same…this indicate that the point I am facing, is actually a point within me. It is not dependant on the environment so to speak. The point actually exist inside me as my own creation of myself as how I have programmed myself.

So I am going to get into some of the specifics here a bit. The two points that are coming up here is family, and commitment. Where in one of the points I noticed I reacted to in being on this farm is the point of family, from the perspective of “having an idea of how this would be” and also I see that in fact, I had really just projected these “family points” and my ideas around onto the situation and was not actually based in real walking assessment of the situation. Though Either way, it is irrelevant from the perspective of me making a decision to walk the point, where in if they turn out to be what I perceived and projected them to be does not make it in any way valid in that it still is simply an idea, a construct, and the point I see is about “how I react” to the situation, where there can be no reaction what so ever. And that as long as there is a reaction, I here am required to correct the point within me, until I can stand in front of any being, and mother, father, brother, sister, grandma, any point within the construct of family, and not longer react, but stand in silence.

I see that I did/do not trust myself yet in actually being able to effectively assist and support myself within this walking of this point. I feared the point, and saw myself as bending and breaking under the pressure, instead of actually relieving the pressure within applying the tools that desteni has provided for this process, in self writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, and utilizing the techniques provided in SRA, as well to actually take on my programming, and no longer accept and allow “pressure” meaning, any kind of pressure I experience is pressure I place on me, and that it never come from “out there” somewhere, and that I will have to be able to walk into the storm so to speak, and assist and support myself in walking through the points within disarming them from the perspective of seeing how and where I am still in reaction. And that I am responsible for every iota of reaction I experience inside me.

So the point here is to actually trust myself within walking this point. So step one is to trust self within standing up. And now here is step two, which is self trust within walking, moving and directing myself. Where in a way, walk alone, and that one must realize that one is alone in it all. And establish trust and self at this level, where one walk alone, and one is Ok to walk alone, into any point, and not require something or someone else to depend on, to hold onto, one must simply let go of all dependency, all want, to have someone or something there with, and to establish trust for oneself in walking as self alone into eternity. I am beginning to see that everything that self holds onto will be taken away, because self must learn to trust and walk as self alone. Until there is stability, silence, acceptance and the realization that self do not need or require anything actually. So from this perspective this point that I am facing is a “long one” it was like a “long road” and I did not establish myself as actually being able to walk this “long road” alone. I mean, eternity is a long time, but I will start with just taking one step, then two, then walk a point as myself alone, and now here, in looking at this long road, realizing that I am actually capable of walking this within self trust, I simply had not yet considered doing this. So that’s pretty cool point, and in a way can ‘prepare’ for this, where I can assist and support me to establish myself within this point and realize also that the process must be walked alone. And here is simply a real physical timeline to support me to establish myself within walking alone. And now its time to trust me as the starting point of self trust within walking. Obviously there are beings on the forums and so forth to assist and support within sharing themselves within their walking, so in this way we all walk together. Though I see here the point of one establishing themselves as self reliant within being able to depend and rely on self alone, and not actually requiring anything else than that. So cool point of self trust and self walking here.