I started to notice/become aware of this point about a year ago, where it was something that would come up more frequently where I started to see this point within myself where I would build up or create an idea of myself/ of who I am, only to realize that this idea was not at all who I really was and thus, was just in fact an idea created and constructed within my own mind.
Category Archives: Realizations
Self Forgiveness on “The Soul”
Self Forgiveness on Soul.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there existed a soul within me that pass over and continue existing when I die.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “not know” if there was a soul within me or not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is more pure than me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there can be an aspect of myself that Is more pure existing independent from other aspects of myself, and in this way separate myself from the soul, where in I exist in separation to the soul.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an aspect of myself to exist independent from me, where in it just kind of does its own thing, and within I do not direct all of myself here, and am also implying a lack of awareness of self in that there is apparently as aspect of me that is all knowing and pure, that I have not actual direct, in fact relationship with at all, but that only exist as an idea in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is better and superior than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a soul because this would mean that I live forever and that is what I want. I don’t want to die because I fear dying and I like being alive, and I don’t want to die. And thus hoped that there was soul, and within this actually separated myself from my responsibility to decide for myself if I live or die, but have believed that I have no choice in the matter, as Death is “beyond me” and all-mighty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place death and the soul in the same category, where in I see the soul as good and death as black and scary.
Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my idea/perception of what I think death is, where I have created this whole idea of what I think death will be like, and then fear that Idea. And thus am not really fearing death, per-se but more fearing an idea that I have created within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the soul and things related to the existence of the soul as “higher than me” and within this imply that I am limited and less than, here within this physical body within this life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as limitation which I imposed on myself through accepting and allowing this idea of the soul.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the human physical body as well as this physical world as planet earth as limited and not take into consideration ourselves as limitless beings where ever we are in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself to such an extent that I believed that I was unable to commune with the soul or anything that was from this realm, and thus existed within a state of limitation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find it hard to believe that we are not limited as/within the human physical body here in the physical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the soul as the ultimate good, and that in the end “man is good” because the soul is good. And to not really believe in the devil and the bad, because “that stuff can’t exist” because everyone has a soul, and a soul is good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get confused within all this information and ideas about the soul.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am automatically good, as I have accepted myself as having / being a soul, and have defined/believed this to be ultimately good, and within this I forgive myself for not considering that I AM WHO I AM, and thats that, in relation to the context of how I live in my day to day moment to moment application of self here as who I am in every moment where in “A soul is not responsible for me and who I am” I am responsible for me and who I am based on how I live and apply myself day to day, in every moment of my existence here, and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as who I am into2 categories only, either being bad or good.
Thus I stop such allowances and acceptances of self. I let go of this delusion that somehow “the sou” defines me, and I realize that who I am, is who I am based on my moment to moment application of self and all of myself as me. That is really who I am. And Thus I face the point that there is “no free pass” which I had accepted and allowed myself to exist within, within believing that there was a soul. There is not free pass, there is not “guiding light” I guide myself HERE in full responsibility for and as myself and I take responsibility for my actions and I realize that my actions have consequences and this is also another way to assess who I am in fact which is not related to something that does not even exist, but that I “hold as an idea only” as my saving grace and guiding light to always guide me out of the darkness, instead of taking back my directive principle and walking Here for and as Myself in and As Total Self Direction and Responsibility for and as Myself, as Who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design an idea that act as my “guiding light” of me never having to actually walk and live for myself, walking into the darkness and trusting myself every step of the way, alone with no guiding light, but only me myself Here with and as myself as self support.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to trust me without the soul guiding me to make sure I do not fall off the path, and thus whenever I walked into a situation, placed my trust in the soul as this ultimate guiding force, instead of standing HERE within and as Self Trust, and developing the ability to walk within and as Self Trust in every moment and every situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander endlessly in the dark while all this atrocious shit happens in this world, because I had completely abdicating my self directive principle of myself to some higher force/soul as a guiding light. Where in I placed my trust in this soul or higher force to know whats best for me, and thus I never actually grab the wheel and steer myself and direct myself for and as myself. Within this using practical common sense to sort out the mess that is here as this world and put an end to the abuse and atrocities in this world through simply by directing my actions within common sense instead of floating around where all of my directive power is placed within some higher being to decide for me, to make the right choices for me within my life, instead of me directing me here in every moment, decision and choice that I am faced with in each moment no matter how big or small.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wander within my mind/idea of the soul as my guiding light, and within this never actually learn how to direct this reality that is here as the physical into a world that supports all and is best for all and is an effective reality and supports life, because I was to busy wandering around within this point of just “doing stuff” because the soul as guiding light will take care of all the important decisions in my life, and thus MISS my entire life in where I never actually direct myself within the important decisions, or any decisions and this world crumble around us as we all blissfully stair into the light, and never actually starting directing ourselves within establishing the necessary relationships, real relationships based on practical common sense and supporting what is here as this planet we live in and taking full responsibility for this and stop abdicating this to some higher force or god or soul as guiding light in all of this, where the entire world just existing in disarray within the belief that we are beig guided and directed by something more than us, like an ultimate greater good, instead of all of us here pulling our heads from our assess and start creating our world for ourselves in a way that no longer accepted and allow abuse and that actually support ourselves as life within and as our self expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “dream about the soul” where I would know all the answers and do everything correctly and never make a mistake, but not bringing this point back to self and walking the practical step by step application of actually developing the ability to make effective decisions for myself instead of just “wanting this to happen instantly” in terms of how I believed the soul to be.
I forgive myself for not considering that if I am a soul than I will still have to direct myself as I do now in this life, and that “things never happen automatically” thus the point is that I simply must walk the necessary steps to become an effective decision maker so that “I know what to do” instead of thinking and believing that this will magically happen to me, without me taking responsibility for myself and leaning to walk and do this for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing in the soul and soul construct become passive and non-committal and subdued, where in I am never really active, and engaged within my reality in every moment where I am an active participating within and as my world, due to abdicating this responsibility to the soul within accepting the idea that the soul essentially is guiding me and making my decisions anyways.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never really learn how to commit myself to a decision and follow through with that because at some point I would give up and not take responsibility for my world, because I believed the soul was taking care of this anyways and thus “it would turn out for the best”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look to the soul for answers to my questions about life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because there is no consequence that I see/experience in a moment of actions, that this means its “ok” and within this not consider the consequences that flow-out from such actions and that will in the end create and define my world and who I am.
Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I do not immediately see/experience a consequence related to my actions/self doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my “best interest” to a higher power, instead of directing this as who I am in every breath as every moment of my existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self direction as hopeless
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within realizing that I must move and direct myself, actually go into a point/experience of fear of actually willing myself to move and direct myself in all situations and events in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as powerless within this life because I could never get clear answers from the soul. And that I did not trust myself to direct myself in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as limited through by accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from life where in I saw/see/perceive life to be “so much bigger” than me and how could I be equal with/as life in order to make decisions that affected life. And thus I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see me as inferior to life, and inadequate in relation to life, always placing myself beneath life and never actually able or capable of standing equal and one with life, and directing myself as life and directing life as myself equal and one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would fuck life up if I had the responsibility to direct life, and thus never saw myself as capable of having the responsibility to direct “the greater life” that is here, not realizing that I am in fact doing this already in every moment that I am here, in my moment to moment living application of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop the idea within myself that “man is useless” because everything that ever showed a high skill level was attributed to “the divine” and so accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way to “become better” was to have god or the divine possess me and express through me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that really good art was done by the hand of god, which implied that the “soul” was the ultimate creator/expressor and had some magical meaning or insight and that man is really not capable of this, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “look for the divine” as a point of self improvement instead of developing the trust, courage and will power to do this for myself through discipline practical step by step walking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself so that the soul can exist where in I no longer direct myself as who I am as an equal part of life, but suppress myself in relation to the idea that I soul is apparently directing me and within this wonder around this world with no real, clear, decisive direction of self in my application.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not learning how to direct myself when I was younger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there must be some mistake, and that the way that I lived and directed myself was correct, and that how could I have lived most of my life without actually Standing within and as myself and my world as the directive principle of me and my world.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in moments give up on my as the directive principle and want to rest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping and resting as me as the directive principle because I fear the consequences of this, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not able to actually see the consequences of my actions/self standing in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear “going out on my own” and directing myself within and as my world in every moment because I fear facing my world and all the various, variety of situations and events and people that are out there that I must face.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being an active participant within this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my pre-programming to direct me and shape out my world and how I live, instead of establishing/re-establishing these patterns, the patterns that I have created and developed over time within and as myself, into patterns of support, effectiveness, participation, and patterns that support in bringing forth an effectively functional world equally for all who are here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like the idea of the soul because then I don’t have to do the hard work and actually direct myself then use this “soul construct” as the perfect excuse to be lazy and not direct myself in situations moments that are challenging.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “when things get tough – abdicate my responsibility to something or someone else other than myself directing me here in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to direct and move me here in every moment as Life to the idea of a soul.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself “things will be ok” and within doing this, not actually directing each and every single aspect of my world effectively, clearly, and decisively but allowing myself to only direct some points half way or not at all, and then go into a state of hope which is actually delusion where I convince myself that the points will be “ok” instead of remaining here within the realization that I am responsible for ALL of myself and that what i do not give direction to, will simply no move or rather always only move in relation to the direction I give it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spend my life seeking pleasure and things I enjoy doing and to leave the rest of the responsibilities of this world to something or someone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the soul would take care of all the bigger responsibilities, and thus never considered or gave these points specific definitive direction, and rather just spent my life creating pleasure and joy for myself, while the world crumbles down all around me with me being completely oblivious to it.
And thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand equal to life in all responsibilities of and as life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish a relationship of separation where in I have separated myself from life and the soul where in I see these aspects as “beyond me” as “out there” and carry some magical mystical, ultra intelligent, all knowing force, and within this held a point inside myself of someday at some point in the future eventually “being there” and in this simply wait for this moment due to me having defined myself as incapable of understanding or comprehending this ultimate truth, and so just waited for this and lived out my life existing within and as a point of myself as limitation, and thus accepted and allowed a world and life that reflect this idea/belief.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to establish a relationship with some form of a soul/god/higher life purpose/principle, where I am in fact standing within and as a point of inferiority and that this “higher principle” is in a position of superiority, and in this separated myself from my absolute full directive principle of myself HERE where in I am always responsible for my reality and world and self in every way shape or form with my own two hands.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate me from me and in this actually diminish and dis-empower myself through by maintaining a point within and as myself which believed that I do not have access to myself as the absolute and full creative principle in every moment due to believing that some higher force out there control some aspect or point of myself and thus within this never had stood up as the full complete directive principle of myself and my world IN EVERY WAY, and no more believing that there is some heaven or some existence out there that is wonderful and amazing that one day I will get to experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within thinking / imagining / pondering about other existences or worlds, or heavens existing “out-there” somewhere, that are wonderful and amazing and beyond me and beyond my imagination where I am a kind of god and magical important super being and within this ignore, and forget and disregard this reality that is HERE, and myself and my own world the creation of myself and world IN EVERY MOMENT as every breath.
I forgive myself for not realizing that I am creating myself and world / reality as what is here in every moment of my existence as every breath, based within my acceptances and allowances of who I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as. And in this not realize the extend and absoluteness of myself as creative principle, and that I never stood as this creative principle as I was too busy abdicating this responsibility to some idea of the soul, or higher power or force out there somewhere.
I let go of all desire to experience some “other reality” out the future, and simply remain here within and as breath and realize that if I would like to experience a particular point than I must walk that into creation practically within the physical step by step and actually create the point in this reality in and as the physical, and thus it is important to consider that this creation have no consequential outflow of abuse or harm towards life but act as a mechanism of life support as a common sense consideration of who I am as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest, bring forth corruption on this planet through the acceptance and allowance of the soul construct within me and within others, where by “looking the other way” become a way of life and thus people begin to deceive with ease, as everyone just get so used to not taking responsibility for their actions as consequence that massive corruption take place that manifest a world of liying and cheating and stealing, and secrets, and basically attempting to live without taking responsibility for your actions .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fully accept poverty and starvation within this world and that I have accepted and allowed myself to cultivate starvation and poverty within this world by and through believing in a soul, where in I abdicate my self directive principle and not ever take full responsibility for myself and my realty, and thus leave millions to die and suffer as everyone in this world do not take full responsibility for what is here, and in relation to this, develop the ability to “ignore the consequences of ones actions” and thus end up creating and manifesting such points of poverty and starvation where millions die of hunger, that seemingly is not related to what one is doing and how one live, but in fact is a result of this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to take responsibility for myself some of the time and others its ok not to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am unworthy because I have not been able to communicate with my soul which I perceive as worthy. Looking at some points related to Communication and Writing.
Sometimes I experience a blank when I go to write. This has been occurring allot lately. I see that there is a point of self judgement where within judging what I am about to write actually keeps this “blankness” Here, as I judge what I am about to write or what I start writing and then might quickly erase it as I think to myself “no, no, no, thats not what I want to write about”. So I see this in fact a judgement which prevent me from actually moving from the starting line and exploring myself within writing.
So rather I must support myself within moving through that which I am writing by not judging what I am writing or what is coming up in the moment.
Because in some instances I will do this multiple times to the point where I eventually just close the document I am working on and do something else.
So I will open a document and pause for a moment then say to myself in a way, “what shall I write about” Then a point, or sentence will come up within me and I will carry on to write this down but then get a few words in and pause and think, “nawww thats not good enough” and then I try and think of something else to write about. Then I will trap myself within this pattern instead of rather directing myself to just go with what comes up initially and not judge it.
So today at work I was working with a co-worker and we were discussing different points related to the money system and human nature and just really touching on a few points and sharing perspectives. But I found myself to be quite frustrated in this because I find that I know actually so very little. Actually today I was pushing myself to speak up and assert myself a little more instead of holding back on giving my perspective, though it did not go that smoothly. I will continue to test this point out of expanding my communication through stepping outside of my normal programmed way of communicating and venture into some less explored waters where I will simply direct myself to speak where I normally would have kept quite. But after today this will require some adjustment already because in speaking up more I realized that “I don’t know shit” lol. Like I will start explaining something to someone and then realize as I start getting into the point “oh fuck, I actually don’t the necessary details to be able to explain the point. Like only having a surface idea of something but when it actually gets down to it my understanding is actually not at all sufficient on so many points that I believed that I had all sorted out.
This made me realize that I must pay closer attention when I am reading an article so that when I go explaining a cool article to someone that I read just that same morning I don’t stop a few seconds in within the realization that, yes I read the article, but I do not remember shit about what it was actually about. It was like I wasn’t even reading it really, but only thought I was – LOL. Simply put – Pay more attention when I am reading and ensure that I have the comprehension of what is being presented in place so that if required I would be able to explain the main points of the article and give perspective on it.
I asked myself today “what do I actually know” Because, ok, why not I just stick to communicating about stuff that I have a solid understanding about , and so I asked myself “what do I have a solid understanding about” and fuck – there is really not much. Particularly when it comes to certainties. Which is humbling. To see how much of my understanding and comprehension of reality is based on assumption.
(ok one more point came up as I was writing my tags for this blog - It is the point of actually re-structuring my communication like for instance one must build the foundation for the house before they can build the house or put in the windows, and so today was like I was getting ahead of myself instead of establishing building the necessary foundation / context for what I am communicating about.)
Dream Revealing Where I have Separated Myself.
Ok so I was just writing about a point which came up in a dream last night. This point has to do with how I have abdicated myself from certain aspects of myself and projected them onto/into agreement, where now what comes up is an experience of desire for, and yearning and wanting for an agreement or relationship, though within investigating and opening this point up for myself I see that what I am yearning for here is that “experience” that came up in the dream last night, though have separated from me within believing that this experience can only be had within an agreement and that I must get or find an agreement to fulfil me within my specific yearnings instead of actually “giving these points to myself”
There was a moment in the dream last night where I embraced, hugged another being. Within this, I totally let go, and really sunk into the experience of the embracing, hugging. I experienced the point from the perspective of as if I have/had been traveling, walking a great distance and finally got to that moment where i could just let go, and stop, and relax and breathe. Like I had arrived. Finally, and I can just for a moment let go. It was sooooo nice.
One aspect that has come up as I have wrote about this point is the aspect of how I have defined the point of relationship and agreement and what I have accepted and allowed me to believe about this. One element here has to do with an agreement/relationship making everything easier. Like its easier to have another being around. And also from the perspective of money where with an agreement/relationship, even this point of money and survival become easier to deal with. So from a certain perspective, the experience I had in the dream last night while embracing and hugging the other being had to do with feeling safe, and protected. Like a kind of hiding where I could, can for a moment forget about all the worlds problems, and even in a way, dump all my problems (abdicate my self responsibility) onto this being, and that they will make me feel better and make me safe and protect me and all this stuff. Fuck, actually allot of separation here.
I see that the point is to reclaim my power within these aspects that I have abdicated to the point of agreement/relationship, and realize that this experience I had within the dream last night is an experience so to speak, that I can provide for myself alone, and that I can stop projecting these aspects outside self, but rather start to investigate how I can transform my experience of me within the expression / application of self to include these points which I have separated from myself.
Stop Mediocrity – Stand up For A More Effective Being – Desteni i Process
Stop Mediocrity - Stand up For A More Effective Being - Desteni i Process
I have recently started a new job, and this means that I am now working with other beings. What I observed is that some of the considerations of the job, are...well, not being considered. Since I started walking/participating with Desteni now for some time, this has introduced me to certain ‘considerations’ of this reality that I had not taken into account before. And that I see others simply are completely unaware of.
What I see as that these considerations I now look at within certain moments or instances are as such related to my participation with desteni and what desteni stand for, that being, to put it in a single phrase, "what is best for all"
Through my participation with desteni I have stopped many of those “small habits” that are very likely a part of most humans beings general acceptances with regards to who they have become and how they express themselves and live in this world...I mean if everyone else is letting it slide, why not I let it slide to. And slowly but surely we have created, developed, and built ourselves within this world as this world within the point of ‘letting things slide” or “getting to it later” and this has become us to the core where now it is nearly impossible to stop these “little habits” which are in essence a mark of our laziness as a human race which we have accepted and allowed ourselves to stand as. Literally Humanity has really let itself go, and now is standing/applying itself from a certain perspective as the manifestation of Laziness.
So I noticed this point coming through at work today where for instance I would observe a co-worker “let something slide” where within myself I see how I used to do the exact same thing, not actually grasping the full scope of what this seemingly innocent act of “letting something slide” is actually implying. So what I was even more seeing here was not that my co-worker was letting something slide, but that, I, WAS NOT letting it slide, and that I simply cannot allow such a point as I see that this is self compromise and me allowing myself to allow another to compromise themselves, rather than taking on the point of Self Perfection, Taking Self Responsibility in this world and creating a new being and and new world that actually care for itself and love thy neighbor. Too long we as humanity have been letting the little things slide. Its like we just, in a single moment, let it happen, and pretend we didn’t see it.
Well I work today, I did see it and I refuse to “let it slide” as I Know this road. I have been down that path of letting it slide and I simply cannot accept and allow this from myself any longer as I know what kind of being this creates. And what kind of experience this creates. Rather I push me to instead, stop the excuses and justifications and push self to get it done, and not accept or allow any limitation of self as to why I would not direct that which is required to be directed in the moment as it come up.
We require to clean up this mess of a world and it is not ever going to happen if we continuously allow ourselves to cut corners, because this is actually impossible to do. One can only cut corners when it comes to money, and because of this, this has allowed one to believe that they 'escaped' and 'are in the clear', not considering that one is not actually able to cut corners but that there will be a consequence.
So when it was time to leave work today, there was still tools that were laying about and my co-worker was eager to get going. I stood looking at all this and could not accept this, yet I see that there is a point of compromise still occurring here where I am not adamant and immediate in directing the point yet but allowing my co-worker to have the benefit of the doubt, or hesitating, and thus see to push myself to that point of immediate direction where I am directing me towards, where in I do NOT accept and allowing myself to stand as anything Less than what I am actually capable of doing, directing and becoming.
I also looked at this point as me showing a lack of self value as who I am as a being that is in fact standing as what is best for all and thus accepting nothing less than this and there-in, being certain within my decision making to not allow abuse and self compromise to take place, where in for instance I assert myself and to no more accept and allow myself to hold back or take a more "submissive role", even when I see clearly that to simply accept this other persons way of doing things is effectively compromising myself and another. So I did see myself pushing this point today of where I allowed myself to push my self-effectiveness and will not simply compromise or diminish myself because "that’s just the way things work" kind of thing. So will continue to do this at work, and rather than reduce myself down to a lesser application to make everyone else 'happy', rather I stand stable within my application and within this push beings to direct themselves more effectively and from my perspective this is actually what real happiness is anyways, where the being experience a certain degree of self confidence that they actually pushed themselves beyond their limitations so to speak. And this is a Life that I would rather Live and thus will live and accept nothing less than this from myself. Its time to stop diminishing myself just to be nice and fit in. This is absolute compromise and a perfect way to allow nothing to ever change.
If you are interested in becoming a highly effective being in this world and are tired of the mediocrity and limitation that this world accepts / promotes as who we are – Investigate the “Desteni I Process” And begin the process of the creation of self as a dignified honorable effective being that is actually here supporting life and doing what it is Best for ALL to ensure that all beings are properly cared for and supported equally as the next, so that ALL live a dignified life and not just a few with money.
http://desteniiprocess.com/