Category Archives: Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing

Moving Through Self Doubt – Remaining Here and Sticking to the Physical

Posted on by
I experienced some doubt coming up today. This ‘doubt’ I experienced was in relation to the current project I am working on with regards to doing Logo Design. I have started with making my own Logo and have enjoyed the process of this and have been working on this now for quite some time, probably over 60 hours so far over a period of around a month. I had/have it at a stage which I am satisfied I can start placing, but then when I opened the file today and looked at it, I judged it and was not satisfied anymore and experienced a drop within myself because I was so close to having this ready to go and start to be able to walk the next stage of the preparation phase which is to place an add on my local job listings site advertising the service at a discount rate from the perspective of simply attracting some projects where I can “gain experience” or rather “fine tune my process” as this sounds ‘safer’ to the client, and so yes place it as a “special Limited time offer”. But today when I looked again at my Logo I was not entirely satisfied and even considered another “re-design” which is like much time and effort and so I experienced this point of Self Doubt coming up, like “this is never going to work”. I experienced a point of failure as an energetic experience of failing in the centre of my solar plexus / chest and experienced myself giving up. Other points also emerged as I continued to research this point on the internet to see how I will place all the points, and so as I researched began to doubt myself around my experience level. So the correction Here is to stick to the physical. Ok so I have gotten to a stage where it is not going “as planned” based on my desire which is my energetic projection of how I want it to go, and because the actual physical movement and my energetic projection did not align I went into this experience of “Oh it will never work” though I see the Key is simply to remain HERE. And to just keep walking the physical points. Focusing on the physical direction of the point. I see that this is a cycle, and I am in the “low point” or the stage of the cycle where I would “give in” as going into a point of depression for a while and then eventually starting up with the point again. So rather not go into these cycles. These cycles can go and play themselves out if they want but I will be there. I will be Here directing myself in the physical, so it is irrelevant what energy does as the point is to remain Here. I fell on this point last time and had a little mini collapse and gave up. So cool to see that it is exactly the same point as before clarifying even further that it is in fact just an energetic cycle. So breath, remain Here and direct myself in the physical and do not pay attention to the experience of myself of “not being able to do it” of “doubting myself” I mean in practical common sense, I haven’t actually even tested the point yet so have no actual real feed-back that it is not going to work. But rather just having an experience of doubt. So yes I must stick to Here, and not go into positive or negative energy charges about what may or may not happen, because I see that the only real indication of how things are going must be measured in the physical and so will stick to this and continue to move the physical points as they are still here to be moved/directed.

Environment Changing me is Not Actual Change.

Posted on by
I was looking at the point of what we as human beings require consequence to change. Or why we has beings, as individuals require consequence to change. Now the reason I place it this way as I have noticed this point within me where I rather than actually will myself to change my nature I rather let it play out until I hit a consequence which will then bring me to a point of actually making a ‘serious’ consideration to change my application, my participation, my nature, my behavior, myself. I place the work ‘serious’ in quotes because even though when there is a consequence I must face which then “push me” to consider change ‘seriously’ I see that I have/had not yet gone deep enough or taken this point seriously enough because what I find is that I don’t actually change. But “forget about it” until the con-sequence come around again and it is the same point over again. So no matter how hard I look or take seriously the point of change, I end up forgetting and back to the same ol’ patterns. And even saying to myself to watch out for forgetting because I have been through that before, yet end up forgetting. When I left the Desteni Farm I was a different person. And what I have found is that since being back in Canada I have really faced myself. Because now from a certain perspective I am in the “Matrix”, lol, that sounds so epic, lol. So Here is how the story goes. I create myself within and in relation to and along with my environment for 26 years. Then, I am taken from that environment and placed into a completely new environment on the Desteni Farm. Then I start to apparently change which is all fine and cool, and I spend two years in this new environment and experience myself differently in that for this two years I participate within the world not like I had previously. Ok cool so now there is some “change occurring”. Then take me out of this new environment and place me back in my old environment and what do you suppose happens. I go back to how I was living before – So what does this show me. That I in fact had not changed. From a certain perspective there was a process of change occurring but within looking at the point I see that this was more of an external change where I was more changing in response to my environment as a kind of from the outside moving inward kind of change. So when the Environment changes then I change, seeing as how the “Change” I experienced on the Desteni Farm was largely from the outside in. I mean if would have taken a point on from the very centre core of myself and changed, more from the perspective of changing me from the very starting point of me...well not “from the perspective of” but rather had actually in fact gotten to the very beginning of me then it would not matter where you place me, and what environment I am in as the change that would be occurring would be from the inside out, and thus the change would be actually be a Self Change. So in many ways this is the point I am seeing with regards to how I have attempted change and that no matter how serious I am about it that I always end up forgetting, as the change is more of an idea and the one Key Factor I see that I am missing is Knowing who I am and actually living and existing as myself here within breath. Because if I am Not Here, then how is change supposed to happen if I am no where to be found, how then am I supposed to change. So from a certain perspective the point I am busy with now is not “changing” per se but rather ‘getting to self’ and being here with self, living and walking that self in every breath, so I can actually walk a point of change. And all it takes is one second and one moment to flee, to abandon myself and off into the mind, and actually not even realize it. I noticed even today I was not Here, yet I was almost Here – lol. Because when I am Here, I know it, but today there exist within me this “point off in the distance” like “what is that” and so I go just looking out over there, just trying to see what it is out there, and in this slight diversion I miss ME all day. So specific.

Average Canadian family’s debt hits $100,000 – Equal Money System to End ALL Debt

Posted on by
Average Canadian family's debt hits $100,000 Feb 17th 2011 Andrew Gable An article in the paper today is indicating that now the average Canadian family debt is now at $100,000.00 where the
    “debt-to-income ratio is 150 per cent, meaning that for every $1,000 in after-tax income they make, Canadian families owe $1,500.00”
My Question is that is this supposed to be allot of money or something? What is interesting is that this is now making news when what should have made news in the first place is the phenomenon of Debt in itself. Obviously a number like 100,000.00 dollars shows the absurdity of the situation we are in, also this along side statistic after statistic showing this number perpetually rising year after year.
    “In 1990, the average household debt was $56,800, the institute said, which means family debt has grown 78 per cent over the past two decades”
Whether the number is 100 thousand or 50 thousand or 10 thousand or 100 dollars there is no “amount of debt” of that is acceptable, and that is one of the primary points that is being missed. To have a system which utilize debt is in itself Deceptive and is a Crime Against Humanity. Not to mention a System based on Enslaving others. Yet we have accepted Debt as a normal way of life and something that is supposed to be Here. It has become so ingrained within us that debt is just a normal part of the money system…and in fact, to such a degree where we now 'spend' all of our attention on ways and solutions to minimize debt and miss the point completely of changing the actual system in itself which consist of rules and relationships which allow for the debt to exist. We not only have blindly accepted debt as part of our world, but we have even more blindly accepted the Money system as a whole as a part of our world from the perspective of it being unchangeable, so entrenched within our world that "it is just so" where we simply have accepted the point of "making the best of it" (minimizing debt) instead of actually questioning the system as a whole (changing the very rules of how money works?) Well Here is an interesting proposal…An Equal Money System. Imagine, finishing high school, picking the college/University you would like to go to, selecting your area of interest, spending the next 4 to 6 years or how ever long it takes to acquire that education, and having it all done for FREE, and available to each one on earth, There is not need actually to charge money for it - we only believe this as this is how it works in a capitalistic system. Now it is just basic common sense that this will support the emergence of a more ‘educated population’ as now all have access to education, no matter what culture no matter where you are born, as this is simply part of the equation within “An Equal Money System. Or you can decide you like it the way it is where you owe in debt from anywhere between 10,000.00 to as much as 100,000.00 dollars by the time you are finished your education, not to mention a world that is fixated on getting every last dollar out of your pocket if you are not looking, as everyone is stuck in the same situation of debt and now pushing the limits of what they will do, just to point the flow of money into their direction. So Suggest to investigate an equal money system and join us at www.equalmoney.org as we propose a solution which will End ALL Debt once and for ever more, no more accepting and allowing the deception of Debt to creep its way back into this world, but rather placing a New World System and Economic System through democratic political actions where we base our world management on Equality and What is Best For ALL, rather than what it is currently based on which is Greed, and Self Interest. So Suggest to Support yourself and support this world by Studying what is presented Here at www.equalmoney.org so that when the time comes to Cast your Vote – You Stand One Vote for that which actually supports life and the expression of this earth and all on it, and Stand One Vote For An Equal Money System, and a world that is best for all. www.equalmoney.org News Article: http://www.canada.com/business/Average+Canadian+family+debt+hits/4300609/story.html#ixzz1EGzAxx7P

FREE PARKING and FREE TRANSIT to Cities with EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM.

Posted on by
Free Parking For ALL. I don’t think so, though with and Equal Money System, having to pay for parking will become obsolete as paying for parking is just another way the government enforces fees and fines onto its people as a way to siphon as much money as possible. This is due to the way the way the current capitalistic system is set up and functions around the world. What happened to “flow of Society” meaning a system which actually support the ‘creativity’ and ‘functionality’ and 'expression' of the human being the society and the world. There was an article in the local paper today discussing the new amendments to the structure of pay-parking within my city. Nowhere was there any discussion or consideration of making parking free for the community nor any indication of the government even being aware that it is in fact possible to do this. Why not just make parking free – Within an Equal Money System there will be no need to pay for parking nor will there be a need for all the other various fees and fines around the city that are set up to suck money from the people at every corner – Literally as this can also be seen in traffic cameras placed at each corner/intersections to fine speeders which has very little to do with safety and more to do with making more money. (Traffic fine revenues which totalled $36.4 million in 2010. The total fine revenue for 2010 is broken down as follows: $18.9 million – officer generated enforcement citywide; $10.9 million – photo radar and $6.6 million – speed on green.) I mean the way a society is set up is quite startling when one see it is like one big vacuum which is designed to just fucking suck the money out of the pockets of the people. Obviously this is necessary within a capitalistic system. And paying for parking is one of those methods. Also paying for transit. Within an Equal Money System the point/requirement to ‘generate’ money to live will be eliminated and thus along with it all the points which in fact inhibit our functionality and expression as a being on this earth, which are solely placed to generate money. Don’t you find it strange that one must require to have money to live in this world. I mean look at this point, it does not make sense. A plant or a tree does not require money to live, it simply lives, it grows. The necessary requirements for the plant or tree exist is given unconditionally! In our world we have taken what occur naturally and imposed a fee on it. I mean you do not have to pay a baby to grow. It is a process which occur naturally – Though what we have done is imposed a system that in fact Suppresses this natural growth, this natural expression of life, as we have Placed and Structured Money in such a way where you Require It to facilitate the best possible growth of yourself as a being on this earth, where IF you have money you are able to have a home, and clean water and good food to eat, so that you grow effectively and your physical is supported, and if you do not have money you are not able to have these things to support/facilitate your natural physical expression. Now that is completely fucked up. Thus one can look at an Equal Money System from the perspective of it being more like how nature operate where the necessary survival points are “given automatically” rather than have to be paid for. Like for example Sun. I mean as humans we require sun to survive it is a basic physical requirement, just as we require water, just as we are unable to stand outside when it is below freezing without proper material support, ie: Jacket – The simple points which support our physical expression. At the moment our system is set up where these points are not unconditionally provided but rather one require money first, and that not all have access to money. Thus within an equal money system all will be given a “Basic Income” in so that they can acquire the necessary basics to grow - food, water, shelter, etc... Within an Equal Money System the Design of money will be re-Designed there will be new “rules” so to speak as to how money will function. It will now simply exist as a unconditional point, like how the sun unconditionally give enough energy for all to grow. Money is the point at the moment which we use to facilitate our movement within this reality and buy our basics of life. Thus within an Equal Money System money will be designed so that it is an unconditional point and issued to all equally. It will be administered equally and unconditionally as we recognize that all require the basic physical points to Live and Grow, such as food, water, shelter, and that at the moment money is what one require to get these basic 'survival' points otherwise their expression is suppressed and will ultimately die if they do not have it – So to say some can have money and some can’t is absolutely deluded and show the lack of 'love' that actually exist in this world. It is in fact playing God and Denying LIFE, I mean what kind of God do you want to be - One that Denys life to some and allows it for others - what a complete fuck up - Or a God that give to all life equally and nurture all points of this existence. Thus an Equal Money System is a System which facilitate the expression of life to all equally so that all have what they require – Not how the current system which is in place as the capitalistic system works, which is in fact a System that Deny Life to Some, and allowing it to others. Suggest to get on board with an Equal Money System as we require a system that Nurture Life, not Deny it. We require to re-create ourselves as Gods which which provide for all that is here and not just for part of what is here www.equalmoney.org

Investigating What it Means to Be Here and to Be Self Present.

Posted on by
So I was looking at this point of “slowing down” today. Also the point of how I only have so much ‘tolerance’ to do certain tasks for only so long and then eventually I have to take a break. I have been noticing that my attention span is quite short in that I often “take breaks” and work in “bursts of energy”. What I understand, and am working on correcting is not to apply myself within ‘energy’ which is clearly being indicated that I am doing, seen within requiring to take frequent breaks or only having so much ‘tolerance’ or ‘focus’ to perform a task. Instead of rather applying myself within a point of constancy and consistency where I remain stable and consistent in ones application so I do not crash, or run out of energy or existing within jumping back and forth between the two polarities of getting lots and lots done and then going to the opposite polarity and get absolutely nothing done. Rather I am exploring this point of Consistency as to direct myself into and as an application that Stands, and that doesn’t crash every few days, as so far this has been the case. I have always considered myself to be disciplined which to me meant being able to “get tasks done” and not giving into laziness. Though at the moment this “way that I have always considered myself” is not coming through, but rather only existing as a hope at the moment instead of a living application. So one aspect within exploring this point of how to direct and apply myself in my world so I stop ending up in the “crash” is the aspect of slowing down. So what do I mean exactly by slowing down. One dimension of this is “not rushing” interesting I have written about this point quite a bit and yet here I am again writing out the point again. I find this point of slowing down to be one of the coolest points of my process actually because of the moments where in I do actually apply myself within this point of slowing down, and how I see the absolute power that exist within this point of slowing down and remaining here. It is a point of Self Presence where one is Completely Here in what one is doing, and so for myself have found this to be a point or thee point which I see would really support me within my world, within this reality, and within process. I also see that I have gauged my day where in there is only so much possible within a day, and that from a certain perspective I see that I attempt to do waaayyyy to much, and then there is this “holding my breath” that takes place as I move through my day not wanting anything to interrupt me or get in my way because if I step of track for even one second then I won’t be able to get everything done – I see that this is not Self Presence and Self Here and that this is not supporting me to become effective in my day. So I require to direct myself in such a way that I have ample time to direct each point as if comes up and remain effective and “up to date” within the system where the bills are paid and I am feeding myself properly and things like this. I remember in art school and when I used to make lots of art work that I would eat not very much. And that today as well at the end of the night I was starting to feel hungry and realized that I was in fact neglecting this food point and not effectively feeding myself because it just takes to much time and I am attempting to “save time” by not eating as much or by eating out. So Even Here I see this as a problem and that I should not be within such an application where I am trying to “Save time” as this is indicating that I am behind and within an application of energy instead of just being here within breath.

Keep it Simple Keep it Stable

Posted on by
So a point opened up within me just now in reading a post. It is simply being accountable for myself in each and every moment and every circumstance and not accepting and allowing myself to “let my guard down” which is basically me going into my mind. And just letting my world fall to shit in no time at all. This has been a ‘problem’ with me I notice in my application. This absolute point of consistency and constancy. I have noticed that I am sort of consistent and kind of constant sometimes which really just shows that this point is not yet in place. Particularly since getting back to Canada I have faced this point quite a bit in getting my world sorted out, and getting a job, and just the basic practical points of “my life” I see that I tend to go into a kind of submission to the world, and to the system, and just not wanting to do anything, and I allow myself to go into this energy and then I stop being consistent and my world starts to fall apart. Then I pick myself up again and get back to business and am stable for a while but then eventually again this point creeps up and I give-in to “not wanting to do anything”. I see it more a fear and actually a point of Self Dishonesty and Self-Pity and Manipulation where I allow myself to go into “things are just too hard” and I always fall on this point of Directing my world. Which I see if I would actually Fucking Stand-UP in these moments and remain stable constant in my application and also to support myself through these moments using self forgiveness and breath, that I would develop my Self-Strength and effectiveness and would be much more directive and my world would probably “work better” And this is because it is mathematically so, where in I am simply directing more physical points and ensuring the practical points of my reality are moving and directed. The simple shit of basic human living – This is where I “give in” like not wanting to clean your room when it is obviously way to disorganized, not wanting to answer that one e-mail you know you should, not wanting to log online and pay the bills, not wanting to search for jobs online. So it is really the points that make ones world tick, and make ones world move. So I will do this and be able to sustain doing this for a while but eventually I reach that point where I start to strain. And that’s it. That’s the moment where I could make my life a whole lot easier by not making it more difficult. I Don’t actually have to do anything special or profound, but just keep consistently directing the basics of my world and actually remain constant and stable and effective and HERE within doing this so that I do it effective and not just enough to make it go. Keep it simple keep is stable

Self Honesty and Self Awareness in DREAMS

Posted on by
I woke up at 7am...mmm nope it was 8am. I woke up from a dream which kind of ‘startled’ me awake. Quite interesting to consider the point of Self Honesty in dreams and eventually at some point one will have to be Self Honest and Self Aware both awake and asleep. I see this where in one is actually directive if a dream come up and they are able to make Self Honest Decisions within the dream and no more accept and allow a dream to simply be “Happening to them” This came up in my dream this morning. There was this being in the dream who started to “lead me on” through moving sexually/sensually at which point “caught my attention” and I had this thought feeling/though inside me that I really should not be doing this, meaning participating with this particular event as I had already determined within myself that this would not support me but rather just further energetic mind addictions. So when I woke up I started to consider this “other person” in the dream who is someone from my past being in the dream and manipulating me through her actions and movements. And so in the dream I “locked onto” the being and could not “tear myself away” meaning I had actually agreed within myself that I would participate. There was this ‘point’ though in looking at this whole thing that why would I have a dream like this in the first place. And also in the dream there was this thought I had towards the other being like “you shouldn’t be doing this” which is actually fascinating because look – In this moment, within allowing this thought within my dream I am accepting and allowing quite a deceptive point as first of all it is my dream. Secondly all that exist within my dream is essentially me. I mean if I really did not want that person to be doing that I would not have created the situation scenario in the first place. Or even so I would not have willed this point/aspect of my dream into existence. I have had this experience lately of me actually ‘willing movement’ in my dreams. This normally happen in relation to sex when sex present itself in the dream where all of the sudden I actually start to deliberately will and direct the dream and even the participants of my dream to do what I want where in I am actually directing the outcome of the dream within the dream to suit my Desires, which usually would mean me getting sex or something like that. So quite interesting because this actually show that I in fact am able to be directive in the dreams though at the moment, my directive principle of myself within dreams is to simply feed my desires particularly sex as I really do not “take over” dreams to bring about any other outcome other than sex – though it usually has to present itself first within the dream and then a “switch will go on” and I will like “come alive in the dream” So was cool to see this point today of how I am not actually “subject to peoples actions in dreams” and is a cool point of Self Responsibility to get to a point of Self Honesty where one is Here and Selof Honest in Dreams as well. Though at the moment dreams stil just more or less happen and I am in them experiencing myself as if I have not directive principle but just move at the will of the dream. So here it is firstly to realize that I was being Self Dishonest in allowing myself to imply that ones actions in ‘my’ dreams are somehow separate from me or independent from me and that I am ‘powerless’ to them, and that it is even a different person standing before me. I mean, I actually wanted to be seduced within myself in fact so that is why the dream occurred, no matter if I say I “this is bad” or “wrong” or whatever, the actual truth of myself, what I actually am existing as and holding onto and living and desiring within me manifest as the dream.

Putting the LIE in smILE

Posted on by
Ok I just saw the word ‘smile’ and it reminded me of an experience I had today at the grocery store. I was going through the “automatic checkout” where you they have replaced the tellers with machines so the customer can “check out” their own groceries. So my machine had an error and I had to ask the teller for assistance. Now I have seen this teller many times before as though never actually engaged this person. So She assisted me with the problem and again once more gave assistance before I left. So now the ice was broken. As started to walk out of the store I noticed the teller walking my way from down the isle going back to her station. It was obvious now that this was no “ordinary passing” as she had assisted me with my machine and so I felt like there should be at least eye contact as I walked by her as a form of acknowledgment of the events that took place. I mean I could ignore her as which is normally done in occasions like this – Deliberate ignorance where each being just pretend not to see the other one. So I looked her way as a walked by and she also glanced up at the last second. She did not really have an expression so I ‘Smiled’ and then she gave a smile back, I mean the entire unfolding of events was very ‘unconscious’ so to speak, but brings up an interesting point. How a ‘Smile’ is used within this world. I mean it is used in a way to just keep everything moving. It is like the ‘Oil’ in the engine of the system which keeps things “moving along” “everything fine here” “I accept you” and this kind of thing. I see that I smile allot as part of my presentation. It is a way to manipulate people. Where I manipulate them through smiling so that no points of friction arrive. I mean I probably would have been grinning my way through the holocaust as I have found this to be the best possible way to “go unnoticed” and “be accepted” Its like I am attempting to smile people into submission – lol. So people smile when they are hiding things, when there is actually stuff within them that they do not want to communicate, so they just smile and everyone smile and remain quiet. When I look specifically at why I smile so much, it is to avoid friction as I have found it the best possible way to avoid friction. I feel like there is so much friction and that if I were to actually speak my mind for real instead of hide it behind a smile Its like the entire world would just shut-down. Like if there was a magical spell placed on the planet where everyone actually had to speak what was going on within them and were forced to work things out this way. Obviously this is the point with Self Honesty, that we get to a point where when we speak, we simply speak what is here within us. So there is so much unresolved shit right now inside each one of us. Like when the homeless man smiles at you and asks for change – Oh God, you think that is a real fucking smile. Nooooooooo, the homeless man is manipulating, probably hoping he will either get money for having a Pleasant disposition, or not get punched for having a pleasant disposition. And so Society just walk around smiling and smirking as this is the best way to glaze over the actual vicious thoughts and judgments we have towards each other. And we all accept “The Smile” as each one know that they do exactly the same thing so as a long as this is an accepted means of hiding then everyone will use it. So smiling has become absolute deception and manipulation. Nobody actually really communicates within this world and the interesting thing is we will eventually have to face this shit, and cannot go on smiling for ever. I mean well, we could go on smiling for ever but that really is just saying that we has humanity is going to go one LYING for ever and living a Life into eternity. I for one do not want to do this. I would be more interested in actually speaking to one another and getting to the core of who we are. Though at this stage Society and Mankind just walk around as Smiling Zombies – And the worst part is that they do no even realize it, they do not even realize the absolute deception that is taking place and that there is in fact a “real” being underneath all the deception but likely will never actually Live. The Real being – Who we really are is likely to just hide in Fear and Shame behind a smile until its too late. What a fucked fucked fucked up world we live in.

My Application at the Moment

Posted on by
I have not been consistent with my blogs and vlogs of late. Or much else for that matter, though my mind has been consistent and has been consistent since starting process with desteni. There has been allot of resistance coming up lately. Where I just stop applying myself and literally do nothing. Just existing in observer mode, scanning around on my computer instead of directing self. And in my world doing just the minimum to keep things alive from the perspective of making sure bills are paid. So this has been my application recently. I can call it giving up on myself or something like that but that’s just “cream puffing” it. Or more specifically Manipulation. Saying I have given up on myself is like the whole “underdog thing” who suddenly rises from the ashes or out of the burning building when everyone thought he was finished. That’s one way how I attempt to perceive myself. Its a form of Hope, that I keep inside me. A Hope that I will actually become that which I perceive myself to be within my mind, within my imaginary reality, hoping that this reality is real, because in this reality, this imaginary reality, something ‘great’ happens, There is a happy ending. But this has not yet happened in my real reality. But it is interesting to see this point of waiting for or holding out hope that “something great will finally happen” like it has to, it just has to. Oh how magical. And in some way, holding onto this hope is one of the reasons I keep applying myself. But I see it as a delusion and that until I can let go of this delusion, I will never actually “get anywhere” in real practical reality. I mean I always saw myself as so much more than I am at the moment, so much more capable, so much more profound. Its like I sit here within my world and look at the potential inside myself and just look at it, but it rarely seems to translate into this reality. At the moment I have quite a ‘knot’ in my neck on the left side. (Maybe from Knot applying myself) This is a reoccurring pain which runs up the left side of my neck, through my jaw, along behind my ear and up to my temple. I slept 11 hours today. That’s the second time I have done that since getting back from the farm loooooong time ago now, 10 months or so. I just slept and laid in bed, knowing I should get out but not. Just laying there. Last night I was very tired at around 10:30 which is rare, though I just went to bed and fell asleep and woke up and was tired. I have been tired allot lately. Probably because I have been in this application of living/existing in my mind. So have noticed myself more tired and more heavy. And so its so much easier to lay in bed from a certain perspective, I mean its not that its easier its more like, I just lay there. Knowing I am in my mind, but not caring. So it is a form of giving in, and allowing the mind. Like tired of fighting the mind, god the mind is relentless. This process is not all roses. Fuck I have been doing this for 4 years now. So I have not been blogging allot lately or vlogging because I have really only had ‘this’ to report what I am writing now. This is what is actually going on with me at the moment. So there are moments like this in process. I have walked through a few. Like depression and things like that though I don’t like using the word depression as I feel it does not accurately describe my actual experience. Today I was doing my SRA chat, and Leila mentioned the point of Art, Leila always brings this point up. In terms of art I have been noticing this point of anger and spite and rage within me towards the point, like for example when I see or here of artists selling their work or anything to do with art which is connected to making money. So I have been noticing this point of anger in me here in relation to this point which shows me that it is still a point that requires direction one way or another as I apparently gave this point some direction but really just “left it hanging” I don’t do much drawing or art at the moment, in the last 2 months I have been making these designs for a lady which I decided to “try out” to get an idea of how this entire process worked from the perspective of doing graphic design as a way to make money. I feel like the lady is really taking me for a fucking ride, though this is obviously just me. I charged 250.00 for the entire project and I said within myself that I would “not do it for the money” from the perspective of I required the experience to see how this worked. Anyways I just keep quiet as this lady gives me all these specifics of what she would like and I simply get it done. I have probably spend around 80 hours on the project so far so making a grand total of about $4.00 per hour and the project has likely another 10 hours to go, though I am getting some experience and examples of “my style” in graphic design to use to promote myself in this field. This is also my first time really getting into the illustrator program which I think is really really cool. I decided I would do this. I decided I would start making logos for people as this seemed like a good idea, but have not yet gotten this point launched. It seems practical when looking at it though could not come up with a name for the company which was a problem because well, the whole idea is that I come up with cool Logos for people yet I could not even come up with one for me so I really got stuck on this point. I have a name now which I am going to use. Though if I keep going in the same direction I am at the moment this will actually not get any movement and will never happen. That is clear. Ok there it is my glorious application for all to see, not the pretty picture roses version but the actual version. It does get tiring trying to Lift myself up all the time. Because that's what I feel like allot of the time, like I am constantly just trying to lift myself up off the ground and sometimes I wonder if there is a different way. Meaning does it have to be like this where I am just always trying to, or am constantly lifting myself up off the ground or floor and getting myself up and then crash back down again. Then Ok, life (oops typo - though it is lifeing myself up as I breathe some life into me and stand up) I meant lift myself up again and then crash. Like a baby learning to walk, only it is a “mental experience” the crash happen within the mind, and ‘I’ go crashing with it. So I could go now and write about how I am going to stand and do this and do that and try and put a positive spin on things but I don’t see the point at the moment to try and “give hope” or paint a pretty picture of process. Like in the end trying to put a “positive spin on things” because that is irrelevant, either one stand or one don’t and to stand one must face all there is to face to Stand.

Capitalism Creates Unsafe Work Conditions Killing Little Girl Bystander.

Posted on by
3 Year Old Girl Killed by Falling Debris From Construction Site. The local newspaper here in Calgary Alberta Canada reported on an incident of a three year old girl that was killed by getting hit with “bundle of steel” that the wind apparently ‘blew off’ the roof of a hotel-condo project...Must have been strong wind to move a bundle of steel? Ok won’t get into that here. So the Firms involved in the projects are now in court facing fines and penalties up to 15 thousand dollars. Which they plead Not Guilty. This Scenario has ‘prompted’ the City and Construction Industry to look at “New Safety Options” And also the city has proposed new legislation changes that would increase fines for “construction site safety violations that threaten lives” It is interesting how “normal this all seems” and there are so many layers of ‘deception’ in what seems like such a normal scenario to have taken place within our world. Creating more rules and laws and safety regulations is Hilarious as what it is actually implying is that Human Beings are not able to be responsible for themselves or others and are in fact not at all aware of their physical environment and so require a rule or a regulation to follow as without this rule or regulation they would most likely place themselves and others in Danger, this being done at the moment “In-The-Name-Of-Money” as We are absolutely blinded by money and will push ourselves to the limit to the point of risking our own lives, and at minimum, our physical well being, simply to “get that extra bit of cash. I suggest the City Review its Stand-Point in relation to the current monetary system – though I suspect that this is actually in fact not even being seen at all by those who are running the city on behalf of the people. Obviously each one that is Here on this earth is Responsible for what is here and the point does not fall to any specific group per-se, though the fact that “The Solution” by “the city” is to “Raise the Fines” as a way to prevent such ‘accidents’ is an indication of the “Lack of Insight” into the actual “Systematic Problem” which is perpetuating more and more accidents like the one mentioned above. This “Systematic Problem” Being the Money System, a System managing the world based on profit as a motivator. What you end up with is “Movement” occurring with the primary driving force of “Making Money”. Because “Profit” is the primary motivator and movement generator of the world you have companies that are willing to push to the absolute limit to attempt to Generate as much profit as possible. Because at the end of the day, it is just to easy for someone in some boardroom somewhere to based a decision on money and Demand certain outcomes because it is better for his pocketbook, not actually giving a fuck about whether it is safe or reasonable or at this stage even physically possible – That is one of the interesting elements that money brings to this existence – is that it is Not Related to Actual Physical Practical Reality. It forces people to stretch themselves and move torrid paces to attempt to reach unrealistic goals. So for example at 5:00 o’clock it is time to go home and you are just glad to have the day over with. After all you have been working at a torrid pace all day for your daily wage while some guy in a suit sits in an office setting the pace by making unrealistic demands and gets 10 times as much money as you. Its possible you would feel Why would I “give that little extra effort” I own this man nothing. I am just trying to “Make a Living” and fuck I work hard for my money, I work hard so I can enjoy my "time-off", and so, when I am walking out the door and notice a "bundle of steel" sitting a little too close to the edge of the roof (not to mention the other million hazards that should be directed" ...I allow the thought of “It will be OK” I will move it tomorrow, besides I want to get home and see my family – And so now this Steel Fall during the weekend and crush a little girl to death. We are all responsible for this scenario. Each and everyone of us. As we blindly accept the current world and current system the way it is and just “go along with it” as if it is normal – I mean the fucked up thing is that it is actually Normal! And that’s what’s messed up – What we have accepted as normal is an absolute atrocity and Living Hell Death Zone. So Suggest to Investigate an Equal Money System, as with an Equal Money System – Profit as the primary motivator for production, for movement, for expression will be eliminated. And Rather Doing what is best for All, what is best for humanity and Supporting humanity as a Dignified Life become “why we do things and how we live” This will require a Massive Process of Change, yet what is fascinating is that this Process is already Here which is Fucking Cool. The Fact that I can already speak and write about a Solution to this world is interesting indeed. And this “Solution” Is what is being proposed and introduced by Desteni as an Equal Money System and also the Desteni I Process – Changing the Rules of Money So that Incidents like the one mentioned above can be stopped, as One now, within a world managed by an Equal Money System, no longer have somewhere else better to be, or placed in situations where they want to “Just get done with it” but rather creating an environment where even the experience of oneself within work will greatly change so that one has a reason and purpose to make that extra effort so speak, And that reason and purpose is Life, is Self Integrity and What is Best For ALL. As an Equal Money System will Bring ALL these aspects of this world to the fore. Research on Equal Money System – www.equalmoney.org