Category Archives: Work and Business

Exposing Unnecessary Fears in my Day to Day Living.

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Tonight after work later in the evening I noticed a part of the text that my boss sent me earlier in the day before I had left from work that I did not give direction to. Fear immediately came up within me and my entire experience of myself shifted in that moment from being fine to suddenly being uncomfortable and possessed by the fear related to this point. There was a few different aspects to the fear. I forgot to properly cover up some bags of cement before rain had started to fall and to confirm that that was cool before I left for the day. The rain had already been falling for about 6.5 hours before I noticed that I missed this point so the damage could have already been done. A question that came up within me is, “Is it necessary to participate in this fear that I immediately went into / became possessed by” in that moment of realizing this missed point? The point that I see is no. There should never be any reason why one should accept and allow oneself to exist within fear. No matter what reason I looked at in terms of why I was actually going into fear; they simply were not valid for me to put myself through that experience instead of  letting the experience of fear go. The physical reality facts is still the way it is. It is more a matter of letting go of the fear attached to that scenario. This does not mean that I don't have to be practically responsible for my reality, it just mean that if I make a mistake I support myself to stop all self judgement related to the point and rather just focus on what is required to be directed practically. To fear about it does not fix it or actually make it worse or better. So then what is the purpose of the fear, and is it necessary? This event also showed me how simple it is for one to overlook or skip-over something that is required to be practically done and how that one tiny point could have quite a big consequence. Today’s point would have literally taken me 2 minutes to direct and in not doing this could have let allot of valuable resources and material get ruined. I did not ignore the point, I simply forgot. So this event showed me that I am able to be more specific and thorough within my moment to moment application. Also within this I see that even within the context of this event there is no valid justification for me to “go into fear” or Self Judgement, no matter what the stakes. Fear does not support me at all. The experience of existing in fear is not a cool experience at all and thus there is no reason why I should accept and allow myself to do this to myself. So yes, this event today brought up this point in relation to fear where I have been looking recently at my own experience of myself and that often my experience of me is not that pleasant and yet, it is me doing it to myself, and so investigating why I would accept and allow me to put myself through experiences within and as self that is really not cool, because that is backwards. Refusing to let go of an experience that is causing allot of discomfort. So I have been investigating this and working on actually letting go of these experiences of fear that is really not necessary to be in. So there is just a few aspects that came up today.

2012: The Concise Version of My Day

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  I was up early this morning to go and do my snow removal route as it snowed last night. I got up at 5:30am because I prefer to get started on it early. I was experiencing a slight anger/depression as I went about doing the route, like a general disappointment within my experience of me. I finished the route in about 4 and half hours to 5 hours. Then I drove around trying to get into this coffee place to get a latte but the freak’n road had no way of getting in there...so I just looked at the shop as I drove by on the highway with no way of getting into the other lane..lol. So I decided to just go home and do the whole coffee thing later. Plus I have been going out to get coffee as a point of just changing my behaviour patterns to not just stay in all day but doing the coffee thing as a way to “get out” more. Though today as I put in the brown sugar and stirred the cream into my Double Americano I was thinking that “I really must actually sit down and stay in the shop a while instead of just getting my coffee and then leaving right away which is what I usually do, because to just leave isn’t really changing my pattern – Staying would be me actually changing my pattern. So I took a seat along this bar table along the window and read the newspaper as I drank my coffee. I have been reading/watching a bit more news lately as I have been wanting to incorporate some of the points in my Artwork. I have rented a studio space for next month and so will for the first time in 5 years have an actual painting studio to work in! So am preparing at the moment and just doing some research of some subjects/contents to base some of the art on, and thus have been investigating some of the current events of the world to base my work on. It is almost disorienting to try and make sense of the news and connect all the dots of how fucked up this world really is. War, Starvation, Oil, Rebels, Bail-Outs, Austerity Measures, Occupy Wall-Street, Income Disparity, Extreme Household Debt Levels, Corruption in Politics, Sexual Assault, Suicide Farmers, Suicide Bombers, Poor Education, Poor Middle Class, Poverty, Obesity, Slave Labour, Holy Wars...and the list goes on and on and on. In the midst of this of course, The Oscars, The Royal Wedding and the Score from the game last night. So The Media I find is like going to a carnival or something. Its like everywhere you look its chaos and you never know who’s side of the story your getting. Its nice to have the foundation point of being aware of an “Equal Money System” as a Solution to Stabilize me as I read through everything because one begin to see how so much is simply based on money and that capitalism as a system is part of the problem, this, not being seen by media, politics, or anyone in the system where instead everyone is looking at it from the perspective of “how do I fix capitalism”  basically trying to come up with solutions to save a sinking ship and not yet seeing an alternative to what is here such as Equal Money System. So being aware of equal money as a solution is actually an anchoring point for me to go and sift through everything and not get lost within it all. I had to laugh as I sat there in the coffee shop because a person pulled a seat up beside me and actually had a sketch book and was drawing. I was only sitting there in the first place to deliberately direct myself to in a way force myself to interact with people more. Turns out this person had just gone back to finish art school after a hiatus from art altogether. So I chatted a bit and then headed home. I was a dizzy again today. I have had this dizziness come up this past week and it came up today again so when I got home I decided that I would lay off the computer screens a bit and I just put on one of the Atlantian Interviews from the Series on Eqafe.Com, turned out the lights and listened to that...well I more just fell asleep but it was cool as I just laid there and breathed and listened to the interview and that helped stabilize me from the dizziness. So that is the concise version of my day. www.equalmoney.org www.desteni.org

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (Movie Review) – Who are You as a Brand?

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I just finished watching the move “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold” which is a documentary about Advertising, where the entire movie is based on showing the Filmmaker approaching different/various companies and business and getting them to sponsor his Movie, in exchange for product placement/advertising in the movie itself.  As the viewer we get the “behind the scenes” look at the advertising processes involved in such an endeavour as well as commentary on the overall role advertising plays not only in movies and the creative process, but our day to day lives as well. One of the questions raised in the Movie was the question of “Selling Out” specifically related to the Film-makers personal integrity during the creative process of making the movie, as well as looking at the integrity of other individuals or “Artists” who “take-money” in exchange for product placement or Advertising where a particular expression such as a movie or work of art or song, or even individual  allows within their expression a point or points  specifically, deliberately, and for no other reason and purpose but for Generating Money. I faced this question myself in my life as I decided early on that I wanted to be an Artist, and make paintings and art. I saw this point of “Money” and how this could potentially influence my creative expression but from my perspective this was not a valid consideration within the context of the Artwork from the perspective that, if I allowed money to influence the work of Art, and “My Self Expression” than I simply missed the point altogether of what it means “To Be an Artist” or to have “Self Respect”  – and so thus it was apparently obvious to me that “of course you do not incorporate money making into the creative process...duuuuh” Though I realized eventually that I actually was still not seeing the entirety of the point! I did not see how this world was Designed. I did not see how the world/money system actually operate. I believed that it was actually possible to do this – To make a work of art that was not influenced by money. I did not see to what depths money has/had infiltrated this world and was already placed absolutely as the Foundation upon which my very existence depended on, and thus also the foundation of the Art I would be making. So the question of selling-out is really a non-question as we are so beyond selling out that the question in itself only show the lack of understanding/awareness of an individual with regards to where we currently are in terms of how the world/money system is functioning at this very moment and the extent of Control it has on “The Creative Process” I Grew up mostly in the Country (out of the city) and our family was more oriented towards “Artistic Stuff” , and so thus I was not really exposed to the “truth” about money and how it was actually already infused into absolutely everything of this existence. And here I believed it was possible to make “Original Art” Though from a certain perspective I did have the opportunityto see/experience life and in my case making art for the sake of just expressing me rather than basing it on money, which in turn supported me in seeing what a fuck up we have created as our current world system and how there can be no such thing as Original Art in a world where Money is God. Where money determine if you live or die, what kind of education you have, the skills you develop, the resources you have, the way you express yourself and of course also the Art you would make. Part of my process was realizing that now is not the time or the place the “purse art” to “pursue my dream to be an artist” I mean I can see how in our current system we are limiting ourselves extensively in terms of our potential. Our potential has a “ceiling” has a “Cap” Perhaps thats why its called “CAPitalism” – Because there is a “cap” on our potential and possibility of our expression within such a system. I mean you can only pedal your bike so fast...eventually you require a different “system” to go faster. Like a car for instance. Thus we fist must actually change the world, change the system, change the environment we live in before Art or Self Expression will be able to expand and grow and actually become Valid and not simply be just another “product of money”, So from a certain perspective this Movie “Missed the Point” It did not go deep enough into seeing that we have sold our souls long ago so to speak, simply by accepting and allowing such a system as capitalism to exist as the Ruling System that is the foundation of ALL experience of ourselves here on this planet. I was also looking at how we ourselves as individuals advertise.  How we play out the exact same process we see playing out between the Hollywood movie and the Advertiser, where partnerships are formed and adds are seamlessly interwoven into the movie/creative product. We do exactly this - For instance becoming friends with someone simply because they are cool and it will make us look cooler in the eyes of another we are trying to impress. Its advertising! Wearing a certain article of clothing to look appear a certain way and in this attract specific friends and attention from others. Talking/speaking/communicating  a certain specific manner in the words/topics and tonality of voice we express so as to “get others to like us” To give us their attention so that we feel and experience ourselves a certain way. Or knowing an inside joke – its like a commercial we run as advertising which symbolize our status within our world. We as individuals are walking advertisements/presentations and if anything, what Hollywood and giant corporations are showing us -  is who we as individuals have actually become. And to the degree/extent  which we exist prominently as absolute advertisements where there is nothing left that is actual substance. Just like a Hollywood movie. We as humanity has become all surface! So obviously this is not an acceptable way to continue existing, and also is an indication of it is not about what is taking place “out-there” but that we first must sort ourselves out and explore/investigate why we accept and allow ourselves to exist as walking advertisements teaming up with others to generate more attention, more viewers.  We must have a look at the clothes we wear, our environment, the type of car we chose to drive. The coffee shops we hang out in. Everything to develop our own personal Brand as who we are as personality and only doing this to “appear a certain way” to be “liked” to be “cool” To be “better than another” to “be the best”. Our goal as a being in this world has to become a brand and create ourselves as a product, a perfect presentation, but is that who we really are? I see that I am still in the beginning of realizing that there is something “more” to myself than what I had considered and explored before. I am still in the process of deconstructing the personality, the brand that I have created that is me, so that I no longer exist as a walking advertisement and presentation. Id like to actually find out who I am if I let go of all this superficial bullshit that I see myself existing as daily. I realize that this will take some time considering how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this way for so long. though this is a decision I have made, that I am in the process of making still. Knowing that what I am living is a lie, but still finding the courage and discipline and way within myself to actually change/transform myself and find out who I am/will be in no more accepting such an existence of myself purely as a a personality, as advertising, as a Hollywood movie that I want everyone to like. Who are we when the movie stops   Equal Money Website Link - equalmoney.org Desteni website - desteni.co.za   Featured Products on the Equality Store Equal Money Book - An in depth explanation of all the in's and out's and workings of How an Equal Money System will be implemented and Function in this world. http://store.desteni.org/inventory/agable-equal-money-future-of-money-volume-1   My Evil Twin - By Sunette Spies Audio Recording -Sunette explains the manifestation of a parasitical 'evil twin' that grew and exists wihtin and as self as a resonant back-chat system. http://store.desteni.org/inventory/agable-sunette-spies-my-evil-twin          

Being a Fully Functional Member of the System (Standing Equal to the System)

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Being a Fully Functional Member of the System (Standing Equal to the System) This was a point that I took on doing when I entered back into the system around a year and half ago now. This point was not always totally clear in terms of what or how I would be doing this, but has clarified over the last year as a Directive Point that I have taken on. To Stand Equal to the system where I work and function as a member of the system, playing by the system rules, and using the tools of the system to become effective and successful in the system. So I required to do a few things as I had previously in my life wanted to do anything but stand equal to the system. I never did my taxes or cared about credit, or cared to get a job, or become an upstanding citizen so to speak. I see that I must do this, that I must “become” the system so to speak by standing equal to and as it, and becoming effective within it. This is something that actually goes against my initial pre-programming seeing as how I was raised in a  more “creative” family system that did not use money as motivation or a marker for success per-se but more focused on creativity / art as that which was given allot of attention. In this money or system savvy was simply not a part of our family really. Though some of my uncles and were business men so I observed this point in the peripheral of my family structure but was never a point that penetrated to much into/through the walls of our primary family unit… One of the main aspects of my life/approach/starting point which I required to adjust for myself to become more aligned with how the system actually function is what I placed as my “priorities” Because for a long time I placed Art and Creativity and Personal Enjoyment very high on that list, and making money and working in the system as secondary. I have though re-established my starting point to where “making money” and working in the system where in I ensure always that I have a basic income stream always coming in, is now my priority. This is much more “Practical” in terms of actually supporting me in the context of this world and what I am here doing. My previous approach was simply not practical at all, and because of this I always struggled to meet my basic survival needs and was always living on the fringe of society. In essence that is what Art Schools do. They prepare the individuals who are going to live on the fringe of the system. What a fuck up. So that was quite a Key Adjustment I required to make and I must say it makes everything much simpler. Art in my life is now a secondary point as something to explore expand only after I have established in my world my foundational income stream as support to live and function within the system. I am getting there but still I have work to do in terms of actually getting caught up on my loans and start building up my credit so I can actually get a credit card! – lol. I am kind of just “going over” a few points here as basic background to how I have been living and assisting and supporting myself to get this point sorted out for myself so that I am not “stepping on my own feet” in my process to assist and support the bringing forth of an Equal Money System. This is in essence my Top Priority. This is my total dedication of myself because there is no point to support such a system as the one we are currently living in due to its cruel and abusive nature and what kind of world our current system is sustaining/creating. Thus the only reason I am directing myself to become equal to the system, to become a fully functioning member of the system is so that I can be stable and in a position to actually assist and support the bringing forth of an Equal Money System. A New System that actually support life.  Thus this requires food to eat, internet connection, place to live etc, so I can do the basic responsibilities which are required to bring forth an Equal Money System. So Yes, Art simply is “not important” to me at the moment in terms of how I used to give it such importance. Of course I still enjoy exploring this point but It no longer has control over me the way it used to. Though this definitely took some years of (4) of walking out of this possession I created of “wanting to be an artist” So I rather look at things more practically. Art may be able to generate an income, but it is not as practical as sticking to something initially that is more consistent and aligned with how the system function. Thus I have directed myself to do more practical labour jobs, as this is a point that I have had some training in. Actually I remember the words of Bernard mentioning to me before I left the farm that I can “always fall back on my hands” (or something like that) meaning to utilize “my two hands” and do practical labour as something I can use to support me if other things do not work out. So in a way I actually went straight to this point. Looking at what practical services I can do, and how I can use “my two hands” to effectively support myself in this world. I enjoy working with my Hands, like doing practical things. And many people try and get away from doing this, so it opens up space for people who are willing to do this to generate money for themselves. So I focused on this aspect when looking at what kind of work I could do in the system to start supporting myself effectively. One other little point that supported me in my process of standing on my own 2 feet and working with my own 2 hands – lol was : Don’t do what you want to do, Do what must be done. This point has assisted me in expanding myself in terms of what I am willing to do to support myself. Even 5 years ago I would have refused and resisted to do almost anything that was not related to art and my own personal desires.  I had really really limited myself in this but I did not know any better. I did not see nor understand the “greater context” of this world so to speak. So obviously my understanding/perspective has change allot over the past 4 years participating with Desteni. And thus so much of who I was and what I was willing to was simply based in Ego which a point I am assisting and supporting myself to stop within myself. What Kind of Human Being am I, that would look at / see this world and all that is happening and simply ignore it and refuse to assist in sorting it out. Its like standing face to face with a starving child and saying “sorry, Id rather paint a picture, and satisfy my own aspirations and desires that make sure you at least have an equal amount of food and support as I do” This obviously being Ego, and ignorance particularly in relation to the fact that I was simply born into my life of having food and money. I could have easily been the one born into poverty – Anyways “my priorities” where quite delusional and fucked up to say the least. So I have now just worked the Last 6 months at a full time job doing Landscaping. This job is now winding down as winter is just around the corner and you cannot do landscaping in the winter. So I am preparing now to move into doing Snow Removal for the winter season which is a point I did last year as well. A point that I would have not considered doing if I had continued to just allow myself to “Do what I want to do” instead of “doing what must be done” I started doing snow removal last year which was quite a cool experience. I did not have a job and in a way this was a situation where I was “falling back on my own two hands” so to speak, because I was willing to work, and thus saw an opportunity to apply myself doing snow removal and generate some money for myself through the winter months. I had allot of fears about doing it, and that it wouldn’t work and I would fail and all that stuff. But I did it anyways, and realized in the end that these fears were not real, even though they seemed very real. I ended up doing it for the entire winter season and managing to get myself through the winter. This year I am little more prepared so will be interesting to see how it goes. I see I have these same fears as last year coming up inside me, though my experience with walking through these fears last year is supporting me this time around to just breathe and continue to direct and apply myself within the point. My expenses has gone up also so my goal this year is to double the amount of money I made last year doing this. I have just got my business cards and advertisements from the printers a couple days ago, and will head out (I think next week) to focus on some neighbourhoods around where I live to see if I can get my clients more in one area this year. I am much more stable this year at this stage than I was last year. I see that that is because I actually did apply myself and find work, so that I have something to build off of, and already established to support me so to speak. This process has not been a breeze or magic or happening really fast either. It has taken time. My approach has been more basic and fundamental in terms of supporting me to establish a stable base income for myself. But I am grateful that I have placed attention on doing this and not leaving this as a secondary point. It has assisted me in stabilizing myself much more in my world. www.equalmoneysystem.org www.desteni.co.za www.desteniiprocess.com

My Experience of Me Today

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When I woke up this morning I went upstairs to make a drink before getting into things. Plus I still had to decide what I was going to do exactly with my time before I went to work. I have been getting up earlier recently so that I have some time to do things before I go to work. This has been much more supportive than the pattern of sleeping right until its time to go, then get up and go directly to work. So now its like I have “2 days” in one. Because I had been so long sleeping in the mornings now to be getting up earlier its cool. I find I am much more relaxed also, and am able to just do things at a normal pace instead of feeling constricted in my spare time. I ended up working on my SRA assignment this morning before heading off to work. I left for work and went through the drive-through at Tim Horton’s and got a Hot Chocolate. Perhaps tomorrow I should prepare my own drink at home. Recently on my way to work I have been applying self forgiveness in my car. I also “talk points out” meaning just speak out loud on certain points I am working on. And really just practicing and exploring self forgiveness as I drive to work. When I arrived at work, everybody was just getting there. My boss called me over to carry some stuff but when I got to the truck there was only a small saw to be carried. I reacted within myself at being called over “for nothing” like a slight reaction came up within me in relation to this idea that my boss was only calling me over to do that because “I am a worker” therefore “I must work” and that this point was being considered over practical common sense of the moment in that there was no real practical reason to call me over in that moment. This point also came up of me being a slave, which has been a point that I have been looking at recently and also applying some self forgiveness on. In this moment the reaction point was a point of anger in relation to me experiencing myself as being treated as a slave, one aspect of this being due to me not having money and thus not having any power in this world where I then become the subject/slave of those with money. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and blame my boss when I perceive that he is wanting me to work, and do things, because he is paying me and wants the most for his dollar, where within this he does not see me or consider me as his equal but as his worker, and also here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated by the fact that I am in my bosses position making all the money I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry within myself and blame my boss for my situation of feeling like I will never get ahead. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for “never getting ahead” from the perspective of believing that there is something wrong with me or that no matter what I do, I am simply doomed to my programming as the programming that was passed down through my family, specifically from my father, which will inevitably lead to me being poor or remaining poor with only so much money for the rest of my life. I walked up into the worksite to check out what was done the last day I was not there. We got started on a fence, beginning where it was left off the day before. It was a slat fence and so we, one by one, put up these slats building each section of the fence. I worked with this one guy who I find awkward to work with. I find my physical movements become rushed and jerky and I end up dropping things or making allot more mistakes then when I am just relaxed and giving a point direction. With this guy I find I go into this state of anxiety or haste when ever I work on projects with him. I find he as well work this way, and thus always knocks stuff over or makes mistakes, and so it can be a challenge to work with this guy. Though has brought up allot of points within myself to look at/face so that is cool. Lots of fears of conflict and fear of anger and also this point of “being a slave” that I touched upon earlier as well. Oh yes and “blame” Where in I am seeing I am constantly wanting to go into blame towards him, but must correct myself to rather go into a point of Self Forgiveness than blame. We also got another new guy today. I saw him from a distance coming into the yard and shaking hands with my boss. My first reaction to him was that “he was tall” lol. Normally one have a first impression of a being, but I did not have that, I definitely had a first “reaction” as I immediately reacted in a point of judgement/assessment as I observed him from a distance. He was younger, and he was tall. Younger is cool because I find when people are younger they are normally easier to get along with where when you have older people, they have more engrained patterns and thus react allot more, and are more “set” in their ways. We had a break around 11:00am and my boss brought coffee’s and doughnuts, though I had a tea, because I am doing 21 days no coffee which has been quite cool support in terms of just having a point which break apart, or “throw a wrench into” my normal routine / daily pattern. Because now its all different where normally it would just be the same where in “ok now I go have coffee” and simply walk through the point of having coffee without a ruffle at all in my normal flow of things. And because I did this around 2 to 4 times a day, now I have 2 to 4 times a day where things are different, now I go and make some tea, and its just different. Getting the tea bag, and putting in some honey and deciding what tea to have, and then the experience of drinking the tea, so yes, the 21 days no coffee has been cool support so far. So anyways on coffee break I spoke with the new guy to get to know him a bit. I noticed that he looked at the ground when he spoke with me. This was quite peculiar. I wondered if he had an older brother or father that would yell at him or something, because it seemed like when ever he would talk it was being done from the starting point of “shame” like just in speaking he is doing something wrong already. Ok stopping here, I have some files to send to the printer before I go to bed, and so am going to do this now. I am preparing myself for doing snow removal this winter again so am getting some business cards printed. Perhaps I will discuss this in the next blog. And explore some aspects/points of taking on doing snow removal again to support myself through the winter to have sufficient money coming in. Goodnight.

I turn into a Zombie on Saturdays

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I was at work today. Today my mind was rattling on as I was digging this one trench. And also during the day the point came up of the mind wanting to go somewhere else, like going home. I was looking at this point of how at work there is moments where I get fixated on this point of wanting the end of the day to come. Or even like wanting lunch to come. Where the entire time I am working I am looking at my watch or the time for that moment when I can finally break. And I was looking at that experience that occur within me when I get off work. That moment of elation that wash over me as I am finally done now and safe in my car and can drive home. So definitely see that This is a mind point that occur everyday after work, when work is finally done and I have this feeling experience come over me like a momentary high. I see that the point would be to simply walk through that transition without going into an emotional experience of being done work but simply walk through as breath and not accepting and allowing the change in environment to create this experience of self which I give power to. I mean why not just be stable here as self all the time, instead of existing at work within the perception of me as a slave waiting to be free at 5:00pm. Another dimension I was looking at also is that the mind wants to escape points of facing self that we have accepted and allowed and now must face, thus mind does not want to work all day, which is actually a point of walking through what we have created as this world and so at work the mind keeps attempting to run and to escape by dreaming about being home instead of here within and as the task at hand. I was also noticing this in relation to what day of the week it is. For instance today was Saturday and even though it was my first day back to work in a few days I still approached the day like it was a “Saturday” and so I saw this influence point coming up as kind of an “attitude” or accepted and allowed “approach” to “who I am” in relation to Saturdays, specifically when work is involved. I have been aware of this point before from the perspective of simply walking each day the same from the perspective of establishing self within a point of stability where self is not defined and directed by what day of the week it is rather direction/expression of self is determined by Self in every moment, not by some repeating cycle that cycles as the 7 days of the week going through this particular energy cycle. So I I “re-noticed” this point  today. Its like I become this hypnotized by my own definition of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become when it is Saturday. This means that I can/am able to relax more????lol WTF So the other days of the week I am not allowed to relax and I must be tense? Shit that’s interesting because I see that Saturdays I am actually more relaxed due to not feeling stress to work, like the other normal working days of the week. Basically showing me that I am allowing a program to completely determine my experience of self where I am generally more stressed during the week then Saturday I have programmed in that I can be more relaxed so then I do so. WAFU (what a fuck up)  So My Saturday Program means at work that you really take your time and drag your ass, and take long breaks – Its quite strange because even if there is points to direct at work, and there is lots to do, one still  allow the “slack” point to dominate and influence how one move.  And also that this point is unanimously accepted by others so if you decide that you are going to be directive it throws everybody off and you are going against the grain, so just a way how we have all agreed on these particular definitions in terms of how we function within this world and its just accepted and if you do something different you really fuck people’s life up. So This is a point I see I can give some direction to, where I stop adjusting who I am according to what day of the week it is and just direct me within and as breath within a more constant and consistent application of self and stop accepting this pre-programmed reality to determine how I move an function within this world.

COOL to be CRUEL

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I want to communicate about communication. About this world’s normal accepted way of communicating and interacting with one another, and how this “normal” accepted communication and interaction, what we call funny or entertaining or harmless is in fact extensive abuse towards life. This abuse often gets hidden behind or masked with sarcasm or joking/humour or laughter but what is actually being implied by and through ones jokes is in fact quite cruel and does not in any way support another human being to become a empowered confident expression of life, but simply diminish the other into a position where one then see believe oneself to be inferior and then judge oneself. Basically what I am saying here is that the way we have come to communicate with one another on this planet is within a suppressing, diminishing nature, instead of a supportive encouraging one. I mean for instance when one go to the shop and bring home a nice plant that they want to set on their kitchen table or window sill and have it blossom and grow and live there in the home with them. They do not firstly take it outside and dump it on the pavement and then crush it under their foot, stamping on it until it is trampled and dead. That would be considered stupidity – Yet this is exactly what I see being done as and through our normal accepted way of interacting and communicating with each other in this world. Strangely it is not even being noticed. So I suggest the obvious commons sense of giving the plant some water and within the context of this discussion, communicate with other beings from the starting point of SUPORT. We are Here to support the development of self and others equally as life to grow and become a dignified expression that support itself and all life with the utmost care and direction to ensure the expansion, growth and expression of who we are as life. This is definitely NOT! Happening at all, and all you have to do to see it is observe what has come to be our “normal” accepted and allowed mode of communication and interaction with each other. This particular point has come up quite a bit at work, where I observe my co-workers interacting and joking around though what I see is utter abuse and diminishment of life. Making fun of or diminishing other human beings as a joke? Ridiculing another human being as a joke? Calling another human names as a Joke? The word that came up the other day after a few months of observing this type of “regular” communication between my co-workers is CRUELTY. At the core of the communication which is all jokey and sarcastic on the surface is in fact Cruelty. From my perspective my co-workers have not encountered any other way or type of communication to replace humanities overall accepted way of communication. I mean even listen to what is being pumped and impulsed onto/into us through your cities local popular radio stations…where being dumb and impractical is actually considered cool and something that if one aspire to they will be seen as cool. I do not support stupidity and impracticality. I rather support being practical, functional and pushing self to develop into an effective human being. It is a TRAP. What you here on the radio and what your friends are talking about. Its like everyone just agrees that these types of things are supposedly funny and cool. Buy WHY? Who come up with this ridiculous idea. Aspiring to be dumb is dumb Homer Simpson comes to mind. This character made being dumb funny and something to aspire to. Quite fascinating actually. And currently we have evolved and really what we laugh at and aspire to be today makes Home Simpson look like a Genius. If I look at why this kind of communication is actually becoming more and more and more in this world, and this is in relation to the point of it “being cool”. Thus then A point of motivation for why  someone would ridicule another is because “that is what is funny” and or “Cool” Thus they are not doing to be cruel per-se. They are doing it be funny and cool!  It just so happens that it is F-ing Cruel. But that is overlooked because “it is funny” and “people are laughing at what I am doing” and so “I feel good and important” and so the this viscous behaviour of cruelty and diminishment towards life is perpetuated. When I was on the Desteni Farm this was where I experienced first hand the affect of communication and interaction that is actually done from the starting point of Support. The point was no longer to try and catch someone doing something so you can embarrass them or laugh at their expense so that you look better. Nope. It was to look at how in any situation you can actually support another being through how you communicate and interact with them. From this perspective then something like embarrassment will in a way begin to disappear within bringing forth communication done from the starting point of Support within a principle of equality and oneness. Because if one fuck up or make a mistake it will not be like it is now where one is so afraid to make a mistake because they know that there “friends” will be right there to “give them a hard time” which actually means ridicule and diminish them under the guise of sarcasm and “joking around” But it is really not. It is in fact extensively cruel. This is why I support an equal money system as within the emergence and development of an equal money system we will also change the way we communicate and interact with each other so that our words are like water that encourage the growth and expression of life in every moment and stop being like a boot that crush the life out of a being to only empower ones ego and own self importance. Stop the abuse within communication and push self to always communication from the starting point of equals and in a way that support and encourage life, as this will bring forth a truly empowered human being. Here is a Vlog done by Sean Sharing his Specific Experience in relation to this point : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMYAkv0t0ak&feature=share www.equalmoney.org www.desteniiprocess.com

My Experience Living and Working in the System

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I have been back living “in the System” now for about a year since I left the Desteni Farm. So I am going to talk a little bit about my experience over the last year and basically living and working in the system and earning money. My current job is Landscaping. This is where a crew of 5 of us design and build up yards for all the new houses of people (normally with allot of money) who have just purchased a house and now want a nice yard match. So often we are doing landscaping in some really rich neighbourhoods for people with allot of money. I have had 5 jobs over the last year I worked as a treeplanter, which was a job I did 4 years ago also. It is the hardest job I have ever done, and have found, so if you ever here of someone doing treeplanting, no that they have really toughed it out likely in some challenging situations. I worked on a Horse Ranch – I got this job through looking through listings and I applied to the listing. I quite after 2 months because the people running the ranch were not nice and would “vent” their own frustration out on who ever was around (me) Luckily I live in a Canada which means I do have a bit of choice when it comes to jobs and do not have to simply stand there and take other peoples abuse. The other guy that worked on the farm was an illegal immigrant from mexico, He has less choice and I am sure takes allot of shit from those people because he cannot just leave as easily as I was able to. I worked in a “high-end” furniture store where they sell expensive furniture to rich people. I put together the furniture and moved heavy things around and vacuumed the floors. I got paid over double minimum wage there and worked there for about 9 months about 4 or 5 days a month. I did Snow Removal in the winter. I did this on my own, and put out an add on the internet, and then people called me and I took care of their snow removal for the winter – This got me through the winter. Landscaping – I got this job by looking through listings online and applying by sending in my resume and cover letter. Then I went for an interview. This is the job I work at now. It will be over when the snow starts falling, so will have to find another job for the winter, so will see what comes up then. My experience living and working in the system has been...the word “stressful” comes up. One aspect of this is because I am basically on my own, and if I do not come up with money, it will not come from somewhere else. Although I do have some family members which if things get really tough I can ask for a loan. When winter ended this year, my van broke down. This was basically right when I started my new landscaping job so I had not yet started working many hours so not enough income to buy a new car. I asked my dad for a loan which he agreed, and I bought a cheap car to get me around while working and am busy paying him back. Oh yes this is due to having “bad credit” due to overdue Student Loan payments and thus could not get purchase a car on credit. So yes I have moved around a bit, in terms of jobs. The place where I live has been quite stable which is cool. I am grateful for this. I rent a room in a house and the people I live with are around my age and we get along fine. One thing I have noticed. Living in this world is ALL ABOUT MONEY. Its all about getting money. And then with money you make your life “better” And this is “THE GOAL” The Purpose to Life – What I complete fuck-up. In the System You can buy things and move around a with more ease if you have money. I have found this extensively. That Money is that which allows you to move and interact with the system. As soon as the money starts to run dry, it is very difficult to move, function and flow within the system, and you simply become an ineffective participant/member of society if you do not have money to allow you to move and from a certain perspective BREATHE within the system. That is what I have found. The more money I have, the more I am able to relax and breathe and enjoy myself. When there is no money everything just cramps up. Money is literally like Water, from the perspective of if you do not have water, your body just tense, and cramp up and dehydrate. It is the same with money. If you do not have it, you kind of tense up and contract. So working my landscaping job has been interesting because you see these men and women; mostly men walking around in their nice suits and business clothes and making likely hundreds of thousands of dollars annually.  Even millions. And they are driving the nice cars and making their yard look nice and basically living there life. And thats it. There is no consideration or awareness of anything else but this. “Thats what Life is” Everyone in the system completely accepts the system and from a certain perspective is completely fine with it. Everybody works for money. Nothing moves without money. We have really fucked this world up, where someone would rather stand around and do absolutely nothing as long as they are getting paid rather than do some activity which actually support them as a being. When I was on the Desteni Farm, I directed myself to support what was busy going on. When I built a shelf or prepared food, it was to “support” others. I was not doing this to get money, And thus my consideration/ starting point when I looked to see if there was anything to do, was “How Can I Support The Environment in the Best Way. Is there anything that requires to be done to make our living Experience more effective, and supportive.  I mean holy fuck. Imagine how many times a day I took on this consideration and now think about this actually then start to shape and form who that human being becomes as this point is practiced over and over – Then you have The Current System where what people practice over and over again, is not looking at the world or their environment to see what will best support that environment but rather “How can I make Money” and Thus, there you have it. This one way how our current system is really fucking up human beings where our entire beingness become certered and focused on MONEY and How to Make Money. I mean I would not want to be stuck on a Island with one of those beings, but rather with a being who is always looking for what will best support ALL and to make the environment a practical living space. This is why I support an Equal Money System. Because within an Equal Money System we will be able to bring the point of “what is best for all” into the foreground where human beings actually start to consider how to direct themselves in a way which support earth, and others and the actual practical living environment instead of only being able to look at the world through the filter of “how can I make money” which in a way blind a person from contributing anything of actual real value to this earth.    

Sharing My Daily Process – Settling in At Landscaping Job

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So at work at the moment, we are building a fence. A cedar fence. It smells nice and I enjoy working with the wood. I have been cutting allot on the table saw, and the saw slice through the wood quite smooth as the wood is ‘soft’ So I have been busy on this project at work for the whole week. I have enjoyed now starting work and the process of working. There is quite a bit of “moving points” within the job that one must require to align together at certain points in time, and so am pushing myself to get effective with my direction within all this, and essentially just becoming as effective as possible at doing my job. I have now been more busy the last 2 weeks at this job so things are still opening up and from a certain perspective everyone is still busy aligning with each other, and adjusting ourselves, from the perspective of puzzle pieces which must make some adjustments so that all pieces fit together as one unit, so from this perspective each one is still finding how everything is going to work and move etc. Each day I see points where I can improve myself within my application at work so this is cool, as I would like to be getting the most out of each moment, no matter where I am or what I am doing. I mean this is full-on work in the system now so would like to get precise, meticulous, specific, stable, and as directive as possible within this. So yes as mentioned, I am seeing each day areas where I can be more effective. Like for instance today I was looking at the point of not accepting and allowing myself to be lazy in my communication at any point in the day, where in I do not communicate a point thoroughly and precise but just kind of say what ever comes up, but not really taking on that point of stopping for a moment before I speak from the perspective of making sure that the words I speak are actually going to be clear and give effective direction, as I noticed I would at times, blur words together or not explain my point through using words in my vocabulary that would have made the entire explanation much easier to grasp. Aside from work, another interesting point came up today as I was standing in the shopping mall. The point is that I noticed that I was seeing/experiencing people as if they were ‘mean’ or “out to get me” or “would get angry” if I spoke or communicated with them. So this is interesting as I have accepted and allowed myself to within this develop a fear of people. Why? Well because I simply expect them to get angry or mad at me or be annoyed at me or things of this nature, if I am even in their presence, let alone actually communicate with them. Because of this perception I had/have towards people, I Always hold-back, and retract myself and never ever communicate with people or strangers, as it is like I expect them to “lash out” So this is one side of it, and I also see a fear of have of the presence of people. What I mean is its like I feared to actually ‘address’ that presence of the being, or bring myself to that level where I am actually communicating with the being as their self presence but rather I would always just speak to them from the perspective of mind/fear, as from a certain perspective I feared actually bringing myself to that point of where I am actually seeing/addressing/experiencing the presence of the being. It is a point of Self Intimacy, and so in seeing this today at the shopping mall, I asked myself; what is it that I am so afraid of as to why I would not ever want to actually stand before a being and actually speak to them like a human being, but always just talk at them reciting pre-programmed phrases but never ever actually communicating anything. It was like I was afraid of actually communicating with them. It was like I was afraid of what the might say or immediately go into defence mode, and stuff like this. I will investigate this point more and see what else comes up. So those were a few points from today.

Put On The BRAKES!!! – Our System is Not Working.

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About a month and a half ago I was driving down the street and noticed a slight ‘wobble’ when I applied my van brakes. It was quite slight so thought I would test it out a bit to see if I was deluding myself or if there was actually something going on here with my brakes – I mean, it could have just been a bumpy road. But over the next few days it was clear that there was something “out” with my brakes and I likely would have to get them checked out. I didn’t have any money at the time, and it was not too noticeable so thought I would continue driving the van and pray to the heavens that the van will miraculously fix itself. Humm or hope for aliens to come and fix my van...lol. Anyways I was definitely in a tight spot because I simply did not have the money to fix the brakes and so I just continued to drive the van with the brakes acting funny. It was not a cool experience as each time I applied the brakes, they would shutter, and make “not cool” noises like grinding etc, and this got worse day by day. And so now to go and drive my van, I like cringe inside myself and spend the whole time attempting to come to rolling stops so that when I apply my brakes my coffee doesn’t spill all over in my cupholder from the “shuddering” of the breaks, making the whole van vibrate. So here is a perfect example of how the current system does not actually support human beings within it, but leave them to fend for themself, and if “something happens” like for instance the brakes going out on your vehicle and you are not in a position to pay for that than basically it is too bad for you! I had also started a new job so was required to drive daily to my job and thus required a dependable vehicle to get from point a to point b. I mean the entire system is designed in many ways where individuals must actually drive to their jobs. So yes, basically this experience has not been a cool one of first noticing the tiny wobble which has now been about 1 and half months ago, to getting to the stage where I took it in to the mechanic to ask questions, because that is all I could do at that stage is ask about it and get a basic price because I just did not have the money to fix it, and then to continue driving around, waiting for my tires to fall off or my brakes to fall off in the middle of driving down the highway, so actually quite of bit inner stress and tension related to this point, which could have been completely eliminated if I simply had money to go in immediately and correct the point. And so now tonight I have phoned a co-worker to ask for a ride to work and I will now have to come up with a temporary solution as fixing my brakes is still even a month away, though it has gotten so bad, that I am no more able to drive my van until I get them brakes fixed. I mean this is serious shit too if you look at it – These are my brakes...You NEED Brakes on your vehicle, so this is a practical safety issue where I am not in a position to direct the point as I do not have sufficient money at the moment, yet “there is nothing I can do” from the perspective of “the system” considering this point in any way and having provisions for such scenarios I mean “who cares if your life or others are at risk” – In our current system - If you don’t have money than Life simply does not matter. So Best to start considering these points of how our current system does not support LIFE but in Fact Values money more than life itself – as shown by the example above (or must I mention those dying by the second due to the neglect of the system and mankind). I mean MONEY should have Absolutely NO say – It is practical common sense that you ensure that each being has effective support in their daily functionality period! This basic consideration has nothing to do with money – Yet we have made it so, and thus we require to change how this system operate to create a system that actually consider life and not money. Within an equal money system this never would have happened. If there was a problem like this that come up, one can go immediately in to fix the point as to ensure that no further consequences occur, like for instance now not even knowing what else is messed up because of driving on bad brakes for 1 month past the point when they should have been already fixed. Our Current System is Simply NOT PRACTICAL. It is not considering all the practical points. So this has been quite an experience for me to see yet another aspect of how our current system is simply NOT WORKING, or looking at the actual practical points to be considered for an actual dignified functional living environment for all and why an Equal Money System will actually transform points like this, so that if anything occur with your vehicle, it is not a matter of money to get it fixed. You will simply be able to immediately get it fixed. The system actually is Holding itself Back, and in fact impedes the expression of those within it, instead of nurturing and supporting ones expression and movement within it. Such a fuck-up is our system. Thus Support an Equal Money System as an equal money system is actually taking into consideration the necessary points to create an environment which will actually be, not only, much more effective and functional but also which supports the expression of the being – I mean, after all, should this not be what life is about? Actually living and expressing ourselves. So what have we created a system that punish us, that stand in our way, that create barriers and limitations and obstacles. Thus we require to take a serious look at this, and also a serious Look at OURSELVES to see what we have accepted life and living to be. I mean afterall we did create this system, thus it is a reflection of ourselves, revealing that it is time to seriously reconsider what we are considering as human beings because what our current system show is that that we are quite delusional if we insist that a persons safety and well being should be dependent on them having money. Thus we must change ourselves and in doing so change the system of abuse which reflect who we actually are and how we actually exist within ourselves. Support Equal Money System as a system which value life, common sense, what is Best for ALL , and the actual dignified effective living of beings.