Painting Water DEMO
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Category Archives: desteni equallife network
Why I Stand for and Support a New World Economic System based on Equality for All.
I am at the moment in the midst of a “painting trip” I got my BFA in Fine Arts and have worked at times during my life as an Artist. As mentioned I am currently busy with a painting trip. This is period of about two weeks that I have ‘set aside’ strictly for making artwork. During this two week art excursion I am/will be focusing specifically on the creation of Landscape Paintings. I quite enjoy the process of painting and making art, and am grateful for this ‘opportunity’. An opportunity, of course, afforded by money. An opportunity that not ALL individuals within this world have access to, even if they wanted, could not chose to do, because the world system, the money system, does not support those individuals equally, but rather allows for a kind of “too bad for you” “loophole” if you will, where many individuals find themselves, not at all supported by “the system” but are left out to dry so to speak, to fend for themselves, and scrape and scrounge for money or food to attempt to survive, not to mention millions in starvation, and extreme poverty. You see, my ‘opportunity’ to make art is unique in this world. I live in a country that has money, food, and the necessary resources to have supported the decisions I made to become an artist. I live in a country where after people are finished buying their basic necessities of life, they have money left over for luxuries and entertainment, which can include spending money on Art. Because I find myself in the fortuitous end of the spectrum that has “more than enough” I am able to entertain the idea of making my living as an Artist! Wow – could you imagine – Living as an Artist, what a concept. What a life...but wait...is this fair? Is this equality? That some have the opportunity to live as artists, and many others actually don’t at all in their life, even get the chance to express themselves through making art, because the resources are simply not made available to them in through how this world and its systems, including the money system currently functions. Now I mentioned earlier that I am grateful for my opportunity to spend some time making some art. But what does it mean to live that gratefulness. I might say “I am grateful” but those are just words, empty words, Unless I fill these words with living actions which give the gratefulness its meaning so to speak. This is why I stand for and support and an EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM. Because within an equal money system ALL beings within this world WILL actually be given the same opportunity as I have been afforded, and am grateful to have, Within an EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM, Expressing yourself with art will not be a luxury for only a few, but an actual possibility for ALL to try out if they so desire. If you say you are Grateful for what you have in your life – Place this statement into action and STAND for an EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM which will give equal opportunity and support to ALL.
For more information on equal money system @
http://www.desteni-money.net
http://www.desteni.co.za
The ‘STING’ of Self Judgement and Correction to EQUALITY
First thing I will start with is I was stung in my right hand today, twice! by wasps. At the moment my hand is starting to look like a marshmellow because it has gradually swollen up more and more since being stung. There were lots of wasp nests on the cut-block we were planting today, and I managed to run into two of them. Sometimes you don't see them because they are underground, and you end up planting your shovel right into the nest...then you run. I have not been stung yet this year, so found it interesting and "out of the ordinary" that I was stung twice on separate occasions in almost the exact same spot, that being the right hand. I hold my shovel with my right hand, so some words to describe the 'shovel-hand' would then be 'power', 'force', 'masculinity', and 'strength' Today I was working out of the same 'cache' (place where the trees are kept) with two of the stronger planters on our crew, so the point of comparison came up, and I used them as a 'pacer' where I would pace myself in relation to them and try and plant as fast as them. I took the opportunity to do this to support myself in building up my speed. Its like learning from someone else. Although the 'problem' occur when it turns into comparison where I begin to judge or define myself according to how fast I can go/plant in relation to them. When I was initially stung by the wasps I looked at the point of comparison then also and how I could see that within my mind I was busy defining myself according to the fast planters and attempting to build myself up or my personality up as to be a "fast planter" and within this also defining and attempting to place myself on a 'higher-rung' or 'positioning' within the 'hierarchy' of the crew. However now in looking at the point I see the point of weakness' also from the perspective of when I was slower than the others, that I judged/believed myself to be 'weak' or 'weaker' than or 'less than' them. So from this perspective I am able to relate the 'Wasp-Stings' as being the physical manifestation of what I was already doing to myself within my mind - which was attacking/stinging and judging myself and others with regards to 'strength', 'power', 'masculinity'.
I have been aware of and applying myself within the correction of this point, although at times find myself slip back into the point comparison.
The corrective application to this point is to plant from the perspective of SELF. Where my attention is on SELF as self discipline in breath and remaining here in full attention of SELF as the PHYSICAL, where I am aware of my breath, and each and every movement of my body, in every movement. I do not accept and allow myself to 'rush' as within 'rushing' I am attempting to push and move myself with my mind in such a way where I am no longer aware of my physical body in every movement and each and every breath. I do not accept and allowing myself and my application to be influenced in any moment particularly where/when I go into comparison towards others, within my mind.
Rather, I plant/work/live for me and do not accept and allow myself to plant/work/live from the perspective of "being seen in a particular way" - that is personality. I am equal to all beings, thus to believe that I am more than, or unique, through how people see me, is the MIND, and when I see this occur, I stop immediately and correct myself in a single breath, where I, in a moment re-establish my starting point, as SELF, as self movement, direction, discipline, within the principle of equality. I breathe and I continue with full attention here as self as the physical in and as breath.
Money is the SOUL of the Individual
An interesting point has come up of late, On the one hand, you have “this current system” (based in separation/greed/self interest) and on the other hand, you have “A New System” (based in equality/support/bestforall) which is not yet here, but is that which I stand for. As I walk my process in this world each day, I see more and more, the subtleties of “this current system” and how it impacts, shapes, forms, and influences everyone’s lives, particularly relating to the point of ‘money’ being a foundational keystone of this current system and this point specifically influence individuals in this world. I find within seeing the extensive degree of influence and control money has, and how it shapes and forms this world in every way, I become more wanting to speak up. Where I find a passion inside of me wanting to BURN this current system to the ground. I have been finding this point coming up allot lately within my Job in seeing how money influence the behaviours, moods, and experiences of everyone within the job. Where ones entire experience of themselves throughout the day is dominantly formed by money, by the influence and role money plays within this world, which essentially, I have found at my job, is the determining factor of whether a persons day is good or bad. Personal Self Expression is no longer being taken into consideration. In fact, That would be a good question for me to ask some of my co-workers. Whether or not they see or understand the difference between an experience of self based in self expression, and the experience of self based in the influence of money. And what people have to say about spending 10 hours a day every day being moved, being animated, by money, as if money is the blood in there veins, is the energy source which propels them through there workly tasks, which moves their arm this way, which pushes them to make this decision or that, in every moment, The accepted ‘life force essence’ of the individual, has become money to such a degree, that they cannot notice or distinguish this “kind of expression” from actual self expression, where one do something from the starting point of enjoyment.
Yet here I am, participating within this system, as this is the current system in place. Thus, must utilize it at the moment to support myself within this world. But the more and more I participate within it, the more and more I see how this system is not supporting life in a way which support life as self expression, as perfection, as expansion. But rather further and further ‘enslaving’ if you will beings into experiences and expressions of themselves in this world which are now, from my perspective almost entirely void of self and almost exclusively if not entirely those which have money as the soul of this expression or experience. The essence of the experience of a being on this earth is Money.
This is why we require a new money system, to kill the soul of the individual, because at the moment this soul, is money. And equal money system would effectively eliminate this point, so we could “move on” and deal with other points, But until the money point is sorted out, we are ‘stuck’ here. An equal money system would effectively transform the human being, it would rip the soul of the human being, the life essence which is currently money our of the fabric of the human being, Ripping and tearing it out of the centre of themselves, where within an equal money system, the being would/will then only realize the extent of control that money had over them. How it flowed through their veins without them even knowing.
Self Forgiveness on ‘COMPARISON’ and ‘MONEY’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind within thoughts, ideas, worries, concerns, emotions and feelings related to planting trees from the perspective of “being a good planter” and “making lots of money”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the constructs and networks of thoughts, ideas, concepts, emotions, feelings, beliefs, and emotions and feelings within my mind related to treeplanting from the perspective of “being a good planter” and “making allot of money” instead of simply breathing here in the moment and applying myself in the moment and allowing myself to let go of “that which goes on in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the mind and specific “trains of thoughts” that emerge or come up in my mind, simply because they “do” come up and thus automatically allow myself to participate within them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a good planter
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the energetic experiences that come up within my about “being a good planter” in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself occupy myself within comparison where in I give my attention to comparing myself to others and seeing myself in relation to others within my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “want to win”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “want to win” from the perspective of “not being satisfied with myself” unless I win, and am better than others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want and desire to outperform others from the perspective of attempting to satisfy myself within and as myself
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be satisfied with myself from the perspective of not requiring me to compare myself to others to gauge my satisfaction, but rather simply me being satisfied with me without needing or requiring to compare myself to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that through comparison and creating defining myself according to others within comparison that I will finally be able to be satisfied with myself and there in within this be able to just stop and relax because “I will have arrived” and finally I can rest.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to simply just “do my own thing” from the perspective of not requiring to perform at a specific level so that others see me within this and as this, so that I can “be comfortable with myself” through having effectively created a picture/idea/personality of myself which is supported by me, and others as a “form” which we all agree on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my attention and energy on “building up” an idea of self, instead of existing here as breath, one breath at a time, and no longer accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as my mind where in I create ideas within my mind of who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how other people see me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am what others say, believe and see me as.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct myself according to presenting myself in such a way that others agree with, and furthermore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to others, and what others say/believe/see me as in anyway whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘care’ what others think of me from the perspective of shaping/creating/defining/presenting myself in a way which will “make me feel better” based on how others define/see me through what I present to them as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are better than me, and within this, constantly attempt to ‘create’ myself within comparison to others who I see/believe are better than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not plant the most trees for my company than I am less than those that do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not planting more trees than everybody else than I am compromising myself from the perspective of what I am capable of and my abilities, and within this am existing in limitation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the amount of trees I plant in relation to others is a direct reflection of my abilities in this world and the ‘success’ I will have in the system from the perspective of being successful at painting and other business ventures.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others that plant more trees than me are smarter than me, more skilled than me and more disciplined than me, wherein I then experience myself as ‘down’ and “not as good” as them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘connect’ treeplanting to my future ventures within the world and believe that If I am not the best planter or one of the best planters on the crew that I will ultimately be limited in my other ventures to my performance treeplanting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my performance or ‘standard’ that I set here planting will determine my future success in this world, where in I am limiting myself where in I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and agree within myself that I am and will be “locked-in” to what I ‘achieve’ here planting, and thus I must be “one of the best” because this will determine who I will be in the future.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that “the amount of money” I make here while planting will “set a standard” of my capabilities which I will locked into and that I will not be able to “break-out of” and so within this I want to do a good job.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to simply walk step by step, breath by breath, and allow myself expand myself within this world constantly from the perspective of not accepting and allowing myself to define myself by my past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and participate within my mind in relation to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear, from the perspective of money and what will happen in the future, related what I have set out to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify participating with fears/anxieties/thoughts/emotions and feelings relating to money and the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to fear failing and “getting stuck” without a job, which in turn will cause my plan not to work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that my plan will not work out
I forgive myself that I have automatically accepted and allowed myself to expect my plan to not work out which thus cause me to go into fear and anxiety about the future, where in I simply just believe that my plan will not work out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is ‘difficult’ to set a plan in this world and have it work out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine the success or failure of “my plans” based on the what I have done/experienced in the past instead of allowing myself to walk ‘anew’ each day one breath at a time, and no longer accept and allow myself to define myself according to “who I was in the past” but actually in self walking here in breath, will and rebirth myself into this reality as effective within this world and the system in terms of support and functionality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is difficult to make money within this world. Where in I am arriving at this conclusion without even first walking the necessary steps to make sufficient money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see people that are effective at making money to possess something that I do not, instead of me standing equal to them, and giving myself the gift of realizing my equality with them.
Within this Self Forgiveness I see the point of defining my future success in the world in relation to my performance within treeplanting. In connecting these two points I then went into comparison towards and with the other planters within a kind of “franticness” where I believe that “if I am not the best” here and now, that I will fail in this world, and not make it. So what I see is that I have a belief /fear inside me of failing in this world, and ending up with no money, or stuck somewhere with no money and in this no freedom, but trapped in way. And that this fear/belief was actually coming though or causing me to go into comparison in the specific way that I was/am within my job treeplanting towards others.
When I look closer at this point I see that also when I was in art school I was already participating within this construct of wanting to “be the best” which at that time I has also linked to money and freedom. And that if I was going to make it as an artist, that I had to be one of the best, as this was the only way that I would have enough money to “buy my freedom” in my life. Something that I was already at that time determined to do, to have enough money to “be free” in this world, and not have to struggle to get by.
I always liked winning races and coming in first place in my younger years, but at that stage, I had not yet linked the point to money, but more to the point of people seeing me a certain way, a point of worthiness or specialness or acceptance.
I remember when I was art school, I experienced dominance in relation to art, where I experienced myself as “above” other in this regard, where I in a way “stood over or above them” I liked this experience, as I could then speak with confidence about art and speak to them about there art where they would listen to what I had to say, and consider what I had to say as important, I liked that.
But in terms of a ‘fear’ where I triggered a fear within myself where I then feared about money was what comes up at the moment is my student loan. When I signed the papers to get my loan to go to school. It was at that step when I was around 19 or 20 years old that money was now linked to art, and that I ‘had’ to make money with my art to pay back my loan otherwise I would have to stop making art and do something else to make money to pay back my loan. So it was at that stage where the whole point of dominance I experienced and specialness in relation to others around the point of art, mutated merged with the point of money to give entire construct another layer to it.
In terms of developing a belief that I was/am unable to make money doing art, or be successful within the context of “making money” interestingly enough I see in relation to before art school when I was involved in ice hockey, where the point of playing professional hockey came into play. To play professional hockey meant making allot of money which I was aware of. Eventually it got to the point where it just seemed like “I wasn’t good enough” and in this saw or defined myself as a failure at this point which encompassed the point of “making allot of money in this world” which at this juncture of my life, I saw myself as having failed at. So in a way, believing that I will be unable to make money with my art can be related to “my past” where I failed at making money as a hockey player. Before the Hockey point I had never really considered much, if anything to make money in this world. So in a way, becoming a hockey player was my first attempt, which “in my eyes” I failed at doing, and in this saw myself as “less than” and ‘weak’.
Wanting to be the Best Worker
I am quite tired at the moment, it is around 9pm but I was up at 6am and my job is physically demanding. Especially when money enter the equation because when money is involved I find myself moving at a pace to make money, not something that is “natural” so to speak, That is one point I noticed about my job, is how money influence the ‘pace’ at which everything moves and “how hard” the people work. For myself I found a few times that I would end up getting hurt if I “moved to make money” then I would have to slow down and move at a pace which support my body, and not necessarily make the most possible money each day at the expense of my physical body. I find this is still quite a point though that comes up daily while I work. This point of making money and also this, in comparison to how much money other people make. I find at the end of each day, my experience of myself goes into a energetic fluctuation being ether positive or negative depending on how much money I made in comparison and relation to the other workers, instead of me simply being here with me, where my experience does not depend or rely or is determined by outside influences, I am aware of this point but find it still comes up daily. One of the points is that I like being seen as good treeplanter, Its like I experience myself as a “good planter” where others see me as a “good planter” and in a way see me as special in a way. Within this I find the experience of myself within my movements is much different, where when I go into the experience of “being seen as a good planter” its like I activate this personality of myself and feel important, and unique. Then at the end of the day when I find out that actually I was just average, and all my specialness is removed, it is as if I can no longer justify me building up myself, through generating a specific energy inside myself through participating with specific thoughts as me being special and unique and thus, I experience a kind of low. Its interesting actually because as I write about it, I actually see that In fact go into a ‘low’ energy where I actually think less of myself, and build up a negative energy of myself though judging myself, as if I am letting myself down, and the only way to ‘feel good about myself’ is to make more money than my fellow employees, so that I am the one seen in the special light. Than I can feel good about myself, but until then, I am just ordinary. I must look at this point more specifically because even though I am aware of the pattern, it has yet to stop, thus I must look at how I created this whole point throughout my life. But as for now I am going to go to sleep, I am tired.
Internet Support Structure for those Standing for Equality
The last few weeks have been interesting as I have gotten back into Canada and have begun establishing myself once again into this world. Reconnecting myself, plugging myself "back-in" to the matrix. This 'integration' back into the system has been quite a point I am currently busy walking. One of the dimensions of this "walking back into/integrating" myself back into the system has been the point of "doing this alone" from a certain perspective and experiencing the point of me walking into an environment where what I have come to understand as equality and what I have decided to "stand as" from the perspective of equality is not understood necessarily by others, and that within this, there is certain aloneness. My process of doing this has particularly been one of really being faced with 'myself' from this point of aloneness I mention because of the 'way' I have begun my integration process back into the system. My focus since returning to Canada has been the point of making money, and within placing this as priority for myself, I have not had the opportunity to "stay connected to" the internet which offers a support structure created by and through the participants of desteni to assist and support themselves and others who have decided to walk and stand as and for equality within this world. So at the moment I have had to let go of that support structure just for a moment as I get myself 'settled' within this world from the perspective of ensuring that I have sufficient money to support myself and be able to move and direct myself within this world. In a way there is a fear there as well, a fear that I would lose that support structure, and "get lost" within the system. So I am in a way facing this point also. Facing the point of being able to stand without the support structure which I have in a way had to do for practical reasons related to work as I get myself established.
I must say though it was a very cool experience today, as today we had a day off work and I managed to get myself to an internet connection where I could spend some time on the computer doing desteni related stuff. The 'cool' point was to see how the support structure on the internet of those supporting desteni and the point of equality is growing and how much this assisted and supported me within participating within this. I experienced a real point of support there, something substantial that I could/can utilize to assist and support myself in my process of "standing up" within this word. And also to see the point of others also "standing alone" in there processes where I can see that I am not actually alone in this, and that there are others also who are walking just the same as me, and facing similar points of standing up within situations and scenarios where they may experience themselves alone, or misunderstood, or frustrated, or empowered, or enjoying themselves, and in this sharing their experiences over the internet for others to see and relate to, and which may assist another in there process also. So that was a pretty cool point that came up today.