Category Archives: Re-Creating Self and this World

SRA – “Structural Resonance Alignment” Experiences and Applications

Posted on by
So today I have been facing the point of family as well as the point of money. The family point is ‘new’ from the perspective of some of my relatives “coming out of the woodwork” to start to comment on some of the videos I share on my facebook page. I thought that eventually I would face this point, and so this is the first time this has come up with my relatives posting on my profile. One cool point is that it pushed me in a way to get specific with myself from the perspective of looking at self from the perspective of “what is it I am actually doing” So Here, like taking ‘Desteni’, and “my participation” and “my life” and really, “much stuff” into consideration in terms of looking at “what exactly is going on” and establish for myself more clarity and resolve within myself in terms of not accepting points of “not knowing exactly what I am doing” do basically, pushing me to really consider ‘things’ to as mentioned establish a stability and resolve of self. I mean it has taken some time for me to realize that I am walking this process. And even within this still experience a point of “dis-belief” that I am doing this. I see this in relation to not yet have established a clear and stable starting point of Self as the starting point, within walking this process. But am still trying to walk a process, instead of simply investigating self in a way. I did some SRA stuff tonight which has been quite cool. I still have to push myself to do this point, as each time there is resistance. I have started to really slow myself down while doing SRA, particularly Muscle Communication. Tonight was cool, one point I have started doing more frequently is “writing about my experience” as I walk through the lessons of doing Muscle Communication, to assist and support me to clear myself of all of the anxieties and uncertainties and doubts I have within doing MC (Muscle Communication) and start to write them out in front of me on paper. So my MC (Muscle Communication) Sessions are not just doing MC but is becoming a process of me slowing myself down, investigating self which is quite cool. I used to experience this point while painting and doing art work, in a way where I would actually “investigate myself” and just explore and write about what I see, and test things out, and really look within myself at the experience of self. And so this “in a way” is what MC has started to emerge as for me. I have had to really stop me and bring myself HERE. As I have found if I am not Here, and aware of self in the moment, then the MC will be useless so to speak, so have been “setting time aside” so to speak, because I know/expect that when I go into a MC session that I am going to allow myself to take my time. So have been taking on this point of writing while doing MC, and supporting me to see the anxieties and to see self and the experience of me in relation to MC as I apply myself within it. So have enjoyed of late the Self investigative aspect of doing MC.

Writing Out My Day – Slowing Down to Direct Points More Effectively

Posted on by
So sitting in my bed and listening / hearing the wind outside my window blowing in some clouds. It will most likely snow tonight which means I will be up early to do the “snow removal circuit”. I am actually looking forward to it. I actually enjoy doing the snow removal, I enjoy the experience of the quiet mornings as well as clearing the snow from the walks and driveways, carving a nice clean segment out of the snow to reveal the cement underneath. Its satisfying. Also will see if I can “move” this whole point over the weekend as there has not been much snow this month yet, so will see what kind of ‘movement’ comes out of the point. Meaning I will see if I get any phone calls or new contacts over the next few days. Someone e-mailed me today about a potential contract that seemed quite perfect. Though e-mailed back telling me that he hired someone else but if things don’t work out he will hire me. I experienced in that moment instantly a negative charge, I did not “go into the point” and simply let the energy go through me so to speak, and not dwell on the point. It was an “obvious reaction” point and saw no point to “go into it” rather just let it go. That was one of the first contacts since a “changed my add” and so in way am still looking to get that first client to prove to me that the add is in fact effective. So walking through this point of trusting myself to in way “Re-Walk” the point I just walked over the last month and gather some more clients. And not allow fear to paralyze and petrify into a point of taking no direction or making no new changes. Still busy setting up points of income generation in my world. I have eased off of the art /graphic design point for a moment though will see if I push it or not. Tomorrow I am expecting a call from furniture assembly place to meet up for an interview so will see what happens with that as well. I noticed the point today where I want and desire my world to move quickly. Where I try and move my world with my mind, instead of simply remaining here, breathing, and realizing that the physical only move at one pace directly in relation to ones physical actions within ones world. I see that at times when “things aren’t happening” I experience anxiety emerge, like “I should be doing something” and still have not completely sorted out this point from the perspective of Trusting Myself within my application to Trust that I have taken necessary direction and must simply wait for the point to play out, meaning, the result does not happen immediately but is bound the rules and movements of space time. Also noticing this point in relation to my forum / internet / writing / vlogging etc...work. I noticed today that I was ‘trapped’ in a kind of rushing through each point, wanting to get allot done. I realized that “what is the point”. Meaning I can do 10 things halfway and at the end of the day have nothing done, and really have missed windows of opportunity to actually give points that come up direction because I am only giving them a small amount of attention, as I find I am “stretched across” doing multiple things at once, but in fact am actually really doing nothing, but glazing over everything. So from this perspective the correction is to focus on 1 thing at a time, and simply take on that point from the perspective of it being the only point you are going to do that day. Within doing this I give the point my full attention Here. And give the point direction into completion. Then when the point is directed, I move onto the next one, instead of spreading myself across 10 different things at once. So have to Flag Point this one, and simply direct myself effectively in that which I am doing in the moment giving the task at hand the focus and specificity it requires to actually be directed effectively.

Not Wanting to Move, out of fear of messing up a “Good Thing”

Posted on by
Writing Out My Day. First, I will slow myself down, breathe, and ok, write. I woke up a 7am and had a few things to do today, one being “posting my new add” from my Snow Removal Service am offering where I was basically ‘refining’ and ‘tweaking’ my already existing add which I placed 22 days ago. Interesting 21 days was the first initial phase of “my business” where I am the Manager, administrator, labourer, accountant, marketer...etc. Its just me at the moment, but just observing the interesting point of this first phase Lasting 21 days. A few days ago, as I was looking at the point of “gathering everything in, refining, and then re-placing everything, in terms of just getting more specific with the details of the business, and in a way preparing to expand. The point that came up was that I saw within me, a fear of doing this, in that, “I might fuck it up” or “mess something up” The phrase surfacing inside of me was, “if it aint broke, don’t fix it”. So I simply am walking though this point and not allowing it to direct me, meaning I restructured and tweaked the add, and refined the Logo, as well. So rather I direct me within this point, not fear. I did not want to change the picture because “what if there was points within how I placed and structured my initial add that was “attracting customers” and if I change something, I might fuck up the geometry that is triggering people to reply to the add. Though what is the point if I do not understand what is actually working about the add, and thus why not refine the point, place it and then assess the “feedback” so that I become clear on how the entire point is actually functioning. And what is at the bottom of this Fear - MONEY, Fear of "Not Making Money" of changing something and "stopping the flow of money" Ok so simply see here a point of Self Trust, where I, rather than give into this fear, walk in Self Trust, and Common Sense, and allow myself to push through the fears, and even challenge the fears, and Trust Myself to "Keep It Practical" and allow me to "Live the Point" into effectiveness, instead of allowing me to go into a paralysis out of fear of making a mistake.

My Relaxed is NOT Relaxed- Realizing I have a Fear of People

Posted on by
An interesting point came up today. My roommates left on Christmas holidays and so now I have the whole house to myself. Some people were supposed to come and stay here though, they are not here yet and I don’t know if they will show up. Anyways, after some hours of being here in the house alone, by myself, with no people, no roommates, and knowing that they will not be back here for at least a week, so just me with myself alone in the house, I noticed something interesting. I was calm, I was relaxed and I was actually enjoying myself. Was quite fascinating to see this, because what it revealed and showed to me was that in fact “I have a fear of/towards people” I definitely was not expecting this point, where all of the sudden I realized, “omg, I am actually relaxed” compared to ‘stressed’, ‘tense’, ‘irritated’, ‘anxious’ and simply not able to relax and be me. I noticed that when my roommates are around, I experience myself as stressed out, and its interesting because over the last few months, I could see this point of “being stressed” all the time, but I though it was because of money, I did not realize to the extent that my experience of “being stressed” over the last few months was actually “being caused/triggered” through having my roommates around, or simply people in general. I had actually completely accepted my experience from the perspective of when I would relax and watch movies here at home while my roommates were around, that I believed I was relaxing, and had accepted this experience of relaxation, not realizing until now, that in fact I was holding onto a point of anxiety/fear/stress, that I had become so accustomed to it that it became a part of my definition of relaxation. I also noticed today that I was actually enjoying myself, this due to the point that I could move freely in the house without fear that someone would suddenly show up, and then I would have to restrict my expression once again. And this is one of the points I am seeing within my experience at the moment, that I completely limit and restrict and suppress myself around others, even if they are upstairs doing there own thing, and I am down here in my room doing my own thing, I still “tense up” and am not comfortable, and relaxed. So was quite interesting to see this point, as I had not realized how fucking rigid and tense I was over the last few months, which is in relation to this point of “fear of people” So I will have to take this point on, as to remain within this point of suppression around people is essentially a point of killing myself literally, as me, as I simply suppress myself and exist within a very limited parameter so as to not offend or intrude or cause any friction from others. And so I spend all of my energy “being aware” of where others are in the house, and how they might react if I do this or if I do that. I see the point is to allow myself to be as relaxed and comfortable with others as I am with myself, as I see this point now which I have not in quite some time, of me actually “letting go” of the point of “holding myself” within a specific presentation, or attentiveness when other people are around. I also painted today with oil paints which I have not done since getting here to Calgary. I painted because “no one is here to be offended” if I “try this out” I can move where I want in the house, which is this little room that “the guy” who owns the house, built and put in a ventilation system, to make “silk screens” – its just down the hall from my bedroom and no one ever goes in there, though interesting connection that today was the first day I actually went in there and tested out painting. I painted a self portrait, and really enjoyed it. I was satisfied with the “technique” I used as I tried something a little different. Though the proportions of the face could have been more specific. All in all, it went pretty cool, I spent maybe around 2 and half to 3 hours painting it. I did the painting as a “preparation painting” for another piece I had in mind, though wanted to first “get warmed up” so painted a self portrait. I have also been busy creating some designs for a women for t-shirts. I have been using Adobe Illustrator and have quite enjoyed getting to know that program, so have had the opportunity recently to do some more art which has been cool. I don’t see art the same as I used to. And so am still busy “placing the point” meaning, it is a point that “Kind of just sits there” and I try to ignore it but at the back of my mind, I am always like “keeping the door open”...ahhh, thats it! I am “keeping the door open” on painting /art. Though there is a chance that “nothing will come of it” . When I left the farm 7 months ago, I was coming back to Canada to do art, though things changed as I “entered the system” so to speak. There was no point in “trying to do this point” meaning, trying, and actually making my life more difficult because of not “taking care of” the practical side of living in this world, like making money and making sure my rent, and food is sorted out first. In the past I would just ignore everything and painted in my studio, and this was not a good recipe for living in this world. I am enjoying now “trying other stuff” and doing different jobs that I would have “despised” doing before. Though I am looking at the point at the moment of “me actually holding myself back from doing art when I have the opportunity to” So am pushing myself to allow me to still do art in my life and is not something I have to completely cut out. Ideally I would like to “work it in” so I can actually “build on the point” and have it be supportive, both as a point of self discipline and specificity, and also as a point of self expression, though my priority is “the desteni process” which is actually simply a point of common sense of seeing that “this world requires some direction and some sorting out” and that it is each and everyone’s, thus, my own responsibility to do this, and so am busy with working on my application to that we take the most direct route to sorting out this world, which at the moment I see and understand to be establishing and Equal Money System – thus, this is my priority and focus. Art is a personal preference and I do not accept and allow myself to place me before all of humanity and all of existence, thus I stand firstly as What is Best for ALL, I Stand as the ALL and direct What is best for all, in my daily living application, not what is only best for me. So if I do art or not is irrelevant. I will continue with the point as the opportunity to do so is here, though if I require to let the point go, I will.

Update on Business and Money – Facing the System

Posted on by
Hello So at the moment still busy with the "business" (snow removal service) I have found myself to be much more quite inside since taking this point which has been quite cool. I see it as that point of extensive anxiety in relation to money is no longer there. Though the point of money, and fear of not having money and how I have defined myself in relation to money is still here within me, it is simply that point of extensive fear that has been directed within taking on the point of starting the business, so have found within me 'more' silence, which I am grateful for. So slowly but surely standing up and pushing the point of generating money for myself in this world. Today though I did see this "point of anxiety" coming up again as I "started to calculate" if I would have enough money for end of the month rent and bills, and noticed that I would not, and so this kind of 'panic' comes up and I then start looking for/at "how am I going to make this money". Though at the moment am finding I have more trust in myself within this scenario to be able to actually "get the money somewhere" and I see this being directly related to the point of finally taking on the point of "starting my own business" I see also "what it took" to get me to this point. I mean, it took allot of fucking fear to get me to move my ass. If I look at the situation, I was in quite a state of fear and anxiety over the last month or so, but in looking see that this started when I first arrived back in calgary, slowly nagging at me. So at the moment I see the point of me "riding the line" and like "right on the edge" obviously though I am looking to change that so I am not existing at this point of "being right on the edge" from the perspective of having enough money to support me in this world. Rather I am looking at "How can I actually Make some Money" So this has been an interesting point, also in relation to the videos posted about the 'symbolic imprinting' in the movie twilight where it was explained how the move twilight is 'imprinting' males to "become stable in the system" because essentially this is the point that I see I am facing at the moment, is me getting stable in the system. So this business is a start. Though am considering and looking at/for more permanent solutions which can actually "create stability" because at the moment this business is focused only on the winter months. One point I am looking at is Graphic Design as a point of being able to generate an effective income, so have started to push this point also, though the movement on this one is much much slower than the "snow removal" Though am interested in exploring this as well as a means of possible income. So would like to save up and buy a "wacom drawing tablet" which is an expensive digital drawing tablet as I see that I can actually with that actually be able to "compete" within this graphic design field. I actually go my first Graphic Design Client this afternoon - I sent a proposal like a few weeks back, and finally today got the first down payment to make them some t-shirt designs. At the moment I am not getting paid too much, though I see this stuff will take time to build up where I can start offering more though also the point coming up here is consider "how I perceive myself" in relation to money" and definitely investigate "how much I ask for" Again seeing the point of "walking the line" where I design my reality always to "just have enough money" Though I do see this point now, so will check back in a few months to see if I have actually moved on this point or am sitting in the same boat. So yes basically looking at, as well as directing/moving this point of Graphic Design and Illustration - I go under the name "Eternal Design and Illustration" Interesting phrase to "go under a name" - Its like I am hiding behind the name or something. Also I have been really spending much time alone at the moment, and am just busy with the snow removal service and ensuring I have all the of the correct information in order and client info and things like this, and waking up at 6:00am to begin the circuit/route which at the start of Jan will have 8 stops. So yes have noticed me walking alone at the moment, still not allot interaction with beings in my world on a 'personal level' There was a party at my house the other night, I was there a bit and chatted but was in bed early. Ok that's it for now. Just focusing on getting stable within the system - which is basically getting money. That's my main focus atm. within this point of stability everything else "goes to shit" or "never gets anywhere" So first money, as I am looking at this as a point which will also assist and support me in stabilizing my written work and sra and desteni stuff as well as art. So money being the foundational stability point to this other stuff.

Experiences in Relation to Money – and figuring out “whats allot”

Posted on by
Hello, it has been an ‘interesting’ week. Facing the point of money and the point of standing-up within the system, standing in the system as a participant of the system. “playing the game” from a certain perspective as “the game” is money. That is the main game, to get money. All jobs that exist, exist in relation to money, some you get more and some you get less, and so have been seeing this point as well from the perspective of “who I am” or have accepted and myself to be in relation to money, this coming up in relation to the point of “setting prices” for customers to do snow removal. Today I got a call to do a “one time removal” where I simply go once and remove snow for a customer. I listed a price but explained also in the e-mail that it would be a “bit more” because the described job was a bit bigger. When I arrived I assessed the job and decided to “meet somewhere in the middle” in between the listing price and the price I quoted, although at the end, I was given more than the quite price as the customer perceived the job that I was doing as being “hard work” and so gave me more money that what I was asking. Within this experience I saw a point with regards to how I exist in relation to money, meaning I ‘perceived’, ‘expected’, ‘assumed’ “how the person would react or respond” to the particular price I gave and also “how they would react respond” if I gave a price that was “too expensive” though this point of something being “too expensive” has been/is entirely ‘created’ by me in terms of my relationship with money, who I am in terms of how I have existed and experienced the point of money in my past. In this scenario above I realized that “allot of money” as defined by me, might actually be “not that much money” in relation to how another perceive money, as “the customer” actually gave me more than what I initially asked for – Though this was done from guilt...which is fine by me. Perhaps I should use the point of guilt a little more to get more money...lol. So before I get into that, I wanted to note that, A picture of my father came up within me, when I realized the point that “my definition, of “allot of money” and what I perceive or view allot of money to be, may actually be not very much at all. Seeing this as the customer easily handed me more than I asked for, in a way “in opposition” to what I had created or expected to happen in my mind if I were to ask for too much. Thus the picture of my father, who I have many experiences of have “reactions of anger” in relation to money, and or providing the example for me of “what is expensive” and “what is not” and what is “allot of money” and showing me and imprinting me with memories and experiences of seeing him react in anger and frustration and fear in relation to money, and there in now supporting/making up my relationship and view of money. I have noticed the point this week also of myself doing much “looking at” the point of “how to get more money” within this endeavour, meaning, even tonight as I was shovelling the customers driveway I was assessing Did I quite the right price, should it have been a little higher, Should it have been allot higher What can I get away with. So at the moment investigating how money function and move within this world, through my most recent endeavour of deciding to start a snow removal business as a way to generate income. I actually have been enjoying the point very much and have been quite busy this last week putting everything together. What I find interesting about this whole point of how much of it came together in only a weeks time, where in I have spent many hours “promoting my art” online and the movement with regards to that has been very slow, and now I place only 1 single add within a week have been able to set up a business primarily around that one add. The add Has a Snowman on it and reads SNOWMAN FOR HIRE, also the snowman is smiling and looks friendly, so am wondering what specifically about the ‘add’ is triggering people to call. I mean it is around Christmas time, so the image of a snowman may have more of a trigger point to it at the moment. Another point I have noticed within me is the point of ego. This comes up as a personality type which I access as the “businessman entrepreneur”. So interesting I see that in moments as I walk, this “personality type” will trigger/activate, and I will start moving differently, and seeing myself differently, and then my whole demeanour changes. Its like “me trying to walk as this personality type” and “trying to be this personality type” like how I see it in my mind. Overall though I have enjoyed the point of taking this on and starting to generate some money, Fuck, I noticed another fascinating point – money actually makes me feel warm inside. I noticed that when I get money, or agree to a contract, I experience myself as warm inside, specifically in relation to the point of money. And if I look at the point of having no money, there is an emptiness, and coldness, like money is comfort. So interesting to see this point of money making me experience myself as being warm. A practical support point that I have been using is the point of “Reflection” as this word came up in a tarot reading last week, and again repeating today as the central point . Interesting because when the word came last week, I saw a cool point and immediately applied it to support me within my world at the moment – that being : Place everything in front of me. Meaning, put things where I can see them, and start to place everything out in the open so that I can see it, so this is a point of reflecting me back to me, and placing everything out in front of me so I can see it. Like turning my world inside out so I can see the insides. So I have one of those white boards, and immediately began placing important dates, and phone numbers and daily activities on the board so that I can see me, so that I reflect me back to me all around me so that I can see everything. I also started pining important papers on the wall and organizing more ‘important’ numbers and points and so forth in writing, instead of just keeping stuff in my head, and so have been utilising this point of “Reflection” to assist and support me in world, and so was interesting to see again this word come up bout an hour ago in a reading I did before I starting writing this.

Responsibility and Obligation coming through in DREAMS about Quiting my Job.

Posted on by
I am going to write about a dream I had last night. I haven’t yet been ‘through’ this dream in detail, so will see what comes up here. This is in relation to my experience over the last two months with regards to the job I held at a “Horse Ranch” which I simply could no longer support from the perspective of the “point of abuse” I experienced in relation to my position or role in the system they had going there to keep everything moving as well as how “I was being considered” from the perspective of “what I was responsible for and how much money I was being paid to do it” So I decided to no more continue with the job and go back to finding myself another job. I sent an e-mail last Monday making it clear on my position and that I would no longer be continuing work there. Though last night at about 8:00pm I received an e-mail asking me to work the next day. I was not pleased as I had already let this point go, and this e-mail showed either a continuation of the manipulation I observed going on before, or that they simply never received the e-mail. I at first felt ‘obligated’ to work the next day as if I am the one who was responsible for the situation and that I must work, as it is my responsibility to see that all communication is clear, understood, and clarified which it obviously was not as something was missed. I e-mailed explaining that I had already sent an e-mail, I then re-explained my position and asked them to confirm that they did indeed receive this mail by sending me a return mail. I received nothing and by that time it was already around midnight so did not want to phone. So I looked at the point and decided that I would not go. Though I felt extremely guilty, I decided that in this case it is there responsibility as well to ensure their system is running, where in fact here they were not specific within communication waiting until the very last minute to contact me, and thus I help my initial point of deciding to no more support “the system I found myself in while working there” I wondered if I was even going to able to sleep because of the experience I was having inside my self of the obligation I felt to work for them to no leave me hanging, though not considering my own standing on the point and not allowing guilt to influence the decision. The next morning I after I woke up which I deliberately slept in so that I would not have to face the point if I were to wake-up early, so I slept in, as well the night before watching movies as an attempt to distract myself from this situation. Seeing now the importance of ensuring ones communication is always clear, direct and received, otherwise if one leave points hanging one end up in experiences like the one I experience last night, as well as which come through in my dreams as I slept. The Dreams as follows. There were three scenarios. Each one the same from the perspective of “morning arriving” and me showing up ‘late’ to the farm to see if someone had “taken responsibility” for where I saw myself as having “left them hanging” so experienced much guilt. In each of the scenarios I was actually living on the farm, so basically was right there and able to work, though in real life, it is an hour drive out to the farm, and at the moment my vehicle has a spare so did not want to minimize the driving. So in the dream I approached the barn, and began to peer my head around the corner to see if anyone was in the barn, I experienced allot of nervousness. In the first dream there was someone sweeping the barn. So they had found someone to give direction to the point, I experienced a sense of relieve. It was a women/girl and I walked into Barn I bit hesitant that I would be “looked down upon” or “get in trouble” or “seen as irresponsible” as I approached the girl she had no reaction what so ever. And was actually quite friendly. She actually was a bit new at the job so I offered to assist now that I was there in. So we both worked together to direct the animals and duties and I experienced a point of flow, no friction or animosity or resentment. The second dream was the same in how it started, and it was a girl there tending to the duties that i had perceived myself to have “left hanging” and now had to face. Only this time it was the girl that usually works there, I said hello, and she said hello as she was sweeping the floor then suddenly you could hear anger and resentment coming through in her voice as she began to attack me. This was actually the reaction that I feared inside myself upon approaching. And this is one of the points that in real life I observed within this girl, this point of anger, resentment sitting there below the surface waiting get out, waiting for someone to take it out on, and obviously was in by continuing to work there setting myself up to be that person. A point at which her father was already utilizing within communication with me, showing absolute enslavement to his own inner frustrations, blame, and anger, and taking them out on me because “I worked there” Within this entire experience a point that is now coming through is that I must trust myself in these things I see “under the surface” and not simply ignore them. Also in the dream there was the other guy, Ricardo who worked on the farm and he came walking around the corner and I felt guilty. He represents that point of Responsibility, and always “doing the right thing” So I did not want to look him in the eye because in a way by me not showing up meant that he would have to take up the extra slack, and that he was already overworked. So it was quite a dream / experience. I was ‘startled’ in the morning of how I received an e-mail of no more than two sentences basically saying “ok, sorry I missed your e-mail, good luck in the future” something along those lines, which the event in itself lasted all of 30 seconds and that was it. There was not some “big explosion reaction consequence” that I was expecting or feared to have happen. So seeing here how I completely went into the mind on this point specifically linked here into the point of “Obligation” and “Responsibility” being the two primary points I am seeing that I am looking at here. Other than that, I sent out two Job applications today One to a Dog Walking Company And One two a “water filtration company” looking for a part-time graphic designer. In terms of the Dog Walking, well for both of these jobs for that matter, I am going to take my time. Meaning not simply jump at anything that comes up, but get to know the people individuals I will be working with and ensure that I can actually walk the established time frames with these beings. And not ignore any “red flags” that come up. Like for example a company offering Dog “obedience” – I mean what the fuck – lol but also “walk the point” meaning actually discuss these points with the company to see if my ‘perceptions’ remain or if they were actually just points I created in my mind without any real reference point. Though I mean at the desteni farm and from my perspective you create an environment for your animal so that they can simply live here in support on this earth as well. Its not about making a Dog Obedient, as your slave, thats fucked up Ego Shit. I mean calling your Dog is straight forward, and developing communication with your Dog cool, but anyways that word ‘obedience’ triggers a “master/slave” point inside of me. Otherwise, I am still here. In my world, and am busy looking for work and jobs to earn money for myself. And actually start generating money so I can actually move in this world, instead of always making just enough so that I can survive and break even every month.

“Sustaining a Point” – Standing Up is this World

Posted on by
Sustaining a Point. At the moment I am seeing a point here with regards to ‘sustainment’. This is the point of seeing that in order to ‘exist’ within the current world system. It requires one to actually ‘sustain’ that motion or application. I see that this has been quite a resistance point for me within my life, where in I must ‘sustain’ something, particularly if it had anything to do with the system. But as I am here at this moment, walking through this point of “finding myself a job” in this world to earn money as a practical support point, I am seeing that, If I would actually like to “Stand-Up” within this system that I am going to have to do exactly that which I have resisted doing for many years, that being, actually ‘sustain’ the point. Actually “take-on” projects or relationships in the system which I must then ‘commit’ to. One of the ‘problems’ I had within finding work or jobs in this system, is I simply could not bring myself to commit to them. Mostly because they were ‘empty’ or ‘pointless’ from my perspective anyhow. Though at the moment these ‘excuses’ or any other ‘idea’ or ‘opinion’ I can come up with as to why I am not yet ‘committing’ to a job in this world, are not, within where I now stand in awareness of the point of Self-Responsibility, Valid. My current understanding of Self – Responsibility is actually supporting me at the moment to stand up within this world. I have started to realize that I am alone. That no one is going to help, assist, support, save, provide, motive, encourage, pull me up on my own two feet, but that this must, and only can be done by me. That is not to say that assistance and support from others is not Here. It is a realization that to Stand on my own two feet, that I must do this alone without the expectation, hope, desire, want, or need of others to ‘help’ To realize one is alone is actually empowering, because then one simply stop looking outside self for support and assistance, and really start to support oneself in what ever way possible to Stand-Up within this world and Support a Solution that is best for all. I realize that I must Stand Here under my own steam. I realized that even a belief that “I cannot do it” is no longer acceptable. Any reason I come up with, feel, or experience as to “what is holding me back”, “where I am unable to stand”, “why I am unable to do this”, “what is preventing me,” “where I am limited”, within this process is simply not valid, and I can no longer accept and allow that to direct me, as that is me “giving-up” that is me, saying that “I cannot do it”, without actually investigating these apparent “shortfalls” I don’t have enough time I don’t have enough money I don’t have a car I don’t have the right skills I am not smart enough I am so far behind This will never work Everyone else is better than me and more qualified than me I don’t have enough education. I see the point that all of these excuses simply do not hold up against my awareness and understanding of self-responsibility. Because Self-Responsibility implies that there are no excuses. And within this I see how an excuse is really an accepted and allowed limitation that one can either decide to accept or not. I see that I can no longer accept any excuse or justification as to why “I cannot do this”.

ALL are Walking DEAD – Not One is Alive.

Posted on by
So today I am re-organizing a few things. Yesterday I gave notice to “my job” at the Horse Ranch that I would no longer be working there. So today basically starting again with looking for work in this world, in this system, and looking at various ways of generating an income for myself in this world. So also looking at how to utilize my skills within Visual Art to do this, thus also starting with some promotion and research into graphic design, illustration and things like this. Partly because after my last experience working “for others” the question came up of “how long I am going to do this for”, meaning, work “for other people”. I mean the principle in itself is fine, working with others so to speak, though into today’s world and economic system money and self interest is now bread so Deep within the human being, that to “work for another” is in most cases “to become a slave” to those with money who will pay you. There is actually no regard, consideration, or insight into what is actually here on this earth as a System which support the creation of a malicious, deceptive, self interested human being. Money is Power and those with Money use it as such, and simply justify their existence with money and their ability to control others by paying them. I mean who cares what you really do Actions are irrelevant – Actions have become irrelevant Not body gives a fuck about what they are doing What they are concerned with is “How much money do they get” Our Actions within this world are Not in Alignment with Living in and Equilibrium with Earth. We are so fucking blinded by money that one is unable to see that their current day to day actions are actually harming the earth, harming themselves, and others, This all gets “sideswiped” when “the cheque comes in” which allow someone to justify what they do. And in a way “see nothing wrong with it”. Humanity is BLIND. Which allows an individual to justify abusing the earth, themselves, and others. As long as they get paid, or turn a profit. I am also busy today filing out forms for “repayment assistance” on my student loan which I ‘signed’ when I was 19 years old. 10 years later and I have not paid a single dollar back on the loan, even though I have made hundreds of dollars a year in payments on the interest so that I “don’t fall behind” I mean this process alone that I am currently busy with in filing out these forms reveal “the state of this world” the “state of the system” that we as humanity have all collectively participated in. And that we have all allowed, and supported, and created. Thus each one is responsible for how we are currently existing. So I am busy spending time filing out papers so that “I qualify” for re-payment assistance. Processes and Systems that one must ‘spend’ time and attention on, not so they can “live a dignified life”, but so that can “just survive”. Though this is the system we have created, this is the system that I have allowed to exist by doing nothing. By seeing myself as to small, to insignificant, to do anything, not knowing exactly what I should do. And so have allowed this current system to prevail by allowing these excuses and beliefs inside me. And of course, believing that someone else will do it. The younger generation will do it. Those that are qualified will do it. But the fact of the matter is that it is the responsibility of everyone here on this earth to do it. And not simply “leave it someone else” “leave it to some group” while you simply go about living out your life in ignorant bliss. All must stand up and take responsibility for what is here and what we have allowed, and re-educate ourselves so that we can actually each and everyone of us here, support the emergence of a new world. To do nothing, is to simply allow this world to continue existing as it is. I have realized for myself that all must be given an equal opportunity and that it is not about the evolution of self alone amongst the many, attempting to “be all you can be” No. It is about the evolution of ALL, together, where each individual on this earth, Stand as that ALL, and Always, in every moment, act in the best interest of all as the starting point of themselves. To observe what we are doing at desteni from the sidelines and do nothing is deception. Because the truth is – Those who “stand-by” do not actually have a solution for this world. Yet the point is simple in terms of what we are saying. Stop placing yourself before the All. All one has to do is see how they live their lives and see if they are busy working on a solution that considers each and every single human being, plant, and animal on this earth. Or are you just busy with “your own life” Suggest to investigate the Solution Desteni is Presenting – Let go of judgements, and ideas about the point and actually investigate it. Desteni Suggest a World System Based on Equality and What is Best for ALL. And a part of this system will be the Re-Structuring of the Money System. And the elimination of Capitalism and Profit as a System that Governs Humanity and All on the Planet. Where abuse is allowed – where we all have allowed ourselves to “look the other way” at say for example the homeless man on the street or the starving dog in your neighbour hood. I mean do you not find it odd that one is actually not able to “comprehend” the deaths of millions broadcast on the News as casualties of war, where in one moment one can be watching a report on 40 by-standards killed in a suicide bombing then 15 minutes later be watching their favourite entertainment program and have forgotten all about the atrocities actually happening around them in every moment. Desensitized is not even the word to describe it. Obviously this showing that we as human beings are actually really DEAD in this world, the Walking Dead. So suggest to Research the Equal Money System Proposed by Desteni. Because each and everyone of us are responsible for what is Here. And are responsible for ourselves in educating ourselves on the true state of this world – Obviously it is easy to ignore. Interestingly because this world is a chaotic mess, yet we manage to remain oblivious to it. Mind Control. I mean how else can we simply live day to day and think everything is ‘OK’. So Visit www.equalmoney.org and re-educate yourself – pull yourself out of your grave. This life we live is not living – It is Dying, that is plain to see – And fucked-up how people will protect it, like its worth protecting. That is simply ego. So investigate an Equal Money System, a system based on Equality. This will not happen automatically, we must actually, as a Race, Create it. And it will take effort It will require one to re-consider their entire life. Obviously to ignore this is showing that one would rather just live out the rest of their lives placing their lives as that which is important over The Rest of Humanity. If that is not Ego, I don’t know what is. Most are not aware that they exist primarily as the Ego. And think “its normal” to “live your life” and enjoy yourself – Well yes, you are exactly right, it is ‘normal’ for who we have become – for the Walking Dead that we are and have believed ourselves to be. An Equal Money System is “not normal” by today’s standard, as it actually go “against” what we have currently accepted as life, An Equal Money is Based on Life, on Living, on Support of the Earth, on Self Expression, Expansion, Perfection, On a New Way of Living – A way of living that most do not even realize exists or is possible. Thus investigate for yourself and prove to yourself that you are at least willing to consider something “outside” of your bubble of perception which you believe is so magnificent. Its really not magnificent, its actually just suppression, denial, hatred, jealousy, fear, resentment – lol What a Fuck Up. Join us at Desteni in Bringing Forth a Solution for the Fuck-up of a world people are actually unable to see. Thus if you think this world is fine – Than I strongly suggest you research what we are saying at desteni I am One Vote For World Equality and an Equal Money System. www.equalmoney.org www.desteni.co.za

Layer of Depression – There’s no Point to it. – Nov 3 / 2010

Posted on by
Layer of Depression - There's no Point to it. - Nov 3 / 2010   Ok one more point before I go to sleep. I have noticed that “my life” is like “all depressive” its like such a slight experience of myself but at the same time this “slight experience of depression” is constant, like it is there in the background of my experience each and every day, and in every moment. So have now identified this point in my world and within the experience of me so can now work with it here to no longer accept and allow this point of “depression” to simply exist in my world for “no apparent reason”. Its like I have simply just accepted this point, this way of being or experiencing myself or living within my world. Where there is like a layer of depression around me always, and is like a cloud that exist in my world always, where it is kinda groggy all the time. I mean there is no point to this but at the same time will have to identify specifically how I actually manifest this point within the experience of myself in my world.   At the moment I see the point of fun coming up from the perspective of identifying myself as one who is “boring” and really just bland in my day to day interactions, like pretty basic kind of living. Working on the computer, drinking coffee, writing, like basic shit, though there is not reason why I cannot enjoy and express me within this and be more “light” so to speak, because this “depression” point that I now see coming up in my world is “more heavy” Ok just thought Id write this out before sleeping.   Ok now I am going to bed, and also get up tomorrow in enjoyment, and actually live and enjoy me in this world, No point in being a stick in the mud.