Category Archives: desteni equallife network

Writing Myself to Freedom – Writing Out My Day – Oct 4th 2010

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Writing Myself to Freedom - Writing Out My Day – Oct 4th 2010 I worked today so I decided to get up at 7:30 instead of 8:00 so I had some extra time. I did experience myself as ‘more tired’ but got up and began my day. I arrived at work, which was actually someone’s house whom we were fixing a table that had been delivered there during their home re-modelling. This is actually quite interesting because at the moment I am working “very part time” meaning filling in for a friend who is out of the city, at this “high-end” furniture store, where I go in and put together the furniture to be displayed on the floor. I find this interesting because while in South Africa, I spent allot of time building furniture, so in a way I am actually a good fit for this Job. So see what comes out of it. So Anyways while I was helping with the fixing of this table today, there was this other guy there also who has a business called “furniture Medic” where he has clients around the city and basically he fixes furniture. It was pretty cool to see that this job actually exist, and so when I saw this guy doing this, I saw myself doing that as well, and see that as something that I actually would enjoy doing and would be a way to practically apply myself within the skills that I have. I mean, at the moment I am looking for various job potentials so just placing myself in the shoes of different occupations to see what that would entail and if it is something that I would like to pursue. Basically I saw this Furniture Medic thingy as pretty cool. Though still I am also seeing that something like that would take time and expertise to develop. But I am quite satisfied with this Job thus far. Though it is very temporary perhaps, will see what comes of it. Its also interesting from the perspective of money. Because this is an expensive store so lots of rich people coming in and buying furniture for thousands of dollars. Obviously the value of things is so fucking arbitrary, and not based on equality in any way what so ever. Like some of the stuff in the store is like 1000 dollars for a stool that you could get, in better quality from some farmer for 10 bucks. Its astonishing that we have gotten to the position where we are unable to see the value of things anymore and have bought into the current money system so deeply and are now blind to our actually practical physical reality. Its like everyone just “plays the game” and attempts to “build themselves up” by buying expensive things to “pad their status” or should I say buying expensive ‘couches’ to ‘cushion’ their status. So quite interesting to observe this point, and this money interaction taking place. Its like the point of money for many who come into the store is almost of “no importance” like they have this paper which they have allot of and just want to spend it, and not really considering the context of this world, or where that money actually come from because simply, they have it! I Dressed in black and grey today with nice black shoes so I fit in. So I took care to ‘present myself’ within the system. Black Jeans, Grey sweater, and black shoes, I matched the furniture! While I was at the this woman’s house who was remodelling she had this one massive painting and a few other contemporary pieces as well in her kitchen, interesting to see. In seeing this I considered the point of how people buy Art as a ‘statement’ of who they are and ‘what they are worth’ meaning it adds to their status, which is entirely based on money and nothing else. So for example they would not consider buying the work of an artist who sells their art cheap, no matter how skilled the work was, because it would ‘devalue’ their status from the perspective of making them ‘worth less’ (interesting worth less = worthless) So they rather buy something expensive so they retain their value, So from this perspective if you had two works exactly the same, they would buy the expensive one as to ensure their status remain “upper-class” I always get the urge to start marketing my work to these people, but just cant get myself to do it. Its tempting but I fear that I would eliminated another market by doing this, not that I really sell much work anyways. Sometimes I think that I have priced my work in no-mans-land like just can’t seem to find the right point with it. Speaking of which, when I was done work today and got home to check my e-mail, I had received a mail notifying me that I had Won a Draw and will receive a 25.00 gift certificate to an art supply shop here in town. I remember the thought that I had as I filled out that form a few weeks back – that I had good odds to win because if everyone felt as I did in that moment with regards to filling out the form to qualify for the gift certificate, nearly no one would do it, because I didn’t really feel like it, but I remember in that moment I simply pushed through the resistance and took the physical actions and filled out the form. And now won the prize. That’s cool. This whole art point is interesting. I experience the point as quite irrelevant at times. Today I placed one of my paintings in this frame that I had bought a while back and simply wanted to test to see what the painting looked like in it. As I did this, its like I have many thoughts of the complete irrelevancy of the ‘whole thing’ the whole thing being the art thing. Well obviously, this entire world is irrelevant. The functionality of society and social participation is irrelevant. What we spend our time doing here on earth, our daily actions day in and day out are irrelevant, yet people just go along with it, attempting to find some satisfaction, some joy, attempting to make it “worth while” mostly just accepting that this is how it is completely and simply signing on the dotted line to make the “best of it” But I have realized that it never goes anywhere. The mathematics do not accumulate to that which is best for all, do not accumulate to that which will stand for eternity. This is a simple equation and I will share this, what I have found and seen for myself unconditionally, because within now what I have seen, I actually experience myself as having some purpose, some substance to myself and my experience, that “it isn’t all a waste” and so if anyone who is reading this line, who is not considering the point of equality, within the context of an equal money system, and considering “what is best for all” in every moment, I suggest doing so, as within this you will see, that everything you do and have ever done, was/is actually nothing. And that you have simply just been and are trapped in meaningless cycles over and over and over never adding up and accumulating to anything. You will see that your entire participation within this world in irrelevant. And that what you have been doing the whole time is figuring out ‘cute’ ways to explain, and ‘joke’ away the reality of your actual existence which is meaningless, abusive, and suppressive. We have created an entire, language, way of communicating, and interacting with each which only hide and vial the truth of what is actually going on. Our entire communication/language/interaction is just one elaborate justification and excuse to simply trap ourselves again and again, into abusive patterns and behaviour of alcohol, drugs, hatred, anger, sexual abuse, inequality – An Absolute FUCK-UP. This life is a Waste of Time. Though from a certain perspective I cannot blame anyone or expect anyone to “see the point” as from where I am standing the foundation perse, is built out of that which has been shown and communicated to me from the perspective of I did not initially see how I was existing until it was pointed out to me. So once again people – THERE IS ANOTHER WAY TO LIVE, IT IS POSSIBLE, A COMPLETE NEW WAY OF LIVING AND EXISTING FOR ALL AND EVERYONE, WHERE THE STARTING POINT OF OUR ACTIONS AND WORDS AND EXPRESSION IS BASED WTIHIN THE CONSIDERATION OF DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR ALL, Meaning we see and understand that we are inseparable from everything that is here, and that we take responsibility for ALL that is here equally, as each one take responsibility for themselves as one who take responsibility for ALL, thus ALL and Each Considering ALL and EACH in every way, this will end abuse, war, starvation, suffering, as we realize that those who stand before us is one and equal to ourselves and thus we ‘treat’ them as we ‘treat’ our self. Such a simple mathematical equation to End All Abuse. A world where we stand together, express together, walk together –Within A Common Principle, like a thread as an Understanding that extends through each and every point/being in existence, unifying ALL within this Principle, this Understanding of Who we are as Equals. This Thread, the foundation of Our New Way of Life. A Life that is Dignified, Where No one has to stand in Fear of Abuse, where we actually support each other in expression instead of judge each other. I can see nothing in this world that is worth keeping. I suggest Stand-Up for Equality, and a New Equal Money System, and World Equality System that is based in Equality thus ensure that all beings are respected equally, and that no one being is valued less or more than another, so that ALL can stand eye to eye as equals.

Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing – Oct 1 2010

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Ok time for daily writing. So today was day 1 of 21 days of Self Direction. I Started this application as a way to assist and support myself within this process of Standing Up and Standing Stable. The primary reason I ‘placed’ this point was to have a structural support which establish clear application guidelines from the perspective of before placing this 21 day application, I understood the point of applying myself in self honesty, and that within this I was beginning to develop some consistency though I continued to allow “moments of mind possession to take over” and thus have started this application to simply clarify for myself How I will stand, and what I will not accept in terms of actually placing a definitive decision where there is “no mistake” as to what I am doing, how I am applying myself, and the guidelines there-in. And so I walk 21 days of Self Direction. Within this One of the primary focus points is to STOP those moments where before I would allow “mind possession” these moments specifically I am referring to here are those ‘smaller’ moments or moments which I allowed myself participation within the mind due to not having clear definitive principles in place. I simply allowed a certain level of vagueness and obscurity to remain within me, which acted as a “back-door” or ‘vial’ with which I could in moments, quickly slip out of sight and into the mind.  So within this application my attention is Here with Self in every moment where I do not accept and allow myself to justify participating within the mind in those instances that I have clearly seen for myself are the mind, but had not effectively directed yet and continued to “slip into” thus within 21 days of Self Direction, I am taking those points which I have seen for myself as being “the mind” and I am Stopping, and I am simply remaining Here with and as myself as breath. As Silence. So now looking at any big reaction/energy points I had today. Was actually a fairly ‘even’ day. I got signed up to SRA again today, so looking forward to participating here again. It is a point that I stopped when I left the Farm. Though initially I attempted to continue with it, I eventually had to stop due to my situation requiring to get settled first. Over the last two weeks I have been getting my SRA stuff together and continuing with doing some sessions on myself. I kind of experience myself all over with the SRA, probably due to the fact that I have not been enrolled in the course and thus have not set guideline or direction in this way. Anyways today I just organized a bit, and did a little of everything. I have been doing allot of that. Like doing multiple things during the day, spending a little time on each one. I really feel like I have nothing to write tonight. Just cant get the flow here. When I woke up, I experienced myself as being awake, I got up when my alarm went off and did not lay in bed as long as usual. Perhaps tomorrow I will take on the point of getting up with the first breath. Where in I open my eyes, in on breath direct myself out of bed and into the day, and not allow for that moment where I go ‘oooohhhhhh just 1 more minute’ I took some photos of my Art today, so I can place them on the Etsy Website. I place at least one item a day on there. I am testing out the principle of 1+1=2 where when one apply oneself consistently on a point day in and day out, eventually it will grow. So this has been an interesting process because I have yet to sell an Item. However the point is to apply myself within consistency, and continue to add one item a day, brick by brick by brick, and not go into points of energy in relation to this but to keep it simple, and based on principal of consistent application. I most definitely would have given up already before due to thinking and believing that my work is just not meant to sell. I mean now when these thoughts come up, I simply stop them, and see the point for what it is, it is irrelevant what thoughts and emotions and feelings come up in relation to this point, If I continue to place items consistently 1 by 1 by 1 eventually I will make sales. And so this is a cool platform to test myself in this application of applying self in consistency and constancy and slowly but surely compounding the point. And also it has been cool to see the reactions and energetic fluxes I have in relation to this point, like for example when I see that nothing has sold and the thought comes up “how long am I going to have to wait” and I simply do not participate, I mean for a moment I might go into the thought, but have been quite clear on what is energy and thought and mind, and what is principal. And thus simply stick to the principal and not the mind. So has been cool support in this way to. I Think I have around 30 Items now, or 25 or something like that. So I will just keep placing. This point of applying myself within constancy and consistency I developed since I joined desteni, particularly this point of understanding came through while at the Farm. And this now is the one of the first opportunities I have had to apply it here in the Matrix, from the perspective of applying the principal of consistency and 1+1+1+1...to support myself here in the real world. Pretty Cool. But that’s it for the writing.

Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing – Sept 30th

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Writing out my day.  I fixed a gas leak in my van today. It had started leaking about half a month ago but I avoided fixing it because it wasn’t a “big problem” but it got worse until yesterday and today, gas was leaking all over the place. Though today I planned to direct the point, which I did, which I am quite satisfied about. I have never really done any work on vehicles by myself before, so this was actually a pretty cool experience. I mean it was a very basic job, but I managed to assess the point where the problem was, and then asked around some to get some info regarding how what might be some good options, then today I went and purchased the part and took out the old leaky one and replaced it with the new part. Even though it worked out, I noticed that during the experience of doing this that I was not clam, or stable or constant within my application. I see this point as the survival point which I was writing about last week with regards to the experience that comes up inside me “like clockwork” everyday around noon. Though with this point I also see here the point of “wanting to get done with the dirty work” and get onto something ‘better’ Also within this whole point there came up the point of the “reward system” where that now because I did this “physical labour” stuff today, that I can/could reward myself for this because it is an apparently undesirable point to have done. The overall point here being that I still define and separate activities where in I give them different values depending on what they are and how I have defined myself according to them, instead of me just being here with me, Stable, walking, Here, Constant within my application of myself in directing myself in what is best for all in every moment. So this experience today revealed a layer within my self creation that requires to be corrected and brought into alignment with my self directive process of applying myself here in the moment as breath in what is best for all.  I experience this point as if walking along a pathway and then all of the sudden coming to a point in the road is completely caved away and there is gaping crevasse before me with not stable crossing. So this experience today simply revealed where I am required to be more specific in “getting stable with myself” so back to the drawing board. Some points I see within this. 1.)    I am attaching value to specific ‘types’ or kinds of tasks 2.)    I have limited myself to only being able to “remain here/constant” in specific tasks and specific environments where in as soon as I am removed from my ‘comfortable’ tasks and placed into a new environment, I go into polarity, and energy, and fluctuation. So within this I am required to sort out the point of ‘moving environments’ where my stability as myself and my application there of, of establishing stability and consistency for myself must be ‘re-considered’ as this point was revealed within this point today to be unstable. Also the ‘reward system’ came up again where in I allowed myself to go into the experience of believing that I deserve a reward for ‘working’ and now I can relax. I noticed this came up the other day as well when I was working at the furniture store, where when I came home, I had already accepted that I could just relax if I wanted to because “I worked today”. So simply the point of stop defining what I do within the context of allowing myself to go into an experiential value of the task at hand, which then I inevitably must “come out of” which cause fluxuations within my stability and my standing here as breath as stability no matter what, no matter where I am. So because my stability break at these points, I end up going into the mind and just fucking around or procrastinating, and becoming highly ineffective, and actually get nothing done. So it is these moments of where I have defined my tasks within a value system that create a crack so to speak in my foundation of stability as myself, where in I “slip-out” and go into the mind. That was the main event today. I still am noticing though, that I have allot of lose ends with regards to my “self system” this point I see can be corrected through slowing down. Instead of attempting to plow through every day, rather pace myself, it is a long process, and when I apply myself within a point, place myself there fully. So yes I noticed today that I have this pattern of applying myself for a day or two than falling for a day or two than applying me for a day or two and building me back up and falling for a day or two, so again here I must re-establish my starting point of my application  to put a stop to this cycle. As the loops are turning over quite quickly so I see this as a point of either stand now or get to the point of falling and staring back over at the beginning. So today is day one of 21 days of Self Direction, where I apply myself within and as breath, and not allow myself to go into “mind points” because I have noticed that “to go into the mind” is a decision I make, and thus see the point, and will use this 21 days as a platform to support me standing up and walking out of this shit. Like for example where I come across a segment in my application/myself that is not clear or stable and come crashing down, it is within these points that I do not necessarily have to simply just crash and go into my mind. I can ‘crash’ so to speak at these unexpected points, but it is to remain here in breath no matter what, no matter how it seems like nothing wants to give, just remain here as breath instead of giving in and giving up. Another interesting point today came up as I was working on my Art Shop. There is this other shop that people talk about on the art shop that I am currently on, and so I decided to give this other shop a look, which I had once before. They were offering a deal today to sign up and I had already contemplated signing up before, and so today decided to go for it. After doing this I then experienced a kind of guilt, as during this whole process so far with selling my art online, I have experienced this point of guilt in a way from the perspective of seeing myself as being self dishonest, and that this point was heightened today when I paid to now join this other site. I experienced it as if I was/am wasting my money and my time. I actually felt disgusting afterwards, like I had paid for sex or something. So this point of Disgust continues to come up as I work with these art shops, and today it came up quite overwhelmingly when I signed up for this other shop. This is in large part due the fact that now to maintain two shops would be so much time, and actually not an effective use of my time with regards to “doing what is best for all’ Its like I am in a way desperate for money. Which I am. I mean anyone that live/exist in this city, must actually work for money, though I cannot seem to be able to justify this point, with the art shops. Ok going to sleep now.

Writing Self To Freedom – Daily Writing Sept 28th 2010

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Writing Self To Freedom - Daily Writing – Sept 28th 2010 Today was a little different than usual, a change in the routine so to speak. I will start from Here and Work Backwards, I just read some forum posts and checked my mail. A quick scan over the basics as I just arrived home. I read a post on the subscription forum with regards to someone experiencing  have this experience of themselves while breathing, as I read through the post I could see contempt coming up within me and jealousy. In a way, hoping that their experience was not valid because if it was then what comes up within me is that I believe then that that being will be seen as special, and in a way distances me further away from “being valid” so this point is in relation to how I see and experience myself within process as being invalid. I began to open this point up yesterday during an SRA session. This point of me experiencing myself as invalid and accepting and allowing myself to submit to that and participate with this construct from a victimization position of myself. Seeing myself as unable to make process, and also the point of accepting limitation, like believing that no matter what I do, I actually believe that I will be unable to change, so see the point as well that I will actually not change until I forgive myself and allow myself to let go of this belief, which is based in comparison and separation, where in I feel like I am competing against others. But I will place that aside for the moment and continue with my “Writing Out My Day” Well I just had a few problems with my Van which cause reaction in me. I see the point of me actually judging myself because “my world is not perfect” Like within process I attempt to keep my world in order so that it is a “nice” reflection to “how together” I am within my process and life, and that if someone is having car troubles or is sick or something than I see that as being “bad” That’s a fuck up, I mean, what am I attempting to hide under the surface presentation of my life. “That I have it all together” “that my life works” “That I am effective” and in a way, even my stability within being able to handle points still as an energetic attachment of “wanting to remain stable as a ‘representation’ of how good I am in process” which is the point still of applying myself for others. So Ya, at about 4:30 my friend called me to see if I could help out at his job for a bit working at a “high end” furniture store. I agreed, and thought, cool “a change of pace” I have noticed that I am quieter of late, like in those moments of silence, where I am driving my van or just in the kitchen or something and it is quite, it is like I am also more silent within myself, less mind chatter, more silent . Pretty Cool. Anyways I mention this because I am now at the point of the ‘my day’ where I drove to work. So it was a welcome change, though I had to walk through some reactions in the moment that came up from the perspective of now taking me out of my comfort bubble, but this was simple, just breath and walk and don’t go into the reactions. I was at the stage where I was about to start on my drawing, but then did not get time for it because I went to help out instead at my friends work. On the way I thought I would record some audio stuff of me speaking as I drove to work. But my cell phone audio only lasted about 2 min, so that idea did not work out. I have been enjoying the Van because when I drive I can speak self forgiveness and also sometimes speak to myself, like explain a point to ‘practice speaking’ though I still hold back quite a bit, not yet allowing myself to “get into it” because I am actually just alone with myself with me and still perceive see the point as being weird – like “what if I am mind fucking myself” kinda question comes up – Actually that was one of the influencing points with regards to why I decided to record myself, so that I would not just be talking to myself. Anyways my Van has been smelling like Gas now for the last 15 days or so, when I first noticed it, I couldn’t really be certain if it was a new smell. SO I kinda just kept an eye...or a noes on it to see if it got worse or corrected. It never got better and eventually in the mornings my Van would not just start right up as usual, it actually would turn over a few times before igniting. “Shit” I thought inside myself, but still was existing in hope within the point. Hoping the Van would miraculously cure itself. It did not, and today when I arrived at the work place to assist my friend, we began working and the boss came out and commented that it smelt like Gas. Fuck, I immediately took the point personally, like seeing myself as irresponsible because we were in an indoor parking facility and now gas is smelling the place up. The “taking the point personally” was in relation to “the first impression” I was meeting this women for the first time, and could potentially work with her in the future, so experienced embarrassment, and a point of inferiority because my van was smelling like gas, and the point came up that now they will remember me as the guy who’s van stunk the place up on his first day. So I was there in the flesh lending a hand, and I was also there in aroma. There was not escaping me. But the Van Point was interesting from this perspective. When I arrived my friend who had called me, you could tell was rushing to get done, and in a kind of anxiety and panic, subtle, but it was there, and also this point was there with the boss as well. And they were pushing to get things done, because it had been a long day for them, so there was this kind of movement taking place that was not done in self presence, and I find when ever one begin to move from the perspective of the mind than one miss details and skip over things. Which eventually compound and cause a problem...like a Gas Leak. So ya I was a bit distraught myself with regards to my Van, like thinking, Ok how did I create this point. Because not only this...but when we went to leave we both hopped in my van and put our windows down, but the passenger side window does not do up and now its stuck down! So it was a chilly drive home tonight, and now the Van is sitting on the street with the Window down. So not only did this Gas Leak reveal itself today, the window point as well. It had been broken for a while but I never have passengers in my van so never bothered to get it checked out. Mainly due to Money. I simply cannot afford it. I Spent some time today doing a job search and just looking at what is out there for Jobs. I applied to one Job as an animal care person, where I would go and live in people’s houses and take care of their pets while they are on holidays. This could be cool. I really enjoy being with animals and also see the point of how it develop cool responsibility within a person to actually be responsible for an animal, and that that takes quite a commitment to develop that point of trust with the animal from the perspective of being stable within the point and “being there” for them in a way. And that one cannot actually fake this point but that it must be an actually physical walking, so this develop cool self discipline. So We will see if I get a return mail. I mean I am searching but everything I see, or allot of things I see as jobs want you to like “make a career out of it” and sign up like full commitment, and I actually would like to first establish a point where I could still applying myself within Desteni SRA and also the etsy website. Though it did “feel good” to get out today and “make some money” even though it was only a little bit, it simply was a nice feeling. Money is a practical point within this reality, so cool to make sure that point is in place as I walk this process.  So ya, now I must figure out these points with the Van, which I have been resisting in allot of ways due to money. Because I do not have a stable job yet, I am watching my money, as to ensure that I can live of of what i have saved until I get the job in place and than can actually “move points” meaning get my van fixed, and do my taxes and things like this. Also though I am projecting allot with regards to van, like seeing a “BIG” problem instead of just looking at what is actually the case with the van, I mean the problem could just as well be easily fixable. But the point is time and money, also still holding on to the comfort zone point, where in “not really wanting to” take on the point of fixing the van and getting that directed. So within the experience of myself with regards to the van, I immediately saw this point of how I was/am resisting/avoiding facing the point because I would then have to break out of my routine and do something other than what I have been doing. But Now as I write this out, I see the primary point is Money, where in my resistance is more related to not wanting to face this point of fixing the van because it might cost money, and I fear this because I don’t have money to place into the Van at the moment, so that is the point I am avoiding/resisting. There is a guy here where I live that seems to know quite a bit about vehicles and I could just ask him, which I have been resisting doing also over the last few days. “I don’t want to bother him” Lol – Probably because “I don’t like it when people bother me” where I have to “help them out” – So within this the point again is comfort zone, where I am “getting to comfortable, instead of simply being HERE free to move and direct myself in any direction that requires direction. So my world is to precious still, not wanting disruptions, which is not valid because this entire world is a disruption, and that until this point is sorted out, it is not valid to try and hide from it and not face it by just hiding out in my room hoping not be bothered or thrown off course.  It was actually cool to be in a different environment tonight, I realized within this that it is one thing to be alone, but also it is necessary to be effective with people as well, and be able to direct points immediately in the moment, thus while with people to breathe and remain here, as points move fast.

A Perspective on “Weakness” and Identifying what is the “Real Point”

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A Perspective on "Weakness" and Identifying what is the "Real Point" An Interesting point came up yesterday with regards to weakness. Firstly, as I walked through my day yesterday, I noticed that I was experiencing myself within a point of anxiety. And that within this anxiety, I was just not able to ‘settle’ myself and stop and be here within breath and within self patients. Now as this anxiety was slowly compounding inside of me, almost as if just sat there inside of me there with me as I walked throughout my day. And as I walked through my day I was busy doing various things, but essentially was looking at and exploring various ways and options of how to apply myself in my current environment so that I can support myself financially as I prepare for the Desteni Income plan point to begin moving. One point I came upon was this website called “Etsy” its basically a website for Artists and Artisans and craftmakers to place their products where they set up a personal shop with the site and begin selling . Now this has something that I have been wanting to explore for a long time, this point of selling my Art Online as a potential tool to support myself financially, although I had not yet explored the point and that now here was the opportunity to do so.  As I started to open the point up and explore what this etsy was all about, I noticed that this anxiety within me was starting to become a little more prominent. Kind of emerging out of me as I walked through my day and applied myself in my process of Standing Here as Breath, and directing myself within the equality equation of what is best for All. I see that this ‘Anxiety’ works on a clock, and is ‘clocked’ into the cycle of time from the perspective of I notice this anxiety pretty much each day, and where it triggers around noon or in the afternoon sometimes and begins to build inside of me as the day moves on.  This anxiety does not exist within me in same way at night from the perspective of now everyone has gone to sleep and I can be silent with myself as now the world has stopped, and I can stop and rest also. So from this perspective a see this anxiety as locked into the 9 to 5 type pattern that this world functions around, and within this see the point of this anxiety being related to Survival.  This is where the point of ‘weakness’ comes in. Where one as a particular point or points of weakness where they often always fall. Although within this point I am looking at now I see the point of out ‘weakness’ actually being a perceived weakness from the perspective of it simply being an ‘excuse’ or ‘distraction’ or ‘escape’ to divert attention to the “Real Point” at Hand. What I mean is I noticed that as this anxiety grew with me as I walked my day, points would come up inside me where I noticed the particular thoughts coming up with regards to “doing something else” or “I should be doing something else” or “watching a movie” or “going out for coffee” or basically anything within this kind of ‘essence’ of a thought which is attempting to, or is ‘presented’ as a “back-door” and “escape-route” to intense me or tempt me “off-track” basically tempting me into my mind, into a point which is a kind of ‘relief’ or ‘procrastination’ point where I will not have to Face Myself within my walking and practically applying myself in this world in what is best for all. As I walk and apply myself in what is best for all, I am ultimately facing Myself within this, where I am not allowing myself to exist within patterns or being influenced by energy, and I simply Walk and Apply myself in common sense, where in doing this one Face Themselves from the perspective of Doing things and Applying Self in ways that Challenge who one has accepted and allowed self to be and become, where one challenge their belief systems and patterning’s and constructs. So what is “Weakness” within this context. I Noticed that as this “tension” grew inside of me as I walked throughout my day, this “Anxiety” And all of these thoughts as excuses and back-doors as the mind presented themselves, In each moment I had a choice. To either participate with one of these thoughts, or to simply Stand, Stop the point and not participate. And this Anxiety did not go away until eventually, I took a way out. I participated with one of the thoughts that presented itself, as a way to distract myself, to kind of just, “go and do this other thing” instead of continuing to walk and apply me in my Day. From a certain perspective I perceived that I fell on my Weakness points, which has to do with Sex/Masturbation/Sexual Energy addiction and so on, where this point actually, “threw me off course” and “dis-tracked” me. I began to go further into this point, particularly as the anxiety grew inside me, and I diverted my attention from what I was doing at the time which was busy with the Website I referred to at the beginning which was the etsy website for selling art. Which From a certain perspective actually represented a point where I was actually applying myself in self support in supporting myself financially with my Art. So for a moment I was “off-track” I took a “back-door” and I began to walk into this distraction point which lead me to a decision I was about to make to simply watch a movie and just relax instead of actually continuing on with the Etsy point. In that Moment I saw what I was doing, I was simply just avoiding self responsibility walking in Self Support, well in fact I in a way saw that that's what I was doing the whole time, but in that moment it just became more evident so in that moment, I Simply just said fuck that and when back down to carry on with the Art point and investigating this Etsy site more. This is where the Guilt started to emerge, for having ‘fallen’ on my particular weakness point. Where within this guilt, the “weakness” point which I had fallen on, became the “focal point” in a way, where I began to I saw this “weakness point” as the “big problem” the point where I always fall. But then a question came up and a realization. The question that came up was “what point was I avoiding”? Here I was giving all this attention to this apparent weakness point – Yet within this not looking at Why, in that moment did I take this back door. What point was it that I was facing that I could not face, and actually wanted to and did attempt to hide from within allowing myself to go into a point of distraction, into my mind. In that moment I took the “back-door” I was busy with placing my art on the internet, and applying myself within a way where I was taking the necessary steps to practically support myself financially within my world, where I was setting up the point where for the first time I would actually be able to practically support myself with my Art. So what else does this point represent. So I mentioned the point of Self Support within this world financially, so essentially facing the point of money along with my relationship and entire belief structure I had previously existed in in relation to money as well as self support financially with regards to my art, where from a certain perspective I actually believed/belief that I am not able to actually make enough money with my art to support me within  my world. Immediately what comes up is “My Father” He was an Artist and Musician his entire life and never ever made enough money to support himself, so I actually have adapted this belief, like I believe it is actually not possible. That I cannot possibly do this, even though here I am on this website observing practical examples of people who are in fact actually doing this. So in one way this point that I was facing in that moment was me facing this Belief system that I have constructed around this point, and that if I am actually going to direct this point that I will have to shatter this construct so to speak. This now is what I relate to “why and for what reasons the point of resistance, and anxiety emerged as I was facing this point. And it makes more sense that This is actually the REAL POINT, not the point of ‘weakness’ although it does provide more context to how to practically support myself in stopping my “weakness’s” so to speak. Where in when ever the point of weakness emerge as a point which I want to go into to simply consider “What is it that I am not wanting to/willing to face in this moment” So I have applied self forgiveness on this point with regards to Art, although I am also still busy with taking it apart so that It no longer influence me within my world, as I walk and stand in transforming myself into a point which stand eternally as what is best for all.

Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing – Sept 19th 2010

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I got up around 8:30. The main point of the day has been ‘application’ . Particularly given my current situation where my days are not structured through and by working a 9 to 5 type job. So at the moment I must structure myself within my application. I have been procrastinating where I am not applying myself in that which is here to be done in that way that I could be, where I will meander about and linger in-between doing tasks and so have not been as effective with my time and space movement within the physical as I would like. I finally got my computer working again today and connected to the internet. My firefox browser would not open youtube,  but every other page it would open, quite odd. I attempted a number of things and finally corrected the point when I re-installed firefox. It was a cool experience to get to know my computer a little more and to organize it and clean it out a bit, and have the applications running clean again. Was like a kind of cleansing of self.  Once up I did some internet work, uploaded a video, and watched some process Vlogs. I have been really finding the process Vlogs to be really cool support. I mean I will watch someone’s process vlog and it will assist me with a point I am working on, and the person who posted the Vlog will never even know.  So I realized that within the structuring of my days, I would like to place a segment of time where I spend time simply watching other peoples vlogs, and basically becoming more intimate with those doing there process and sharing over the internet, so in reading forums etc. And to develop the point of actively supporting people within their process through commenting and replies. Because I see people who are quite effective with this and it is something that I would like to develop within myself as something I “would like to be”. Effective in my communication and support and interaction with others. Just pushing that point of interaction with other beings in all ways really. I noticed that I very quickly in my world go into judgement when I meet new people. Its like immediate judgement, and its a fuck up because I see how when I do that that I completely “cut myself off” from the being out a judgement that I have projected onto them that in actuality, has nothing to do with them. So Also am working on the point of not going into immediate judgement of a being, but rather more of a immediate embrace if you will, where I allow myself to let my guard down and actually interact with the being as equals. I did some research today on ‘Art Grants’ and also to see what kind of Art related jobs there are around the city. I am at the moment also checking out what is going on in my city with regards to education and looking at different  ideas and options to place myself  within education, whether it be a teacher, or private tutor, or workshops, and also exploring ways in which to form my Art practice and Art into that which will be educational and support the emergence of equality. So yes exploring the Art world a little bit today here in Calgary. Its fucked just like everything else. So just probing it so to speak, to see what’s going on, and where, Artists, and people are placing their attention, and what points they are investigating, and how they are going about doing it. The main point is which I see, is that the Direction of things within this world, which I have been noticing quite prominently also within the direction I see the art world going, is simply self interest. Its like Every fucking Artist, has a different starting point, and heading off somewhere in their own direction. LOL! I understand how this can happen, because I was doing the exact same thing a few years back. Its like no one knows really where they are going. Scattered would be a good way to describe it. The world is scattered, and has not continuity. Fascinating to consider a world where each and every being that exist has the same starting point. The starting point of oneness and equality as that which is best for all.  The point I see also with Artists, is the point of wanting to have the big shows in the big galleries in New York or Where ever, where one in a way is locked into this idea, and there in form their practice around attempting to reach this goal – Like all artists have accepted this as the ultimate goal and have not stopped to actually consider the goal they are chasing. So in seeing these points, I find my experience with regards to Art is kind of like, where do I place myself in, Can I even place myself in, so kind of just like dipping my foot in a little to test to see what people are doing... Ok I just created a new youtube channel called desteniArt. This way there is a platform for the reformation of Art within this world as simply one point among many that are required to be directed within and as what is best for all.

Writing Self To Freedom – DREAMS

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The first point I will write about is with regards to my dreams last night and one of the more prominent ‘themes’ that the dreams consisted of. During my dream(s) last night I had two occasions where I ended up becoming frustrated and angry, where there was this king of energetic rage that emerged from within me that I then acted on/out. I found/find this interesting because this is not a point which I have been noticing within my ‘waking like’ So in a way am surprised by the content so to speak of the dreams. In one scenario I was cleaning up garbage and there were a group of us doing this, and there was also a deadline in place, like we had to get it all done, now as I cleaned up, one of my bags ripped and the garbage began to spill out all over the place – Fascinating what I see now as I write this point out, is the garbage represents the inner self, what is on the inside, that which is hidden, and suppressed, and not seen, because as the garbage spilled out of the bag, it was noticed that I had placed a few things in the garbage that were in a way placed there in haste, and in not really considering points of common sense. In my house that I am living in right now, we have a place where we are supposed to place the recycling. I have been finding that I at times just through stuff in the garbage because I have defined recycling as a ‘waste’ of time, and not practical, so instead of taking the time to sort out what goes where in terms of recycling, I simply just throw it in the trash. Also because I am new to the house so often no one is around to direct me to the what goes where so I simply just throw the stuff in the garbage. Although I noticed that each time I do this, I experience an energetic charge. One point is guilt, where I see that in those moments of simply just throwing something in the garbage, I am being ignorant, and simply not taking the time or consideration to just investigate for myself the recycling system they have in place because I am sure that if I just put in that “extra effort” that I could actually figure it out, and place the garbage in the necessary piles. So the guilt is related to believing that I am being dishonest. That I am not doing “the right thing” by not recycling everything, and that I am “not taking others into consideration. I also have built up quite a belief system about recycling being useless, not practical, poorly organized, and something that people who are mind controlled do and that they are actually not aware of the implications or are in understanding of what the “action of recycling” actually implies or entails, but that they simply do it because they “believe” it is “good for the environment” and that if you don’t do it, “you are bad”  So part of my energetic reaction/experience which comes up in relation to recycling is that I actually see myself as bad where in I have also formed a belief that recycling is “good” and that if I don’t do it I am being harmful to the environment. Or simply that if I don’t do it, I am actually ignoring the obvious common sense of recycling, and then justifying it by “claiming it is of no use” when in fact it is obvious common sense to recycle. So Part of the point is actually “not knowing” actually what the outflow/consequence of recycling or not is, and in fact if it is “Best for All”. The other point within this is that I often just simply throw stuff in the Garbage because I don’t want to spend the time investigating the point, because I am too busy, as if I do not have time for it, like something I have been “putting off” so to speak, or procrastinating on. Obviously, because it represent a point that Is still directing me from the perspective of that “ I do not understand all of the implications of it” Or have even taken the time to consider, or do research on. Some people are insistent on it! And this is another point within my experience of recycling. It is the rules of the house. And within myself I experience a kind of contempt at or towards those for enforcing a “rule” so vehemently but they themselves do not actually understand, and this content kind of emerge from within me for following rules simply to please other. So from this perspective the ‘contempt’ and frustration I can look at in relation to myself where in I am frustrated with myself for allowing myself to blindly follow rules simply to please the others, and satisfy the accepted standards of the system. So I see within this a point of blame where I am still harbouring resentment, like an inner anger, aggression, hostility towards “the system” for implementing arbitrary rules which actually not based in understanding and then enforcing these rules as if they are actually TRUE, and then insisting that they are true, regardless of if they are not, and in this whole process, simply ‘wasting’ the time of myself and the members of this world, by enforcing/imposing rules that actually enslave the human being into spending there time here on earth doing arbitrary acts to satisfy some “rule” which is not even based in common sense – I mean – What the fuck – Our time on this planet is limited, and I simply don’t want to spend my time doing something that in fact is not required to do as measure of equal and one life support in what is best for all. Because from a certain perspective then it is actually a point of suppression not expansion, where the act of recycling is a point of self suppression and life suppression – which everyone seem to believe is actually “supporting the planet and environment” I mean this planet is so fucked at the moment – What the fuck is the point of recycling, So we can make more useless consumer products so the individual can perpetuate their enslavement through supporting products which actually harm life in their creation and  function. The Act of Recycling is actually an Act of Ignorance, because human beings DO NOT actually know or understand how recycling actually work, and how it actually support the planet, or if it even is – What are we perpetuating through recycling and wanting to save anyways – our current way of living.  Who implemented recycling? Is it really an act in what is best for all – Or is it “worth it” – not to save the environment but because it is cheaper for corporations to recycle than to in fact extract the resource from the earth.  The Question – Is recycling an equality equation of 1+1=2 accumulating to what is best for all? Does anyone actually really understand the process of recycling or are you simply doing it because you “Believe” it is good for the environment, and then enforcing that “belief” which is actually ‘ignorance’ upon others, because you see yourself as “doing good” or being “a good citizen” Recycling is MIND –CONTROL, because no one actually really knows why they recycle, and what the act of recycling actually implies. I read an article which I will post here which at the end states “waste is a design flaw” – This is actually a pretty cool point because this is indicating that we have gotten the whole equation wrong and actually refer to the very beginning as the “Flaw” so to speak – I Agree – We must change the starting point, not just of recycling but of the entire system – so that if Supports All life equally and is what is best for ALL – Recycling as it currently exist is simply an outflow of a system that does not have the best interests of ALL in mind.

Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing

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I am going to write about my day today. The first point I will discuss happened as I was walking through town going from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’ as a was busy doing “system stuff” meaning, getting my taxes done, and dealing with banks and things of this nature. As I stopped at the street corner, waiting for the walk signal to appear on the machine across the street so that I could proceed, I noticed that there were two guys standing on the other side of the street representing some “not-for-profit” organization and they were surely going to ask me if I was interested. I already knew that I was not interested, and simply had planned to walk straight through. The interesting point I noticed as approached the two individuals was the way in which I presented myself as I passed by. As I drew closer I noticed that I began to change my posture towards the two individuals and presented myself in a way which clearly demonstrated that “I was not interested” however within this, I noticed that I “went into a point of energy” where I noticed that I experienced myself actually projecting a kind of energy of ‘force’, almost like what you see in anime comics and videos where the being is able to generate a form of energy, often represented by a king of like blue glowing ball of energy in the beings hands which they are able to throw forwards as I kind of weapon. Well this is exactly what I did, I experienced myself as if I was projecting some kind of energetic force field which definitely was not based in equality, meaning this ‘force’ field was meant to “overpower” the two individuals in front of me, where is was to indicate “look out”, “coming through”, “don’t bother me” “Get out of the way”. The whole event lasted 15 seconds. The question that came up within me was , why did I go into this energy kind of projection presentation of myself? Why did I believe that I had to project this kind of energy? Why was I simply not able to walk past in silence where I do not going into a point of energy. If I look at the point now, my intent was to avoid any interaction at all with the beings in front of me, So I presented myself as not approachable. Although from my perspective I see that a correction is necessary, where in I do/did not require to go into a point of energy presentation and projection in that moment, but am actually able to remain here as myself, as breath, as self presence and simply walk on through, or simply face the point without resorting to energy participation. That was that event. I went to the Art supplies store which was pretty cool, I often enjoy going to the art supplies store and purchasing art supplies for upcoming art. I hadn’t been there in a long time, and am acquaintances with the owners of the store, so said hello to them, and spoke to them I little bit about where I was and why I had not been in the store in over two years, as before I was nearly a daily occurrence in the store. I purchased 4 sheets of paper – which they packaged in a large plastic bag against some cardboard so that the paper would not get damaged. I plan to use the paper to make some comical sense drawings that are a little larger in size. I find now that I am in a way restructuring art into my world so to speak. It has been so long since I lived in the city, that I, in a way have not reference point for how quickly it moves, and/or what type of pace it moves at where in I must ensure that my day to day movements and actions are in alignment with being able to support myself effectively within a city setting. So from this perspective I am still in a feeling out stage, Like I mean, can I even spend 3 hours a few nights a week working on a drawing? Or will this cause me to not be able to make my rent at the end of the month, just points like this I am looking at. Because I find now within my life I am busy arranging it in a way where I can be most effective, where my focus is to in essence “lead by example” from the perspective of what I am doing with Desteni, and the Structural Resonance Alignment course, and Standing within “What is Best for ALL” where in my day to day actions bring forth the necessary changes so to speak to create a world system that support all beings equally and support what is best for all life, and until this is in place, And to direct myself in this way until it is done, and all beings are placed within a point of Equality in FACT, where now All beings are supported equally, and have equal access to education, where beings are in a way “free” from this current system of enslavement that we have created for ourselves. Within this point I also was looking at the point today of “Making an accurate assessment” of the ‘movement’ or ‘pace’ of the city and within doing this was observing my own movement and pace, and that I realized that I was rushing slightly, meaning, If I establish my assessment of the “pace of the city” in so that I am best able to direct myself to be most effective on a “movement” from myself that is in fact ‘Rushing’ and based in ‘energy’ which inevitably will balance out, that I in fact will make an ‘inaccurate’ assessment because it will be based on a “pace” is in a way ‘exaggerated’ So from this perspective I see the point of being effective in my world will come from, not where I rush around as fast as possible and attempt to get everything done kind of assessment of how to effectively direct myself within the city, but rather a stable, constant, expression and application of myself, where I simply move, as breath. This will be sustainable and repeatable, and will give me a much more accurate assessment of what specific actions I must take and when, in order to effectively support myself within my environment. Another point I have observed myself participating in is the point of judgement towards others from the perspective of seeing myself within a kind of exalted position in comparison to others, because I apparently know more than them, or have a more expansive understanding or knowledge base of how this reality operation. Within this I see that I am not actually able to see other beings within consideration of where they are in there process, and that in fact I once stood in exactly the same position as them, and yet, here I am seeing myself as ‘more-than’ that being, and kind of presenting myself as a wise wise being. I also see within this point that I am holding others away from me, instead of embracing them as equals. And communicating with them from the perspective of equality where I stand in equality within communication and interaction, instead of kind of “standing off” or not actually allowing the other or myself to participate and interact within equality, which from a certain perspective is more intimate. Its like I form a judgement of the individual first, who I accept as that being, and then interact with them according to the judgement I have formed about them within my mind. And that this judgement actually creates a wall, a barrier in-between myself and that being which create only a very limited type of interaction with that being. Ok some observations on my day.

MONEY = The True ARTIST of this World – And a New EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM

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Artistic Expression in this world is absolutely limited. Why? – Money. We are Slaves to the current money system and our expressions are also a product and are dependant, shaped and formed by this money system. Originality does not exist, as everything is Dependant on Money. If you look at Artists in the Past compared to Now – It is obvious that our skill level to express ourselves within painting and drawing is decreasing at a rapid pace. We claim that now we use video and technology to express ourselves – Yet one have to ask the question – How much of that 'choice' of Media is determined through MONEY, what people pay for, or what people want to see, and again, which equals ultimately, what they will pay for. There is not one single Original Artist in this world. Everyone and their apparent unique expressions are determined, and considered within the requirements and parameters of money. The Fucked up part is that Artists – the supposedly ‘creative’ ones in this world are not able to see this! That in fact the only True Artist in the World is Money. Meaning Money express itself as Money, As a Self Expression of itself. We as human beings do not – We do not ‘Self’ Express – That would mean placing ourselves as the starting point of our expression and actually do what we want to do. Currently We Money-Express, And this is what we call and define as Originality. That is Why I Stand up and Support an Equal Money System, Because I am interested to see what Art looks like as a self expression. Within an Equal Money System, for example an Individual who wish to express themselves in Art will have the opportunity to do so from the perspective of SELF expression. Where Money will not Influence what they do, or express from the perspective of they will not have to concern themselves with the point of having to SELL the work to be able to make money to lIve, or from a different angle, they won’t have to concern themselves with “spending to much time doing something that doesn’t bring in any money” which will cause them to not be able to pay rent or buy food. What we accept as an Artistic Expression today is Absolute limitation. We can do better, although within our refinement of ourselves so to speak, we require a NEW WORLD SYSTEM and NEW MONEY SYSTEM that rather than place individuals in a position where their very survival is at risk when they are born onto this planet, It place beings into a position where they are SUPPORTED!. This is Common Sense. That  one should not have to fight and struggle their way through life, because the system that WE HAVE PUT IN PLACE has specific rules and regulations that WE HAVE CREATED OURSELVES. THUS – We must RE-CREATE our Current World and Economic System to one Founded in Common Sense – Where we create a System which has ‘rules’ so to speak – that SUPPORT ALL INDIVIDUALS that are born onto the planet where ALL CAN LIVE A DIGNIFIED LIFE. Its Not – Just the way things are and there is nothing we can do about it. Its an actual system that we as humanity have created, and implemented over time which now currently exist, and that this system, that we have created – Was simplistically, Not in the BEST INTEREST OF ALL. So the Principle in Establishing a New Money and World System, will be done so from the starting point of EQUALITY – Where ALL beings are considered, and what is best for All is the foundation of the new system. That is Common Sense. So for an Apparent Evolving Race of Individuals Let's Form and Create a Planet that Supports Expression - Let's Stick to the Common Sense that we can all now see within,  How NOT to create a World System. There is no need or requirement to repeat the past - Let us 'move on' so to speak from this - All information around an Equal Money System can be found at  http://www.equalmoney.org  So lets educate ourselves on what we require to do to make this world a dignified life for ALL and a Dignified life for the Children and those we are currently bringing into this world. http://www.equalmoney.org/