Category Archives: Life Experiences

Birthing Life From The Physical – “Desteni I Process”

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Quite cool to see this “physical point” coming through at the moment with regards to ‘process’ and what it means to “Birth Life From the Physical” and the realization that ‘Self’, that ‘I’, have actually never or “missed the point” of living here as the physical, but since birth have been slowly but surely “becoming a mind” and living and exiting as that mind “in separation” from the physical, forming ideas, perceptions, beliefs, which I then ‘superimposed’ on top of the physical, until I no longer experienced the physical or considered the physical, or see the physical anymore but only see the ‘Mind’ which I have superimposed onto the physical. What I see in terms of “Birthing Oneself From the Physical” is to stop “the mind” to “get out of the mind” to “step out of the mind and into the physical” where in my ‘ideas’, ‘definitions’, ‘perceptions’ of ‘myself’ which I lived and experienced within and as the mind will “no longer be” but rather I stand here equal and one with the physical, where my daily actions and considerations and experience will be in relation to and equal and one with “the physical” as I now am standing and exiting as the physical. And Have Birthed Myself From / as the Physical. Looking at the point of the “Physical Body” – It is physical, and functions in direct relationship to the physical and the “rules of the physical” so to speak. But I have lost touch with “these rules” these ‘Relationships’ “of the physical” that “make up” the movement, and expansion , and expression of the physical. Because I have not stood equal to the physical, or lived as the physical in stepping out of the mind to live equal and one as the physical, I had not been able to see or understand the “relationships of the physical” I have not been able to understand, to see how “my actions” ‘affect’ the physical, ‘flow’ in the physical, where each action, flow out into the physical, ripple out into the physical as the actual “chain-reaction of the physical” affecting and influencing the physical. In this World, not all parts of the physical are being nourished or supported as can be seen by war, by poverty, by some points having “it all” and other points “Having nothing” (Rich/Poor) Thus I see “the point” is to Birth Oneself Into and As the Physical, so that we can see how our actions “flow-out” and “ripple-out” as the actual “chain-reaction” of the physical and influence and affect the physical, this world, the conditions of this world, where they either “flow-out” and cause poverty for instance, or “flow-out” and support the nourishment of ALL. I see this as a Solution to this world. To become aware of how our actions affect one another, and consider that our every action in every moment is in “cause and affect” as the physical “flowing-out” at all times and permeating out into the physical and having a consequence in this reality. Even the most seemingly small and insignificant moments are “flowing-out” into the physical. Are ‘creating’ this reality. Thus to assist and support yourself to actually become “Self-Aware” where one begin to ‘Direct’ ones actions in each and every moment to ‘ensure’ the “flow-out” or “Out-Flow” of those actions are ‘Directed’ by Self within Awareness, in consideration of the physical, into a point which support what is best for all. And not more existing here in the physical as “a mind” who’s ‘actions’ are ‘based’ in the mind, and thus not actually considering or is able to see the eventual physical outflow of those actions. Investigate the “Desteni I Process” as the “Desteni I Process” is a structural platform to assist and support self to actually “step out” of the mind and into “the physical” so that one is actually aware of how one “affect and create this reality” and thus is able to “take responsibility” for what is Here as what we have created as this earth, this planet, and Direct Oneself to Bring a Dignified to ALL. Visit the “Desteni I Process” website : http://www.desteniiprocess.com/

Exploring the point of Anger (Andrew) in Relation to Practical Labour.

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Part 1 – Getting a Weekly Allowance – Preparing me to Accept the Current Money System Ok so as a kid, we were expected to do ‘chores’ when we reached a certain age. And I mean, they were exactly that ‘Chores’. They were a ‘chore’ a ‘labour’ to do, and see that at this young age I began developing my relationship with ‘practical labour’ within starting the process of doing chores. One also as a kid is expected to clean up after oneself where in if you play and make a mess, you cannot simply leave it and let someone else clean it up. So from this perspective I understood why I had to clean up after myself. Though I still see I did enjoy playing more than cleaning up after myself. Though in terms of more prominent memories in relation to this point of how and where I developed my relationship with ‘practical labour’ into a point where now I experience much resistance and anger and energy within and around when facing this aspect of my life. We started getting an allowance in my family around the age of 5 or 6 years of age if remember correctly. My brother and I got paid the same amount even though he was one year older. We would get paid weekly and therefore had “weekly chores” some that I can remember is “doing the dishes” and “filling the wood-box” I think we would alternate weekly or daily tasks if I can remember correctly. So we would do the chores and get the money at the end of the week. Of course only if we were ‘good’ Thus here already at such a young age money was being used to manipulate our behaviour where in money became a consideration of why we would act a certain way and do certain things. This was not based on ‘understanding’ but where money “stood in the place” of understanding and was the reason and motivation why we would have “good behaviour” and direct ourselves in doing chores. Then we would get the weekly prize or money, and with this we would “have access” to things that we wanted, like candy and toys and comics. You have to ‘be good’ or you don’t get your ‘allowance’ as it was called. Which implied that whether something was ‘fair’ or “not fair”, was irrelevant - you simply were required to act in accordance to, or simply ‘allow’ “that something” to exist in your world whether fair or not, and “not cry” or make a fuss about it, thus you would get your ‘allowance money’ at the end of the week, for allowing such an atrocity implemented on humanity. Here being trained to allow the unjust abuse of this world like rape, murder, war, and overall inequality and not “make a fuss” about it, but rather “be good” as to get your weekly paycheck. Fascinating. I’m certain my parents did not actually see this point when giving us allowance as it is such an accepted point of normalcy within this reality. The amount of our allowance would increase as we got older, slowly but surely, though was not “allot”,at least it was something, as most kids around my age got an allowance, some more than me and my brother and some less. That was my “introduction” to the function and role of money. As we got a little older, we were “more expected” now to do the chores and as the allowance increased so did the amount of chores and responsibility. Interesting what was busy happening here is that my brother and me were within this process being ‘trained’ so to speak “how money worked” and “how it relates to practical reality” Though this being based particularly on “My Parents” understanding/beliefs of how money they were taught and works. And so as mentioned - as the money increased so did the amount of work that we required to do, to ‘earn’ this money. Though this is not actually how the money system currently worked. None the less, this was our training within it, which is effectively “perfect training” to create perfect slaves to the system who believe that “making ‘more’ money” is actually linked to “working harder”. I have to note here as well that this specific relationship with regards to how hard one have to work to get “a dollar” was ultimately being determined here early on in my childhood based on “how much money my parents” could afford to pay us kids. So here I learned if I work for one hour, I get ‘this much’ money. And so imprinted this point within me in terms of “how money works and functions” and how much one must work to “earn a dollar. My parents did not even have to pay us actually, though it definitely worked as a good manipulation tool to get is to work and us “not putting up a fuss” So here rather than take the time to place sufficient understanding of why one is required to practical work in the physical to do chores, the money system was promptly brought into use as this was “easier” perhaps to get us to do stuff without “making a fuss” So within this process of getting an allowance we were being trained, to function and exist in relation to money, instead of, in relation to a point of understanding how reality actually practically function. Thus when we come of age have been already imprinted and ultimately have unconsciously accepted the point of how money operate and how we are to get it and what we are supposed to do to get it. Which is “work really hard”, “be good”, “don’t make a fuss”, “you get more if you work more”, “you get more when your older”. And so this is points which I have placed as constructs within my belief system of how money works I also see the point of “wanting the allowance” as that meant I could buy why I want, like by candy and comics and stuff, where these points where from a certain perspective ‘not available’ to me and my brother unless we had money, after all we were/are living in a world with a money system that requires to you have money to “get what you want” So here also we were imprinted in terms of how this point works, and I see clearly how “I liked getting money”, how I made the connection “on my own” which is, “if I get money I can buy what I want”. Subsequently I submitted and accepted this “allowance system” as I had no other way to “get money” to buy candy and comics and things that I wanted. I had no power at all. All the power was in the hands of my parents. And so I accepted that this is how reality works. I accepted that some things “were out of reach” unless you had money. I did not realize that this “perception/idea/belief was simply manmade and an out flow of the current money system. This is not how reality actually work – this is how the money system works. Which I ‘mistook’ and eventually accepted as ‘reality’. In this system All the power is in the hands of the parents. I mean just because I am/was young, and a kid, does not mean my wants, needs, and desires, are any different than an adults. Although this is exactly what was being implied within the allowance and money system in parents being the ones who ‘decide’ what is best for their child. The only real difference between the “want for luxuries” of a child and the “want for luxuries” of an adult. Is a child has no way of “fulfilling these points” as in my case, I did not have any money. Where Parents have all the control and power and could simply buy treats for themselves when ever they desired to. So instead of giving us equal power as a birth right though giving us a “basic income” they “made us work for it” and “played god” and if we did not work “we did not get the money. Who knows if I would have ate to much candy without my parents to “regulate the point” though I am simply illustrating the nature of how “the current money system” was being already implemented into child at such a young age. Fucking fascinating to see how even at this stage, the point of “scarcity” is being imprinted into a child. Rather than a point of Equality as Such is being introduced by Desteni as the “Equal Money System” So that all children will have access to candy and comics – lol. Well, meaning, the point of ‘depravity’ will not exist how I experienced it as a kid of not having access to of being deprived of those points which I desired and wanted which I clearly observed my parents had access to and fulfilled – That’s not fair. I mean it sucked as a kid not being able to get treats when you went to the store. Always haveing to ask and like being a slave to your parents where they had all the power. I certainly did not! enjoy this. I felt so trapped, like there was nothing I could do and that this is how it worked. If your parents said no, that was it. It was final. Fuck, no candy or toys for me. So had to submit to the money/allowance system to get money which equalled getting candy, toys, comics. So I can see a point of anger here in terms of “this system” being angry at why I had to always ask if I could get candy or toys, and never could just get what I wanted. And that, which I will go into next, how I was ‘introduced’ into working for money, to be able to buy that which I wanted. Its interesting because the allowance we got existed as a kind of “separate dimension” from practical reality, and it totally fucks with a being because, on the one hand, one understand that “you have to clean up after yourself” though on the other hand “here is a system that is being introduced and ‘implemented’ within your world that effectively “say’s the opposite” Where the rules are not the same as what you common senseically understand. So slowly but surely ones common sense is supplanted with the ‘rules’ of money, as one is ‘ripped away’ from practical reality to now function within this world in relation to and within the rules of money, which say, presents you with “an award” for what you would have done anyways, until eventually you stop directing yourself within common sense, unless the reward is given, because one find out that without the reward, one is not able to “move or function in this world” This system is obviously stupid. Coercing one to eventually give up common sense practical application in place of only directing oneself in that where one get the reward of money. Ok so next point I will explore is some of the specific practical jobs I was required to do growing up and continue to investigate this point of Anger in relation to doing “practical labour”

Support Point for Not Knowing What to Write – Unconditional Self Forgiveness

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Support Point for Not Knowing What to Write – Unconditional Self Forgiveness Ok going to give some notes Here – This was over a year ago and I think I was back in Canada from the farm or maybe about to go there for the first time. I was participating on the forums and writing Self Forgiveness and writing and basically what we are all still doing now. Anyways I noticed for about a period of a week or two Cerise started to post SF on her thread on the forum. She did not post a whole lot, though for this period she starting posting SF. Now what was cool about this SF that I observed is that it had “no structure” so to speak. Meaning from what I saw it looked like she just basically made a point to write “Unconditional Self Forgiveness” Its like letting go of all the self judgement and worry of how things are supposed to be and just fucking writing self forgiveness. So was a very cool supportive point for me at the time. I immediately took that point on myself and have been utilizing this ever since and have found it to “come in handy” as a practical support method to support oneself when they are not sure what to write or how to do it. I have found when I am ‘stuck’ I allow myself to write unconditional SF, where I just start writing it as a point of realizing OK, I feel stuck or am not sure what to do here, and so just “Write Unconditionally” And really let myself write what ever comes up, just start forgiving points, and not worry or judge it, just write anything really that comes up in that moment. Obviously it is cool to develop ways to support self within effectively structuring your SF as well, though at times sometimes one just require to write and to let it out. So it is in times like this that I apply this method of writing unconditional SF. Unconditional Self Forgiveness In the Moment I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “get stuck” in my world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back writing self forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want everything to be perfect without allowing myself to walk the necessary steps of Living perfection into existence. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as being ineffective within my process within my ability to structure my writing and vlogging and basically information processing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I do not effectively understand the new desteni lessons for SRA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and worry and fear in the hidden corners of myself where I suppress this experience of self as it takes place hidden under much stuff so do not even realize it is happening. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop directing myself witin a structured directed way within using the excuse that I am tired. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must always be something going on, instead of allowing myself to just be here and breathe when things slow down. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my application of the “results I get” instead of establishing a more consistent application of self where I am HERE in every moment within self specificity in every moment where in I am HERE with and as self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not doing any SRA today. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking about “what I am doing” out of fear it will not happen. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the nature of me to simply remain as it is and not actually take on any points or take on the nature of me in fact where I actually take apart the nature of me and change myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within sexuality from the perspective of participating within the point of sexual energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify accessing sexual energy. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to just stand here as self as breath when the moments come up where I see a point of “sexual energy” which is triggered which I can participate in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must or have to for some reason continue participating within this kind of energy, instead of standing firmly on this point of Not accepting and allowing myself to participate within this point of sexual energy in any way shape or form from the perspective of me actually now taking this point on at its core root where In I am taking on this point as a manifested point as the nature of myself, and in order to actually “take the point out” I must take it on absolute, taking into consideration all parts of this system manifestation of self and Stop my participating within sexual energy. Thus when I encounter a moment where a sexual energetic point moves within me, I realize exactly what it is and I stop. I do not go there, as I see to “go there” is in fact a deliberate act. I stop, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to this energy that stirs within me, and I allow me to release the point, and to release the desire to participate with this energy. If I do not stop this point within me, it will never stop by itself but always reoccur and exist as me, thus the effectiveness of my stopping and disentangling myself from this point and taking it out is dependent on my application. No one else determine the experience of me in process but me. No one else determine what I can see and what I can not but me. If I do not push self specificity of self, no one will. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the point of self specificity to others, where in I wanted others to support me to become more specific with me instead of realizing that this is ‘impossible’ from a certain perspective and that I am the one who actually determine everything about my application. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from specificity I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power and abdicate my power as specificity where in I did not realizing it was/is up to me to determine for myself my experience within this process. I forgive myself for not realizing that it is up to me to determine my own experience, my own standing and my own specificity in process. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind in my world instead of me directing myself and there in when I direct me become more specific with me in my world. I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by boredom instead of me determining my direction in every moment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy to direct me which is in fact the patterns of self as the nature of self – It is me as how I have programmed me and to allow that point of ‘energy’ or ‘mind’ or ‘patterns’ to direct me, I will never get specific with self within this process, and I will never change, thus I realize that my effectiveness within this process is in my will to Stop the Mind, and no more accept and allow myself to just exist as a fucking robot who never changes. Yes it will take hard work and me to push through resistance, as I push through the accepted nature and existence as me and re-form me into Life, into a self empowered, self directed point of life expressing itself as life as what is best for all life.

Desteni Blogs – Life Support Network

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I have not had much to write about of late. My world as been pretty ‘normal’ so to speak. Still seeing the point of how so many people resist desteni or classify it as “a weird cult” or something like this. I share desteni videos on my profile and so basically anyone who is friends with me on facebook has access to what I place as well as my blog. I sometimes think “How I will make it in this world” from the perspective of participating with Desteni. I know many have a fear around this point as well who participate with desteni from the perspective of having there “desteni world” and having there “real world” so to classify it. I sometimes think what my co-workers would think of me if they found some of my posts on facebook. I mean everyone that lives in this world, lives in this world, and desteni challenge that. I even doubt I could sit down and have a conversation with my roommates about this. So in a way I am here in this world, participating though its like I have a secret identity, or still have two worlds that I live in. So the desteni network on the internet is cool, and find the vlogs and blogs and videos etc very supportive. The point with blogging which has recently opened up on facebook has been so cool. It is like my favourite point at the moment you could say to log onto the network blog and have all these posts of people sharing themselves who are walking with desteni – Really Fucking Cool. Its like the “fountain of Life” the pool of blogs all linked within facebook, so starting to get a good view of how this network will actually function on a larger scale and the kind of support it will provide for beings. I see that I have a doubt inside with regards to starting a business doing Logo Designs for Companies. I have attempted to actually write about this point a few times but the writing just did not sit right, like there was something off about it. Its like I am trying to convince myself that it is the right or wrong thing to do, instead of just stopping the morality and doing it. Basically, this is where my skill and training has been, so use where I am effective to support me. I want to right about this point of doing Logo Design because this is what is “occupying me” at the moment in my world, but hold back in expressing myself within writing about his point. Basically I have been over the last couple days investigating “what name” to go with for the company. Then from there I will I design a logo, though basically the starting point is finding a name. I have lots of “ideas” about what I would like to do with the company though at the moment just keeping it as simple as possible, and get the necessary points sorted out to be able to place it on the net and get some feedback. I had initially started to place this point about a month or two ago, but It was too complicated, so have decided to cut out all the excess stuff and just go with the basic simplicity of doing Logo Designs. So have explored “what angle” to go with to be able to land customers. I Initially was looking at using and animal in the name which I will continue exploring as I have now gone through nearly 200 names and nothing is yet sticking. So the point is definitely not falling into my lap, but really having to push it to get it moving.

SRA – “Structural Resonance Alignment” Experiences and Applications

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So today I have been facing the point of family as well as the point of money. The family point is ‘new’ from the perspective of some of my relatives “coming out of the woodwork” to start to comment on some of the videos I share on my facebook page. I thought that eventually I would face this point, and so this is the first time this has come up with my relatives posting on my profile. One cool point is that it pushed me in a way to get specific with myself from the perspective of looking at self from the perspective of “what is it I am actually doing” So Here, like taking ‘Desteni’, and “my participation” and “my life” and really, “much stuff” into consideration in terms of looking at “what exactly is going on” and establish for myself more clarity and resolve within myself in terms of not accepting points of “not knowing exactly what I am doing” do basically, pushing me to really consider ‘things’ to as mentioned establish a stability and resolve of self. I mean it has taken some time for me to realize that I am walking this process. And even within this still experience a point of “dis-belief” that I am doing this. I see this in relation to not yet have established a clear and stable starting point of Self as the starting point, within walking this process. But am still trying to walk a process, instead of simply investigating self in a way. I did some SRA stuff tonight which has been quite cool. I still have to push myself to do this point, as each time there is resistance. I have started to really slow myself down while doing SRA, particularly Muscle Communication. Tonight was cool, one point I have started doing more frequently is “writing about my experience” as I walk through the lessons of doing Muscle Communication, to assist and support me to clear myself of all of the anxieties and uncertainties and doubts I have within doing MC (Muscle Communication) and start to write them out in front of me on paper. So my MC (Muscle Communication) Sessions are not just doing MC but is becoming a process of me slowing myself down, investigating self which is quite cool. I used to experience this point while painting and doing art work, in a way where I would actually “investigate myself” and just explore and write about what I see, and test things out, and really look within myself at the experience of self. And so this “in a way” is what MC has started to emerge as for me. I have had to really stop me and bring myself HERE. As I have found if I am not Here, and aware of self in the moment, then the MC will be useless so to speak, so have been “setting time aside” so to speak, because I know/expect that when I go into a MC session that I am going to allow myself to take my time. So have been taking on this point of writing while doing MC, and supporting me to see the anxieties and to see self and the experience of me in relation to MC as I apply myself within it. So have enjoyed of late the Self investigative aspect of doing MC.

Writing Out My Day – Slowing Down to Direct Points More Effectively

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So sitting in my bed and listening / hearing the wind outside my window blowing in some clouds. It will most likely snow tonight which means I will be up early to do the “snow removal circuit”. I am actually looking forward to it. I actually enjoy doing the snow removal, I enjoy the experience of the quiet mornings as well as clearing the snow from the walks and driveways, carving a nice clean segment out of the snow to reveal the cement underneath. Its satisfying. Also will see if I can “move” this whole point over the weekend as there has not been much snow this month yet, so will see what kind of ‘movement’ comes out of the point. Meaning I will see if I get any phone calls or new contacts over the next few days. Someone e-mailed me today about a potential contract that seemed quite perfect. Though e-mailed back telling me that he hired someone else but if things don’t work out he will hire me. I experienced in that moment instantly a negative charge, I did not “go into the point” and simply let the energy go through me so to speak, and not dwell on the point. It was an “obvious reaction” point and saw no point to “go into it” rather just let it go. That was one of the first contacts since a “changed my add” and so in way am still looking to get that first client to prove to me that the add is in fact effective. So walking through this point of trusting myself to in way “Re-Walk” the point I just walked over the last month and gather some more clients. And not allow fear to paralyze and petrify into a point of taking no direction or making no new changes. Still busy setting up points of income generation in my world. I have eased off of the art /graphic design point for a moment though will see if I push it or not. Tomorrow I am expecting a call from furniture assembly place to meet up for an interview so will see what happens with that as well. I noticed the point today where I want and desire my world to move quickly. Where I try and move my world with my mind, instead of simply remaining here, breathing, and realizing that the physical only move at one pace directly in relation to ones physical actions within ones world. I see that at times when “things aren’t happening” I experience anxiety emerge, like “I should be doing something” and still have not completely sorted out this point from the perspective of Trusting Myself within my application to Trust that I have taken necessary direction and must simply wait for the point to play out, meaning, the result does not happen immediately but is bound the rules and movements of space time. Also noticing this point in relation to my forum / internet / writing / vlogging etc...work. I noticed today that I was ‘trapped’ in a kind of rushing through each point, wanting to get allot done. I realized that “what is the point”. Meaning I can do 10 things halfway and at the end of the day have nothing done, and really have missed windows of opportunity to actually give points that come up direction because I am only giving them a small amount of attention, as I find I am “stretched across” doing multiple things at once, but in fact am actually really doing nothing, but glazing over everything. So from this perspective the correction is to focus on 1 thing at a time, and simply take on that point from the perspective of it being the only point you are going to do that day. Within doing this I give the point my full attention Here. And give the point direction into completion. Then when the point is directed, I move onto the next one, instead of spreading myself across 10 different things at once. So have to Flag Point this one, and simply direct myself effectively in that which I am doing in the moment giving the task at hand the focus and specificity it requires to actually be directed effectively.

Investigation of Sleep And Dream about Art coming Crashing Down

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So what is this “sleep point really” last night as I went to bed I experienced myself as being ‘more tired’ and ‘less here’ and usually when I experience myself this way when going to bed, it is likely that I will not get up in the morning when my alarm goes off but allow me to sleep in. This experience of self is simply me not directing myself but more like having already given in to the mind, and am more just “surfing along” in observer mode. And so this morning I slept passed my alarm and laid in bed not getting out. Just lying in there and drifting in and out of sleep. Instead of immediately directing myself when I wake up on the first breath, where I take a breath and direct me out of bed, no matter what I “would like” to do. There is a slight resistance towards “my world” and so stay in bed as really this point is a point of me avoiding self direction. Like in bed is place where I am safe from having to direct myself, as its like a safe zone, and I just lay there like a zombie ragdoll blob not having to direct myself in any way but can just exist in the mind in dreams, and thoughts, and blankness. There is not responsibility while I lay there, so when I get up, I have to face responsibility. Also I find a tend to drift in and out of sleep and dreams, and the very moment I allow myself to “close my eyes” and “drift back into sleep” I am essentially “giving me over to the mind” as I drift back into “my dreams” my alternate reality that is the mind, and not being Here within and as the physical in self direction. But it is interesting to see the connection of this point of “sleeping in” to the night before where its like “I know within myself” that I will probably sleep in, and I go through the motions of setting my alarm and saying to myself I will get up, but when the window of opportunity arrives in the morning, I close it shut as to prevent and stay warm in my blankets. The warmth being a justification as to why I am not getting up. Every morning there is a momentary opportunity to direct myself into my day. It is very rare that I ever sleep in “by an accident” mostly I always wake up to the alarm and in that moment have the opportunity to direct myself or not. So days when I direct me more, and am not “allowing the mind” but more directive here in my day to day actions of self, I find it easier to wake up the next morning and immediately direct myself. Dream Last night there was a section in my dream where I was standing on a roof top with my easel and painting equipment and I was setting up to make a painting, I was standing up on the very peak, very high up on this roof top and there was not allot of room to be up there, but I was ‘insisting’ that I be up there, and so I was getting myself set up and all of the sudden my entire set up slipped from the roof and crashed down to the ground in a big heap, smashing into the ground quite far below. I stood on the roof-top and looked down at those on the ground and realized that ok they were right when they mentioned that what I was doing was not so safe, where I had ‘insisted’ that it was fine. So it was quite interesting this point within my dream, particularly in relation to the point of Art within my world. I mean the rooftop is exactly the same shape as the “A” in art where I stood on the peak of this rooftop setting up my easel and painting equipment and then suddenly the entire point lost its footing and came crashing down. Art in my world has not stable footing. At least this is how I experience and perceive the point within me, and so the dream in a way is showing me “the standing” of Art in my world. On the roof top I had a high view of everything, and I was on top essentially and had to climb up the ladder to get there to the top. Standing in the peak, though there being not enough room, so having to be so careful as to not make a mistake and knock off my painting supplies, which eventually happened on its own. Art is precarious It is a risk The place of art in my world has been quite an interesting process for me of late. As I see it going more and more away, where I do art much less, and from a certain perspective find it has not “practical place” within this reality. When I do art, my life becomes precarious, and it is a risk. Particularly as I attempt to utilize art to support me to generate an income and practically support me within this reality, In doing this I find my world becomes more precarious and uncertain , there is no stable footing as art does not support this stable footing within this world at all, which was illustrated in the dream as the “Art” essentially crashed down and destroyed itself, as there was/is simply not enough room for art in my world on the rooftop. Easel Easy Ease All E-Sell Rooftop Roof oo Roo The Rooftop symbolizing “being on top” in the system. And Climbing up the ladder to get to the top where I can have a view of everything, and look out over the world and have a wide view of everything, and there is simply not enough room for me to “take art along” as it “does not belong” or able to also exist on the rooftop, on the top, as there is simply not stable point for it to stand. So of late in my world, my focus has been on money, and business, and looking at the current way the system works, and directing myself within my world to be effective within the system, and no more focussing on art, and as mentioned where art is actually becoming less and less in my world. Where I no longer spend my “free-time” to do art, but am at the moment looking at art from the perspective of generating an income with it, meaning, the art I do will be in relation to a point of making money, and thus, art is becoming less and less, as it simply is not sustaining itself from the perspective of having any relationship with money what so ever. So some interesting points in relation to Art (that which I apparently loved the most) basically becoming ‘non-existent’ in my world, and taking one final crash down.

Process Update – Managing My World. (3 Stories)

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I am definitely within an application of “avoidance” at the moment, and allowing my mind to direct me. This morning I slept in until 7am when I planned to get up at 6am, though within me last night I can see that I “was not up for it” and believing 6am was to early as I was quite exhausted last night. And so I ‘intended’ to get up but overslept my alarm. I experienced guilt immediately upon waking as I started doing a 21 days 6 hours sleep process. So when waking I went into a point of guilt and noticed also that I was “less directive” in my day, as I was in a way, allowing me to remain ‘stuck’ in this energy of guilt and slowness. Like a point of “I have failed” When if I practically look at the situation, I mean it was 7am instead of 6am, practically speaking that will have not “great affect” on my day, and it is more practical to let go of the point and start directing myself in that which I require to do today. I saw that I allowed the point of guilt in a way as an accepted experience of self when I “fail at something” or “fall on a point” – Though the energetic experience I was allowing was not related practically to my reality but more on past experiences of guilt as what I noticed is that my day is Still Here in front of me, and so pointless to allow me to exist in this point of guilt, like making a big point of nothing really. Its interesting I see that I within this point have allowed this very initial starting point of the waking up in the morning determine the rest of my day, instead of me being the starting point of me in every moment here, where in any given moment, I can correct self, instead of locking myself into a cycle where I have to wait for the next opportunity. I remember on the farm I was faced a few times with the point of experiencing a point of depression, and that I could allow myself to exist within this point of depression, and regret, or I could Stop, and get up off my ass and apply myself within my world. This is the point that I saw this morning, where I realized that I do not have to exist within this point of guilt or depression which was “triggered by sleeping in” Fuck that, I can Stop, and correct myself and start applying myself in my day. Last night I met with an x-girlfriend of mine who I had been in a relationship with for 8 years and who I broke up with around the time I started with desteni. So was interesting to sit and chat last night as I had not spoken with her for couple years now. I noticed that I within the discussion I experience quite a bit of paint in my upper shoulders, back and neck as we communicated, so see a point of straining myself and clenching myself within during our communication last night where I was accessing points of mind within our interaction and within communicating. So interesting to see this tension and pain come up immediately within starting to communicate with this being. Its like a point of “really wanting to get a message though” within which I tense up my entire back and shoulders. And even a point of not trusting my expression, communication, words to communicate effectively. Like wanting her to agree with me and see and understand my words and affirm what it is I am speaking about. Though overall the conversation/discussion was quite cool. Another point that occurred yesterday was that the point of doing “furniture assembly and delivery” for the furniture shop I am currently working with opened up. This is quite a cool point and can see there is some excitement within me towards this though , I am also experiencing a “straining” within this excitement I experience, like “what if things don’t work out” so it is like two adverse points manifesting a strain within me. So basically yesterday within discussion of possibly expanding my duties at the furniture shop, I inquired if “they have a delivery service” because I had noticed that there are usually a few items in the back waiting to be picked up by customers and most often these items are smallish – and so wondered if “there was a market for this” in where why not I “Offer the service of doing the delivery” as I at the moment have a van and so can fit in some smaller items for delivery. So I discussed the point some with the owner and she said she would pass along my number to clients, and also recommend me to clients who require small furniture delivery. So this is quite exciting because I see here another opportunity of taking this point on as a business, of which I can do furniture delivery and assembly. So I have done some research today on the point and this seems very realistic so am going to take this point on, as I also see that this will not simply “end after winter” like the “Snow Removal Service” but can actually walk this point and develop this point for a longer period of time. So now I am at the stage where, I see this point and am exceeded, yet must breathe as reality only move so fast and thus must take this point on “practically” and “common sensically” and like the “Snow Removal Business” There are points of uncertainty with regards to money, and how/if I will manage the point of getting this going. I also got a call yesterday which I have not yet returned about, would ya know it, doing “furniture assembly” lol – I actually had found a job application online doing this and inquired about the point which funny enough, opened up inside of me the point of inquiring with my current company about offering my services through them. Lol, So this is quite funny as this is similar to what happened with the snow removal service where I initially “began the point” by browsing through jobs, and going for a job interview, and then within looking at the whole point deciding to simply “do the point for myself” instead of “working for others” doing something I can actually do on my own. So I am sure I will update later to indicate/show, what’s working, and what not, and the type of specificity and application required to ensuring that these “businesses or service offers” are practically functional. Though for now will keep it simply and keep it physical.

Not Wanting to Move, out of fear of messing up a “Good Thing”

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Writing Out My Day. First, I will slow myself down, breathe, and ok, write. I woke up a 7am and had a few things to do today, one being “posting my new add” from my Snow Removal Service am offering where I was basically ‘refining’ and ‘tweaking’ my already existing add which I placed 22 days ago. Interesting 21 days was the first initial phase of “my business” where I am the Manager, administrator, labourer, accountant, marketer...etc. Its just me at the moment, but just observing the interesting point of this first phase Lasting 21 days. A few days ago, as I was looking at the point of “gathering everything in, refining, and then re-placing everything, in terms of just getting more specific with the details of the business, and in a way preparing to expand. The point that came up was that I saw within me, a fear of doing this, in that, “I might fuck it up” or “mess something up” The phrase surfacing inside of me was, “if it aint broke, don’t fix it”. So I simply am walking though this point and not allowing it to direct me, meaning I restructured and tweaked the add, and refined the Logo, as well. So rather I direct me within this point, not fear. I did not want to change the picture because “what if there was points within how I placed and structured my initial add that was “attracting customers” and if I change something, I might fuck up the geometry that is triggering people to reply to the add. Though what is the point if I do not understand what is actually working about the add, and thus why not refine the point, place it and then assess the “feedback” so that I become clear on how the entire point is actually functioning. And what is at the bottom of this Fear - MONEY, Fear of "Not Making Money" of changing something and "stopping the flow of money" Ok so simply see here a point of Self Trust, where I, rather than give into this fear, walk in Self Trust, and Common Sense, and allow myself to push through the fears, and even challenge the fears, and Trust Myself to "Keep It Practical" and allow me to "Live the Point" into effectiveness, instead of allowing me to go into a paralysis out of fear of making a mistake.

Exploring More Options in Finding Work/Jobs/Money

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So today I started again with looking for and applying for jobs from the perspective of generating sufficient money to support me in my world, and stop existing on the ‘fringe’ of society by always making ‘just enough’ to get by and pay my rent and basic bills and food. Never getting ahead, not really falling behind, just completely at a stand still in the system. Thus the point for me at the moment is to actually start moving, and generating money to support me in this reality and support the emergence of an equal money system, which is even more of a ‘daunting task’ than just supporting me. So today I started moving this point again, by searching through job listings and also bidding on graphic design and illustration jobs online. I have the “doing snow removal” point in place so will be busy with this until the winter ends, though in the meantime am exploring various possibilities as I am not really just looking for a job in this system in this world to “occupy me” but rather looking for and investigating what I can do to actually place myself eventually within a position to support an equal money system. I have a degree in Fine Arts, but have not yet seen this point being able to work yet in terms of actually supporting me substantially enough to place myself in the system to actually have influence. Though also see the point here of this being due to me not really effectively pushing and compounding this point through deliberate actions, but in a way “giving up quickly” when the point does not move. This has been quite frustrating as for some time now have been “on the fence” with this point of not knowing whether to “do it” or “not do it”, and because of this have in a way disarmed myself by essentially not standing within a consistent application to see if in fact the point will work or not, in a way , seem to give up on this point very quickly. This is why I started moving into the point of graphic design and illustration, and in a way am starting with moving my artistic skills to the “digital world” as I may be able to generate more money within doing this. Though I am only starting with this now so the point slow to move, and I see I experience still much doubt within the belief that comes up that “ everything I do with regards to art simply does not/will not move” So I came across this one add today which I am thinking about applying for as a “Art Gallery Assistant” with one of the commercial galleries here in town. I mean technically my degree supports this point though have no desire to actually participate within the “art world”, though perhaps I could get some experience with selling art and dealing with people with lots of money who pay allot of money for art, So from this perspective this could possibly assist my current skills set with regards to art and sales in general. Though most likely will be doing basic stuff like hang shows and framing art and things like this. I will have to see when I go down and ask about the job. Though at the moment my experience of myself in relation to work and “the future” is more like ‘open’ where nothing is definitive, or certain and am in a way feel like I am just starting out. I would like to go back for more education at some point though this will require me to probably first pay back my student loan which I have not been able to actually “pay down” since I graduated from college 6 years ago. Up until now I have only been making the interest payments. So in terms of my placement in the system – I am a perfect slave – or am supposed to be a perfect slave anyways, though if I look at the point . So just wanted to write about this point of being still busy with finding work and exploring different ways to make money in this world, as I must now come up with nearly twice my usual amount as the insurance on my vehicle will run out in February and so must get money to renew this, so in a way its cool because it will push me to move my ass to actually prove to myself that I am able to make this much money in a month through simply applying myself diligently and specifically in practical application with regards to generating money.