Category Archives: Life Experiences

How to give yourself a Headache – Don’t try this at Home.

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Ok so I’ve got a bit of a headache at the moment. This headache was interesting as it started early in the evening like suddenly. Normally there is a more gradual process involved but today it was like suddenly in one moment I could see that I had “the beginning of a headache”. I have been suppressing some points today, and procrastinating somewhat. Though the specific point when the headache arrived is as follows. I went to the coffee shop and book store to just “get out of the house” get a coffee and look around at some books, just ‘unwinding’ a bit. While in the bookstore I started looking at books related to marketing and branding as this is related to the point I am currently busy with which is setting up a graphic design service through a website where I will offer Custom Logo Designs. I do have doubts around doing this and one being in relation to “my experience level” with this kind of thing, as I do not have a certified degree in marketing or business. Anyways I was found a book specifically related to Logos which was quite cool as I enjoy reading about this process and basically at the moment I am collecting all the necessary vocabulary so that I am able to operate within this industry and be able to “talk the talk” so I enjoy reading about how others go about doing Logo and Branding Design as I can pick up Key words, terms, phrases, ideas etc about the process so that as I design how I am going to set everything up I have some guidelines so to speak. After a while of sitting there looking through this book I decided it was time to go home now and possibly get a few points placed in relation to my own website I am setting up. The process is slow at the moment as I am having to essentially model my design and how it will work very much off of what other people have placed. In fact I have found one designer in particular who basically has his process laid out for all to see, so from a certain perspective am using this as a template to form my own ‘system’ in terms of how to set everything up until I get more experience and then can direct it accordingly. After reading the book for a while (Around 15 min) I placed the book back in the shelf and started to leave the store. I immediately noticed something that was not there before I sat down and started reading this book. I noticed a build up of pressure, like a very slight headache in the back of my head. So something occurred since the time I sat down and started reading the book, to when I stopped. It was like as I read the book, I started bring up, thoughts, and ideas, and uncertainties, and excitement, and basically activated this entire point that I have been working with for while now and as I left the store experienced a slight headache in the back of my head. This indicate to me that I have created allot of energy around this point. It made sense because this point of setting up this whole Logo Design point has been challenging at times, and especially over the last few days in getting the structural layout and placement of the content together has not been easy but I have really had to labour and work my way through it. I mean when I read about in books, it all seems so easy, like I get it. But then when it gets down to actually placing the structure for myself I simply do not have the experience and so it does not just flow out of me but I have to find the information and arrange it word by word. So that initial starting point of that headache that was triggered in that moment in the book store quite quickly escalated into a full blown headache within a few hours, And due in part to how I have been participating with this logo point where I have had allot of judgements and doubts, and uncertainties about it and basically pressurizing the points within me instead of “moving them through” by directing them physically and pushing myself to simply walk through this stage of placing the content so that I can just get this point through. Instead I have suppressed the point at times and so as a consequence end up with a headache like this one where in I go into suppression instead of expression and direction.

Anxiety Demon – Shoulders and Back Pressure

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I had an interesting point come up today. I could see today that I was experiencing quite a bit of anxiety. I could immediately identify that yes I was experiencing this anxiety but was not able to pin-point exactly why, or what was the point or points that I was working with/ dealing with. So this energetic possession I experienced moving within me was quite prominent, and I did experience myself being possessed by it as I was not able to relax. This was quite strange because there was not “real reason” why I would be experiencing this point today. From a certain perspective it seemed out of context, that is why it was so odd. Firstly because it was out of context, and secondly it just kind of came over me...in fact if I look I see that I was experiencing this point when I woke up this morning. I have been busy lately and having to direct and move many points so I can relate this energetic anxiety to this, though even in looking at/investigating these points today in relation to this experience I was having, it had no affect on this energetic experience take over. I experienced allot of pressure in my upper upper back, in my shoulders. This point did not “move into a headache” as it often does, but rather I experienced a compounding build up of pressure moving into, and in a way being stored in my shoulders which created quite a pressure and pain and strain there. It was a heaviness there also and a tenseness, so like this anxiety within myself accumulating and building up and sitting in my upper back shoulders area. Then at around 9 oclock tonight the point released. I do experience still traces of this , though I experience myself as more relaxed and actually able to stop. As one of the characteristics of this energetic possession I experienced today is not actually being able to stop. Its like I am stuck on auto mode and I just do stuff, though am not able to be here, and to stop. Its like I am unable to stop myself. There was one specific point which I did eventually get to tonight at around the time I experienced this energetic point release, which was the point of writing some content for my website, but in assessing my daily activities today I did not see that I was suppressing this point, but that I would eventually get to it, which I did, though here, to simply consider the point of am I able to be more specific with myself and that as I move within my process I will require to become more and more specific within myself and within my self-direction. The content I did eventually “get to” around the time the energetic possession point released had to do with sorting out basically the “money aspect” business I am developing. I had some reservations and uncertainties about facing this point as I did not know exactly how I would place the content and also see a point of ‘doubt’ or ‘inadequacy’ within this point I was facing where I saw myself as “not equal to the task”. The task being the service which I will be offering in the business and more specifically the money that I would be asking for it. As the service alone I am confident of, it is when money gets involved that I start to go into a reactive state. I see that I did “create the point” to be ‘important’ where I gave it a certain value as I had actually feared it and was uncertain about it so was in my day often looking at the point and so from this perspective building it up and so experienced some nervousness towards approaching it, but also wanting to get it moving as well. Ok well that’s all for tonight. Andrew.

Breath Walking – Desteni Process Blog.

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Today I was up early to shovel snow. And again tomorrow as well. The forecast is calling for a few days of snow coming up so I will be breathing and simply walking one day at a time. I have noticed a bit of a tendency lately to slightly go into a form of ‘pushing’ from the perspective of ‘pushing within and urgency’ So this is a Red Light as the point as I see it is to Stop. And no more accept and allowing that ‘urgency’ to direct me, to come in through the back door and kind of massage its way ‘into me’ without me noticing. I worked on some graphic design stuff today, as well as mind construct stuff and other computer work. Though as I have been writing about lately is the point of Self-Direction from the perspective of slowing myself down to a Stop, so that I actually stop, and get out of my mind. I realize that there is no point in attempting to do what’s best from the perspective of doing this from the mind. I must stop and get here into the physical. And I am interested to see how this goes as well, to actually Stop, and see what this is like. So I see the point of keeping it simple coming up here and not overcomplicating things, but rather just keep it simple and breath and be here. I noticed that I was carrying a belief around that “it is not possible to be Here in the system” meaning that because of how everything is set up in terms of the world system that it is not actually possible to be Here. I have realized that this is just a belief so now am in the process of living the realization I had that “wait a minute - I don’t have to live in anxiety all the time actually” So have really been pushing me to take my time with points past couple weeks. Like a turtle! lol. Winter will be over soon hear in Canada and so I have one more month of doing snow removal and then that job will be over. And I must say I am actually quite grateful how this point has worked out so far. It actually supported me through the winter when I was not successful at finding a stable a job so this was a very cool temporary solution. Though it will be done soon. Because of this I have been busy lately working on my Logo for the graphic design service. I have gone through many revisions to get to a point where I am satisfied with the “lay-out” and today a point came through which I was satisfied with and so will be able to move from this point now and also co-incidentally my paypal funds went through so will be purchasing the web-host asap and getting the graphic design point set up on wordpress. Will be nice now to move into this stage and get some physical points placed to see how it will move. I really have no idea of the system will start generating money within the month, or if it will take three months or 6 months. I am still learning when it comes to doing stuff like this so I will find out as I go in a way. I mean I can do some preliminary assessments but then I am required to test the point in actual real 3d to see what is effective and what is not working etc... So what is here now is to simply get the basics laid out on the website and start by getting an “introductory add” together to get initial clients. So if the point moves effectively within the next month and I see I will generate sufficient income for me to support myself then cool – when my snow job is finished on the 21st then I will be able to make the transition into this next business. Though if it will require more refining and time before it starts generating income then I will start around mid march to start looking for a summer job. I have never tested the “graphic design” market before. It ‘seems’ like there many people that require this service though as I mentioned, I must test what I see, and what “seems like” the case. So that is some points that I am busy with at the moment. And Breathing. Remembering to Breath when the surges of anxiety come up as a form of fear of not having enough money and running out of money and what if things don’t work out, and so when this occur, I breathe, and do not participate because there is no point to participating. I see these surges as my program, as my pre-design, as my mind, as that which is there to keep me locked into "myself as the mind" So I see that effective support Here is to Breath and remain Here, and move the physical. Movement of the physical is Key, and that this movement takes place once one is consistent and constant within their application, otherwise movement is slow or does not take place at all, so here this is where I use breath as a support within self direction and self movement and I move myself. And I experiment and explore this application of breath as support to get myself here and stabilize myself Here within consistent application and movement of self here in the physical. Andrew

Self Reflection on Consistency and Constancy

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I have a sore throat at the moment. I haven’t experienced a sore throat like this in a while so it is a ‘new’ point. It is not overly painful or anything like that. It is just a bit tender and scratchy. I have been busy the last few days, and have been pushing myself to be more busy. Though within this I have realized that I must do this in breath otherwise I will crash, or fall, or end up in a battle with energy, attempting to fight energy and that I have found is not cool and not sustainable and not ‘constant’. So I have been seeing this point of breath, and Here and the physical as a cool reference point the last few weeks and have been focusing on slowing myself down so that I can actually start getting myself effective within my world and within this reality and actually live that which I up to now have ‘wanted’ to live but have not yet been able to practically live in fact. And this is simply to be effective within my reality and within myself. It is not to do something amazing or anything like that, it is just to be effective. I mean if I cannot be effective within my world in my application then there is no point of taking on anything else, so it is simply a point of getting myself consistent within my application and effective in my basic day to day tasks. I realize that I have to stop, that everything and anything I do is not going to be effective unless I am Here. So have been really pushing myself to slow down and get Here. And so push past my accepted and allowed energetic boundaries, doing this by not allowing myself to focus so much on energy. Obviously it is to stop energy all-together as I see it but for the moment I realize that it is still a process. So I have not been able to be totally here the last few days. I see it like this... Like a treadmill, you can run and run and run and run and really work up a sweat running your ass off on the treadmill, but you actually never get anywhere. Rather Stop, and be Here, which means to step onto solid ground (the physical)and walk And then you actually move, and you do not have to run and race, because even in simply walking you cover much more ground than you ever did running your ass off on the treadmill. I find when I am Here I am calm, but the last few days I have been in a bit of anxiety to and towards my world. Like over what might happen in the future or this week or tomorrow and making sure everything is in place. So I have been focusing on physical movement so I don’t get to the end of the day and think, “oh I wish I would have done that” though I have noticed that at the end of the day I still experience myself in a kind of rush to get each thing done, and so this is where I see the point of me not being here, as long as that little ‘twinge’ of ‘hurry’ and ‘rush’ exist inside of me, I am not Here. Writing Self Forgiveness I found with the Self Forgiveness that I was writing within the SRA course on mind constructs there was quite a bit, so I experienced a point of “a deadline” and found I tended to rush to meet this deadline instead of being Here when I wrote the Self Forgiveness. Pushing to hard – I see I am doing this. I am pushing to hard, and this indicate I am moving and directing myself within and as and from the starting point of fear, as fear is the reason I push to hard, as “I must move” and it is that ‘must’ which is the point of fear and anxiety that “I am not doing enough” And so this is where I see the sore throat point coming in. As I am over extending myself trying to cover to many points at once instead of giving myself enough time for each point and then focusing on that point, and doing it and not allowing me to become distracted by the mind and go off on these little mind holidays, but rather focus on the task at hand, and direct the necessary physical points to complete the task and then move onto the next task. If something takes to long there is no point in going into fear over it as this only indicate that you/I am existing from a mind perspective, as within the mind, any “change of plans” is like the world ending. I see that within my world, I jam pack all these points tightly together in a day and think ok I am going to get this stuff done today, but I experience myself as if I am always “right on the edge” meaning ‘one little slip up’ and that’s it, my world will crash down. And from a certain perspective this is true. This is how I have accepted and allowed myself to design and create my world, where there is no room for one little mistake because if this happens the chain of events might lead to me end up missing my rent or something like that, so this is a point with regards to how I have created my world. I noticed this before so it is cool to see this point again and realize Ok, I must direct myself within my world in such a way where I give myself some “breathing room” The way I see to do this which I have discussed before is consistency and constancy. I mean if I can just remain constant in my application , that is like walking here in breath all day long instead of spending half the day speeding on the treadmill actually getting nowhere. I see consistency and constancy and more like nature, like the tide coming or even more, like snow. Snow is fascinating because when it is snowing it can be this light fluffy stuff coming from the sky and you just observe it and it falls, it does not rush onto the ground, it simply falls and slowly but surely it accumulates. So slowly you can almost not even see it accumulate. And then in one single night as you sleep the accumulation of the snow – not rushing – but just falling flake after flake brings an entire city to a halt and then there is a massive amount of attention and energy that must then be directed on this point. So slow and steady

Having a Closer Look at my Day – Desteni Process Blog

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I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6am...I got up and looked out the window to see if it had snowed. It had not so this meant I did not have to go out to work, which I was not expecting anyways. So I got back under my warm covers telling myself it was only for a moment. I laid there and allowed the point of possibly falling back to sleep all the while attempting to motivate myself through thinking to get up and out of bed. I eventually got up at 6:45. I experienced anger and guilt. But not allot, where I find the longer I sleep in past my alarm then the more anger and guilt I experience, depending also on where I am “in the cycle” meaning if this is a repeating point then I tend to become more angry and have more guilt. Ok so I was up and was a bit angry with myself but not much I can do about it now. I don’t see, or have found that I am not able to “forgive myself” for doing this, because that would be like trying to forgive yourself “after the fact” for doing something instead of applying forgiveness in the moment to support self to push through a specific resistance. The correction for this point as I have I am sure mentioned before is to simply stick to the alarm and stop allowing myself to short change myself when I see I am capable of doing something. On my way to work this afternoon I decided to stop and get a coffee which I often do when going to work, I noticed as I pulled up into the parking-lot that I experienced a little electrical experience of excitement rising out of my stomach and into my chest area, like one of those “sparkler thingy’s” that you light and they fizzzzzz and shoot off bright sparks all over. This was definitely a positive charge from the perspective of maybe possibly seeing someone that I might find attractive working or being in the cafe, so it is like this aspect of relationship still existing inside of me which “pops up” in moments because I can see that this seemingly small electrical charge that came up is actually connected to the relationship point and sex point. As I walked towards the cafe from my van, In one moment I lost my footing on the ice and nearly fell but adjusted my feet in time to catch myself before I fell. I experienced my ‘ego’ come up immediately and showed me how extensively I was/am existing within my ego personality from the perspective when I slipped I experienced embarrassment as now my ‘image’ of who I was in that moment existing as completely shattered, as in that moment I was cool and collected, and serious, and professional, and precise and surely do not slip on the ice and flail my arms all about to try and re-gain balance. So it was a physical movement point here to in how I move within my specific presentation. Such a fuck up as the “Flux” I experienced as movement as embarrassment was quite allot from my perspective which indicate the degree I was not Here but rather existing as an ego, and I am seeing to also how this become more prominent as I go out in public. Upon entering the cafe I experienced immediate relief within myself, like a point of inner relaxation come over me as I noticed it was a male working the till, as I experienced fear that there may be an attractive women working the till. This is actually quite an odd point. Ok so I experience excitement within myself that I might encounter an attractive women. But then I go into fear over this point to the degree where I tense up and am no longer myself at all, and then when seeing it is a male working the till, I completely relax and am able to “be myself” otherwise I would just be this robot locked in fear if it were an attractive women. So yes obviously this point requires specific direction so that I no longer have this reaction at all to women but rather get to the point where I am not longer controlled by this point but that I am directive, here, myself, with no matter who. I Got my coffee and went, I did not tip, felt a slight negative charge, guilt, what will they think that I did not tip. Coffee was perfect. I was pleased and looked at the person who made my coffee thinking he is experienced at his job and is stable in making the coffees and so got a cool coffee. When I got to work I again experienced that slight excitement within rising from my stomach into my chest, this was due to a worker that I have not yet met but only know of and wondering if today maybe I will meet this person and what she might look like. So same point as before, relationship and sex. In these moments I simply breath and do not go into the point. Sometimes I go into it but I realize the point is to simply not, to breathe and just breathe and support self to remain here with and as self and stop all participation in energy, this is the understanding that I apply. You know, what goes up must come down. I am seeing this point now as well within my writing here from the perspective of writing from and within the starting point of energy where in if I build up all this energy to write a blog and then launch myself into it, it is like this rolling ball of momentum until the energy runs out and then the blog is over. Rather I see the point of being constant and consistent within the point of writing where I support myself by not accepting and allowing myself to go into energy when I write as what goes up must come down. So within this I can support myself in my process as I do much writing and have been exploring this point of remaining Here within and as the physical as I direct myself within my world and in this case writing as a way to be more consistent and not “burn out” all of the sudden. So will be cool also to just expand this point and identify all the moments and points within my world where I access energy and to stabilize myself here by rather than moving within my day within and as energy, I direct myself within and as the physical and stick to the physical and breath as I walk. It is quite interesting to see how extensively I have existed within energy in my life as I always considered myself to be “more stable” and not so much energetic but am now seeing that I live much of the time within and as energy, and so to step out of this “existing as energy” has been cool, and from a certain perspective has only just begun. This entire reality is based on energy, on positive and negative and so will be pretty cool to see how it goes in terms of walking the process of “stepping out of energy” from the perspective of being directed and moved and influenced by this but rather where one direct oneself Here as Life as the practical consideration of what is best for all. So it is a change in principle so to speak, from the principle of directing myself according to energy, to directing oneself according to what is best for all.

Wanting The Future Now Instead of Directing Myself HERE

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I experience a pressure right in the center of my back. I had this point come up a few weeks ago as well where I experienced a tension and a pressure in my back which was quite uncomfortable so now this is the second time this is coming up so am able to now see it before it happens in a way, before it compounds. The last time this occurred it was somewhat of a new unexpected experience where now its like, “Heeeeyyyyy, I know what is going on Here” The last time this pain point in my back compounded until I threw my back out or tweaked my back by really doing nothing but what I do most days in working on the computer etc. The point became so painful last time that I literally spent an entire day in bed watching movies as I experienced the point as a kind of “Red Light” saying slow the fuck down. Though I don’t see it in exactly the same way this time around though I am able to now see that I am heading exactly towards the same point which was a shock last time to have the pain become so bad that my back just gave out and went all stiff. Manifesting literally within only some hours. Almost as if I am holding a giant sphere made of concrete and it is soooooo heavy and I just stand there holding it and holding it and holding it until eventually my back just snap under the pressure. Its similar to this but a “mental experience” And the pressure is more “energy based” which I experience as a building pressure in the centre of my back. Hummm – to much “Holding Back” perhaps. Ok Perspective. I have been doing more research over the last two days into the graphic design point exploring ways in which to set up the business. I have now been moving into this point slowly over the last three months and so am “getting there” and found this last week have placed a more pointed focus and direction onto this point to get the thing moving. Focusing specifically on the my own logo to start with and I must say I am soooooooooo enjoying working on this and exploring the Adobe illustrator program – Lots of cool points opening up here with what is possible with this programs...anyways... Because I am in the preparation phases still I am really making sure I do the proper research and placements so that the business model/system will actually work effectively within this reality. I find that within this there are moments that I become quite excited as I move into the explorations and start to see all this possibilities opening up of what could potentially happen and having certain realizations or seeing how points will fit together and function, and I get soooooo excited that I can hardly contain myself, I am like a wide eyed kid standing in the window of a Candy Shop. Well maybe not the best example. My experience is that I start to see different “potentials and opportunities” that could come from this direction but that these potentials are months even in some cases years away and require much much much much practical preparation, application, walking, and basically, physical direction, meaning the points actually have to be practically walked in the physical step by step, point by point thoroughly and completely and effectively in order to actually facilitate and bring through/manifest these potentials that I see possible into this physical reality in fact so that are physically Here...But I want it all, NOW, ooooooooh and I get so excited, lol. Ok so this is where I see the pain in my back emerging from. It is a form of attempting to extend oneself/myself into the future. Which is not physically practically possible, its like I am just trying so hard to get there that I strain myself and I in fact strain myself so much that such a point like this emerge as what is happening now with my back and what happened a few weeks ago which literally sidelined me for a few days. STOP! That was the message. Its quite the same as when one have a cool insight come up in a moment and before they loose it they want to write it down real quick and so end up stumbling over the letters in a mad pace and end up with a jumbled mess with all these “red lines” underlining these funny looking words that are definitely not how you spell those words. It is basically the point of getting ahead of oneself. So I have to remind myself that these things take time. I am not used to that, I am used to immediate results and have not actually before taken on actively the creation of “Long Term Points” which is how I see this Graphic Design Business. I mean I can slap the thing together and have it up and going asap, but I mean WTF, rather, breathe, be Here, Stop rushing, take my time to investigate each point thoroughly and absolutely so that I build a fully intact foundation with no cracks or weak links. Rather establish the necessary relationships to ensure an effective system. And so that is what I am busy with at the moment, still in the early preparation phases of the point to see how “it could work” So there is both excitement and uncertainty, doubt, and within all this I see it is most effective to remain here within common sense practical considerations and move the point in the physical and take as much time as I require to do it effective so that it will stand and I am not attempting to make up for it later on which is a point that I see has happened on different occasions within my life. One point I started with is using the “7 Steps of Creation” in how to create a system in this world. This “7 steps of creation” was a recording/document place by Bernard for us to use when we (matti, Cameron, Katie, Darryl, anna and me) were on The Farm exploring the point of developing the Software business. So it is a cool guideline and I have found it practical to have “a way” to do something otherwise its like I don’t have any direction so to speak. So using this “Seven Steps of Creation” as a template model in preparing the Logo Design Business has been cool support in these initial stages. The best advice I can give myself right now is to take the necessary time that it will require to do it. Do not attempt to cut corners, slow down, if it take months more than it takes months more. Allow myself to be thorough, do not “lose my way”/”Give up” or “Lose hope” because it seems like nothing is happening, remain focused on the task at hand, and consider each and all points in detail and specificity. Don’t expect to have it done slap dash and ready to go. Breathe and focus on the points that are here and direct myself within consistency to get each point that is here moving and directed. If I access any point of rushing - that is not acceptable as that is only indicating that I am missing points. If I am not stable and calm in my application and direction, realize that I am not giving Me or the point the consideration it deserves. Why not create something for once that will stand and that will in fact work, move, and flow effectively within this world. Rather do not cut myself short by trying to take the quick version route. I simply have to walk each step in common sense – not hope, and not allow myself to go into the point of being directed by fear instead of practical common sense seeing, that is where I have to trust myself. And also to have patients, enjoy myself, and be unconditional yet ruthless on the point.

Environment Changing me is Not Actual Change.

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I was looking at the point of what we as human beings require consequence to change. Or why we has beings, as individuals require consequence to change. Now the reason I place it this way as I have noticed this point within me where I rather than actually will myself to change my nature I rather let it play out until I hit a consequence which will then bring me to a point of actually making a ‘serious’ consideration to change my application, my participation, my nature, my behavior, myself. I place the work ‘serious’ in quotes because even though when there is a consequence I must face which then “push me” to consider change ‘seriously’ I see that I have/had not yet gone deep enough or taken this point seriously enough because what I find is that I don’t actually change. But “forget about it” until the con-sequence come around again and it is the same point over again. So no matter how hard I look or take seriously the point of change, I end up forgetting and back to the same ol’ patterns. And even saying to myself to watch out for forgetting because I have been through that before, yet end up forgetting. When I left the Desteni Farm I was a different person. And what I have found is that since being back in Canada I have really faced myself. Because now from a certain perspective I am in the “Matrix”, lol, that sounds so epic, lol. So Here is how the story goes. I create myself within and in relation to and along with my environment for 26 years. Then, I am taken from that environment and placed into a completely new environment on the Desteni Farm. Then I start to apparently change which is all fine and cool, and I spend two years in this new environment and experience myself differently in that for this two years I participate within the world not like I had previously. Ok cool so now there is some “change occurring”. Then take me out of this new environment and place me back in my old environment and what do you suppose happens. I go back to how I was living before – So what does this show me. That I in fact had not changed. From a certain perspective there was a process of change occurring but within looking at the point I see that this was more of an external change where I was more changing in response to my environment as a kind of from the outside moving inward kind of change. So when the Environment changes then I change, seeing as how the “Change” I experienced on the Desteni Farm was largely from the outside in. I mean if would have taken a point on from the very centre core of myself and changed, more from the perspective of changing me from the very starting point of me...well not “from the perspective of” but rather had actually in fact gotten to the very beginning of me then it would not matter where you place me, and what environment I am in as the change that would be occurring would be from the inside out, and thus the change would be actually be a Self Change. So in many ways this is the point I am seeing with regards to how I have attempted change and that no matter how serious I am about it that I always end up forgetting, as the change is more of an idea and the one Key Factor I see that I am missing is Knowing who I am and actually living and existing as myself here within breath. Because if I am Not Here, then how is change supposed to happen if I am no where to be found, how then am I supposed to change. So from a certain perspective the point I am busy with now is not “changing” per se but rather ‘getting to self’ and being here with self, living and walking that self in every breath, so I can actually walk a point of change. And all it takes is one second and one moment to flee, to abandon myself and off into the mind, and actually not even realize it. I noticed even today I was not Here, yet I was almost Here – lol. Because when I am Here, I know it, but today there exist within me this “point off in the distance” like “what is that” and so I go just looking out over there, just trying to see what it is out there, and in this slight diversion I miss ME all day. So specific.

FREE PARKING and FREE TRANSIT to Cities with EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM.

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Free Parking For ALL. I don’t think so, though with and Equal Money System, having to pay for parking will become obsolete as paying for parking is just another way the government enforces fees and fines onto its people as a way to siphon as much money as possible. This is due to the way the way the current capitalistic system is set up and functions around the world. What happened to “flow of Society” meaning a system which actually support the ‘creativity’ and ‘functionality’ and 'expression' of the human being the society and the world. There was an article in the local paper today discussing the new amendments to the structure of pay-parking within my city. Nowhere was there any discussion or consideration of making parking free for the community nor any indication of the government even being aware that it is in fact possible to do this. Why not just make parking free – Within an Equal Money System there will be no need to pay for parking nor will there be a need for all the other various fees and fines around the city that are set up to suck money from the people at every corner – Literally as this can also be seen in traffic cameras placed at each corner/intersections to fine speeders which has very little to do with safety and more to do with making more money. (Traffic fine revenues which totalled $36.4 million in 2010. The total fine revenue for 2010 is broken down as follows: $18.9 million – officer generated enforcement citywide; $10.9 million – photo radar and $6.6 million – speed on green.) I mean the way a society is set up is quite startling when one see it is like one big vacuum which is designed to just fucking suck the money out of the pockets of the people. Obviously this is necessary within a capitalistic system. And paying for parking is one of those methods. Also paying for transit. Within an Equal Money System the point/requirement to ‘generate’ money to live will be eliminated and thus along with it all the points which in fact inhibit our functionality and expression as a being on this earth, which are solely placed to generate money. Don’t you find it strange that one must require to have money to live in this world. I mean look at this point, it does not make sense. A plant or a tree does not require money to live, it simply lives, it grows. The necessary requirements for the plant or tree exist is given unconditionally! In our world we have taken what occur naturally and imposed a fee on it. I mean you do not have to pay a baby to grow. It is a process which occur naturally – Though what we have done is imposed a system that in fact Suppresses this natural growth, this natural expression of life, as we have Placed and Structured Money in such a way where you Require It to facilitate the best possible growth of yourself as a being on this earth, where IF you have money you are able to have a home, and clean water and good food to eat, so that you grow effectively and your physical is supported, and if you do not have money you are not able to have these things to support/facilitate your natural physical expression. Now that is completely fucked up. Thus one can look at an Equal Money System from the perspective of it being more like how nature operate where the necessary survival points are “given automatically” rather than have to be paid for. Like for example Sun. I mean as humans we require sun to survive it is a basic physical requirement, just as we require water, just as we are unable to stand outside when it is below freezing without proper material support, ie: Jacket – The simple points which support our physical expression. At the moment our system is set up where these points are not unconditionally provided but rather one require money first, and that not all have access to money. Thus within an equal money system all will be given a “Basic Income” in so that they can acquire the necessary basics to grow - food, water, shelter, etc... Within an Equal Money System the Design of money will be re-Designed there will be new “rules” so to speak as to how money will function. It will now simply exist as a unconditional point, like how the sun unconditionally give enough energy for all to grow. Money is the point at the moment which we use to facilitate our movement within this reality and buy our basics of life. Thus within an Equal Money System money will be designed so that it is an unconditional point and issued to all equally. It will be administered equally and unconditionally as we recognize that all require the basic physical points to Live and Grow, such as food, water, shelter, and that at the moment money is what one require to get these basic 'survival' points otherwise their expression is suppressed and will ultimately die if they do not have it – So to say some can have money and some can’t is absolutely deluded and show the lack of 'love' that actually exist in this world. It is in fact playing God and Denying LIFE, I mean what kind of God do you want to be - One that Denys life to some and allows it for others - what a complete fuck up - Or a God that give to all life equally and nurture all points of this existence. Thus an Equal Money System is a System which facilitate the expression of life to all equally so that all have what they require – Not how the current system which is in place as the capitalistic system works, which is in fact a System that Deny Life to Some, and allowing it to others. Suggest to get on board with an Equal Money System as we require a system that Nurture Life, not Deny it. We require to re-create ourselves as Gods which which provide for all that is here and not just for part of what is here www.equalmoney.org

Investigating What it Means to Be Here and to Be Self Present.

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So I was looking at this point of “slowing down” today. Also the point of how I only have so much ‘tolerance’ to do certain tasks for only so long and then eventually I have to take a break. I have been noticing that my attention span is quite short in that I often “take breaks” and work in “bursts of energy”. What I understand, and am working on correcting is not to apply myself within ‘energy’ which is clearly being indicated that I am doing, seen within requiring to take frequent breaks or only having so much ‘tolerance’ or ‘focus’ to perform a task. Instead of rather applying myself within a point of constancy and consistency where I remain stable and consistent in ones application so I do not crash, or run out of energy or existing within jumping back and forth between the two polarities of getting lots and lots done and then going to the opposite polarity and get absolutely nothing done. Rather I am exploring this point of Consistency as to direct myself into and as an application that Stands, and that doesn’t crash every few days, as so far this has been the case. I have always considered myself to be disciplined which to me meant being able to “get tasks done” and not giving into laziness. Though at the moment this “way that I have always considered myself” is not coming through, but rather only existing as a hope at the moment instead of a living application. So one aspect within exploring this point of how to direct and apply myself in my world so I stop ending up in the “crash” is the aspect of slowing down. So what do I mean exactly by slowing down. One dimension of this is “not rushing” interesting I have written about this point quite a bit and yet here I am again writing out the point again. I find this point of slowing down to be one of the coolest points of my process actually because of the moments where in I do actually apply myself within this point of slowing down, and how I see the absolute power that exist within this point of slowing down and remaining here. It is a point of Self Presence where one is Completely Here in what one is doing, and so for myself have found this to be a point or thee point which I see would really support me within my world, within this reality, and within process. I also see that I have gauged my day where in there is only so much possible within a day, and that from a certain perspective I see that I attempt to do waaayyyy to much, and then there is this “holding my breath” that takes place as I move through my day not wanting anything to interrupt me or get in my way because if I step of track for even one second then I won’t be able to get everything done – I see that this is not Self Presence and Self Here and that this is not supporting me to become effective in my day. So I require to direct myself in such a way that I have ample time to direct each point as if comes up and remain effective and “up to date” within the system where the bills are paid and I am feeding myself properly and things like this. I remember in art school and when I used to make lots of art work that I would eat not very much. And that today as well at the end of the night I was starting to feel hungry and realized that I was in fact neglecting this food point and not effectively feeding myself because it just takes to much time and I am attempting to “save time” by not eating as much or by eating out. So Even Here I see this as a problem and that I should not be within such an application where I am trying to “Save time” as this is indicating that I am behind and within an application of energy instead of just being here within breath.

Keep it Simple Keep it Stable

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So a point opened up within me just now in reading a post. It is simply being accountable for myself in each and every moment and every circumstance and not accepting and allowing myself to “let my guard down” which is basically me going into my mind. And just letting my world fall to shit in no time at all. This has been a ‘problem’ with me I notice in my application. This absolute point of consistency and constancy. I have noticed that I am sort of consistent and kind of constant sometimes which really just shows that this point is not yet in place. Particularly since getting back to Canada I have faced this point quite a bit in getting my world sorted out, and getting a job, and just the basic practical points of “my life” I see that I tend to go into a kind of submission to the world, and to the system, and just not wanting to do anything, and I allow myself to go into this energy and then I stop being consistent and my world starts to fall apart. Then I pick myself up again and get back to business and am stable for a while but then eventually again this point creeps up and I give-in to “not wanting to do anything”. I see it more a fear and actually a point of Self Dishonesty and Self-Pity and Manipulation where I allow myself to go into “things are just too hard” and I always fall on this point of Directing my world. Which I see if I would actually Fucking Stand-UP in these moments and remain stable constant in my application and also to support myself through these moments using self forgiveness and breath, that I would develop my Self-Strength and effectiveness and would be much more directive and my world would probably “work better” And this is because it is mathematically so, where in I am simply directing more physical points and ensuring the practical points of my reality are moving and directed. The simple shit of basic human living – This is where I “give in” like not wanting to clean your room when it is obviously way to disorganized, not wanting to answer that one e-mail you know you should, not wanting to log online and pay the bills, not wanting to search for jobs online. So it is really the points that make ones world tick, and make ones world move. So I will do this and be able to sustain doing this for a while but eventually I reach that point where I start to strain. And that’s it. That’s the moment where I could make my life a whole lot easier by not making it more difficult. I Don’t actually have to do anything special or profound, but just keep consistently directing the basics of my world and actually remain constant and stable and effective and HERE within doing this so that I do it effective and not just enough to make it go. Keep it simple keep is stable