Category Archives: Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing

My apparent problems not actually Real.

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So over the last week, I basically stopped applying myself and gave up on myself for a moment allowing myself to go into a form of depression and existing in the mind. Allowing myself to believe that this depression and “way I am feeling” actually has power over me and there was “nothing I could do”. Though I see now that this is not so - In one of the recent desteni videos I watched, the point was mentioned of how people who are homeless don’t have the luxury to have addictions as their world simply does not permit it as they are forced in a way to just focus on survival and do not have time to entertain addictions or such points of self interest. So this is the point that came up today as I was looking at this point. I realized that my application of depression and giving up myself was simply not valid as it really was only considering myself. I had given power to this application of “being depressed” and believed that there was nothing I could do to get out of it. As I simply did not have the will to direct myself within my world to do the necessary actions to support what is best for all. “Well how convenient for me”. Having food, internet connection if I want it, warm bed, movies to watch, house to live in, all of this, and there are millions dying this instant because they have no food to eat or basic support, and here I am not willing to support because I have some “emotional problem” I mean take away my food, my home, my car, my internet, my basic support, then I will have a real problem. As along as I have the basic physical support, food to eat, place to sleep, I have no excuse for why I am not applying myself in every moment. If I am unable to find the will to do it for myself, then I do it for those that are starving to death right now, as this is what I would want if I were in their shoes, for those that are actually capable of applying and directing themselves in this world to do so to support those that at the moment are not able to. So in Self-Honesty if I dare utter the word, it is obvious that I was only living/existing in Self-Interest, and not actually looking at my Actual self-honest experience/situation of me where really there was nothing but my own self created/accepted emotional problems standing in the way of me directing myself to support what is best for all. In other words, there was really nothing standing in my way at all. I guess though I was judging myself quite a bit, and was/am dealing with layers of emotional shit which actually becomes a physical experience of self, but I mean in asking the question of if I am doing all I can do to support and direct myself the answer is no, and that it is clear that despite who I believe myself to be, I am still physically capable of supporting much more effectively than I am at the moment. Ok.

Fearing/Judging the Truth of Self.

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So Gian left a comment on one of the blog posts I made in regards to Self Discipline, where he mentioned the point of Breath and how he directs himself in Breath. I went immediately into a point of Self Judgment towards myself in how I am directing myself in this process. Particularly in relation to thoughts and the amount of thoughts and backchat and pictures that come up inside of me within my world and how if I were to actually write about everything that comes up I would literally be writing non-stop as the amount of thoughts that “I allow” is extensive compared to not allowing any at all. So I looked at the point of Gian being young and how others who are younger have less thoughts as they have less manifested systems and constructs inside of them where they are not as ‘integrated’ as their Mind Consciousness System as people that are 10 years older than them. So I went into immediate Self Judgment and remembered how when I was at the farm that I had more of a ‘Guard’ up and was more active in stopping my thoughts. And now since being back here in Canada I can allow much more mind shit because I do not have to face anyone as where when I was on the farm I had to face myself daily from the perspective of participating with those who were actively stopping their thoughts, or even coming face to face with the the portal or dimensions or who ever was in the body and in that having the truth of self reflected back to self from the perspective of knowing that “nothing was hidden” and thus having to stand face to face with another being and have them see into you and what kind of mind shit you were allowing. So in this I was much more strict with myself in terms of not allowing mind stuff. Though since being in Canada I have let-up on this because I am more alone, and can just allow certain thoughts and not have to “fear of facing myself” Because that is also the point I recognized while I was on the farm is that one of the main reasons I “stopped thoughts” and was more disciplined in “not allowing” mind stuff, was because I was ashamed of the stuff that existed inside of me and so rather I stopped my mind from the starting point of fear, which I realized would not stand the test of time, and eventually I would have to stop my mind from the starting point of self. So from this perspective I see that I still do not share stuff about my life my experience as I am ashamed of it, and ashamed of myself and essentially judging myself for who I have become. This point revealed over the last few weeks as I started communicating a bit more to my mom and dad about what I was doing with desteni, and basically they have access to all of everything I post on Facebook. I saw that because of this I started to edit or change what I posted in my blogs in consideration to them. This is a complete fuck up and is a cool point actually in seeing how the family structure completely and absolutely fuck with human beings and keep them locked into their ‘pre-programmed’ personalities. In some of the e-mails my mom started to write she would say stuff like I am not thinking clearly and if I needed time to come home and ‘cleanse’ in way and “sort my stuff out” that I could. So basically here this is the point of my mother thinking that there is something wrong with me. So I noticed that in some of the stuff I would share in my blog posts I would share about experiences that I was having within myself and how I see myself and basically just sharing myself as we have been doing in the desteni process since the beginning. My mom interpreted this as “me having problems” And from a certain perspective this is what I also interpreted it as because I could see then that I would not want to share a point because I would be wanting to avoid my mom seeing what I was writing as me having some kind of problem and so I would not share certain things. Not looking at my reaction to this I see that I am still judging myself for who I am, and what I share. And also still caring what my mother things, and what my family thinks. Instead of me finding that point of trust within myself to be able share any point of myself and not judge myself or define myself within a point of self judgment. But actually I share myself unconditionally without judging myself. So I see that I started to edit my blog posts on facebook because of “what if my parents see it” But this is actually cool that I see this now because I see that this is not a point that I am willing to accept and allow as myself and within this seeing this see that this is actually me standing up as myself and not accepting and allowing myself to be defined by and through ‘family’. Where in I see that I will not accept and allow myself to limit myself and or exist within this “family construct” any longer. So this is simply another stage if you will of facing myself and facing my family. Where now they have became a little more active and thus I am facing the point of now being able to still express me openly and unconditionally as who I really am, regardless of what they may think or perceive and particularly seeing how I actually was/am still existing within the personality of myself as Andrew as who I defined myself to be through my family as how I existed in relation to my family. And who they perceived me as and believed me to be. And so see that in ‘editing’ my posts that I was/am still existing within Aspects of myself as Andrew within the context of my Family. So cool now to “break out” of this construct and not accept and allow myself to exist as that Andrew any longer as that is not who I am willing to accept and allow myself to be as rather I stand up for and as life as equality and what is best for all as life support as “the truth” of who we actually are, and no longer accept and allow myself to “hide” within personalities and ideas, and constructs, as that is Not in fact the truth of Who we are, and thus I will not accept and allow myself to exist within an application of Hiding the actual truth of ourselves which is exactly what the family construct support – the hiding of oneself within an accepted and allowed existence of Hiding, masking and suppressing the real truth of oneself and who we really are in fact. Now I noticed this point about a week ago with regards to how I was being influenced by and through accepting and allowing myself to continue existing within a personality connected to and created within and defined according to “who I was within my family”. Though another aspect of this revealed yesterday as I read one of Pauls posts he recently posted with regards to sexuality. Within his post he was basically exploring and investigating himself within the point of sexuality. Now I did not really read the entire post but more just skimmed over it, but the point came up of that this post was actually someone sharing the truth of themselves in terms of how they are actually existing as. I saw that I had in way not been doing this to the degree where I have actually started to suppress this point within myself. So I saw a point of shame within myself, in terms of there are still points I do not share or am ashamed of within myself and so within seeing this shame see that I am still judging me and holding onto judgments towards myself and that I – Why would I judge myself? I mean why not just forgive myself. And so see how I actually still have many judgements towards myself which “come up” in terms of how perceive others will see me with regards to the truth of myself, though within bringing this point “back to self” recognize that this is in fact a Self Judgment I have towards myself and that I am allowing myself to exist as, and not actually forgive myself. So must now really look at what specific points am I not yet forgiving and am judging myself for. Ok Thats it for now.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.

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Investigating this point of Discipline Further. I see that I have not been living this point of Self-Discipline, which is why I would then exist within a point of projection/desire towards the “Desteni Farm” (Mentioned in Preceding Blog)Because when I was on the farm, this “point of Self-Discipline was from my perspective being lived much more by me. So the farm represented that actual potential of one actually being self-empowered and can actually create oneself into a highly effective being within this reality – And that is the point that I am not at the moment living within my own world. What this entail specifically is that I desire to actually change and transform myself, and to become an effective being within process. This process of myself started to emerge while I was on the Desteni Farm, though I do remember I experienced points of dissatisfaction within myself towards “my application”. At the moment in my world this Self-Change is not being lived. It is only being Desired to be Lived. So in Essence this point of Self-Discipline as I have determined as “the point” is The Key to Self Change. So contained within this point of Self-Discipline there are different aspects of “what this entail” or who I would become if I lived this point of Self Discipline. I am seeing a point of “worthiness” now coming up with regards to if I were able to change myself that I would be worthy. And I would actually be satisfied with myself as I would be an effective being. Here also with this point of Self-Discipline and Self-Change is the point of ‘Perfection’. Which again I am not living, and that also the same as Self-Change is related to the base point of Self-Discipline as the point that is the Key so to speak to bringing forth both of these aspects from the perspective of “a point” that I require to walk in order to, in essence, actually be satisfied with myself and which will Support me to Stop the desire and projections that have been coming up lately with Regards to Being on the Desteni Farm. The point to walk can be encompassed Here as walking Self-Discipline. A point which I can walk as a focus point to assist and support me to actually change, to actually be creating myself, and perfecting myself in such an application where I actually enjoy myself and am proud of myself so to speak. And am worthy in my own eyes so at the end of the day I look back on what I did, and do not regret that I was not effective enough, because I actually am, day in and day out, living the point of Self-Discipline within this process within my world, within myself, to the degree where I am satisfied with me and do not allow myself to go into points of despair or depression, within and towards myself. I see the point of Living this Self-Discipline within a “Physical Application” where in I cannot just say for example, Live 21 days Self Discipline, I mean what does that entail? From a Physical Perspective I can Live 21 days of blogging, because that is a physical measurable point. And within the point of Living Self-Discipline I see the necessity to ensure that I am living this through that which can be measured, through my Physical Application or Actions. So in essence Self-Discipline in itself is not tangible though within living Self-Discipline I focus on that which is tangible, that which can be measured. This way I ensure the changing and transformation of my world, where my “effectiveness” then is a physical application of self which can also be measured and is not some idea, but and actual physical manifested point so to speak. If I look at my application of self on the Desteni Farm I see that I applied myself in the physical much while I was there, where my Self-Discipline was based in my actual physical movements, for example, I became more effective in working in the physical because I actually physically placed myself in doing practical physical jobs. I Became more effective in communication because I wrote more, and did more reading, and also speaking more to beings. So it was a physical application of Self-Discipline which Supported me to actually See Results. An actual accumulation of Self where I was actually changing myself so that I became more effective within my world, my actual physical world, and seeing experiencing results. Seeing the Change of Self. I See that this process of creating oneself actually takes years and years of constant and consistent self disciplined living action day in and day out, thus it is not to have to rush this application as that is not the point at all. I mention this Here as I see that I have the tendency to become possessed by the point of Haste/Hurrying within my attempting to live Self Discipline so am placing this here as I see in order to get myself effective within this point that I will have to “sort out” this point of accessing Haste/Hurry, as this only ever lead to me to being ineffective, and crashing instead of simply Living the Point of Self Discipline as myself, Here within and as breath, consistent and constant as this what I see will support most effective in my application. Self Discipline is not Rushing, it is normal application. I do not have to move faster, but rather just apply myself more consistently in the practical points that support me within perfecting self and perfection my world.

Identifying Re-Occuring Projections/Desires – Desteni Farm = Self Discipline

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A point came up with regards to projection when I was watching one of the Latest Desteni Video Uploads. As I watched the video, I was looking at the point of how I keep having this point of desire/projection coming up towards the Desteni Farm. So in looking at why this projection keeps coming up and what is it about myself that I am not yet living as myself that “The Desteni Farm” represent, which is the source for why this keeps coming up. So the point that I am projecting onto the Desteni Farm which I am not living as myself but only desiring to live is the Discipline Self Direction Perfection. Though seeing the point of Discipline as being the key element here. As in terms of how I see discipline, it implies Self Direction and Perfection. So this is the point – Discipline. Which I am not yet living and so rather than actually live and apply myself go into a point of projection, when in fact what I am desiring is not the desteni farm per se but rather Self Discipline, where in I direct myself in Self Discipline everyday, breathing, remaining here and directing myself within Self Discipline as to accumulate and create myself into a being which I ‘desire’ to be. Meaning, when I was on the Farm, I was started to become more effective within my reality, within communication, within practical labour, within information processing, within many aspects of my life. It was like I was actually building myself. And that his occur through constant and consistent application. There is no secret or trick, it was simple constant and consistent application of self within a point of Self Discipline. So this is the point that I am not yet living in my world, but what I am only desiring to live. So cool to see this point.

Desire To Have a Pet

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Ok so this point came up a few days ago about getting a pet bird. I would say this emerged initially when seeing the videos of Gian with his bird on the farm and perceiving that they had a ‘Bond’. I thought that was so cool, and desired to have an experience like that with an animal, like a special intimate Bond. Then this also again came up when I watched Rozelle’s vlog with the Praying Mantis and was observing that there was actually quite a cool experience that emerged within the point of Rozelle and the Praying Mantis that she came across on the farm. And also from hearing stories on the desteni farm about all the animals there, and also each time I see someone from desteni post a photo or a picture of their new animal. Getting an animal has “in a way” been a point that I have had to deliberately “hold back” on. I use the phrase “in a way” because I don’t really have to hold back much as the actual practical considerations of getting an animal like say for instance a puppy are simply “too much” at the moment and it is a “no-brainer” So to speak. That it is not practical at the moment for me to get an animal, though have had urges and desires to have one. There is also the point of me holding off on getting an animal until I have a stable environment for the animal to express themselves and just be safe and stable and comfortable. I actually had placed this point quite far in the future, for instance getting a dog I do not see as something I would do until I lived out in the country. One interesting point though that came up within exploring this within myself of getting an animal, or when that might be, is the point of deciding not getting an animal because than I would have to commit to staying in Canada, and I can see that I have/had actually kept a space inside myself of the possibility of at some point in the future going back to visit the desteni farm, and if I were to get an animal that this would “seal my fate” so to speak, likely staying in Canada. And I mean to lay it out – I see that I actually have/had a desire inside myself to actually go and live on the desteni farm forever – lol – which is funny because I see that this consists of as only a dream as within this desire I am not actually really looking at the real truth of what is here but only looking at the imaginary aspects of my imagined self in the perfect conditions etc...Yet still “holding onto this desire” and allowing it to influence my life, and my day to day activities, in particular in this instance in “getting an animal” So from a certain perspective me not getting an animal or allowing myself to get an animal is in a way, me holding me back within my world and me not actually expressing myself within my world. Where I am actually deciding to ‘live’ in my world where I currently am, instead of holding back. Another reason why I have held off getting an animal as I wanted to make sure that I was stable and had some points in place in terms of where I was going to be in the future so to speak. And really up to now, this had not been really clear but more still just taking it one day at a time, and so saw it as unpractical to actually get an animal. I have never had an animal from the perspective of me being the one responsible for it. I had two lizards when I was young but have not been responsible for an animal since. We always had a family dog growing up and I have spent much time around animals. Oh we had a cat in this house as well when I moved in where I am now but the cat moved to a different house. So yes when I watched that video of Gian and the bird and also with talking to Leila about their birds and seeing all the videos and things posted, this urge was coming forward within me to get myself an animal. So “just as an Idea” which I really don’t think I will do is I started flirting with the idea of getting a bird. One of the main aspects of this that I am looking for, is companionship. And also the opportunity to from a relationship with an animal and have an animal around as a point of self exploration and expansion of self. I mean could be cool. So I wanted to write some about this point so as to just see what points come up. So as mentioned there is that point of companionship. Though I see that within this I am actually “wanting a specific thing” from the animal which is based in a feeling and a desire to have an experience that at the moment I am not having. I want a bird to sit on my shoulder and be my friend, and that I can just talk to and interact with and play with and just have around. I also see that then I would have to change the way I live and the way I keep my room and keep my physical space. So there is a resistance point here as well in terms of actually having to take care of the bird. And commit myself to walking this point. And so from a certain perspective “giving up my freedom”

The Manly Man – Self Investigation

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So a point that has come up within investigating “job opportunities” is the definition one ‘receives’ within working a particular kind of job within the world. Now I have been investigating the option of doing graphic design work, because I have the basic foundation to be able to provide this service. Though I have not yet been able to “find the point” within me to really commit to the point from the perspective of “feeling Here” within the point, and stable and satisfied at this direction. So I have been investigating what is going on here, and why I have not yet been able to find a stable starting point within this, and so looking at “Ok what is up here” One point that has come up is related to a point of self definition of self in relation to how I perceive and believe and define a “Man” in this world to be, and what "A Man" does, and how a "Man" acts. And how within taking on a point such as graphic design that I would not be able to fulfill this ‘aspect’ of myself, to be "A Man" to experience me as "A Man". Like for example the “Men” of this reality that are practical and work with their hands and can be relied on and trusted and who are stable and Big and Strong and Manly and Effective within their world, and drive a big strong truck and are real manly worker type men but also strong in business and make money and are stable support in there reality. Like the type of Man that builds a house or Runs their own business. So when I look at graphic design, I do not see this aspect of "A Manly Man" within it. What I see is a man or person who is artsy, who is a pushover, who is weak, who is flimsy, and not stable or practical. Fuck interesting definition I have given to the type of person who does graphic design. So I have identified this point which I am getting into now as one of the reasons why I simply have not been able to place myself in the graphic design point. Because I would not be able to fulfill that point which I am experiencing myself as ‘lacking’ which would be the first point described as the typical worker practical stable Man. When I was on the farm I would experience me as being quite Manly when I was working with Manly tools like hammers and saws and cutting boards and drilling stuff together and lifting heavy things, and mixing cement and digging in the earth – This fulfilled my Manly Definition and so I experienced a point of satisfaction within myself within fulfilling this point. As I was the stable practical man worker. Though at the same time thus was not the entire picture, as at times I felt like I was abandoning my “creative side” like writing and art and information processing. So from a certain perspective perhaps a point of fulfillment will not be had unless I can find a point which satisfy both of these “sides of self” Now Also I see that, in fact, these are Definitions given through society and defined within ones mind in terms of who one has accepted and allowed oneself to be. Is it really necessary to “work a manly job” to fulfill this self definition point or aspect of self which I perceive/experience myself as lacking or not having fulfilled at the moment, or not being encompassed within the point of doing for example graphic design. Within the context of process and stopping the mind these aspects of self are based in the mind and thus “not real” from a certain perspective. From Here I see the point in actually looking at this ‘definition’ or ‘aspect’ of self which I have defined as “Manly” for instance and looking at how I have separated myself from this part of me and investigate how to “bring these points back to self” And investigate why I am seeing or believing that to fulfill these points I must “stand at” that point within this world which is defined as “Manly”, and seen by the world as Manly, And is this the only way to ‘amalgamate’ this point into and as myself. Also to investigate the definition I have placed within graphic design. So I require to re-look at my definition of Strength also because I am seeing that I have allowed myself to place the point of “strength” into this definition I have described as the “manly man” and that this is what strength is, and so attempt to satisfy my definition of strength by “becoming this point” I find it odd that I only experience myself as being satisfied and strong and stable and effective if I do ‘those acts’ that create this experience of self. And how within doing something like "graphic design" that point of strength is simply not there. Like for instance doing Snow Removal satisfy some of the elements of this point within me. Its like the point of “wanting to feel like a man” and experience me as worthy within this and strong, like a tree. Though being completely linked to definitions of gender and roles within society and personalities. Fuck. Ok so will continue to investigate this point. Lol - Interesting the Greek Meaning for the Name ANDREW is MANLY

Opening Up a Reaction To SRA – Daily Blogging.

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Ok so a point came up today when listening to one of the latest points with regards to the direction of SRA and Desteni I Process. The point was that some of the ‘groups’ would be now “going back” to do Mind Constructs for another 6 months! I emphasise this as 6 months I see as quite a long time. And also the option was open for anyone really who wants to go back and do Mind Constructs for another 6 months. So I reacted to this point as follows. As I was not clear whether my group was required to go back or not I then saw that this would then be a decision that I would make from the perspective of being self-honest within the point and going back to do another 6 months of Mind Constructs so that I can effectively prepare myself to be and effective buddy where I am able to effectively support another through walking with them through their mind constructs from beginning to end. I see that I want to be effective with this point, and to have a solid foundation and understanding of doing Mind Constructs. So from this perspective yes of course it would be a cool support to do another 6 months of mind constructs. Initially I thought everybody would be stopping and doing the 6 months of mind constructs which was cool. I was fine with this. Though it turns out that some of the groups in SRA that are further ahead will simply continue on as usual. So when hearing this I had a reaction. The point initially I see is in relation to “falling behind” and that those that are “further ahead” are “more advanced” and are thus “from my perspective” “not equal” meaning they have an advantage in understanding the material. And so here a point of comparison is coming up where I “want to be the best” where I “want to be ahead with the advanced group” why? Because I perceive that they are getting “more support” and thus will Self-Realize quicker. Or just overall, more effective and aware and directive in process. So I see that within this point I am “wanting support” as one of the “Key reactive points” was this point of them getting “more support” Ok so am seeing a point of inferiority here as well, where I am seeing myself as “less-than” those that are able to move on and keep working on SRA. Particularly working with Resonances. I have been wanting to start working with the Resonances because the support one receive through this process is always very cool, though my starting point for ‘Wanting’ this is simply just that – It is “A Want” where in I am limiting myself by “holding myself down” from the perspective of “wanting to, or waiting for” the Resonances to “tell me what is going on with me” and that I perceive that I can get ‘better assistance’ from than, than I can give to myself. I also see here the correction which is simply pushing myself to support myself and push me to go deeper and deeper into self and will myself into and effective application of self support and self investigation where I direct myself to uncover me and no more accept and allow myself “wait around” for Bernard or Resonances to “give direction” from the perspective of placing these two points in my world as “the ultimate points” and there in accepting and allowing myself to stand “less than” these two points, instead of me simply “walking into the unknown” where I push and develop ways to support me that I have not yet explored, where in I actually really investigate me, and get to know myself, and realize that I am able to actually effectively support myself with just me alone though my own self directed self willed application. This Reaction I Had was also in relation to “my ability” to do Muscle Communication, and I can see also that I ran into a bit of a snag with the last few points on my most recent SRA lessons with Leila as my buddy, and so went into a point of fearing, when hearing this point today, that I am not effective enough in Muscle Communication and thus I would be “held back” and go back and do the 6 months of Mind Constructs. I also “see myself” as ‘struggling’ with the Resonance Work, like “my foundation” is not stable, so here am actually seeing me in the future on chat with resonances and them asking me to test a point and I “am lost” Ok so seeing a memory here now wanting to emerge out of the darkness about school. Like the experience one have in school where you simply do not know the answers, and are left “feeling lost” and have no grounding. And so in this Future Projection I am on chat with resonances and they are asking me to test some information and I am struggling and fumbling and it is clear that I am not prepared and they are waiting for me but seeing that I am “just trying to keep up” and not effectively prepared. Shit this is quite a specific projection, though am not seeing a specific memory that this related to, simply the ‘general memory’ of how this “type of experience” would be one that one would have in school or something like this. Though also seeing a point of “Hockey” coming up here, where I used to go to Hockey Schools and Camps, and some of them were “more competitive” and really preparing you to play in competitive hockey and so I would “step into these” scenarios where I felt a bit “out of place” as everything was moving so fast and I was there “just trying to keep up” and so there was always allot happening on the ice, and players going everywhere and coaches shouting out orders, and particularly if this was a “new team” or “situation” I would really have to focus on ensuring that I “understood” each point clearly, as the coaches made it clear that if you do not understand how to do the drill – Don’t Go! And this meant you go to the back of the line and basically get a “black mark” on your name as they see you “did not understand what they say” Fuck this was a pressure cooker experience. And so you would watch the players ahead of you run through the drill, and you would focus intently on them and observe what you were supposed to do, and then it was your turn and Fuck you better get it right, and so the drill would begin and you (I) would “give it my all” as often you were doing tryouts, or even just “trying out” all the time, as to “earn more ice time” or when I would be “trying to make a team” Quite a stressful experience. So this projection of me with resonances on chat is similar to this Hockey Experience, where I see me on chat and experience myself to “have lost it” meaning just can’t get a grasp on anything, and experiencing me as not having a handle on the information and also see the point of “letting them down” when there is that moment where they realize that “I am out of my league” Ok this phrase is specific here this being “out of my league” as this definitely bring up the point of inferiority and just not being good enough. Ok so the point coming through here is “Not being good enough” though I will explore now some other aspects of my reaction to this point of now the point being open of “going back to do 6 months of mind constructs” I am seeing myself as unworthy in Muscle Communication, and thus also in process, as the point with MC simply indicate that I am “missing some points” and that this will cause me to “fall back” into my “rightful place” – So here again the point of inferiority. What is interesting also is wanting to be up with the advanced group, wanting to be in the “in crowd” wanting to be ahead of the game and leading, but specifically this point of wanting to in the “in crowd” Its like the point of starting out with a group of people and then you all walk together, and as you walk the “group separates” and starts to split up based on skill and potential and ability, and I end up “falling back” based on my skill and get separated from “my friends” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction with regards to the new SRA course structure. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not know” what I should do. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “exist within a state of doubt and uncertainty” by allowing myself to exist within a point of “not knowing” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I really “do not know” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself according to where I am in my SRA course, and within doing this “make decisions” based on strengthening my personality which I have created as “who I am within how I have defined me within my SRA course” instead of making a decision that is based on actual practical self support and doing what is best for all. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going back and doing 6 month of Mind Constructs, as I fear getting stuck behind. I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior to others who are further back in SRA. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “lock into” my personality, instead of stopping all personality and ego, and remaining here as breath as Self Support. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in personalities within supporting me and in doing this “forget about me” altogether and never actually get to a place of me as the starting point of my direction within self support. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “lock into” a point of fear with regards to me not being prepared for the next Resonance section of SRA. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to based my decisions, and make my decisions from a point of energy and reaction, instead of from a point of self honesty and self support where I allocate myself within the equation and simply look at the common sense of the point and what would be most effective as a point of support. It is not about “who your friends are” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine and define my application in relation to “whos around me” which is indicating that I am not yet standing equal to each and every one in process and more specifically I am not yet standing as the starting point of my world where it does not matter where I am, but that I am constant, consistent, the same in my application in each and every point that I stand. Thus I see this point of me being the starting point of myself within process, within my application, and within self support, where it does not matter where I am, and who I am with, as I support me the same where ever I am and not longer accept and allow me to limit me within my self support from the perspective of believing that I must be in “advanced groups” to have effective self support but rather it does not matter where I am within what group or what level, I decide that I am the director of me and that I support me effectively and do not accept me to limit my potential self support, and thus from this perspective I am always the source of how effective I am within process, not who is around me or supporting me. This is actually a cool point that is emerging and that has been coming up over the last few days, where I am starting to see the point of not limiting myself in “what I am capable in” meaning “I take the reins” so to speak, and start pushing myself to support myself and expand my application, and ways I support me. And push me to become more specific in how I support me, and as well in my writing. No one is going to walk process for us. We must walk process, and we are the ones that determine “the pace” we move, though I do not see it as a point of rushing, but rather a point of inevitability where one will decide to be more effective within application, and that “this decision” can be done now or later. Ok slowing down a bit here, I really “rattled through” that mid section. Ok so I did react to this SRA point. I was even discussing this point with Marlen on Chat and experienced my writing to immediately tense up, as I tensed up inside and became more ridged which I identified as a point of “Mind” as I started to explain and talk about the SRA Re-structuring. And how I “did not know what I would do” I want to simply continue on as is. Particularly because now I have just started into doing more MC and see this as a point which I would simply like to direct. I have struggled with this point of MC and so am finding within the new lessons that because there is much MC going on that it is a cool platform for me to actually stabilize the point. And so from this perspective would like to continue moving with the lessons where I am now. On the other hand, 6 months of Mind Constructs would be fucking awesome, though I see that I would still not be directing this point of MC which is “the point” so to speak, which I would like to direct, and am in the process of doing so.

Birthing Life From The Physical – “Desteni I Process”

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Quite cool to see this “physical point” coming through at the moment with regards to ‘process’ and what it means to “Birth Life From the Physical” and the realization that ‘Self’, that ‘I’, have actually never or “missed the point” of living here as the physical, but since birth have been slowly but surely “becoming a mind” and living and exiting as that mind “in separation” from the physical, forming ideas, perceptions, beliefs, which I then ‘superimposed’ on top of the physical, until I no longer experienced the physical or considered the physical, or see the physical anymore but only see the ‘Mind’ which I have superimposed onto the physical. What I see in terms of “Birthing Oneself From the Physical” is to stop “the mind” to “get out of the mind” to “step out of the mind and into the physical” where in my ‘ideas’, ‘definitions’, ‘perceptions’ of ‘myself’ which I lived and experienced within and as the mind will “no longer be” but rather I stand here equal and one with the physical, where my daily actions and considerations and experience will be in relation to and equal and one with “the physical” as I now am standing and exiting as the physical. And Have Birthed Myself From / as the Physical. Looking at the point of the “Physical Body” – It is physical, and functions in direct relationship to the physical and the “rules of the physical” so to speak. But I have lost touch with “these rules” these ‘Relationships’ “of the physical” that “make up” the movement, and expansion , and expression of the physical. Because I have not stood equal to the physical, or lived as the physical in stepping out of the mind to live equal and one as the physical, I had not been able to see or understand the “relationships of the physical” I have not been able to understand, to see how “my actions” ‘affect’ the physical, ‘flow’ in the physical, where each action, flow out into the physical, ripple out into the physical as the actual “chain-reaction of the physical” affecting and influencing the physical. In this World, not all parts of the physical are being nourished or supported as can be seen by war, by poverty, by some points having “it all” and other points “Having nothing” (Rich/Poor) Thus I see “the point” is to Birth Oneself Into and As the Physical, so that we can see how our actions “flow-out” and “ripple-out” as the actual “chain-reaction” of the physical and influence and affect the physical, this world, the conditions of this world, where they either “flow-out” and cause poverty for instance, or “flow-out” and support the nourishment of ALL. I see this as a Solution to this world. To become aware of how our actions affect one another, and consider that our every action in every moment is in “cause and affect” as the physical “flowing-out” at all times and permeating out into the physical and having a consequence in this reality. Even the most seemingly small and insignificant moments are “flowing-out” into the physical. Are ‘creating’ this reality. Thus to assist and support yourself to actually become “Self-Aware” where one begin to ‘Direct’ ones actions in each and every moment to ‘ensure’ the “flow-out” or “Out-Flow” of those actions are ‘Directed’ by Self within Awareness, in consideration of the physical, into a point which support what is best for all. And not more existing here in the physical as “a mind” who’s ‘actions’ are ‘based’ in the mind, and thus not actually considering or is able to see the eventual physical outflow of those actions. Investigate the “Desteni I Process” as the “Desteni I Process” is a structural platform to assist and support self to actually “step out” of the mind and into “the physical” so that one is actually aware of how one “affect and create this reality” and thus is able to “take responsibility” for what is Here as what we have created as this earth, this planet, and Direct Oneself to Bring a Dignified to ALL. Visit the “Desteni I Process” website : http://www.desteniiprocess.com/

Exploring the point of Anger (Andrew) in Relation to Practical Labour.

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Part 1 – Getting a Weekly Allowance – Preparing me to Accept the Current Money System Ok so as a kid, we were expected to do ‘chores’ when we reached a certain age. And I mean, they were exactly that ‘Chores’. They were a ‘chore’ a ‘labour’ to do, and see that at this young age I began developing my relationship with ‘practical labour’ within starting the process of doing chores. One also as a kid is expected to clean up after oneself where in if you play and make a mess, you cannot simply leave it and let someone else clean it up. So from this perspective I understood why I had to clean up after myself. Though I still see I did enjoy playing more than cleaning up after myself. Though in terms of more prominent memories in relation to this point of how and where I developed my relationship with ‘practical labour’ into a point where now I experience much resistance and anger and energy within and around when facing this aspect of my life. We started getting an allowance in my family around the age of 5 or 6 years of age if remember correctly. My brother and I got paid the same amount even though he was one year older. We would get paid weekly and therefore had “weekly chores” some that I can remember is “doing the dishes” and “filling the wood-box” I think we would alternate weekly or daily tasks if I can remember correctly. So we would do the chores and get the money at the end of the week. Of course only if we were ‘good’ Thus here already at such a young age money was being used to manipulate our behaviour where in money became a consideration of why we would act a certain way and do certain things. This was not based on ‘understanding’ but where money “stood in the place” of understanding and was the reason and motivation why we would have “good behaviour” and direct ourselves in doing chores. Then we would get the weekly prize or money, and with this we would “have access” to things that we wanted, like candy and toys and comics. You have to ‘be good’ or you don’t get your ‘allowance’ as it was called. Which implied that whether something was ‘fair’ or “not fair”, was irrelevant - you simply were required to act in accordance to, or simply ‘allow’ “that something” to exist in your world whether fair or not, and “not cry” or make a fuss about it, thus you would get your ‘allowance money’ at the end of the week, for allowing such an atrocity implemented on humanity. Here being trained to allow the unjust abuse of this world like rape, murder, war, and overall inequality and not “make a fuss” about it, but rather “be good” as to get your weekly paycheck. Fascinating. I’m certain my parents did not actually see this point when giving us allowance as it is such an accepted point of normalcy within this reality. The amount of our allowance would increase as we got older, slowly but surely, though was not “allot”,at least it was something, as most kids around my age got an allowance, some more than me and my brother and some less. That was my “introduction” to the function and role of money. As we got a little older, we were “more expected” now to do the chores and as the allowance increased so did the amount of chores and responsibility. Interesting what was busy happening here is that my brother and me were within this process being ‘trained’ so to speak “how money worked” and “how it relates to practical reality” Though this being based particularly on “My Parents” understanding/beliefs of how money they were taught and works. And so as mentioned - as the money increased so did the amount of work that we required to do, to ‘earn’ this money. Though this is not actually how the money system currently worked. None the less, this was our training within it, which is effectively “perfect training” to create perfect slaves to the system who believe that “making ‘more’ money” is actually linked to “working harder”. I have to note here as well that this specific relationship with regards to how hard one have to work to get “a dollar” was ultimately being determined here early on in my childhood based on “how much money my parents” could afford to pay us kids. So here I learned if I work for one hour, I get ‘this much’ money. And so imprinted this point within me in terms of “how money works and functions” and how much one must work to “earn a dollar. My parents did not even have to pay us actually, though it definitely worked as a good manipulation tool to get is to work and us “not putting up a fuss” So here rather than take the time to place sufficient understanding of why one is required to practical work in the physical to do chores, the money system was promptly brought into use as this was “easier” perhaps to get us to do stuff without “making a fuss” So within this process of getting an allowance we were being trained, to function and exist in relation to money, instead of, in relation to a point of understanding how reality actually practically function. Thus when we come of age have been already imprinted and ultimately have unconsciously accepted the point of how money operate and how we are to get it and what we are supposed to do to get it. Which is “work really hard”, “be good”, “don’t make a fuss”, “you get more if you work more”, “you get more when your older”. And so this is points which I have placed as constructs within my belief system of how money works I also see the point of “wanting the allowance” as that meant I could buy why I want, like by candy and comics and stuff, where these points where from a certain perspective ‘not available’ to me and my brother unless we had money, after all we were/are living in a world with a money system that requires to you have money to “get what you want” So here also we were imprinted in terms of how this point works, and I see clearly how “I liked getting money”, how I made the connection “on my own” which is, “if I get money I can buy what I want”. Subsequently I submitted and accepted this “allowance system” as I had no other way to “get money” to buy candy and comics and things that I wanted. I had no power at all. All the power was in the hands of my parents. And so I accepted that this is how reality works. I accepted that some things “were out of reach” unless you had money. I did not realize that this “perception/idea/belief was simply manmade and an out flow of the current money system. This is not how reality actually work – this is how the money system works. Which I ‘mistook’ and eventually accepted as ‘reality’. In this system All the power is in the hands of the parents. I mean just because I am/was young, and a kid, does not mean my wants, needs, and desires, are any different than an adults. Although this is exactly what was being implied within the allowance and money system in parents being the ones who ‘decide’ what is best for their child. The only real difference between the “want for luxuries” of a child and the “want for luxuries” of an adult. Is a child has no way of “fulfilling these points” as in my case, I did not have any money. Where Parents have all the control and power and could simply buy treats for themselves when ever they desired to. So instead of giving us equal power as a birth right though giving us a “basic income” they “made us work for it” and “played god” and if we did not work “we did not get the money. Who knows if I would have ate to much candy without my parents to “regulate the point” though I am simply illustrating the nature of how “the current money system” was being already implemented into child at such a young age. Fucking fascinating to see how even at this stage, the point of “scarcity” is being imprinted into a child. Rather than a point of Equality as Such is being introduced by Desteni as the “Equal Money System” So that all children will have access to candy and comics – lol. Well, meaning, the point of ‘depravity’ will not exist how I experienced it as a kid of not having access to of being deprived of those points which I desired and wanted which I clearly observed my parents had access to and fulfilled – That’s not fair. I mean it sucked as a kid not being able to get treats when you went to the store. Always haveing to ask and like being a slave to your parents where they had all the power. I certainly did not! enjoy this. I felt so trapped, like there was nothing I could do and that this is how it worked. If your parents said no, that was it. It was final. Fuck, no candy or toys for me. So had to submit to the money/allowance system to get money which equalled getting candy, toys, comics. So I can see a point of anger here in terms of “this system” being angry at why I had to always ask if I could get candy or toys, and never could just get what I wanted. And that, which I will go into next, how I was ‘introduced’ into working for money, to be able to buy that which I wanted. Its interesting because the allowance we got existed as a kind of “separate dimension” from practical reality, and it totally fucks with a being because, on the one hand, one understand that “you have to clean up after yourself” though on the other hand “here is a system that is being introduced and ‘implemented’ within your world that effectively “say’s the opposite” Where the rules are not the same as what you common senseically understand. So slowly but surely ones common sense is supplanted with the ‘rules’ of money, as one is ‘ripped away’ from practical reality to now function within this world in relation to and within the rules of money, which say, presents you with “an award” for what you would have done anyways, until eventually you stop directing yourself within common sense, unless the reward is given, because one find out that without the reward, one is not able to “move or function in this world” This system is obviously stupid. Coercing one to eventually give up common sense practical application in place of only directing oneself in that where one get the reward of money. Ok so next point I will explore is some of the specific practical jobs I was required to do growing up and continue to investigate this point of Anger in relation to doing “practical labour”

Support Point for Not Knowing What to Write – Unconditional Self Forgiveness

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Support Point for Not Knowing What to Write – Unconditional Self Forgiveness Ok going to give some notes Here – This was over a year ago and I think I was back in Canada from the farm or maybe about to go there for the first time. I was participating on the forums and writing Self Forgiveness and writing and basically what we are all still doing now. Anyways I noticed for about a period of a week or two Cerise started to post SF on her thread on the forum. She did not post a whole lot, though for this period she starting posting SF. Now what was cool about this SF that I observed is that it had “no structure” so to speak. Meaning from what I saw it looked like she just basically made a point to write “Unconditional Self Forgiveness” Its like letting go of all the self judgement and worry of how things are supposed to be and just fucking writing self forgiveness. So was a very cool supportive point for me at the time. I immediately took that point on myself and have been utilizing this ever since and have found it to “come in handy” as a practical support method to support oneself when they are not sure what to write or how to do it. I have found when I am ‘stuck’ I allow myself to write unconditional SF, where I just start writing it as a point of realizing OK, I feel stuck or am not sure what to do here, and so just “Write Unconditionally” And really let myself write what ever comes up, just start forgiving points, and not worry or judge it, just write anything really that comes up in that moment. Obviously it is cool to develop ways to support self within effectively structuring your SF as well, though at times sometimes one just require to write and to let it out. So it is in times like this that I apply this method of writing unconditional SF. Unconditional Self Forgiveness In the Moment I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “get stuck” in my world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back writing self forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want everything to be perfect without allowing myself to walk the necessary steps of Living perfection into existence. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as being ineffective within my process within my ability to structure my writing and vlogging and basically information processing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I do not effectively understand the new desteni lessons for SRA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and worry and fear in the hidden corners of myself where I suppress this experience of self as it takes place hidden under much stuff so do not even realize it is happening. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop directing myself witin a structured directed way within using the excuse that I am tired. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must always be something going on, instead of allowing myself to just be here and breathe when things slow down. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my application of the “results I get” instead of establishing a more consistent application of self where I am HERE in every moment within self specificity in every moment where in I am HERE with and as self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not doing any SRA today. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking about “what I am doing” out of fear it will not happen. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the nature of me to simply remain as it is and not actually take on any points or take on the nature of me in fact where I actually take apart the nature of me and change myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within sexuality from the perspective of participating within the point of sexual energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify accessing sexual energy. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to just stand here as self as breath when the moments come up where I see a point of “sexual energy” which is triggered which I can participate in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must or have to for some reason continue participating within this kind of energy, instead of standing firmly on this point of Not accepting and allowing myself to participate within this point of sexual energy in any way shape or form from the perspective of me actually now taking this point on at its core root where In I am taking on this point as a manifested point as the nature of myself, and in order to actually “take the point out” I must take it on absolute, taking into consideration all parts of this system manifestation of self and Stop my participating within sexual energy. Thus when I encounter a moment where a sexual energetic point moves within me, I realize exactly what it is and I stop. I do not go there, as I see to “go there” is in fact a deliberate act. I stop, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to this energy that stirs within me, and I allow me to release the point, and to release the desire to participate with this energy. If I do not stop this point within me, it will never stop by itself but always reoccur and exist as me, thus the effectiveness of my stopping and disentangling myself from this point and taking it out is dependent on my application. No one else determine the experience of me in process but me. No one else determine what I can see and what I can not but me. If I do not push self specificity of self, no one will. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the point of self specificity to others, where in I wanted others to support me to become more specific with me instead of realizing that this is ‘impossible’ from a certain perspective and that I am the one who actually determine everything about my application. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from specificity I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power and abdicate my power as specificity where in I did not realizing it was/is up to me to determine for myself my experience within this process. I forgive myself for not realizing that it is up to me to determine my own experience, my own standing and my own specificity in process. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind in my world instead of me directing myself and there in when I direct me become more specific with me in my world. I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by boredom instead of me determining my direction in every moment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy to direct me which is in fact the patterns of self as the nature of self – It is me as how I have programmed me and to allow that point of ‘energy’ or ‘mind’ or ‘patterns’ to direct me, I will never get specific with self within this process, and I will never change, thus I realize that my effectiveness within this process is in my will to Stop the Mind, and no more accept and allow myself to just exist as a fucking robot who never changes. Yes it will take hard work and me to push through resistance, as I push through the accepted nature and existence as me and re-form me into Life, into a self empowered, self directed point of life expressing itself as life as what is best for all life.