Writing out as a physical process
Writing out as a physical process.
This is the commitment I am making to myself to actually change myself. In this I live and apply my understanding of how to in fact change and transform myself in so that who I become stand absolutely in self honesty and aligned completely with life so that no abuse in any way flow from who I am as the outflow of my being here.
In this commitment, I commit to walking the 7 year cycle of birthing myself as life into and as the physical, This requires a consistent application of writing and applying self forgiveness and self corrective application so that I reconstitute myself in actuality moment by moment where I transform the totality of myself into life within the principle of what is best for all.
I will walk this process in writing and commit to walking my 7 year process of change/transformation which will require a daily consistent application of actually writing self forgiveness/ self corrections to be lived on the points I am facing/working with / transforming as myself day to day.
Its Earth Hour!
Earth hour is an event that takes place every year on the last Saturday in March where this year a total of 147 countries are participating in “going dark for an hour” where people are encouraged to turn off their lights for one hour; the event is a Global Effort to highlight climate change.
I have a question
Will we just keep having Earth Hour every single year?
How come we are not implementing a solution so that this event become non-existent?
From my perspective one should in fact be absolutely aware in every moment how ones participation in that moment actually form a relationship with the planet and what affects and consequences that relationship has on the planet.
The fact that we have such a thing like “Earth Hour” is showing that we have in fact completely lost touch with the earth we live on (if we ever had it) and are unaware of how the way we live is affecting and influencing what is here. Or put another way - We are unaware of how what we do, creates what is here.
We must Stop accepting and allowing ourselves to continue existing in such abuse and neglect towards ourselves and our planet and start taking responsibility for ourselves / what is here / our creation.
This has been a process for me to start seeing and understanding “how to live” so to speak. And that we as humanity have essentially lost ourselves in the world we have created for ourselves and have given up on even trying to find a solution. We have completely accepted ourselves as limited in our ability of who we are as life and what we are capable of.
I see this within myself from the perspective of even being able to fathom the point of it being possible to exist in every moment where one is absolutely aware of how ones actions affect the earth we live on. Before I would have thought there to be no way to actually do this. In a way, I understood this point but did not see myself capable of actually being able to become this where I am in fact aware of the earth in every moment so to speak.
Does this not simply suggest a point of Self Awareness?
I see that I have drawn allot lines and thus limitations upon myself with regards to what I am capable of. Now its a process of stopping accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in anyway and rather to push myself to a point of total self awareness.
I understand how this is necessary to end the abuse that we have accepted to take place in this world. Where in I take responsibility for “my every moment” and make sure that my actions in that single moment accumulate into that which is best for all. Or Accumulate into Support, instead of what we have now where our actions and behaviours are actually accumulating into abuse and degradation of the planet and ourselves as life. Hence Global Warming or Wars or Poverty and all the other abusive shit that takes place on this planet.
What I also see is that I first must begin with myself. Where in I stop my own abusive behaviours / relationships and thus when I am living in every moment as actual Support of Life than this is how we individually each do our part to support the emergence of a planet that actually exist in Dignity.
I have found this to be quite a process from the perspective of the vastness of self and how extensive I have accepted and allowed myself to establish abusive behaviours within and without.
I have been walking this process of developing self awareness along side Desteni and other Destonians. The Desteni material has been invaluable in assisting and supporting me to understand myself and how I am actually functioning where I am able to actually start seeing how I able to take responsibility for and as myself In Every Moment!
There is endless material available on the 
Since the weather has been getting nicer here this last week. For the last 2 days I have been going out behind my studio to the river side and park area and making some landscape paintings. This process is effective at gathering information and understanding as well as reference I can use later in my studio. It is also just a cool process in itself to simply take my easel and supplies outside and make paintings directly from the landscape. I haven’t done this in a while so I had to get warmed up again.
I have found it to be quite interesting to be applying myself in making artwork again, particularly in relation to what I have been walking the last few years with Desteni and basically having now a different approach to how to direct myself within this reality. This approach for instance being developed within, through my participation with desteni and walking the DIP courses and overall aligning myself with the point of taking responsibility for myself instead of my approach to life, which before desteni was really just wandering around in the dark in allot of ways.
I have found doing these landscape paintings the last couple of days to be quite stabilizing for my art practice. Initially when I got into the studio I just jumped right in and started painting and what I am realizing and seeing now is that my approach was more based on trying to skip or take a short cut in a way instead of walking the process from the beginning, step by step in a practical way. I in essence wanted to just start in the middle or at the end and what ended up happening is that I crashed.
What I like about the doing the landscape paintings over the last couple days is that I am able to see the step by step progression that I am walking, instead of skipping the whole development stage and trying to get right to the end which is what I actually initially started doing when I got into the studio. Because of this I ended up with a big massive painting that was too big and I experienced myself as quite lost within it allot of the time and the stability was not coming through in myself or in the painting. I experienced myself as falling the entire time and not really able to grasp onto something solid. So now I have put this aside and getting back to basics - lol
Since approaching making art this time around I am seeing all these holes in my process where before I just saw this as normal and from a certain perspective did not even notice. So now I am seeing all these holes in my entire art making process which are simply not acceptable because why would I allow such points as all that it manifest is limitation and instability. So now I am busy with making sure each point actually connect to each other to form a Whole instead of some points just hanging there and not connecting to anything. This will ensure that I don't end up painting/walking along and suddenly find myself standing at a gaping crevasse with no idea how to get to the other side. It is interesting that I allowed these points to exist before. Thus I am now busy with making sure each point is connected effectively and there is no more gaps or points that lead to nowhere. .
So with these landscapes that I have doing the last couple days there is an aspect of stability that is coming through with them which is cool. One aspect of this is that I can see the progression of them. I have decided not to rush them either. I am starting with quite a small scale and just working with this small scale until I am directing every aspect and part of the painting on a small scale. Once I can do this with some consistency it will be more natural for me to move to a bit larger scale. So in essence taking a more practical approach to getting my painting process moving in the right direction and on a secure foundation!
When I first started with these smaller paintings I had to kind of “feel it out” and was getting to know how to do this kind of painting again. I had a basic foundation which was cool so started from there. Slowly but surely with each passing painting I could see how my movements within the painting was becoming more directed. I see/realize the point is to make sure that every single moment/brushstroke is 100 percent directed and to not allow any “I don’t know” brush strokes or “I am not sure” brushstrokes.
Because this implies that I am not directing myself within understanding but allowing the mind to interpret what I am seeing instead of seeing conclusively and deliberately placing what I see on the canvas. So this has been quite interesting because as I have moved along, my direction in each successive painting has been getting more specific and more directed and I have been able to actually see how each brush stroke connects with the next.
This is also quite a fascinating point within the context of process because this is how one live there lives daily where ones day is essentially made up of multiple moments all stringing together to “create your day” each moment has a relationship with the next moment.
So from this perspective I see/realize how I am able to practically apply my “experience” within painting to my life so to speak and vice versa.
The point is to not accept and allow any moments to just go unattended to or undirected or unseen, because in the end you have an entire day and if you basically left some moments during that day “unattended to” than that means that they still form a relationship with the other moments around it and are a part of your total accumulated day.
So for me it is to direct myself to take responsibility for every single moment during my day.and likewise with every brush stroke of my painting
In the paintings the moments or brush strokes I did not take responsibility for ended up turning out as a glitch and it kind of fuck with the painting, like for instance “hey that’s a cool painting of a tree...but whats that weird mark in the corner?”
So my direction is to push for clarity within each moment. "Why am I making such a decision" for instance in each moment. "How does this related and connect to the other moments and in relationship what is this forming and creating?"
Within my life, the painting I am forming as the relationships I am directing myself to create/connect is the painting of what is best for all.
Within this I am first getting to know myself and how I function. Here I am also supporting myself to make sure it is ME that is making my decisions where in I am seeing in every moment WHY and I am directing myself the particular way I am and how this will related to the other moments in forming what I am directing myself create which is ultimately a world that is Best for ALL.
Initially I am working with myself so that I can start to see why and how I make the decisions I make and to ensure that each and every decision I make is specific and towards the outcome of supporting myself to get to know myself effectively and creating a world that is best for all.
So it is to refine my movement within my day and make sure I am HERE in every moment, and am Accountable for every moment, exploring, and learning how to direct myself practically in a way that is best for all. In a way that the moments forming relationships with each other will accumulate what is best for all.
This for instance I can take back to my world practically where in I ensure my phyical actions and decisions provide me with practical support necessary within the context of the system to ensure I am stable in my world and able to continue with supporting myself within the DIP courses and what we are busy with with desteni.
Or making sure that my actions/moments will lead to an outcome where I will end up with having a stable income. Or for instance ensuring that I am directing myself to write effectively as a tool to utilize to get to know myself and seeing more specifically what is actually going on inside me and what really goes on "behind the scenes" in my mind as I "make decisions" and live my life.
So this has been cool the last couple days doing these paintings outside and seeing this point about taking responsibility for every single moment/brushstroke where I make sure that I am placing each brush stroke deliberately that will have the accumulated affect of forming the picture before me that I am painting.
So each day I walk is like a painting and thus I realize that the point is take responsibility for each moment of my day so that I am in fact Directing my day and directing myself instead of just randomly living.
One tiny painting about 3 by 5 inches I am finding has hundreds of moments/decisions/brushstrokes. This shows the degree of detail and specificity that is actually available for one to really start directing themselves every moment. So its like really breaking down how many moments exist in ones day and making sure each moment is accounted for.
Thus the same with my day. To direct myself to take responsibility for every moment and ensure that everything I am doing has a purpose. Each moment is a specific decision or actions or direction of myself to ensure I am creating a world that is best for all.
Otherwise we just end up with a world that is a mess and total chaos. A world that might pass as a nice picture but there is still so many points that have been left unattended that went “under the radar” so to speak, instead of us directing every single aspect of everything that is here to make sure all points and all parts have been taken responsibility for.
One final point is that what I see in the paintings is that it is in fact a progression - I did not get it perfect the first time and so thus to not expect this with my life either, but likewise taking it day by day and just keep practicing keep pushing and keep directing myself to become more clear and more specific within moving myself within my day.
One final clarification I want to place here is with regards to the actual Direction of my Direction so to speak. I have made a decision to walk "what is best for all" where this principle of "what is best for all" is the foundation of my Direction.
I have decided to take responsibility for myself which imply that I must actually understand how I am actually created my world and creating what is here within this world.
I realized this is necessary because of what we are currently accepting and allowing to exist in this world which is at it's root based on really not giving a fuck about this world or about each other at all but instead just fighting amongst ourselves in competition and greed until eventually we completely destroy ourselves if we haven't already done this.
Hence making a decision to walk a process of self correction and re-aligning myself to actual LIFE within a point of actually Honouring what is here as Life and put an end to the abuse and suffering that we are all currently creating as Life..
For more perspective on the process of standing up and taking responsibility for yourself visit
I am continuing with my Art Studio Process Blogs where by I am writing on my experiences and points that come up in relation to my process of working in my Art Studio this month.
So far since being back in a studio for the past 3 days it has been interesting to see different points coming up again that used to be a part of me/my experience in the past as I participated within this whole Art Point and being “The Artist” and playing this entire role. Because that is just it, “The Artist” is actually a kind of Personality that one construct and participate in. A suit that one put on, an ‘idea’ that one “take on” as oneself and live the entire ‘role’ of “The-Artist”. Yet it is not in fact real, Particularly within the context of who one is really existing as, and what really goes on inside self. When one look at what actually goes on inside one’s mind, it is far from the idea one creates about oneself as “The Artist” or any other Personality that one live out. Sex, Money, Competition, winning, Survival, jealousy, do I look good in these clothes... This is who people actually are and no matter what personality you project and act out, We are all the same, Walking Egos only concerned about ourselves, concerned about surviving, Not seeing and not caring about the millions dying around us everyday. Our personality software does not included in its programming anything to do with the people that die daily of starvation...unless you are walking some saviour philanthropist personality - thus these apparent unique personalities we have are really quite delusion when one realize that we are all just concerned with the same Self Interested shit as everyone else and if one is self honest would realize that “greatness” cannot exist within a world where so much Suffering and Abuse gets completely ignored.
“The Artist” is not real. Being/living the Artist is simply another way to separate ourselves from each other trying to become something more, something exalted. I see this as trying to superimpose value onto yourself without actually living self value. It is like a short cut. We take on these personality suits as a way to create a fictional perception of value instead of actually valuing ourselves though honouring life and ourselves in fact by walking/living what is best for all in every moment. If we actually value ourselves we would not require to try and build ourselves up all the time by creating special ideas about ourselves as being some superhero with special abilities.
I even seen this point come up today as I painted and I noticed myself starting to generate this idea about myself and about my art being unique and special...Though when I really stand back, it is just a picture depicting some stuff hanging on a wall, nothing miraculous like is so easily able to be perceived.
This is a point that I trapped myself within previously as I walked the whole art point. I projected “special value” onto art I saw. I remember going to Italy and looking at the Art Works by the Master Artists and I was in search for that magical special ingredient that I believed actually existed and is what made a masterpiece a masterpiece. I had a similar experience to this when I tried out meditation and would sit and close my eyes and trying to relax ....like the spiritual guru who stresses himself out because they really really want to be relaxed and zen like.
Though Humanity is really good in believing in shit that is not there – This may be an indication of how we are able to continue living day in and day out believing that “everything is ok” meanwhile the world and our lives are all falling apart around us.
I have realized that there is no special meaning or value or ingredient that makes a masterpiece. It is literally just pictures on walls which we have attached special value to but that obviously is not special as how can specialness exist in a world where we watch human beings starve to death on the television and then switch to see who’s on the red carpet and seeing the score on the game.
And so the same with the Art that I make. The point is not to create and project some special value onto it that is not really there. That is delusional, that is Ego. Or to, through the Art, by projecting special meaning onto it, create an idea about myself as being unique and special.
I am me. I am who I really am, I am what really goes on inside me. The truth of me, the real me that exist underneath all the beliefs I have about myself. Thus the point is to not create ideas about myself but get to that real stuff of who I am exiting as and work with that. That real shit that we ALL are, no different from one another.
So yes, I noticed this point of me going into this point of projecting special value onto the art I have been making where I perceive it to be something special. Like the singers who go to audition for American Idol or some show like that and they believe that they are good at singing but when they get to the audition, it turns out that they are actually not able sing, (from a technical perspective) yet they themselves believed they were great at singing? At least that is what I was seeing when I would watch some of those auditions – Though in relation to what I am doing with the art – The point is to not project onto the art something that is not there at all, and in this keep it practical and keep it physical. A painting is not going to magically save the world. Unless of course you believe in Ascension and 2012 and being saved by some miracle, then you might still believe in the whole art thing, that “Art” actually really exist, when “Art” is in fact “Ego” as it is just an idea of values and meanings created and projected onto stuff.
I was up early this morning to go and do my snow removal route as it snowed last night. I got up at 5:30am because I prefer to get started on it early.
I was experiencing a slight anger/depression as I went about doing the route, like a general disappointment within my experience of me. I finished the route in about 4 and half hours to 5 hours.
Then I drove around trying to get into this coffee place to get a latte but the freak’n road had no way of getting in there...so I just looked at the shop as I drove by on the highway with no way of getting into the other lane..lol. So I decided to just go home and do the whole coffee thing later.
Plus I have been going out to get coffee as a point of just changing my behaviour patterns to not just stay in all day but doing the coffee thing as a way to “get out” more.
Though today as I put in the brown sugar and stirred the cream into my Double Americano I was thinking that “I really must actually sit down and stay in the shop a while instead of just getting my coffee and then leaving right away which is what I usually do, because to just leave isn’t really changing my pattern – Staying would be me actually changing my pattern.
So I took a seat along this bar table along the window and read the newspaper as I drank my coffee.
I have been reading/watching a bit more news lately as I have been wanting to incorporate some of the points in my Artwork. I have rented a studio space for next month and so will for the first time in 5 years have an actual painting studio to work in! So am preparing at the moment and just doing some research of some subjects/contents to base some of the art on, and thus have been investigating some of the current events of the world to base my work on. It is almost disorienting to try and make sense of the news and connect all the dots of how fucked up this world really is. War, Starvation, Oil, Rebels, Bail-Outs, Austerity Measures, Occupy Wall-Street, Income Disparity, Extreme Household Debt Levels, Corruption in Politics, Sexual Assault, Suicide Farmers, Suicide Bombers, Poor Education, Poor Middle Class, Poverty, Obesity, Slave Labour, Holy Wars...and the list goes on and on and on.
In the midst of this of course, The Oscars, The Royal Wedding and the Score from the game last night.
So The Media I find is like going to a carnival or something. Its like everywhere you look its chaos and you never know who’s side of the story your getting.
Its nice to have the foundation point of being aware of an “Equal Money System” as a Solution to Stabilize me as I read through everything because one begin to see how so much is simply based on money and that capitalism as a system is part of the problem, this, not being seen by media, politics, or anyone in the system where instead everyone is looking at it from the perspective of “how do I fix capitalism” basically trying to come up with solutions to save a sinking ship and not yet seeing an alternative to what is here such as Equal Money System.
So being aware of equal money as a solution is actually an anchoring point for me to go and sift through everything and not get lost within it all.
I had to laugh as I sat there in the coffee shop because a person pulled a seat up beside me and actually had a sketch book and was drawing. I was only sitting there in the first place to deliberately direct myself to in a way force myself to interact with people more. Turns out this person had just gone back to finish art school after a hiatus from art altogether. So I chatted a bit and then headed home.
I was a dizzy again today. I have had this dizziness come up this past week and it came up today again so when I got home I decided that I would lay off the computer screens a bit and I just put on one of the 
